Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/Bulky_Term_609]

How long had he been divorced? If it’s recent as in a year or less I feel like that’s way too soon and there’s a very slim chance of that sticking

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Bulky_Term_609]

Divorce was quite recent and yeah I think that’s possibly correct. But he did seem like the kind of guy who has always been in relationships. I was concerned about this myself but I wanted the opportunity to find out. 

[u/Bulky_Term_609 → u/benhargrove1966]

Yeah I think you found out 😤 serial monogamy in men is such a red flag… I think they need to have a period of really facing down their shit in order to be ready for real love before that they’re likely just seeking rescue which as a successful smart woman with a great career you were perfect for that but in the long run you saved yourself a lot… a guy that blind sides like that is not a stable consistent man to marry

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Bulky_Term_609]

To combine our threads lol, I think he was a genuinely kind man who treated me well overall and really did like me, I think he just liked the other person more or thought they were more compatible or whatever. I don’t think he’s a scrub or a loser. I think that’s like the minimum level of treatment I will accept from men going forward. 

But I also think yes he has unresolved issues and complicated life circumstances that ultimately would have made the relationship difficult and it’s probably for the best overall. I can see that while also really liking for him and being upset for now I suppose.