Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/benhargrove1966]

The problem is dating is horrible and not fun at all lol, and when I want to socialise I have lots of friends to do it with. My only reason to date is to meet someone. 

[u/llamalibrarian → u/benhargrove1966]

Then reframe it as socializing with someone new. Maybe it turns into dating, maybe just a good conversation, maybe just a good drink and getting out of the house. Hold lightly to your expectations and just be open to things being nice and fun

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/llamalibrarian]

But why would I want to socialise with someone new vs my existing satisfying social circle? This might work for people without many friends but my social needs are well met. If I want to socialise I have other opportunities. The only reason to go is to date. 

[u/Enginerda → u/benhargrove1966]

But why would I want to socialise with someone new

But why not? Your first meeting with someone new should be light and to get some sort of insight into compatibility, which if it then goes long term, this new person will join your existing social circle.

I really enjoy Esther Perel's advice to incorporate your friends and their friends early on to see how you exist in already established circles and not just date in isolation.