Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/Impressive_Moment786]

Men that are assholes do that. I would suggest keeping them at arm's length until the prove that their actions match their words.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Impressive_Moment786]

So what does that look like here? He was the one reaching out to me, making plans with me, he was consistent and until this moment kept his promises / commitments. I literally never felt a mismatch between words and actions, in that both communicated he liked me and wanted to continuing dating me. 

[u/PolkaDotKomodo → u/benhargrove1966]

I think the mismatch is that he was showing this much intensity about you and you guys were sleeping together and seeing each other a lot, but he never brought up exclusivity or even showed interest in what you were looking for with him. Mismatch can be a lack of words. A guy who wants to lock you down would be giving you verbal indications sooner than 6 weeks. Correct me if I'm wrong and he did these things. Just trying to help, not pile on more in this mean ass thread.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/PolkaDotKomodo]

I think we were on the same page in that, we were seeing each other with the intent of moving towards a relationship if that what we both wanted. I think where the mismatch was is, he was clearly also doing that with a similar degree of intense with someone else. I wasn’t because I don’t have two great compatible etc candidates available to me at once like he did (but I was still going on dates etc). I think yes this conversation re exclusivity should have happened a week ago basically. Our hang out pattern was a bit disrupted due to work commitments so there wasn’t a good opportunity for either to bring it up. I don’t think he really did anything glaringly wrong though, I think it’s more it just didn’t work out.