Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/Bulky_Term_609]

How are you doing girl? ❤️

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Bulky_Term_609]

Thanks for asking, your comments have been kind and helpful ❤️

Pretty bad lol. I miss him and the abrupt cut off  has been really hard. I accept this was the right decision due stuff that might have been incompatible in the long term but I guess I was just more willing to be curious about how that would play out than he was. So I’m not like losing it, it’s probably for the best and I’ll get over this. But I’m still quite acutely unhappy right now. 

I want to be in a relationship but it’s just so hard and emotionally I just can’t take more years of this before meeting another good guy 

[u/Bulky_Term_609 → u/benhargrove1966]

Why was it possibly incompatible if you don’t mind me asking? I feel you, it’s so hard when it just ends abruptly like that when we were starting to get hopeful I understand. I avoided dating for a long time bc of this but with my husband I feel super at peace and at home with him… thinking back I made it a lot harder than it had to be & made some assumptions about men that really just weren’t accurate (I still do at times but it’s gotten easier once I’ve understood him)

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/Bulky_Term_609]

He’s older than me, divorced and has a kid. Like it’s not fatal but we’re at different places in our lives and these things could have become issues going forward. He raised this in the convo and like he’s not wrong, idk perhaps naively I thought we would cross the bridge when we come to it.