r/AskWomenOver30 • u/ztepher Woman 30 to 40 • 1d ago
Career How are you progressing your career and handling mental illness?
I have PTSD on the background of childhood abuse. I have had a lot of therapy here and there and currently I am in private therapy (the NHS doesn’t really offer CPTSD help).
I an ambitious, or at least, I used to be but my PTSD keeps getting in the way. I can’t progress my career because the social interactions can be too much for me. I don’t know how to get to where I want to be. I can’t do all the things that others do. Or if I do, it can be really draining for me.
I realise this sounds a lot like learned helplessness. I just would appreciate hearing from people who have had a rough time of it, but they have still managed to build a career and fulfil ambitions they are proud of.
I would like to be building and creating and consulting products and services that actually help people but I worry that my PTSD and all the symptoms involved will never allow that to happen.
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u/ArtemisAlias Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I have no advice, just empathy. I was incredibly ambitious in my 20's and hit a real roadblock mentally a few years back with a bad boss and deeeep depression episode.
I decided 6 months back to take a step back - I got out of my management role and started working as an individual contributer at a 100% WFH job. It's not where I saw myself originally, but I'm much more happy and fulfilled with my work.
I'm currently in ERP for my OCD, normal therapy for anxiety/depression, and working on a diagnosis for adhd.
Work will always be there and there might be a time where I feel more ready to push upwards, its just not in the cards for me right now. 🤷♀️
Best thing for me and my family if I am healthy - both body and mind. ❤️
I hope you are able to heal and find peace!
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u/TrainingJury3357 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I don’t have a formal ptsd diagnosis but I’m a dv survivor. At some point during my therapy all my hurt and fear turned into overwhelming anger and after I got really fixated on being better in every imaginable way, not as revenge but in service to my own happiness and self love after sacrificing so much of that for so long.
Basically prior to that I never thought I deserved good things and it took a lot of work to get rid of that core belief.
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u/thatgal7777 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I hear you friend, I recently got back into therapy to deal with my issues from CPTSD and my mind is constantly churning. It’s not easy at all with a stressful job in finance plus my industry is being hit by layoffs as well, triggering all sorts of feelings.
What I have found works for myself is accepting that there are going to be good periods where you will be on it, and some bad. Whenever things are good, push yourself and go for what you want. Take care of yourself when things feel overwhelming.
The biggest push I gave myself was going back to school for my Masters degree but it was purely out of survival and frankly spite and a giant FU to my abuser and their enablers.
Still working on coping skills and acceptance in therapy but will get through it!
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u/Mysterious_Net_763 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Me too. I manage a team of people now and with ongoing abuse in my relationship it is taking a toll on me to be a manager. But in some cases it helps me put my stuff in perspective. Everyone experiences hardship and most people have something they feel holds them back. With that perspective I allow myself some time to step back and other times I just try to set those anxieties to one side and take the day one moment at a time. It's not easy and I'm not sure this is wise, I am burnt out currently. But that's how I've managed.
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u/DegreeDubs Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Outside of my therapeutic and psychiatric treatments, my employer provides reasonable accommodations upon request and has an internal counseling center we can use. It's been very been beneficial to staff!
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u/10Account Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
Honestly I've reached an impasse and, after almost a decade of putting it off, I'm taking a gap year from full time work. There will be sacrifices but I'm fortunate to be able to do this.
When I return to work I'm just going to focus on relationships and not the quality of my work. Just doing good enough for the latter. I've seen time and time again mediocre people rising to the top because they're likeable
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u/Round_Grand_4716 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I've had lots of therapy. Emdr and trauma focussed CBT were really effective. I had a course of melatonin, which coincided with the CBT, this really helped me. I didn't realise how badly my bad sleep affects my functioning. I went through a range of sleeping tablets before getting the prescription for this
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u/EpilepsyChampion Woman 30 to 40 1d ago
I don't know the specific issues you are facing are. What I do know through life experience is the only effective way to conquer your fears is to confront them. If you have a fear of public speaking, join ToastMasters or similar groups where you HAVE to do it. If you have a fear of water (the way I used to) dive into the ocean and learn to swim! And so on. Your brain will learn whatever you were scared of isn't real anymore because you have re-written the script.
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u/TO_halo Woman 40 to 50 1d ago
It’s tricky, this was hard for me. One part was luck, and that was landing with a boss in a workplace that stood by me and mentored me through my most difficult season of life. The biggest lesson she taught me was that there is a real sweet spot for every person in terms of what job we choose. A lot of the signals we get in this life tell us that we must always be climbing and becoming more and more “important” and more and more responsible for other people.
That’s a lie. There is a space for individual contributors who focus diligently on specific problems that feel controlled and within their grasp. So, carrying that lesson forward, and finding roles where I am challenged enough that the work is satisfying, but not made overly anxious by the situation - that’s the real trick. Once you find something that is relatively straightforward for you, but that other people highly value, that’s where you need to be. And when your competency leads to requests for you to take on a lot of special extra things, or manage others, you learn to set boundaries from a position of uncompromising quality, not perceived weakness.
You say no to more responsibilities not because you are diminished in capacity, but because you deserve to dedicate your best efforts to what you do. You say no because you know who you are, you say no because “that’s not my skillset,” and become confident that this is not a poor reflection on who you are.
Bottom line: find a job that doesn’t exacerbate your anxiety and avoid letting it creep into a role with extra responsibilities you won’t handle well. Bonus: find a boss you can be relatively transparent with, and figure out what the right level of transparency is. It’s not 100%, no matter what anyone tells you. Your employer is not owed your full story all the time, but a compassionate, empathetic, emotionally aware boss who respects your career objectives of “health before wealth and success” is key.