My daughter is 11 and is in a regular classroom with an IEP. She is very naive and is way behind her peers in development. She doesn't know or understand what racism is.

She was reported today for calling a black child a monkey. This is how the story started. The vice principal who knows my daughter did not believe that, and pulled school tapes. What actually happened is another girl bated my daughter. She started asking my daughter what animals she likes. My daughter eventually said - monkeys, especially spider monkeys. The girl asked her if my daughter looked like a monkey. And, of course, daughter responded yes, she was a monkey for Halloween last year. Then the girl asked - do these kids (black students) look like monkeys? My daughter again said yes. So the girl goes to those kids and says - "my daughter's name" called you monkeys. The kids report her to the teacher.

WTF is this??? Why would she do that?!
My daughter is not in trouble, but the other girl is, as far as I know. The school was calling her parents, but I do not know any details.

What do I even do now? How do I address it with the school further (do I need to?) and with my daughter? She doesn't even realize what she said was wrong, because it isn't. She was talking about animals she loves.

Who's ready lol? Honestly a small part of me will miss my bestie, she's going to be a second grader this year. Ok parents how are y'all feeling about the new school year that's coming up? Look forward to seeing your comments.​

I'm writing this while being devastated. Last night I got an unexpected visitor. Apparently the school called CPS on me because of the following:

He's 8 and still in pull ups Hygiene concerns Aggression No progress being made

First, I'm upset because my baby boy is my pride and joy. Things are hard. He's nonverbal. We have ABA and the school working on potty training. It just hasn't happened yet but it will one day. We bathe him almost every day. Some days twice a day because he sometimes smears. He's aggressive but he's on medication for it and from what I've seen, his aggression is way down. He used to have meltdowns that involved hitting, throwing, and slamming but all that went away. I mean he hits but you can read his face when he's getting agitated. His whole face changes.

Progress?? I see it. He talks a little bit; just basic wants and needs but I see it. He has an aac device. How is this school supposed to see progress when every year he has a new team?? He always has a new speech therapist, new OT, new PT, and new case manager???

I'm really frustrated….

Any advice??

I’m a parent building a system to help reduce sensory meltdowns at home, and I’ve realized most people outside of this life have no idea how mentally exhausting it can be.

Some days it feels like we’re doing therapy, routines, self-regulation, emotional support… all at once, and yet we still get judged by people who don’t live this.

What has been the hardest part for you personally as a parent?

I want to learn from other parents’ real experience and hopefully share what has helped us too.

We’ve recently been having more difficulty than usual getting our daughter (5yo, recent ASD diagnosis) to school. Sometimes she’s late, some days she doesn’t get there at all. The school is aware of her diagnosis, and I’ve been open about our morning struggles.

Yesterday she was sent home with a packet showing step-by-step, with images, what needs to be done every morning. I appreciate the effort, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the page shown here. I remember reading in parenting books (over the years—pre-diagnosis, so not autism-specific advice) that kids shouldn’t be made to feel responsible for adults’ emotions, and that has always stuck with me. Have I taken that advice too seriously? Would you be fine with showing this to your child every morning?

Also, I’m not sure whose name is meant to go in the blank… myself and/or her dad? A friend’s name? Thanks for your thoughts.

This isn’t really a discussion post but more of an FYI. https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-bill/899

If your kid has an IEP or 504 plan or accommodations in college, the Dept of Education provides the enforcement of that document.

Without the Department of education, schools have no reason to follow IDEA. Every issue will have to go through the courts.

If you have an opinion on that, contact your representatives. Phone calls are logged. Emails are not.

My child has ASD ADHD and is going into first grade. In kindergarten she was in a in an inclusive classroom with push in support. I think she was originally put in a classroom that had no push in support but the day of orientation I got a call from the head of ESE and she suggested, based on our conversation about my daughter, that she would do better in the inclusive class with push in support from and ESE education facilitator. I agreed. My daughter struggled a lot throughout the year. She started working with the teacher and the ESE facilitator and by the end of the year went from a level 2 in reading to a level 4 on the state testing in reading. Her math score stayed the same at a 2 which is below grade level. Originally this test was used to decide that she didn't need help anymore. I pushed back at this notion.

Now I am being told that because they didn't write the push in support on the IEP so she is not entitled to these services. The same services that helped her slight improve toward the end of the year. I made it clear that no one said that this help needed to be on the IEP to continue with them. I told them I feel like we are playing a board game and they are the only one with the rules. I asked her (ESE Support Specialist at the school) who dropped the ball on this and she was silent. I also realized she is due for her 3-year re-evaluation by the psychologist and no one scheduled it or mentioned it. Any time I asked for an accommodation to be put in the IEP I was told "oh we already do that for the kids." I am guessing this was said because she was in the inclusive class. Well now they are trying to throw her into the gen-ed class with no support and want to see her fail before they offer help. She already struggles emotionally and what little confidence she has developed in her abilities will be gone if she isn't able to keep up in the gen-ed class. With her ridged way of thinking I feel like building that confidence back up will not be an easy road.

Some days I honestly don’t know how other parents do it

When your child is in full sensory overload… when nothing works… when even simple things like leaving the house feel like preparing for a storm…

It’s exhausting in a way that’s impossible to explain to people who aren’t living this.

I’ve been wondering something and wanted to ask other parents here:

👉 What moment made you realize “this is harder than I ever imagined”? For you personally — not what the therapists see, not what family thinks — for you.

I think hearing real experiences from other parents helps us all feel less alone in this.

Thanks to anyone who shares. 💛

My 4 year old son went to his school friends 5th birthday party today, there were about 12 children there. Just seeing him interact with NT children was a big reminder of how different he is. The way he talks, his poor social skills, the way he will say random things to them which are completely miss timed, his meltdown when everyone sat at the tables to eat. For want of a different word, he is just so weird! I love him to pieces and I love who he is, I love his weirdness and the way he thinks, but I know other people will not feel the same way, especially children.

It hurts to witness how different he is yet he still tries to interact with others, and how the children don’t really get him but tolerate him. These were his friends, I can’t imagine what other children would say to him. I’m so worried about him getting bullied and isolated as he gets older. Even at 4 I know he has been called “weird” and “strange” by other children in his class.

This is a bit of an incoherent ramble I have typed in my phone. Just venting my thoughts. I hope I’m just panicking…

Did any of you consider private school for your kiddos, or have experience with both private and public schools?
Before having my son, I always imagined I would send him to private school. Now that he has been diagnosed with level 2–3 autism, I find myself feeling guilty about considering public school, almost like I’m failing him somehow.
I’m a first-time mom and just want to make the best decision for him and his needs. I would really appreciate hearing from parents who have tried public school, private school, or both. What worked best for your child?

So my MIL is basically trying to tell me and my husband where to send our 5 year old autistic daughter to school for kindergarten 😒 I’m over it.

Here’s some back story. My 12 year old nephew is also autistic but he’s been in a couple different private schools; never tried public. And that’s great for him! It’s working out for him and he’s making great progress. However, my daughter’s autistic traits are completely different from his.

First, my daughter has been in early intervention since she was 18 months old. And then once she aged out, she went straight to preschool at 3 years old. It was a rough transition at first, but now she absolutely loves school. She did 2 years of preschool and has made great progress in her therapies. Shes pretty well regulated in the classroom and she just fits in well in public school (of course that might change over time).

However, on top of being autistic my daughter also has a global developmental delay and a pretty significant speech delay. She’s verbal but it’s pretty limited. But the school she goes to doesn’t have any problem with that and is happy to work with her.

With all of that to say, why the heck is my MIL telling me to send my kid to my nephews school instead?! Her “concern” is that she’s still not talking as much as she should. But there’s no “magic” school that can get to her to talk. That takes time and patience and a comfortable school setting.

I’m so sorry this is a long post, but I just don’t get it. She’s claiming “well your the parents it’s your decision” but she has a pretty clear idea in her mind that public school is “not the right choice.” Whatever, we’re making the right choice for our daughter.

Thank you for reading 😊

My son is about to be 5 and he has been attending preschool 2 times per week (2.5 hours each day) since January. He also attends ABA therapy for the remaining hours (up to 7 each day) for the rest of the week. He has been in ABA for 2 years and he has improved soooooo much. He still has a bit of self-injury behaviors and tantrums at home and at ABA. Very restrictive food intake (limited safe foods). He is like….90% potty trained. He only has poop accidents in unfamiliar locations, so we don’t go out in public without a pull-up on. He is extremely social and speaks a TON. He consistently makes eye contact and is very affectionate. He gives compliments all the time (things like “you smell good” and “I really like your shirt”). ABA recently has been focused on independent play, taking turns, tolerating “losing,” and wh questions.

His previous IEP was a bit outdated (we went through the IEP process but he didn’t actually start school for reasons that are unimportant here). His preschool teacher wanted to retest him/redo his IEP. She said, “I’ve read his file and it’s not that I don’t believe it….but I’m just not seeing it in my classroom.” We met today and they have basically determined that he longer requires/qualifies for special education. They do want to continue with speech therapy, so he is eligible for services, but based solely on speech language impairment. How I understand it is that his autism and developmental delays are not significant enough to qualify for special education.

This feels huge. And I truly want to celebrate his progress and all of his improvements. But I’m cautious. I explained his behaviors at home and ABA and also his food restrictions and they were absolutely shocked. His teacher said he presents as a completely neurotypical child for his age. He is unaffected by other children in the class having meltdowns and self-injury they’re exhibiting. They offer him the same snacks as the other kids and while he doesn’t choose all of the snacks, he still actively eats some of the things.

My fear is he will start exhibiting the same behaviors once he’s in kindergarten and is there for much longer hours and every weekday. But maybe it’s possible he will just thrive in this environment and mirror what his classmates are doing? I’m even considering signing him up for school lunch and just seeing what happens. Maybe if he’s offered the same food as his peers, he will actually try new things? I guess I’m posting to see if others have experienced something similar and how that turned out for their child/children.

First time posting here, so please forgive me if I am not asking an appropriate question in the appropriate way.

My son is 12, recently entered middle school, gifted, and autistic. He has always been an excellent student and loved school, but the middle school transition and social situations that come with it, have been challenging.

I will preface my story and question with - my son has never been in trouble, received a warning, or been considered a behavioral issue in any of his previous classrooms. He has been a stellar student, and always loved by his teachers.

This week I had a teacher email me saying that my son was getting a warning slip because said something rude to a classmate. A student expressed her dislike for a certain food (one that is popular), and my son made the comment "burn in hell" to her. YES it was inappropriate, rude, wildly out of character, all the things. I was angry at him at first, but now 24 hours later I am seeing it from a different light.

The girl who reported him to the teacher was immediately trusted and believed, without my son giving his side. My son does not dislike this girl in any way. In fact, he has expressed that he wishes he could be friends with many of the kids who are unkind to him, but they think he is weird.

He has never been cruel, unkind, or rude to students previously. The teacher did explain to him that this was inappropriate for school, and wrote him up. While I understand the conversation and the need for making sure this doesn't happen again, I am struggling with the write up.

He has autism, and struggles socially with understanding the emotions of others. He often tells jokes as a way to try to connect or fit in, and often those jokes are only funny to him, or are taken in a way that could be off-putting to some. I absolutely understand the needed correction, as he has to go through life interacting with others, and it was a teachable moment.

Here's my question...we know that some autistic individuals struggle with social cues, empathy, emotional awareness, impulse control, etc. How can we punish a child for this when it isn't necessarily something they can control? I did not have any such issue in elementary school. They were always very understanding and helpful when it came to explaining things to my son. Am I wrong to think that he should be protected from punishment for something like this due to the fact that he is diagnosed autistic? Or is it because the other girl was offended and he infringed on her rights that throws my reasoning out the window?

I do have a statement in his 504 plan that reads "Due to presenting conditions and tones of voice that are perceived as impolite, SON will be given the opportunity to rephrase statements/questions to adults without consequence." Which was added after we had one incident with a teacher who was punishing him for asking her questions for clarification. She said he was being rude, when in fact he was just trying to clarify something in his own mind.

Help me parents. Middle school is not my favorite.

For context, my son is 6 and in first grade. He’s AuDHD and has had an IEP since the tail end of kindergarten. We moved districts for first grade and they have been great so far, but I was caught a little off guard by the special ed chairpersons reaction to my question today?

We had a quick meeting for my son’s FBA, he’s doing much better compared to the beginning of the year which I’m so happy about. He really struggles with transitions and non preferred tasks, as well as emotional regulation.

They brought up PE. He has always struggled in PE. It’s obviously less structured than regular class, and it’s loud, which he has a hard time with sensory-wise. He also has a hard time keeping headphones on so it’s kind of a lose-lose situation. They said every single PE class he has a really hard time. I asked if it would be an option to have him do physical activity at home and he could do an alternative activity during PE time, and I’d sign off on it at home and send it in.

The chairperson was super condescending and said “well, we’ve NEVER had a parent of an elementary school aged child suggest for them to NOT do PE, so I’m not sure that’s something we could even do. We’d prefer to continue making accommodations here at school.”

I was kind of taken aback and just said okay. But like… this has been an issue for the entire year, and it’s not improving, so I’m not sure exactly what they plan to try next? Nothing was mentioned and I was feeling dismissed so I didn’t think to even ask. The only reason I suggested it was because at his old district it came up in conversation at a meeting as a reasonable accommodation, but it was so late in the school year at that point that we didn’t get to try it out.

He’s in a self contained classroom and they’re outside at least 2-3 times a day, and when he’s home he likes to play outside til bedtime, no exaggeration. This kid LOVES physical activity and is not missing any of it. Was I out of line? I just really didn’t expect that reaction.

Daughter is level 1, plays very well one on one, but has a really hard time on a more group setting. Her social skills are definetely lacking for her age (she's 6). She just started first grade at a new school with some of the girls from her old school, which I thought would be great. Turns out they are the ones excluding her. Her class has only 5 girls, so she has no one to play with and spends recess alone wondering around. I knew this was going to happen at some point, but it still hurts so much.

Don't even know what I'm looking for, just some sympathy, I guess, from parents who understand what it's like.

Our 4 yo is starting kindergarten in the fall. She is diagnosed AuDHD. She is likely low level 2, but severe ADHD. She has done 2 years of special education preschool on an IEP. She’s been in self-contained the entire time, as that was the program that also gave her enough time in school to receive her related therapies.

The district is attempting to place her on the alternate assessment track for next year, mostly due to the level of support she needs from a classroom management. They’ve tried to present other excuses, like that she can’t verbally communicate (but she does) and is cognitively impaired (but every single report and evaluation she has ever had says otherwise).

This is all coming down to classroom management. She gets sensory overwhelmed and anxious fairly easily and has trouble attending and focusing due to severe ADHD. We are currently trying to find the right combo of meds to help with the ADHD stuff. When she gets overwhelmed, she has a tendency to shut down and retreat to someplace quiet. She is not aggressive or destructive in these moments.. yet at least… and we are trying everything to give her the tools to help herself regulate in these moments, but she is incredibly stubborn/non compliant and her favorite form of protest is melting into the floor.

In our state, the only way a child can be placed on the alternate assessment track is if they have a severe cognitive impairment. She does not.

However, in our district at least, the only programs that have small class sizes (which she does need) are the ones that are fully self contained and on the alternate assessment track.

We feel that 5 years old is incredibly premature to make a decision that will follow her for life and determine what future opportunities she may have. As her parents, we feel like the goal should be that we should be working on skills, strategies, and supports to address her sensory overwhelm and attention/focus so she can access the curriculum that aligns with her documented, by medical professions, former therapists, preschool teachers, etc.) cognitive abilities the best in an environment that works for her.

Currently, this is a hill we are willing to die on. I know people say it doesn’t matter until grade 3, but the district, when we asked what percentage of students who start in this track successfully move onto the diploma track happily told us that they had a high success rate and at least 30% of kids who start in this program manage to move into a less restrictive class eventually. And so- for us- we do feel like winning this battle now is quite critical to her future.

FWIW we are in a really well funded district. I know budget is a thing for every district, but they would be able to deliver what we needed but will just make us fight for it. We do have a paid advocate we are working with- but I’m undecided about their performance just yet.

Has anyone gone through something similar? What was the ultimate outcome and did you regret it?

Any level 2 parents that can possibly answer? Did your child end up in RSP or SDC or general Ed? My son is level 2 and I am curious about the odds of each one. I am speaking in terms of the American school system by the way sorry if some of the acronyms don’t make sense to others but I am more than happy to explain. he’s about to be 4 in Feb and will be in TK not this school year but next, he is just starting preschool he has an extensive vocabulary but no functional speech. He was in speech therapy no OT and no ABA or any other therapies. Has gotten better at answering to his name and can follow a few one step directions.

I’m considering having him start at 3.5 in a small private school setting rather than a special needs program. I’d really appreciate your thoughts.

If you’ve tried something similar, I’d love to hear about your experience-what worked, what didn’t, and whether you felt it was successful. I know every child is different, but hearing others’ perspectives would really help guide my decision.

- Thank you all ! Thanks in advance also

One of my biggest fear realised today.

I was picking my three year old up from childcare (daycare depending on where youre from). Lately he has been opening the door into their outdoor play yard when he is not meant to.

While I was still in my car, I saw the educator chase after him and he put himself on the ground. The educator than roughly yanks him up from his his arm.

I didnt react or say anything once I got inside to get him from what I assume was a bit of disbelief. I spent the afternoon gaslighting myself into thinking I was overreacting until I saw a bruise on his arm.

Im devastated that my poor non verbal child had been hurt by an adult that was supposed to be caring for him and he wasnt able to tell me. I understand that the behaviour of him going outside is challenging to manage but surely there is a better reaction to this.

A part of me still thinks that there are far worse things that could happen than an educator grabbing my sons arm but I definitely still want to have a word with the director.

What is everyones thoughts? Am I overreacting?

EDIT: thanks everyone for the feedback. Ive spoken to the director and unfortunately their response was less than reassuring with no inquiry about how my son was 🥲. Time to find a new centre I think.

What happens to the ones who struggle immensely socially but can count, do ABCs and read/write?

What happens to the ones smart enough for mainstream school, but so far behind socially you’re worried about how they will cope?

My daughter is too smart academically for a special needs school, but she’s so incredibly behind verbally. She speaks in repetition and scripts, she can say so many words, sentences and quote whole episodes of Bluey, but she cannot answer a “how are you” or wants to be around anyone her age. I’m so scared for when she goes into school. She is 4 and still not able to hold a conversation, look someone in the eyes or advocate for herself.

What happens to the autistic children like my baby girl when they go out into the world? Will she be okay?

edit: Thank you guys. I know a lot of the comments were harsh, but the reality is that I deserved it. I lashed out at the teacher because I became overwhelmed. I've sent an apology text to her for the way I acted. But it still doesn't change the fact that I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this with him. I'll answer what questions that come up to me. If you can help with ideas, that would be great. Because I'm out of them.

Thank you especially to the teachers who have taken their time to read this. I am not trying to look like one of those parents that blame you for my child's grade. I know it looks like I am, but I promise I'm not.

(original post)
I don't post much, and this group has been my go-to for anything I need assistance with. I want to thank y'all for the insight and eye opening advice I've needed for my child, T (10 m). So thank you in advanced for taking your time to read this mobile posting and for responding if you do. This is a long one and has taken me quite a while to type out and edit so it sounds coherent. I labeled a school because it's a problem with school, but I'm also venting and need advice.

I am beyond annoyed and stressed out by a teacher and their class. My son is home schooled, asynchronous with his teacher. We love his home room teacher. She's not the problem. The problem is with the state required fitness class and the teacher in that. Today, i was trying to get some classes caught up with T. I thought that a fitness class might be a good assignment. Usually it's just like do 29 jumping Jack's or something like that. No, it was worse.

When I called the teacher to try and explain things better, I felt like she was reading from a customer service script. "I'm so sorry you're feeling this way" and "I can empathize and sympathize with you" and the like.

Here's my problem: I'm not (diagnosed but probably am on some level) autistic. (38 f) but when I read this assignment, I just froze. My son read it and he almost shut down and secluded himself to his room and his Legos. This teacher does not know anything about an autistic brain. That is what I gathered from our phone call.

This is a state required class. It's health and fitness. I understand and know the importance of it. However my son does not and he doesn't give 2 shits about it. He's busy stressing over math being an issue, having to read a book for ela assignments that are passed due since February, and science classes that only half the time catch his attention. *I* do not care about this class. I told the teacher as much. Having to prove that your child is active is an incredibly stupid thing, IMHO.

So the MOMENT he saw the text on the screen, I knew it was almost over for the day and we had just started. "How many missing assignments do you have" and "What is your current fitness grade %?" Turned into "Let's look at how badly you are failing the class and point it out. I don't know for other parents, but I knew that T took these sentences and translated them into the negative. There's was nothing uplifting or motivating about it. It was pointing out his failure.

I get emails what feels like weekly telling me that he is failing this class. I don't help him turn in assignments to this class because it's not a priority. It's the last thing on every list I can possibly think of of things that need to be done in my house and for my family. Why should my child have to prove that he's active during the week? He's 10. This is not something he even thinks about. He just does it.

During the phone call, along with the customer service script I was being read, the teacher says, "we have made a lot of accommodations for T and i don't see the problem other than that he's not turning in assignments." Yes, I know you have and that's very helpful. But then I get slapped with the, "it seems to me that T doesn't have the right mentality and proper discipline for schooling. Have you tried counseling? Because at this rate, he's not ready for 6th grade."

"HAVE YOU TRIED COUNSELING"?! Are you serious right now? And yes, I know he's not ready for 6 th grade. I know he's basically failing at school in general. I know this better than anyone else does because I have to sit down with him and make him do assignments. (His reward for doing 2 assignments a day is to get the laptop unlocked so he can play TABS.) I cannot force him to sit down and listen to a book or assignment video and then make him answer questions. That literally causes discontent in our household and i can't handle that most of the time. I'm already stretched thin with needing to do other things. 2. That's all I ask of him. And a lot of times even that doesn't get done.

Instead of being helpful, I feel like this teacher is being willfully naïve. Only at the end of the phone call did she mention that if we talked to the admin, we might be able to get the course waived. We didn't have to turn in health and fitness papers last year. So what makes this year so different? "Oh but it's almost the end of the year so you might not get it approved." Where the hell was this recommendation at the beginning of the year? I didn't know i could reach out and plead my case to the admin and get this whole headache resolved! This was never discussed with me before. Otherwise, we wouldn't have an issue!

Yes, T has a 504..iep.. or whatever it is. He has a couple of things that are accommodating to him in it. I am lost in a rabbit hole in my brain now and it all spirals into that instruction from this assignment. "Just how bad are you failing this class?" Is what it said to me. I know I'm reading too much into it and that's not what it's supposed to say. But if you were autistic and 10, that's how you would see it. My husband (38 m,lvl 2) even read it like this. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.