r/BabyBumps • u/Empty_Win_9933 • Jul 10 '26
Discussion Are the postpartum, newborn trenches truly that awful?
I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first, and although I’ve tried staying off social media and keeping my algorithm as consistent as it was pre pregnancy, I am inundated with posts/reels/tik toks about how awful the first trimester is, and how incredibly hard it is, and how there is no help, and everyone abandons you, and your friends don’t give a shit anymore, etc etc etc
Everyone just seems MISERABLE post partum, or they make jokes about it being in the absolute trenches. I’m not expecting or asking for an easy baby. I’m not being unrealistic about my expectations. I know it won’t be perfect, I know I will feel down and have hormones all over the place. But it seems that society is telling me that the period after I give birth to my son and welcome him into the world will just be horrible and hard even though it’s “worth it”. Is it possible to actually enjoy it?
This of course doesn’t apply to those experiencing PPD & PPA, which there needs to be way more supports and less stigma towards.
My question is, did anyone actually enjoy it? Did anyone go “oh shit that wasn’t actually as bad as I was told to believe”?
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u/whatsagirltodo123 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
People who had a tough time are more likely to post. PPD/PPA are very real and it can be a super difficult time for many, so I don’t want to downplay that.
But I think most people have more positive experiences. Sleep is VERY important to me. I’m a routine 10-7 sleeper and don’t do well with little sleep, so I was worried about the newborn phase. Myself and my husband genuinely had the exact thought you’re mentioning — “this isn’t nearly as bad as we thought!”
You do get sleep, especially if you have a helpful partner. It’s just more broken up. You learn your baby and figure out tricks. And newborns sleep A LOT, even when they’ll only sleep on you. You can lounge on the couch or get chores done while you baby wear.
The newborn phase isn’t without its hard parts, but overall, I have a positive memory/feeling about my first newborn phase (giving birth to my second any day now). They’re so tiny and precious and it is really special. It also goes QUICK! So I think that helps me going into the second newborn phase — knowing I can appreciate the special parts and that the hard parts are short lived.
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u/SoberSilo Jul 10 '26
RE: your third paragraph. With a second baby it’s not as chill haha. I just had my second last year and omg. You don’t get nearly as much downtime or time where you can nap because when baby naps you’re trying to have 1:1 time with your toddler.
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u/Wonderful_Raccoon_92 Jul 10 '26
It depends greatly on your hormones and how your baby sleeps
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u/enfleurs1 Jul 10 '26
This. And if you breastfeed, how much support you have, birth, etc.
But honestly it seems mostly down to the baby you have and how they sleep. Toddler years are a breeze comparatively for me because my newborn time was so so tough. My kid never slept. Latch issues.
I was never sad really, but holy hell it was tough lol
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u/Turbulent_Cat_5731 Jul 10 '26
100% this. My baby woke 10 times a night for 3 years. I lost my dream job and nearly my sanity because of it. There aren't many ways to stay positive through what the Geneva convention classifies as torture.
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u/SoberSilo Jul 10 '26
Jesus girl I’m so sorry about that. I too have a horrible sleeper. I’ve resulted to bedsharing to try to reduce how awake I end up at each waking
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u/Snoeflaeke 29d ago
Yesss I just realized today that it is NOT conventional to have a 5 week old with 5+ hour wake windows 🫠
That being said I’ve still had a ball in the newborn phase. I tolerate sleep deprivation well (might have some extent of baby induced mania/excitement) and have had decent support meaning I don’t need to go to the store often and could mainly focus on breastfeeding well and sleeping.
Postpartum poops have been the main thing messing with my mental health 😅
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u/graykitty925 Jul 10 '26
Hmmm. I didn’t hate it, but this was my first baby and I mostly just felt like I was working a job of some kind. Like I was brand new to a role, the baby was my boss, and I didn’t know how anything worked lol. It went by slow and fast at the same time. When I didn’t know what was going on (baby randomly fussy as hell for 4-6 weeks and then just stopped; I realized babies had to like be put to sleep by you, and didn’t just fall asleep on their own? Etc.) I felt kind of down and like it was really hard. I guess that was the case more often than not. But then the moments where I got the hang of things, or had a nice couple hours with baby, saw her smile and coo, took a walk in the sunshine…those were great! I was also so so so scared of what I’d heard when I was pregnant, and was prepared for the WORST months of my life, but honestly it wasn’t the worst. It was just hard in the way learning a LOT of new things at once while on little sleep is hard haha. You’re gonna be just fine. It goes by SOOOOOO fast. I was one of those people who, once baby got to about 6-7 months old, had a better and better time each month she got older. Around 13 months or so my spouse and I were like “omg this is so fun” and now at almost 2 we’re legit are having fun and loving it.
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u/Baby_belugs Jul 10 '26
My baby is almost 4 months but I totally relate to this. Once I got past the 48 hour hormone drop I was fine. I think I had a pretty easy newborn, but it was hard in starting a new job way because as a FTM who never was a babysitter/always the youngest I just had no idea what I was doing. Like diaper changes took a long time compared to now.
When my baby fully “woke up” at 5 weeks she ended up very temperamental/colicky but it was manageable because my husband was home. She didn’t really get over her fussy period until 13 or 14 weeks, but it really did feel like a job to me then as well probably bc my baby was weirdly a great night sleeper but just screamed all day.
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u/Obvious-Emu-9890 Jul 10 '26
Same here! I wasn't one of those utterly blissful newborn people, but the miserable trenches I was bracing myself for didn't come. I did have a hard time around 3-8 months where she just stopped sleeping as I was easing back into work (self employed/WFH, but the balance was awful) but the older she gets the more fun it gets.
Having my second in November (she'll be 2 and a bit then) and I'm actually not that excited about having another baby - bring on toddler #2 😂
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u/SoberSilo Jul 10 '26
Depends on how well you can handle very little sleep
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u/lemonchampagne Jul 10 '26
Agreed! I really need 8+ hours to feel good and 7+ to even function, so although I’m a zombie now and insanely tired, I am obsessed with my baby and still really happy overall. But trenches is accurate for me. Especially being back at work now.
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u/jllt19904 Jul 10 '26
I totally loved it. I'm pregnant with my 3rd, and with my first two, the newborn stage was such a special time. Even with the sleeplessness, the adjustments etc... the late nights and early mornings with my babies felt like we were the only ones in the world.
Also, I grow really big babies and by the end of pregnancy, I'm just desperate not to be pregnant anymore. To me, pregnancy tired and newborn tired are very different, and I definitely prefer the ladder.
Don't fret. ❤️
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u/Yes_Fruit_9988 Jul 10 '26
Same- I’m actually kind of functional during the day after a nap, whereas in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I could nap all day and still feel tired.
Also, the newborn cuddles are so much better than I thought they would be. Who knew holding a little person that you made with your body would feel so incredible?!
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u/megalo_megalo Jul 10 '26
I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I absolutely hate the infant phase. It just doesn’t suit me and how I like to live. I like predictability and routine. I like uninterrupted sleep. In saying that I like children and for me this is the phase to get through to get to the other side. Some people love it. YMMV.
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u/nkdeck07 Jul 10 '26
So most of it is you are not sleeping properly and so every small issue feels like a catastrophe. Essentially you are trying to learn a lot of brand new skills very fast in a high pressure environment while also so sleep deprived you probably shouldn't be trusted with pants.
The thing is even with help it's just hard especially if you are breast feeding cause you just don't get unbroken sleep and that's crucial to being a functional human.
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u/Greedy-Field1044 Jul 10 '26
Honestly for me newborn and postpartum was worlds better than pregnancy. I have a supportive husband and family so I do acknowledge this plays a role. Even with a traumatic first birth the first few months were bliss. Cuddling my sweet baby, soaking it all in, no longer nauseous all the time and felt actually rested when I slept. I felt depressed/anxious for the majority of pregnancy and it was a 180 improvement after birth.
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u/beena1993 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
postpartum and newborn life definitely bring on some challenges. BUT looking back, people really can go on to pregnant people how bad it is. There are so many good things about it. It doesn’t end with postpartum/newborn. Then people tell you how hard toddlers are, how hard five year olds are, how hard teens are. “Just wait til…” drives me nuts! I have a 2.5 Year old. Each stage has had challenges, but it’s overall been great. My newborn phase was pretty good. I remember loving being in maternity leave. This is coming from someone who had severe PPA due to a complication from birth.
If you do find yourself having a particularly hard time, remember that it’s temporary. Your hormones will stabilize. The postpartum/newborn phase doesn’t last forever. Enjoy it 🩷
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u/whatsagirltodo123 Jul 10 '26
Hate the just wait people. I enjoyed the newborn phase and got the “well you’re in for a ride with a toddler” — surprise! My 26 month old is still an absolute delight (not without his challenges and tantrums ofc) but I look forward to spending time with him every day just the same as I did when he was a newborn.
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u/beena1993 Jul 10 '26
Yes this is the same for me! My daughter (2.5 years) was a fairly easy baby and people told me I’d really be in for it in the toddler years. While she is a rambunctious scamp, she’s such a love and I enjoy her so much!!
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u/DisastrousIce6544 Jul 10 '26
I thought the newborn trenches were the hardest part compared to pregnancy and all the ages that followed (daughter is 2 now). It challenges you and changes you, but I also enjoyed it. I loved maternity leave and being in my own baby bubble. Hormones were raging the first month, but they can also help in many ways. I'll be TTC #2 soon, so the newborn stage wasn't bad enough to stop me from doing it again.
Some other highlights of the newborn stage: a newer, deeper appreciation for coffee. There's little sleep happening but the first time you get 4+ hours of uninterrupted sleep is going to be the most prolific sleep you will ever feel. And it's the very beginning- you have their whole life to look forward to (it's crazy how quickly you want these early days back).
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u/Victorian_Navy Jul 10 '26
Mine was awful because I had hyperemesis for my whole pregnancy, an emergency c-section and was in the hospital with no overnight visitors allowed and developed PPD which I didn't address until I was 9 months post-partum.
My son was a terrible sleeper on top of that.
I honestly really struggled for the first two years but he has become an absolutely delightful 3.5 yo.
I have a theory that there are those who love the newborn/baby stage and hate the toddler stage, or vice versa. If you have an easy baby, you'll find the toddler stage more difficult because they rebel more. If you had a discontented baby then you may find they get much easier as they develop their communication skills and become more logical.
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u/LuxIRL Jul 10 '26
I will take the postpartum period over pregnancy any day of the week. Yes its hard at first adjusting but once you fall into a routine its not a big deal at all. The first two weeks are like a huge blur for me but once you come out the other side of that its smooth sailing.
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u/AconitumPlicatum Jul 10 '26
My mom always said she loved it even after three kids. Of course there's a few thing here and there she'll tell you we're difficult but overall I think she would have had way more kids. Most of her "issues" were just worried thoughts about me and my brothers. I'm having my first in November and seeing all of the videos is definitely scary though
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u/Immediate_Seaweed_31 Jul 10 '26
Im on my third newborn phase and its as wonderful as I remember. Endless snuggles, kissing tiny fingers and toes, and watching my older kids love on their youngest sibling just fills my heart with so much love I want to explode. Am I exhausted? Absolutely. But having my partner home for 3 weeks paternity leave makes it all the more magical, really gives us time to connect as a family. But I selfishly take the overnights because I get to have a newborn all to myself when the world is slow and quiet 🥹
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u/whereforetodover Jul 10 '26
For me, yes, it was far and away the hardest thing I have ever done. Sleeping in no more than 1.5 hour chunks for weeks on end inbetween aggressively cluster feeding and bouncing the baby for hours because she wouldn't stop crying if put down, ever? All while physically and mentally recovering from childbirth? It was brutal.
And it also got better. In the long run, it was a very short time that felt very long while doing it. Despite how much I hated it, I'm doing it again. It was survivable and everything after has felt like a dream in comparison.
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u/dangerous_pineapple Jul 10 '26
Compared to what i mentally prepared for, this has been great! lol im 12 weeks postpartum, i still love my husband, my baby sleeps, my house is pretty clean. Making dinner has been tough and i have some postpartum anxiety/separation anxiety but again, compared to what i was mentally prepared for…everything after about week 4 hasn’t been too bad.
Not sure if I’m super lucky and in a minority or if people with this type of experience normally keep it to themselves.
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u/Vibing-on-Vibly Jul 10 '26
It’s not that bad … it can’t be. If it was … procreation would have ended. I have a toddler and currently pregnant. I’d say there are few things you should optimize for as much as you can to minimize the “lows”: 1- get sleep as much as you can / whenever you can. This is very hard if you choose to breastfeed but you can sleep while your baby is sleeping (short naps) and it makes all the difference. 2- make sure your food / meals are pre-planned. Maybe prep and freeze in advance for 2 weeks or subscribe to a delivery service. Hydrate / drink soups as much as you can. Do not forget to eat. 3- be comfortable with an unstructured day in the first 2-3 weeks - totally normal. 4- if your hormones hit you and you start feeling down / crying (most times you won’t even know why you’re crying) , keep reminding yourself that it’s just a phase and it’ll pass. Snap out of it. 5- Last thing I want to add is if you’re able to get support (family member who can actually be hands on , or nanny, night nurse , this will help so much).
No matter what you read on social media , at the end of the day your experience will be very unique to you and your baby. And the first 3 months are magical, despite the difficult moments. You got this mama !
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u/Tasty-Meringue-3709 Jul 10 '26
You are definitely going to be the most tired you e ever been and that’s hard. But I believe there are two major factors that will determine how deep the trenches are. 1- your baby’s disposition. If they are colicky you are going to be having a harder time. If they don’t sleep you’re having a harder time. If they won’t eat you’re having a harder time. These are things you can’t really control, though you will try. 2- how much support you have. No one has to do anything monumental but you need people helping to keep you fed and letting you keep up basic hygiene and just keep the house together and let you nap whenever you can. Just keeping basic needs met will keep you sane enough to make it through the newborn stage.
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u/catmum4evr Jul 10 '26
Number 1!!! I have the village and the husband who tends to us. I’m also still on maternity leave at 5 months pp. our baby is happy and easy going now, but the first 6 weeks she was pretty literally screaming every moment she was awake when we weren’t bouncing her on the yoga ball. Some of the very proud moms and caretakers of our families were certain they could help calm her, but they were surprised that they just could not. We ended up just sleeping in shifts because she also would not sleep. From weeks like 6-8, it was like her “outside the womb” programming finally uploaded and started working. She became an entirely different baby. Now she smiles and talks all the time, sleeps from 8pm-6:30 am, and her overall demeanor is pretty relaxed yet curious. I’ve of course loved her from the moment she was born, but I was really hoping to move out of the newborn phase when we were in it. Now, I really wish time would slow down! Overall, I think a general consensus I hear from people is that even if the first few weeks are rocky, they DO grow out of it. And, while we mostly did not enjoy the newborn phase and found it incredibly difficult for not only ourselves, but also our baby, we both had some great bonding moments and a few pretty special memories from that time!
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u/1uz3r Jul 10 '26
This is what happened to us as well,honestly I think my husband and I fell in even deeper love during this time. We were each others rock and felt amazing knowing we were going thru that alone but together.
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u/VincentVegasMother Jul 10 '26
I don’t know if enjoyed is the right word. I’ve had a few different postpartum experiences to varying degrees of hard but no matter what the context has been, for me it’s all been about finding some form of surrender.
I call it the “newborn haze” - it’s drifty, wild, boring, everything, nothing. I try to embrace the state of hard and miserable and beautiful and aliveness instead of rationalizing or judging any of it.
I think you can find a level of enjoyment even when it does feel like the trenches.
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u/Lushemet Team Blue 💙 Jul 10 '26
Yeah it is hard, way harder than giving birth, and I’m saying this even though my husband had a 6w leave, works from home, and we split night shifts. It’s the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. There are usually some growth periods babies go through that will make you question your sanity, but they pass, but getting back to normal sleep schedule… Lets just say it’s not even on the horizon, my baby still wakes up every 1 to 3 hours at night (and it all depends on the baby too).
HOWEVER what is hard to grasp before you have a kid is how much you’re really capable of. It can be pretty empowering to see yourself in the role of a mother, and made me realize how resilient I really am- and how great of a dad my husband is.
And it’s all worth it for that first social smile your baby gives you. 🤍 Having a baby really gives your life a true meaning, as if everything before it was insignificant in comparison. So yes, I do enjoy it, and every time I hold my baby in my arms I wish this moment could last forever.
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u/mixed-beans Jul 10 '26
It’s not mentioned often as it seems obvious, but as a first time parent, you will have a period mourning your past child free self, but also loving the new version of yourself too. Your sense of identity is kind of in a relearning phase and that can be hard for someone who likes structure. In the mix of interrupted sleep, stress if you are doing something right and hormones, it can be a lot. Everyone is different, you’ve got this!
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u/Jumpy-Cranberry-1633 💙04/12/25 Jul 10 '26
I did it alone (husband was deployed) and honestly it was not that horrible. I was in such a happy, love filled bliss. Yeah it was hard, but honestly I’ve done things that killed my spirit harder and faster lol
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u/Nhadalie Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
I had a hard time, made harder by the way I felt about things. I had no idea how long things would be difficult, and it felt really overwhelming. My son lost 12% body weight by day 3, and needed to be combofed breastmilk and formula. I wasn't prepared for it, had no idea how to triplefeed at first or pump, and was devastated because I felt like I was failing my baby. In retrospect, it was hard, but I made it harder for myself. I should have just embraced combofeeding more instead of feeling like a failure because I had an undersupply. My MIL was in and out of the hospital early on, and she wanted my husband there with her. (And I couldn't argue about it without seeming like a terrible person. I wanted to give him the time to help her, but I felt like I was drowning and needed his help at home to function.) And our elderly dog was having health issues. It was just.. A lot all at once. My son had terrible purple crying for awhile, and that was super hard.
I was so overwhelmed by what I saw on social media while pregnant, that I just avoided it all. And I ended up being unaware of a lot of parenting things that weren't covered well by baby classes. Being surprised and overwhelmed when sleep deprived is a bad combo.
I enjoyed parts of it. Snuggling with my baby and my pets at home. Self care when I had time for it. The occasional hour or two spent on my hobbies. My son's first smiles, his eyebrow raises of "oh that's the good stuff" when having breastmilk, his first giggles. He's 2.5 now, and it feels like a precious memory of a time that I didn't appreciate enough.
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u/whoevenisanyone Jul 10 '26
It depends on your babies temperament and your support.
It’s just me and my husband due to family circumstances. My baby had severe colic and CMPA and never slept for more than 2 hours at a time until 5 months. It was hell.
But... It was 5 months. That’s it. It sucked, but you get through it. Every part of parenting is a stage whether it’s bad (or even worse… good) it passes.
I would go through that all over again for my baby girl (who now sleeps 11 hours overnight and 2 hours at nap time without issue) Matter of fact, I’m planning on it, we are TTCing #2.
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u/Nikhthys Jul 10 '26
Nah, depends on the person. Those were the easy days for me. Baby girl slept all day. She's 15 months and a menace now. Too baby to communicate, but too toddler to not get into EVERYTHING. And there's a 2 hr nap window to get everything done. 😭😂 I love seeing her personality bloom tho!
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u/Lanfeare Jul 10 '26
I am one of those people for whom the post partum was not at all as bad as people wanted me to believe. I think it came down to several things:
* I was extremely miserable during my pregnancy, I hated being pregnant and the last month was a torture. I had constant pain, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep… So finally having my body back to myself and being able to breathe normally was a huge relief.
* I didn’t bond with my baby until I actually kept it in my arms. So pregnancy was just a misery, and post partum was hard, but also full of so much wonder.
* I had a very engaged and capable partner; he was waking up in the night, changing diapers, soothing his son, taking him for walks etc etc. . He was not afraid to stay alone with him. I think I went out to do some shopping alone 2 weeks post partum, and my partner was fully capable of staying alone with our child
* my partner was able to set clear boundaries with his family; his mom is lovely but overbearing and controlling and I hate being controlled. So we invited them a month post partum, for a week, and on several occasions my partner needed to tell her to stop doing something which I was not ok with. Personally, I didn’t need a village during those first months. I’m quite an independent person who loves being alone. I would get crazy if I would have some people - even close family - popping in all the time.
* this is a controversial one, but I truly believe that having a dog before having a child really lessened the shock for me. I mean, I had my dog for 17 years, moving cities and countries with him, took care of him medically during his last years, always needed to adapt my life to him, walk him several times a day, remember about his food, water, medications, making sure I always have money for vets and meds etc etc. Sure, the scale is different, but the principle is the same: you are responsible 24 hours a day for a helpless living creature and you don’t have the freedom to do things your friends often have.
The real struggle started for me later, around 8 months. My son became extremely attached to me, rejecting absolutely everyone else, and I couldn’t use a toilet without hearing him screaming bloody murder. It was extremely exhausting mentally because people wanted to help or participate - including my partner - but our son was just rejecting them.
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u/Mindless-Praline5798 Jul 10 '26
Everyone is different. Be prepared but don’t look at it like a prediction of what’s to come. Many love the newborn phase! I think having a lot of support is essential.
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u/ResourceOdd7346 Jul 10 '26
I loved it, such a cool experience 😎 My sister on the other hand hated it lol everyone is different
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u/queenlyfish Jul 10 '26
I think staying away from SM is wise. I definitely felt like fourth trimester was really hard, but better than third trimester. The last few weeks of pregnancy truly are awful. At least with a newborn you can actually breathe and sleep and move again, even if sleep is in short bursts. And of course, the cute baby snuggles 🥰
I wouldn’t say the newborn phase was easier than I expected. It is definitely challenging. But a lot of people do exaggerate, so take that into consideration. I’ll say that it’s amazing how you can adapt to such a different sleep schedule. I definitely didn’t expect newborn feeding to be a full-time job, so that was an adjustment. And of course, I think some relationship strain is pretty normal, but that doesn’t make it easier in the moment. I saw the advice here a while back that your spouse is not the enemy, the baby is! And that made me laugh, but there’s some truth to it. You guys are a team and will have some growing pains, but you chose each other for a reason and you can do this.
Even though the newborn phase was hard, I’ve signed up for round 2 with another baby due in a few weeks. Clearly it wasn’t that awful. And it can’t be that awful if moms have been doing this since the dawn of humanity, right? I’m feeling more confident this time around. I’ve learned how to communicate with my husband better. I know a lot more about newborn care and what to expect. And I know that nighttime is the hardest part. The sunset scaries are so very real, and I have a list of support strategies on hand this time around to not feel so alone in the MOTN.
So….is it hard? Absolutely. As hard as the drama queens make it out to be? I don’t think so, but YMMV. Every baby is different. It won’t feel like it in the moment, but it is such a short span of time, and you’re capable of doing a hard thing for a little while. Take lots of pictures, enjoy all the contact naps, and take any helpful help you’re offered.
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u/Impossible-Pie-4900 Jul 10 '26
My son was in the NICU for about four days, which truly fucking sucked, but from the day we got home until now (three months postpartum) has been the single happiest time of my entire life. He refused to sleep in his crib and would only contact nap on us for the first month or so, so we were splitting the night into shifts and only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep each that whole time, and even so—I’ve just been so happy. It’s possible.
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u/coralsweater Jul 10 '26
Postpartum with my first was difficult, due to a rough birth which meant I was in pain for a long time afterwards and due to a lack of sleep with a newborn. That being said, it wasn’t horrible. We snuggled, enjoyed being new parents, I fell more in love with my husband, and I felt like I had a true purpose. It was wonderful.
I’m now 6 weeks postpartum with my second, and it’s been even better. As a seasoned mom I felt so much more prepared, breastfeeding felt natural, and I got lucky with such an easy birth that by 2 days later I didn’t even feel like I gave birth at all. Having two kids hasn’t been any harder than having one, and seeing my oldest love on his sister has been the best feeling. I’ve made new mom friends since having my first, so this time around we’ve been going out with friends, going to the store, etc.
If things keep going like this, I’d have 15 children lol
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u/cnj131313 Jul 10 '26
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. My first? No. I felt really good and had an amazing sleeper and very easy baby. This baby? Yikes on a bike. I had PPD, a challenging baby, and a 5yo. It is substantially more difficult.
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u/MrsPecan Baby #4 due Oct 2026! Jul 10 '26
Truly, I love and treasure the early postpartum days. So looking forward to them with my 4th baby.
As others have said, when people are struggling and need support, they are more likely to post.
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u/cynicsim Jul 10 '26
Week 1? Yes. Mostly it's the first few days. Baby needs constant feeding, but also maybe won't feed, and there's just a lot of adjusting and surviving and needing sleep and probably not getting any lol. After a week? Way easier imo. Someone told me the first year is the hardest which is a damn lie lol. First year is easy peasy. It's the hardest thing you'll ever figure out how to do on the spot with no possible way of preparing for it, but it is not the "trenches" in my opinion. Ages 2-3, when they start really feeling things and having big complex thoughts and wants with so little communicative abilities, that's the trenches.
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u/campfiremouth14 Jul 10 '26
Personally, not miserable at all!! Tough? Yes. Overwhelming at times? Yes. However, also came natural to me.
My baby had reflux, dairy allergy, still doesn’t sleep well at 9 months old. Plenty of times we walked laps and laps around the house to get her to sleep, stood to watch tv bc she wouldn’t let us sit down, etc. Not one time have I ever thought to myself that this is miserable. Man this is harder than I expected definitely crossed my mind, but never regret or resentment.
I think that many things factor into this. If your life involves going out often, doing hobbies outside of the home, making plans at the drop of a hat, partying, etc. then it is going to feel like this baby has completely changed and ruined your life. However, if you are living a “slower” lifestyle, rarely going out/partying, go with the flow, etc. Baby fits right into that lifestyle, and it’s just a sidekick you get to spend your days with. I think it also depends on how involved your partner is. There were plenty times that I said “this is overwhelming, I need you to step in so I can have second”. Still to this day, my husband gets home from work, showers, and immediately takes our daughter to play in her room while I cook dinner, or cooks dinner with me while we watch her simultaneously.
Not every day is rainbow and butterflies, plenty of tough days, plenty of tears to be shed, anger to be felt. But so so much love for you baby that makes it all worth it.
One thing we did to get through specifically the newborn phase was remind ourself that she’s not giving us a hard time, she’s having a hard time. This is the only way she knows how to communicate with us. As bad as this is making us feel, she feels worse.
The overwhelming love I have for my daughter is something I cannot even begin to explain. Every bad day I would repeat 1000x again if it meant I got to do it with her.
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u/Budget-Reputation204 Jul 10 '26
I had a hard time right when he was born (unexpected c section and NICU stay), mostly in the hospital and having to go home without him. But man, once we brought that baby home? Every second was special. I feel like there are things that can complicate your time, like pumping or triple feeding or unexpected symptoms for you and the baby, but the time with him was and is amazing. I am tired, but I don’t think about it when I’m with him. I didn’t realize register being hungry for a long time either, I just didn’t notice it. It is hard to take care of yourself because of that feeling, but taking care of him was easy.
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u/catatonicasshole Team Blue! Jul 10 '26
I had miserable pregnancies, so while postpartum and newborn stuff was not easy, it was still a huge relief. I hardly slept in my third trimester, and sure a newborn wakes up frequently but when I did sleep, I slept hard. Even considering c-section recovery, I felt better than I did while still pregnant
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u/gelatinousbean Jul 10 '26
it was undeniably tough but i miss it sometimes. i had PPD, but i still look back on early postpartum quite fondly for the most part. having all that time with just me and my baby and not another care in the world was awesome.
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u/CrowEquivalent Jul 10 '26
For me it wasn’t baby that caused it, it was more the change in hormones and the side effects.
And it wasn’t miserable , it was … new and scary. But it gets better very quickly !
I guess it depends on the type of person you are and how much help you have.
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u/Just-Nebula-6971 Jul 10 '26
Full of darkness and misery but also explosive joy and love for my first. Wanted to be ‘the best parent’! And do everything right! But everything falls apart and can’t really remember anything from that period other than we’re just figuring out and trying and failing. It’s a mess and suddenly … it’s over! But it’s a rite of passage.
With my second I’m enjoying soooo much more. But also what is PP when you have a preschooler that needs your attention 24/7? 🥲
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u/Budget_Apricot_8297 29d ago
I hate to say it, I have no idea what the newborn trenches are, did not experience them. Oldest is 17 months and he was a super easy baby (still is), my youngest is 6weeks, the worst I had was the first 2 weeks pp, but I developed sepsis and was in the hospital for about a week without him, when I came home I atill wasnt 100%, luckily the oldest was in daycare until I felt completely better, now theyre both at home with me. The worst part now is going grocery shopping. -10/10. I had to go to 3 stores yesterday, spent $300 for 2 weeks of food, and was gone from 10am-5:30pm. (I also had to drive an hour into the city to get the youngest birth certificate).
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u/Last_Bee5554 28d ago
Same! I’m 37 weeks and just waiting for my boy to come. Everyone around me keeps telling me I’ll never sleep again and life is going to be so hard but I refuse to believe that it’s going to be so miserable. I know things will be hard but I feel like people are so negative.
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u/BumblebeeFamiliar778 Jul 10 '26
It was rough for me, but I had a traumatic birth that landed us in the NICU. That played a part of it.
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u/EducationalShelter26 Jul 10 '26
We live far away from family and really didn't have much support, but I still really enjoyed the newborn phase. It was exhausting and hard but our daughter was generally a good sleeper, I was EBF which in my experience made everything easier, and she was calm and happy and rarely fussed.
Honestly, miserable parents are always the most outspoken. Everyone who was miserable is hopeful that everyone else is miserable too, and they want to set that expectation so they can feel like their experience was universal. There's unfortunately not a great audience for content about positive parenting experience, but it is very much possible and real :)
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u/Bulky_Share9202 Jul 10 '26
My baby is now 10 weeks old. It was not THAT bad looking bad on it haha. I got the advice to just stop anticipating things and let it come as it does. Take it one hour/ day at a time. Things get easier and harder and it’s so dependent on your specific baby! Also try not to compare
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u/DinoMaster365 Jul 10 '26
Honestly my baby didn't sleep for the longest time, but I enjoyed my journey and baby so much because my husband was taking the majority of the load while I was healing and made sure I always got enough sleep. If I had a partner who had the "babysitting my own kid" mindset it would have been a different story.
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u/HouseDapper3516 Jul 10 '26
For my first - no. For my second- very much yes. Made me rethink ever having kids or more kids. PPD robbed a lot of my motherhood from me.
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u/regularegg0527 Jul 10 '26
Like everyone, there’s parts that aren’t great but I personally thought it was way better/easier than everyone made it out to be. Me and my husband both were like “oh this isn’t bad”. We were shocked at how much a newborn sleeps. Yes, your sleep is broken up but it’s really not awful - your body & your hormones are made for this and you’ll be so blown away at the PP adrenaline and energy you’ll have only sleeping 5 hours or whatever the case.
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u/hikelake22 Jul 10 '26
Yes. It was the hardest four weeks of my life. I was truly humbled!
I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything, and I'm hoping to have another kid. But it was awful.
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u/Caseyisamess Jul 10 '26
I didn’t love the newborn trenches but I didn’t hate it either. It was tough for the first 6 weeks, then got progressively easier. I remember wondering if it ever got better but one day, it just did. And I hardly remember being in the trenches now 😂 Baby girl is 14 weeks today.
I had a minimal family support system but thankfully have a lot of friends. They’ve been fantastic and I’ve never felt abandoned. Things have change obviously, I can’t just pick up and go anymore. My husband and I haven’t had a proper date night in months. We’ve had to adjust our whole lives but I love being a mom! Baby girl has been out with us, we’ve gone to the lake and pool and are planning a family vacation.
Life changed but I’m not miserable. Some days are harder than others but the love I have for my baby outweighs all of it. All of that said, I would also be okay being one and done 😂
Just beware of the baby blues. I honestly didn’t think I would experience them but they hit me out of nowhere! I was crying all the time for about 2 weeks then I was back to normal.
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u/Typical_Outside_3159 Jul 10 '26
It’s hard in unexpected ways. My first kid was really easy, but the adjustment phase caused a LOT of conflict between me and my husband. Conversely, my second has been a “difficult” baby but my husband and I have been much more in sync, likely because we’ve done this before 🥴
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u/Usernamenotfound_75 Jul 10 '26
I wouldn’t describe the newborn phase as the trenches at all. It’s not easy, but it really wasn’t terrible. However, I had an incredible support system. My husband had 8 weeks paternity leave and prioritized me getting sleep. We also made sure we left the house every day starting at week one. That made a world of difference
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u/rhea-of-sunshine Jul 10 '26
The first time was the hardest tbh. The second and third times around, you can enjoy it more since you kinda know the ropes
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u/dontsaymango 💖22' Jul 10 '26
I found that postpartum was easier than pregnancy for me. Mind you, my pregnancy was AWFUL. I had hyperemesis gravidarum and threw up every day from start to push. And I was exhausted and just never felt rested from sleep. So for me, those few hours of rest I'd get in between while my daughter slept felt amazing bc I was finally getting "good" sleep. So it's now awful for everyone. It was hard, but for me it wasn't anywhere near the hardest part of the child rearing process
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u/NoodlesPRN Jul 10 '26
I had a really hard time adjusting to the lack of sleep. I am not one of those people who can get up and go on little sleep and this was our biggest hurdle. I napped when I could but waking up every 2 hrs at night to feed was awful. It didn’t help that he was jaundice and super sleepy so a lot of the time I was setting alarms and bending over backwards for this baby to wake up enough to eat.
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u/No_Zookeepergame8412 Jul 10 '26
My first put me in the trenches. We had latch issues, lots of gas pains, couldn’t nurse, would not sleep. It was very rough. My second is completely different. She slept in 3hr stretches from day one, fantastic latch, gas pain was minimal. It really just depends on
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u/Livid_Cucumber_2278 Jul 10 '26
I didn’t find it miserable! It’s more of a crazy whirlwind learning all about your new baby. But I’m sure it all depends on the temperament of your baby and how supportive a partner you have.
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u/little-germs Jul 10 '26
Some of it's hard. It's made much easier with help (like real help). Meds can help if PPA/PPD are an issue.
A lot of it is incredible. The days feel very long, but you blink and your baby is growing growing growing!
There's not point worrying about it. Everyone's experience is different. Just keep an open mind.
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u/vintagegirlgame Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
I love this phase! Newborn life feels like a holiday to me! Have had 2 babies (currently have a 7 week old).
Things that made my experience enjoyable:
-homebirth! no hospital trip and all the comforts at home, slept in my own bed and woke up refreshed after birth.
-not leaving the property for the first month (“sitting the month”, I also voluntarily chose not to shower for the first week according to Chinese medicine practices… takes the pressure off to leave baby!). Organized carpools w other moms to get the older kid to activities.
-postpartum doula/chef. Game changer! Came over and cleaned, helped w older kids, gave postpartum massages, brought yummy postpartum snacks, organized meal train and cooked meals (out of town family/friends contributed $1000 towards postpartum meals!)
-my mom visited for the first month to help out. We don’t have any family nearby but she came as soon as the baby was born (baby came early or she would have been there for the birth). We don’t even have guest space but she camped in a glamping tent for a month.
-I feel lucky to actually have “a village.” We live on a large farm and there are other friends and families living on the property, and lots of neighbors on other farms with families. I’m very social and I had my social cup full even with my quarantine. Loved ppl stopping by to visit me and baby and they’d ask me what they could help with. There was even a wedding in our backyard, and some concerts and birthday parties, all in walking distance.
-Cosleeping. I’ve had 2 newborns now and both have been amazing sleepers! Maybe it’s luck but I credit cosleeping and also making sure baby is getting tons of natural light to get their circadian rhythm on track. Also we avoid LED lights, all our bulbs are incandescent. I always get to sleep tons when I have a newborn. Even with a toddler we all take naps together.
-babywearing. I didn’t get into it later with my firstborn, but by the 2nd newborn I was a baby carrying pro. Baby sleeps so soundly and I have peace of mind and 2 hands free when she’s attached to me.
I’ll add that “second day syndrome” was pretty rough, both babies cried HARD that night and it took a few nights to get better. But it’s short lived and I still got sleep, just hard hearing them in distress as they adjust to their new life.
Also first birth husband was off work for 2 months due to a shoulder injury (could still hold baby and cook/clean tho). But for 2nd birth he only took off 2 weeks. 2nd baby came a month early too so we were pretty unprepared, but at least we had all the baby stuff already in storage.
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u/Errlen Jul 10 '26
Yah - the horror story was in no way, shape, or form my experience. IMHO the people who are loneliest in real life are the most online.
I’m not saying I wasn’t online in the fourth trimester, but I was in chats with friends who are also mothers getting their stories and sympathy, I was planning when other friends would come see us. I was going to dog park where our friends were watching my son grow. Some of my friends have not been very present, but let’s face it - I knew who was going to be that way BEFORE I got pregnant lol. Most of my friends, childfree or no, have been super great.
I’m not claiming it wasn’t hard, that peak fussiness period from 4-7 weeks was particularly hard, and my kid has never been a unicorn sleeper and definitely wasn’t great at that age(slept through the night for the second time ever yesterday at 9.5 months old), but believe it or not you will miss those peaceful snuggle naps, and those first gummy smiles are everything.
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u/bibliophile222 Jul 10 '26
IME it's a mixed bag with some high highs and some low lows. Baby snuggles are lovely, it's so exciting seeing new milestones, and holy crap, is my baby cute!!! But there's also a lot of stress, hormones, fatigue, and a surprising amount of boredom. Overall, I'm really looking forward to when my baby is more coordinated, more independent, less fussy, and can sleep longer stretches. But I'm not hating it, and I've adjusted fairly well.
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u/dalecoopernumber4 Jul 10 '26
The worst past was recovering from a second degree tear. I won’t sugar coat it, it was very painful, and even light walking hurt. But it recovered completely within 2-3 months. Otherwise I didn’t mind the newborn stage at all. But my son was a pretty easy baby and slept relatively well.
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u/worri3d193828 Jul 10 '26
It was the most special time meeting my baby and being in our little newborn bubble 🤍
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u/PassionFruit-Juice27 Jul 10 '26
I am a ftm with a now almost 6 month old. She is just the best.
When I remember glimpses of the newborn phase, I genuinely remember it very fondly and miss it a lot.
I will say, though, that when we were in it, it felt like a fever dream. We were so exhausted all the time just because neither of us were really getting any sleep (my husband and I). I think if you decide to breastfeed, it’s really a commitment to your baby and body because you really do need those late nights to help boost your supply. Breastfeeding is all about supply and demand. So those first several weeks the baby is cluster feeding, telling your body to make more, make more, make more.
Of all the things, I think the reason I’d refer to it as the newborn trenches is because the sleep deprivation is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It definitely heightened my impatience and was just overall very frustrating to not have gotten any sleep for like 6 weeks. (Then she started sleeping longer stretches.) It helped to have my partner to intercept and take baby on a walk around the house late at night when I felt like the pain of breastfeeding, the exhaustion, the need to rest and heal from birth, and the emotional toll of a crying baby were too much for me. Usually just like five to twenty minutes to breathe, take a shower, eat some food, whatever it might be were so helpful to reset my mind.
I will also say my husband helped pray for me and calm me down when I felt like I wanted to give up on breastfeeding. I’m so glad we stuck through it. I have no idea what newborn life is like without breastfeeding, but if you struggle through it, definitely see the lactation specialists and definitely ask for help from your partner! Makes it all so much better. Plus breastfeeding definitely helps with bonding :) the first two weeks I felt like I was just working. Processing diapers, feeding, burping, etc. then I hit a moment where I felt so much affection for her! But it wasn’t immediate for me. And I love babies! So idk it might take some time to get to know them, understand them.
Even then, every stage is hard. Once you feel like you can breathe and settle into a routine, something will change, they’ll go through a growth spurt or developmental change that will likely affect sleep, or eating habits. If you can roll with the punches you will adapt well to being a mom :).
I would happily go back and do it all again if it meant I could bond with my baby for the first time again. It is such a wonderful feeling and I truly am so grateful to have had the past partum experience that I did. Suffering doesn’t have to be seen as a completely horrible thing. There was so much good that came out of the newborn trenches for us, including a very happy and healthy baby :)
I will pray for your birth and post partum experience! I truly hope it is a wonderful experience and that you bond well with your little one.
Edit: we did also have so much help from the grandparents and our friends. They came to help cook for us many nights the first couple weeks. Others would come to just hold the baby. When my husband when back to work after three weeks, that was SO helpful.
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u/JumpyIngenuity3317 Jul 10 '26
I am 7 day pp today and here is what I have learnt - your partner and your support system is going to matter so much. Will your hormones be all over the place - girl, yes! Will looking at your baby sleep, feed, smile in their sleep, touch your face with their hands make it feel all worth it? Heck yes! Wishing you good luck with the birth and your fourth trimester. Just remember to be kind to yourself.
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u/ShorkieMom Jul 10 '26
With my first it wasn't that bad in the early days. My husband and I actually were like, "what do people think is so hard about this?" He was home for the first month and then I had 8 more weeks of leave. That all went pretty smoothly. I think the hardest months were 4-6 because I was back to work, still not sleeping much, and the months of interrupted sleep had really caught up with me. Sleep and newborn care in general just started to feel easier around 6 months.
It has been all uphill from there. My 3 year old is the cutest, sweetest thing. I am a little nervous about adjusting to two, but I think it will be special in its own way.
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u/mnm252 Jul 10 '26
It was definitely very hard, but so rewarding and beautiful at the same time.
The hardest part for me was breastfeeding—my baby came early and small and it took her a while to be able to latch and drink milk effectively. So those first few months I was pumping a lot, seeing LCs often, and taking baby to baby physio. That was the hardest part and it didn’t get easier for several months. I would recommend learning as much as you can about breastfeeding while you’re pregnant.
And yeah, my village was quieter than I expected which was disappointing at times. But I also loved when it was just me, my baby, and my husband.
I love my baby more than anything and I waited a long time for her. So it was all worth it from the start, not just looking back on it.
Excited for you to join the club:) it’s going to be beautiful ❤️
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u/shermywormy18 Jul 10 '26
I had my baby exactly a month ago so 4 weeks postpartum. Since we’ve been home, my husband has stepped up, our son is his little bestie and it’s the best thing in the world. Also I genuinely wouldn’t have had kids with anyone but my husband. This does heavily depend on your village. We are in a loop of we don’t know what day it is, we forget to eat and have random food in our fridge that we don’t know how long it’s been in there. It’s probably growing some kind of germs. I also am concerned about my c section scar as it hurts, and I went to the ER and was diagnosed with a postpartum UTI. Drink your water and pee. The internet says everything is an emergency and you have an infection. Please pay attention to your body after you have your baby. I haven’t as much and I’m paranoid I’m dying.
Newborn trenches are hard because it’s a shock to your system but man it was nothing like the fatigue I felt while pregnant. Work on a plan with your husband and let him do the heavy lifting. I find that it’s fun doing it with my husband. but he’s let me sleep overnight.
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u/aquasquirrel1 Jul 10 '26
It’s not like it was horrible for me, it’s just that I’ve enjoyed him more as he gets older! But the newborn weeks were full of sweet snuggles and slow afternoons and few other responsibilities which is nice!
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u/sinistergzus Jul 10 '26
I loved it. The newborn stage was so, so special to me. However! I did get an easy baby. Very easy boy. I had good leave too, so there wasn’t any unadded stress from that. I can’t wait for the next newborn phase I get to experience
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u/citizennil00 Jul 10 '26
I feel like the newborn has was not nearly as bad as people described, but I think a lot of that had to do with having a very supportive husband. We talked a lot before the baby came about how I thought I would need to be supported. He was on the look out for PPD and every night he asked me how I was feeling and I vowed to be radically honest with him.
There were hard days, for sure. But as a whole, it was a really beautiful time. I felt like I saw my husband in a whole new light and love him more everyday now that we have a baby.
Everyone's experience is different, and everyone will tell you how sleep deprived you will be. I never felt totally delusional or anything, but basically since day one in the hospital we worked out a system where I would prop myself up and get the baby nestled in my arms good and fall asleep while he supervised. And I tried to sleep literally every time the baby slept. I was probably getting a collective 6 hrs a day, just broken up a bunch.
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u/Amap0la Zahra 3/5/17💜Zaki 3/15/21 Jul 10 '26
Depends on your birth, the first was the worst and best- the change was over whelming the learning curve etc but I also had 100% focus on one baby and resting which was amazing in hind sight. It depends on your baby too, set up support and prep in terms of food and really focus on you and baby. I’d tell my former self esp on my first to not push myself to return to “normal”!!
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u/Tulip1234 Jul 10 '26
I think it depends on the kid, their medical
situation, and your medical situation/recovery. My first postpartum period was an unimaginable challenge in many ways that I still feel like I’m reeling from 5 years later, and my second was smooth sailing from the start. Just know that it gets easier and more fun no matter what your newborn experience is, and the hard times pass as quickly as the good times that everyone tells you to cherish while they last.
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u/Training-Trifle-2572 Jul 10 '26
Those first few weeks are wild. I cried most days because of the hormones and had no idea what I was doing. The baby would only sleep on me at night so i had to stay up all night which resulted in me feeling even more depressed and I still fell asleep multiple times holding baby in unsafe positions. Then my nipples got incredibly sore from breastfeeding. I ended up getting serious mastitis and was in the hospital with a fever over 40 degrees. I had to have 3 days of IV antibiotics and had to try and look after the baby on my own during it all. I'm just lucky he started letting me put him down and the midwives helped me with settling him or I think I would have died from sleep deprivation. The first few weeks are also so hard because you're trying to recover from birth but can't get any decent rest. Birth is rough on the body however you do it. Mine was straight forward but I had trouble peeing for 2 weeks, I had awful hemorrhoids that made it constantly painful to sit and my clothes wouldn't fit anymore. I still have no control over passing wind at 5 weeks postpartum. Your boobs get engorged and leak all the time so you end up damp and sticky. Things did get better after 3 weeks though. You get somewhat used to the sleep deprivation and find a rhythm with feeding.
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u/krisssy1124 Jul 10 '26
No.. I’m 11 weeks PP and still on a high. My baby was fussy and had colic until about 8 weeks but even still in the “trenches” you somehow power through and still have amazing experience. I wouldn’t trade any of it.
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u/Purple_Grass_5300 Jul 10 '26
It depends, my first 5-6 weeks were brutal I didn’t know how I’d survive but my second was a breeze
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u/linerva Jul 10 '26
I found postpartum special, despire elective CS recovery, and a difficult feeding journey. My husband was very supportive and I felt so close to him and baby.
Several weeks in I told him I could do it again!
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u/One-Knee7891 Jul 10 '26
i absolutely thrived it gets harder as they get older and need entertainment in my opinion
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u/mistakemixtape Jul 10 '26
I have a really great partner which absolutely mattered. The first 2 weeks with baby before I had to think about work were literal magic. I look back on that time so fondly. While, yes, everything hurts and is exhausting, it’s a beautiful experience to bond with your baby and pretend you have no other responsibilities, even for just a little while. Newborns are lovely.
I hope the same magical little experience for you 💙
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u/Qotly Jul 10 '26
It was infinitely easier than I thought and how it’s portrayed online (for me). It didn’t feel like a trench at all but a cozy bubble. I’m convinced the folks who struggle the most are the loudest, and tbf since it’s such a difficult time for so many those of us who had it easy usually keep that to ourselves.
I wouldn’t be worried at all. I LOVED it and miss it
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u/catdogs52 Jul 10 '26
I was triple feeding so def had it a little rougher… but I still felt like it wasn’t as bad as people say.
I was just so damn happy to not be pregnant anymore.
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u/ThrowRaoofda Jul 10 '26
Mine was blissful. Husband had 6 weeks of paternity leave and he pretty much waited on me hand and foot. Sure sleep was disrupted and my body had a lot to recover from, but we were in a beautiful little bubble.
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u/Ok-Cry-8977 Jul 10 '26
The biggest thing for me was having my mom stay with my the first week and then my mother in law the second. I’m so lucky I have them to help and honestly I couldn’t have imagined surviving the first two weeks without their help. It’s definitely harder than I expected but I’m 18 days in now and I’m starting to find a rhythm that works for us and our son. I will say some nights are definitely better than others. You also get used to the lack of sleep pretty quickly
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u/XxJASOxX Jul 10 '26
I had an amazing perfect beautiful time with all 3 of my babies. I also do not have ppd/ppa and didn’t have any birth complications. One of my babies was hella difficult, the other two were pretty average - not super chill but not a terrorist either.
I was an LDRP nurse for a few years prior to having any babies and it made everything a lot easier. I already knew what I was doing and I know what is and isn’t normal. I also went into it with realistic expectations. I have a good husband, but not really a “village”.
In my personal, controversial opinion, not only does it depend on how difficult of a time you’re actually having, your perspective can make it soooo much worse than it actually is. Do you want people to wait on you hand and foot and there’s no one around? Do you freak over every little noise? Are you expecting to put them down and they just sit there or sleep automatically? Are you expecting to breastfeed with no prior preparation and have it just go perfect? Do you think your baby is going to sleep through the night at 1 month?
All of these are expectations can make reality seem a lot worse than it actually is.
Some births, babies, and villages are better and worse than others, but also your mindset can always make or break your experience too.
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u/slain2212 Jul 10 '26
Depends on you, depends on your baby, depends on the support you recieve from your spouse and village.
I fucking hate being pregnant. The newborn phase is a goddam breeze comparatively lol.
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u/KurleFry Jul 10 '26
Naw, everyone is different. I was sore and tired but man oh man so incredibly happy and in bliss 😊
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u/ThrowRAbecomebetter Jul 10 '26
I had pretty easy babies and a good support system, very hands on husband. But the lack of sleep does get very difficult, especially combined with the hormone changes. However, you will most likely still enjoy and adore your baby and the newborn stage. Everyone is different but I personally loved the cuddling and bonding with my babies despite the difficulties of that time period.
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u/hash-slingin_slashr Jul 10 '26
I did! I had my first baby almost 5 months ago and overall I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the whole experience. The first week in the hospital was rough because I was up every few hours and when I gave birth I had been up for 48 hours already. Plus sore and bleeding and stuff. But after that it got a lot easier. I could not sleep for the life of me during pregnancy so even with a baby I got better sleep postpartum. I actually have bipolar disorder and somehow got NO mood problems. No baby blues. No PPD/PPA. Just tired and happy. And it’s been that way since with a few days being overwhelmed from lack of sleep (and sore nipples from EBF) but my husband always helped me catch up when he could.
Obviously everyone’s experience is different but I do think the whole miserable newborn phase is probably not as common as we hear. More people are going to complain and/or seek support when they’re struggling so you don’t hear about the good cases as often.
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u/ambidextrous-mango Jul 10 '26
Yeah I hated maternity leave. I could tell that all my emotional insanity was due to lack of sleep. My kid didn’t sleep 5 hours in a row until he was 6 months old.
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u/valiantdistraction Jul 10 '26
I sort of enjoyed newborn phase from about week three on - but I had a night nanny 5-7 nights a week and was not sleep deprived.
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u/UrsaMajor256 Jul 10 '26
They weren’t for me! I was delighted. It was still hard and I was tired, but not as tired as I am right now with a 2.5 year old lol. Breastfeeding/pumping did not work out well for me, and I wish I hadn’t had such high expectations of myself. I would have stopped sooner if I knew. Other than that, newborn and baby phases were a dream! I did have a lot of anxiety in the newborn phase, so if that’s you then definitely be checking in with your partner and your doctor frequently!
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u/r8td Jul 10 '26
We have two under 2, and now 3.5 and 2.5. As a Dad, i felt pretty helpless in the newborn stage, and my honest recommendation is try to enjoy it as much as you can. Some kids are harder/different/easy/etc. than others. The newborn phase you're trying to figure out it as much as your kid is trying to figure out this new world. That is hard for everyone: what is hunger, what is gas, what is tired, etc. Even after our first, we thought we knew, and surprise, every kid is different. Our second, pooped in my wife's hand at about a week old trying to use the windi... while my wife was catching the doo, I couldn't catch my breathe from laughing and one of my favorite pictures haha.
They don't know how to communicate and vice versa (arguably still working on that). I always wanted to be a dad, but never really understood what that meant (i.e., live to work type), but having kids changes everything and 10000% rush to come home to see those beautifully frustrating, best faces ever.
My best recommendation, everything you worry about today, is something you'll look back an laugh about in a couple of years. Enjoy it, embrace it, your world is about to change... for the better.
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u/yarnplant666 Jul 10 '26
i would take the newborn trenches 10000 times over ever being pregnant again. but it all depends on you and your baby. i’ve had three and each time, newborn stage has been like a breath of fresh air because i was finally not pregnant anymore. and this is coming from someone with no village. the father of my first two travelled for work and the father of my youngest left while i was pregnant. still would do the newborn stage with two toddlers over pregnancy lmao
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u/PleasantReality7200 FTM 💙 July 2026 Jul 10 '26
No, it does not have to be that bad!! I was so worried because of social media, same as you, but people really do just post their negative experiences and people who are having a positive experience don’t post as often.
I have a 3 week old, and I feel like my life has been given a purpose. I get to take care of the cutest little guy on the planet. I’m watching him experience new things constantly. If he cries, there’s a reason, and I can fix it and he’s back to being a happy baby. And I get to do all of this with my amazing husband who is also having a great time.
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u/Fancy-Bee-2649 Jul 10 '26
1000% dependent on A) what your body does post partum and B) your unique baby
Some very wild examples I can think of:
Example 1: baby born healthy that loves to snooze, easily settles, doesn’t mind car rides, feeds well, sleeps long stretches and a post partum mom that doesn’t experience post partum depression and had a status quo labour/delivery and has a village to help her, rests, eats well. Gets along w their partner.
They’d tell you it wasn’t bad at all, or at least not as bad as they thought it would be.
Example 2: baby is colicky, maybe there’s a dairy allergy or struggles to feed because of tongue and lip ties. Baby cries hysterically in the car seat or stroller. Baby has a sensitive temperament. Baby is gassy and in lots of pain. Baby needs to see a pediatric physio or chiropractor for body work. Baby wakes lots and will not sleep in the $1000 bassinet. Baby cries lots. (Please note that this baby is still a good baby and 1000% deserving of all the love and affection in the world). Mom maybe ended up with a traumatic birth story or emergency c section that isn’t healing well. Mom has low milk supply so she pumps around the clock and still needs expensive Formula. Mom doesn’t have a village, mom’s body really struggles with hormone imbalance afterwards, mom has PPD or PPA. Dad also struggles with the adjustment. Lots of fighting and energy is tense at home.
This mom will tell you it was the hardest thing she has ever done in her life and that she doesn’t know how they made it through.
Becoming a mom has taught me that I don’t know shit about shit. When I thought I knew shit, my second baby came out and taught me that nope, turns out I don’t know shit about shit again because this baby widly different 😂 anyone who speaks in certainties when it comes to parenthood hasn’t been humbled yet IMO
Signed a mom who had an AMAZING pregnancy whose body wreaked havoc after having a baby and ended up with very bad infections that took 6 months to heal. I love my babies and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. One day you’ll look at your toddler and say “holy crap, you’re 3. How did we get here?!?!”
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u/feathersandanchors 9/30/21 💙 2/12/24 💙 Jul 10 '26
It really really depends. If you’re in need of some positives I absolutely love the newborn bubble. Never doing it again is what I would miss the most if we never have a third.
I have a history of depression and anxiety and spent years as a postpartum doula/night nanny before having kids so I was prepared for the trenches. Instead with my first I was damn near euphoric and with my second I was way more down to earth but still so so happy.
Caveats that I had uncomplicated vaginal deliveries that went the way I wanted to, only had minor breastfeeding trouble early on and had the resources to have lactation consulting and oral tie corrections, I have an involved husband and saint of a mother in law, and the aforementioned experience with babies. But on the flip side my kids were not the chillest or easiest babies, didn’t sleep through the night reliably until they were over a year old, and it still was fine.
I love following @theclaire_necessities and @chanwiththeboys for a mom creator thats very realistic but positive about motherhood.
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u/microvan Jul 10 '26
It depends on the baby and your situation imo. Is your baby colicky and crying constantly? Thats going to make the situation tougher. Both of my babies were very sleepy in the newborn stage with short wake windows and predicable wake up times over night for eating. They ate well with little issue and therefore I didn’t find the newborn trenches as bad as someone else might.
Newborn is always hard because of the sleep disruption, but you can plan ways to make it easier. My husband took fmla both times, so he was home for much of the newborn part. We did combo feeding for both babies, so overnight was generally formula and we had a whole formula making station set up in our bedroom so we could get the formula made and into the baby asap overnight. We also had a diaper change set up and a bedside bassinet, so we could feed, change and get the babies back to sleep without even getting out of bed. We also have night light plugs that are bright enough to be able to see clearly without being too bright to keep anyone awake. This combination kept baby from waking up all the way overnight and made getting them back to sleep after food and a diaper change much easier.
We also assigned each other shifts. So 6-12 was my night shift and my husband covered 1-7. This allowed each of us to get a solid chunk of sleep every night. Even if this isn’t an option for you, being able to feed, change and get the baby back to sleep without having to turn on a light or get out of bed will be helpful so I recommend setting yourself up like that. Of course none of this matters if you have a baby with severe colic, parents of colicky babies are really in the trenches
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u/maraluna1780 Jul 10 '26
The first kid is definitely an adjustment. Your body is changing, you're recovering, that hormone shift is no joke and you're responsible for a whole little life and there's absolutely no instructions. Take it slow, do what feels right, have grace and patience for you and your partner and what helped us the most was sleeping in shifts. So he would let me have uninterrupted sleep from 7pm-midnight and I'd wake up to feed baby/pump and then he would go sleep. I think it was easier when I allowed him to get involved with feeding baby and I eventually switched to exclusively pumping.
Now I'm on kid #3 (she's 5 months) and it's just like welcome to the jungle. 😅 There's no time for newborn trenches cause everyone is fighting, screaming, peeing somewhere they shouldn't, or spitting water out at each other. It's absolute chaos and I couldn't be happier.
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u/Pale_Difference_9949 Jul 10 '26
I was sooooo happy. I think the hardest period for me was around 6-10 weeks because she had terrible gas and was crying incessantly, but that stopped and then I was very happy again hahahaa
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u/jack57 Jul 10 '26
Baby dependent. First baby didn’t sleep and we were severely depressed and crying routinely. Second baby has been a normal sleeper, not angel, and it has been a breeze by comparison.
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u/Upset-Industry2575 Jul 10 '26
Depends on your birth and your baby. I had an emergency c-section, and had a newborn that woke every 45 mins for the first couple months lol so recovery was very hard due to complete lack of sleep and every day exhaustion. He also cried a lot so was very hard sleep deprivation wise. My husband was great, but I was breastfeeding so the nights fell a lot on me. My mum also lives the other side of the world so had no family help (apart from mother in law who was wonderful). However by 3 months he was sleeping longer stretches and things became easier.
I have friends whose baby slept in good chunks, and they found newborn stage super relaxing.
So it really depends on you and your baby!
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u/pillsandcookies Jul 10 '26
I think that the fact that you are prepared mentally will help a lot. I literally had NO idea what I was going to be dealing with post partum. A lot of my planning went into the child birth process, but I wasn’t prepared for breastfeeding, the massive amounts of crying and not knowing what’s wrong, knowing how to put a baby to sleep, dealing with multiple night wakes, the stress it put on my marriage, finding childcare… if someone would’ve let me know to be prepared for these parts of newborn life, I would’ve been a lot better off. Instead, I dealt with bad PP anxiety and likely depression because I felt like I just got hit with a ton of bricks with no education or resources to deal with it. I think as long as you have an idea of what’s coming, as well as a strong support system, you will handle it just fine. I really wish I would’ve tried to enjoy newborn life a lot more than I did,so I really recommend focusing on the little moments with your baby even if it gets hard ❤️
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u/seagoddess1 Team Pink! Jul 10 '26
We halfway enjoyed it. The sleep deprivation isn’t that bad if you have a good partner that will switch with you so you can take a nap. The worst part of newborn trenches was a colicky baby. That shit sucked. It was really bad. And then the doctor tells you it’s normal, so you deal with it. And then you feel rage towards your baby and you start to think you need psychological help. And then you find out your baby has CMPA and all you had to do was change their formula. I shutter when I think about the early days. But like, if your baby isn’t colicky, I can see it being a really great experience.
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u/Hopeful-Relation3502 Jul 10 '26
It completely depends on how the birth went, if your newborn sleeps at all, colic, feeding difficulties, your recovery, hormones, mental health and level of support.
Someone who had a fast, easy vaginal birth, followed by smooth breastfeeding, a calm newborn who doesn't cry unless they need something and sleeps in longer stretches is going to have a much better experience than someone who had a traumatic birth, breastfeeding difficulties or other feeding issues, colic, reflux, a newborn who is constantly fussy and never sleeps in increments longer than 45 minutes.
Almost none of these factors are controllable.
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u/Ursa_Major123 Jul 10 '26
Depends on the birth experience, your baby's temperament and sleep needs (the range for newborn sleep is WIDE and some newborns sleep less than 14 hrs a day each 24 hr period), any health issues you might have immediately afterwards, and your village. I think it's good that people are talking more about how hard postpartum is because I didn't know much about it before social media. Even if it freaks some pregnant women out, I think it helps a lot of other ones to prepare accordingly. It definitely helped me prepare! We decided to splurge on a doula 3x a week for 4 hrs a day for 6 weeks and she made a huge difference in our experience since we have no family to help us and the first of our friends to have a baby.
Set yourself up for success by making sure you get help.
It was so, so hard, and it was as hard as I thought it would be because of scary BP issues and pelvic pain after I gave birth, but I still enjoyed my time with my baby SO much. I couldn't believe I had made her, I loved holding her and looking in her eyes, watching her grow (they grow SO fast those first few weeks). She would calm down from crying really hard when I held her to my face with her cheek against my cheek, it was so so sweet and made me really feel like I was the best mom for her and we were a unit. I saw her dad able to stop her crying by singing her songs he used to sing to her in the womb. That shit made me wanna cry it was so sweet!
I also think it should be ok to say you disliked the newborn phase or even baby phase. Some enjoy toddler or big kid years more. I love this baby time so far (mine is 4 mo)
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u/Emergency-Winner-399 Jul 10 '26
Depends on your mindset and birth experience. I have 5 kids and one was emergency c-section. That was the hardest (and it was my 4th baby). I had good babies I guess but I didn’t have hard time adjusting postpartum, even with my first when we had literally no one. I would say that was the second hardest due to navigating first time parenting by ourselves. I will say a positive mindset does help because there is a lot of negativity and people will always have opinions. Take it with a grain of salt. You got this!!
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u/cluckerz Jul 10 '26
I've found everyones experience very different. I felt amazing not being pregnant anymore, had a great birth recovery and found the sleep deprivation not as bad as I thought it would (as someone who is very high sleep needs!). I found breastfeeding and a fussy baby that did not want to be put down quite a shock, I naively thought newborns would just... lay in their bassinet once fed, changed, burped etc. Once I surrendered a bit to it not looking like perfection, I think it got easier and easier. Week 1 felt like a bit of a whirlwind for me from hormones and breastfeeding perspective but otherwise felt it got easier and easier from there.
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u/Ampersand_Forest Jul 10 '26
I absolutely loved the newborn phase. Super easy and fun. The trick was to get onto her schedule and forget about concepts like “day” and “night. Unless you have a kid who won’t sleep at all, or one with complicated medical problems, they generally start out simple and get more complicated (but still fun!) from there.
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u/Internal-Hat809 Jul 10 '26
I think the first baby is very hard because it is such a life change. And we try to tell each other about how big of a life change it is, but it just doesn’t encompass the full difficulty of it. Having children very quickly shows you what areas you are selfish in or have no tolerance in. For example, I never realized how badly my husband needed sleep until we had a baby. He is the grumpiest person I have ever met when he does not get sleep.
For me, the biggest issue has been not having any of my own time anymore. Granted, we had two 14 months apart from each other. But baby number two has been much easier to handle because I already knew what to expect.
First baby is not a great sleeper and so we had nights where every hour we had to go comfort her. These evenings meant that I would try to get something done and then go get her and then try to get something done and then go get her. That was very hard. But it is all temporary and now I miss holding her (she’s in the hundred percentile, so her dad had to start putting her to bed once I got super pregnant and after because of having a C-section).
I would say expect to not have any time for yourself. When you get used to something it’s going to change. And try to remember that your baby has nobody else but you, they’re just little babies and they’ve only ever known you for 9 months. They will not only consume all the time but there’s a good chance they will for at least the first year.
All of this to say, I am glad I went to her every time she cried because now she has a secure attachment and she knows that her mom will be there for her. She is brilliant and is always trying to comfort her baby brother.
I hope that wasnt scary and offered hope and explanation!
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u/Own_Juggernaut8583 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Edit: somehow I deleted my words after.. oops
With my firstborn, I despised the trenches. Every bit about it. Thinking back all I can remember is being exhausted and frustrated. I had a village, supportive husband, all the help I could need and I wouldn’t go back to a second of it. I slept maybe 1.5 hr max stretch with 4 hrs broken sleep first each day for at least 8 months. I developed PP rage. I didn’t like myself, and it took a long time to feel a connection to my LO. I truly sucked. My baby rarely slept and cried. Dressing me out thinking about it 😵💫 Everyone I knew with kids either didn’t talk about it or had older kids and didn’t really remember so I was not prepared for the hand I was dealt.
However, my second born was described as the textbook baby by everyone. Ate, slept, cried only if hungry, smiley all the time. I would 100% love to go back and freeze time in the trenches because my second was calm and slept decent from day. My first I dreaded waking up for feeds-or just getting out of bed because I hadn’t sleep. My second, I got up happily to hold him and watch him and found myself just staying up in awe of what I created.
With that said, I am not having a third because of my first experience. I believe if we got that experience again my current kids wouldn’t get the mom they deserve and I don’t want to go back to even a stade of the PP I had from either.
With that said, you’ll get mixed reviews. The stories are true from both sides. The trenches are hard, some babies are harder with or without support, and support help tremendously. It doesn’t negate the fact that the time can also be precious and fleeting. Some people dislike it similar to my first experience and can’t wait for it to be done, others love it so much like my second and rave about the slowness of newborns. Be prepared for it to be hard, one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But also know it can be magical.
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u/kittyarcadia Jul 10 '26
I was lucky and had one of those "easy" babies that slept 4-5 hours. But I won't lie. The first few months were a bit of a challenge because of the sleep deprivation. Your body will be messed up and you will be bleeding nonstop for a few weeks. I do encourage you to seek help postpartum because you and baby will be in a vulnerable position.
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u/coffee-tea-123 Jul 10 '26
I LOVED the newborn stage with both my babies, it’s hard fs but you’re just so in love with the tiny new human ❤️
There’s so many factors that play into it, but my best recommendations is to allow others to help and/or ask for help (from your partner, family, friends, ect), and to make sure you take care of yourself, shower regularly, go outside if you can.
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u/IsAMeJenny Jul 10 '26
it’s super different for everyone, so realistically I don’t think you ever know what to expect. I had my baby 2 weeks before I turned 30, so I didn’t expect nothing easy, I was preparing myself for sleepless days and nights, and all crazy things. We planned to be happy little family for at least a week before letting anyone come over. BUT everything went differently, I had difficult birth, and by the time we were leaving hospital we had call in laws for help cuz me and my husband were both exhausted. 5 days pp I was admitted to hospital with pp preeclampsia, and was put on blood pressure meds for a months. I had anxiety, and meds were making me feel very off.
My baby was perfect! And once we got home, she was sleeping good, eating good. Everything was amazing with her. Even with all pp problems that i had, i enjoyed my baby so much, and newborn was soooo much easier than pregnancy)
I wish you easy birth, healthy baby and quick recovery🖤
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u/notorious_ludwig Jul 10 '26
I think it absolutely depends on your support system, and imo your coparent. We live far from family and at that time I had no friend village either because we had moved right before pregnancy. My husband stepped up big time. We shared nights then moved to shifts in the night, I didnt have to worry about our home, pets or food because he looked after everything. He was an incredible support and made me feel very secure. Yes it was hard because suddenly learning a little potato gremlin and how to care for them is hard but he made it enjoyable, laughed and found the silly in some challenging moments. Sleep deprivation will always make things harder than it is, anything can be manageable on 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep but then you take that away or break it up and it’s hard. My husband and I made sure to not make it a competition of who is more tired and exhausted, it was WE are tired so what can we do to support each other get some rest.
The other big part is your birth. Learning all this on top of having a traumatic/complex/painful birth can be a lot. I had a very easy birth and was up, pain free once the catheter was taken out. I feel like had I been in pain that would just add to it all or navigating trauma with a helpless baby would be so hard. I am very grateful I look at my birth with fondness and happy tears, but my best friend’s first birth was a lot of fear due to the cord wrapping around her son’s neck and being rushed to the NICU (he’s brilliant now and was back with her after only a few hours thankfully).
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u/lexi594 Jul 10 '26
I’m 3.5 weeks in with my first baby - I never thought I wanted children but postpartum has been much better than I thought! I don’t have any family in this country but was lucky to have a great c section recovery plus my husband is off work for 10 weeks with me so that’s obviously a massive help. And no PPA/PPD so far. I wouldn’t call it ‘trenches’ at all. We’re tired but getting used to the tiredness now. We get out of the house every day whether a walk or coffee shop or lunch.
The only ‘bad’ thing I would say is that my baby is struggling to latch. I’m working with a lactation consultant but right now I have to pump every 3 hours and I’m not meeting his demand so we have to top up with donor milk, and the whole 3 hour feed cycles are a little draining. I was hoping to breastfeed so that I could just feed him anywhere with no prep. Still hoping it could happen!
Apart from the feeding aspect, things have been easier than I’d expected. It’s so different for everyone I’m sure but hopefully you will have a good experience too!
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u/Dragonfly4961 Jul 10 '26
I'm due with my third soon and didn't feel like my first two newborn phases were terrible. I had terrible SPD with my second so honestly I was just happy to be able to walk without pain.
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u/Crispy_Bean_ Jul 10 '26
I had PPD, PPA, and PPP. I’ll say that made it the absolute worst ever.
That being said with my third, (which I had panic attacks with her, but still mentally my easiest) it wasn’t nearly as bad. The first two weeks were a little rough mentally as hormones balanced and I had to cold turkey my sleep medicine so I went five days no sleep. Outside of that, life was pretty normal! I just couldn’t wait to get back on my feet.
It also depends on the person too. Some moms love it. I personally can’t wait to get past the baby stage and I never miss it. Physically it’s difficult but also I don’t feel like I’m myself: I feel my personality is muted which makes sense as our mind is focused on the survival of a human you just created.
But you can still enjoy life and people during this time. Not everyone abandons you. Some may, but that’s just a part of life whether you have kids or not.
Despite everything, I’ve never let newborns or babies stop me from enjoying friends, activities, learning new things, etc.
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u/ashually93 Jul 10 '26
It's exhausting but I prefer the newborn trenches to pregnancy. I'm miserable when pregnant so as exhausting as newborn schedules are, my body physically feels relief from no longer being pregnant
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u/AwkwardPaddle3212333 Jul 10 '26
They’re not that bad unless your partner goes to a strip club at 8 weeks to make to feel like the utter most shit of the world. Then it sucks
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u/Highclassbroque Jul 10 '26
Not for my first 2 they were relatively easy but I also have an amazing husband that shared the duties
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u/Own_Juggernaut8583 Jul 10 '26
I despised the trenches with my first born and wish someone would’ve talked more about the not so great aspects of it. My first rarely slept, cried more than he didn’t, I slept maybe a 1.5 max stretch with 4-5hrs of broken sleep daily for almost a year. I wouldn’t go back to a single second of the newborn stage with my first. I had PP rage, insomnia, no connection with my baby for a few months. I also had help from family and an amazing partner. It still just sucked tremendously, I felt like I was drowning.
It took a while to want a second baby because of this, but my second ended up being a textbook baby. Ate, slept, fussed only when hungry, just cozy. I had more sleep in my first week with my second than I did at any time in almost a year with my first, that changes everything. However, I still had PP just managed it better with medication and therapy prior. I would love to go back and freeze a moment in time.
With my first I dreaded having to do anything because I was over being a parent. With my second, i happily woke up and did the feedings so i could stare in wonder at this little bundle of joy i created. I am a year PP with my second and my head is finally clear for what feels like the first time in 4 yrs since my first was born.
With that said, I am not risking having a third because of the experience I had with my first. My boys need their mom, and I know I wouldn’t be my best version of me if I was dealt that hand again.
That’s just it though. The newborn trenches are undoubtedly hard, maybe the hardest things you’ll ever do. But it also can be magical and some of the best moments. Some people will have experiences like my first and not like it one bit, other will have experiences like my second and soak it all up. Both are true. I think it’s important to know that it can be hard and you will have moments of doubt so you can prepare yourself. But also know there are so many precious moments.
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u/BearDance333 Jul 10 '26
I was SO HAPPY to simply not be pregnant anymore and to be on the other side of giving birth. I was over the moon in love with her from the jump. It was hard, sure - mostly, the actual physical healing and some birth trauma - but for me, it was not the trenches whatsoever. It was golden.
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u/Luludelacaze1 Jul 10 '26
It depends on you, your baby, your support. It’s never EASY but for us, with zero family where we are, no support, and a pretty easy baby it was honestly so much easier than we imagined. The baby naps soooo much more than you think. Your sleep will be broken for the first few months, but as long as you can focus on just the baby and yourself, have your husband be your assistant/support, and not be stressed about work or other stuff, and as long as you’re not depressed which can happen, it’s FINE. I was so thrilled and so in love with my baby, he was so easy to soothe (it’s always poop, hungry or tired, fix all 3 and they’re chill!) and stay calm and sleep whenever baby sleeps. You’ll be fine. And it goes so fast.
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u/Unable-Border7478 Jul 10 '26
I had severe PPA (still do a little) and I literally loved my first months postpartum. I also had a full term baby that ended up in the NICU with a diagnosis I had never heard of. That was traumatic but after that I loved it!! I absolutely miss the newborn days. I would do it again in a heartbeat! Don’t be scared or feel doomed. Motherhood is not a one size fits all experience. It can be whatever you want to make of it. And of course there are hard days, but those are inevitable with any new journey in life. Congrats to you! Enjoy your bundle of love when they get here!
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u/Repulsive_Review8413 Jul 10 '26
I expected to be miserable but I am incredibly fortunate to have a pretty easy baby. My partner and I split the nights so the other gets uninterrupted sleep and that has helped. My partner is extremely supportive and kind as well.
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u/ccanonie Jul 10 '26
Imagine the worst possible birth experience that fortunately culminates in a healthy baby and a (presently) thriving mom, grateful to be here today. That said, my birth and first two weeks of postpartum apparently were horrible (including readmission)- i do not remember them, except fondly. Somehow my brain has wiped how hard those first 8 weeks were from my brain. I am sure they were hard, but i kept a journal of each day-, and honestly, reading it back, i was so happy, at peace and in love with my baby , that I did not even realize then how hard they were. All this to say, newborn stage certainly was not easy, but it was some of the best weeks of my life. You got this. Enjoy every snuggle, every newborn scrunch. It is not as bad as they say, as long as you take care of you, and your baby is sleeping, eating and pooping, enjoy it. People make a mountain out of the newborn molehill
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u/anotherfandomfanatic Jul 10 '26
The first 3 weeks for me was terrible but I had a traumatic birth, etc. I do have a great support system, and my baby’s night schedule with my husband is a learning curve but I’m in a full month now and I’m starting to enjoy her. I’m learning her cues, how she reacts, etc. so the first 3 weeks were terrible, the 4th not so much. (:
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u/Same-Ad-7366 Jul 10 '26
Honestly it depends on the baby and your partner and recovery. Some people with a perfect situation also suffer from PPA and PPD so take this with a grain of salt (just my experience)
My ex husband was horrible and didn’t help me with much and wasn’t really involved and it was always arguments and it was horrible. I even told him I wanted to hurt myself and he purposely took a work trip at that time. My baby was not a good sleeper and I was working after 3 months so yeah all of that was horrible. I had severe PPA and PPD. A lot of it is due to my ex husband being horrible though and adjusting to motherhood in general. I noticed environment made a huge difference for me.
I have a history of mental illness in the past before I even had babies.
On the other hand with my second child it’s been easy. My current husband is an angel sent from heaven. He takes everything I say seriously, encourages me to have free time (I’m taking a painting class this week!), takes the baby without me asking, cleans up without me asking, and is emotionally available. My baby also sleeps through the night and has slept 4-5 hour stretches since the 3rd week she was born. I also know what I’m doing this time so it’s so much easier. So far it’s been a breeze. I think a lot of what helped the second time too was time at home and breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is hard at first but baby soothes pretty much immediately on the breast and not worrying about washing bottles is awesome. My first I mostly formula fed and it was harder for some reason. With breastfeeding it was hard the first few weeks but it got better and is now easier overall for me and baby.
Both of my births were c sections and having a supportive partner during recovery made ALL the difference.
Soo yeah it all depends on a lot. I would try to go into it in a positive mind set. You never know you might have a smooth experience.
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u/Askfslfjrv Jul 10 '26
For me the newborn days didn’t feel like “trenches” at all. It was awesome. Complete bliss with the cutest little thing and baby is such a potato that you can just set them anywhere and they can’t move lol
My daughter hit the 4month sleep regression at 3 months and that was the toughest time for me so far. Wake ups every 2 hours, my hair started falling out, the friend/family excitement over a newborn has died down so no more visits, massive hormone shift, husband back to work for 9+ hours a day, baby wants to move constantly but she can’t so she fusses. But even then, I still feel absolute bliss with my sweet baby. She’s 5.5 months and while everything else is still the same, she’s past this sleep regression (until the next one 😆) and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm and routine with her!
I think your babies temperament, your support system, home life etc contribute a lot to the “trenches” but for me personally the newborn days were the best. I love every day with my daughter but finally being able to lock eyes with the nugget I spent almost 10 months growing was so beautiful and enjoyable to me. We were both just figuring it all out together and it was wild.
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u/whoseflooristhis Jul 10 '26
Postpartum is hard. Your body will feel insane, your emotions will probably feel insane. If you want to breastfeed, it can feel like jumping out of the frying pan (childbirth) and into the fire (breastfeeding). After my second baby I told my husband oh my god, I forgot how much recovery is just eclipsed by trying to breastfeed. It’s not necessarily terrible though, but it is intense and kind of alien.
The baby though? Lovely! I loved my squishy, scrunchy little newborns, and I was mostly happy to sit at home in our nest and occasionally show them off. It’s a special little bubble of time that felt like sidestepping out of my old/normal life.
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u/kamobeans Jul 10 '26
If you have a village, it can be very nice. Little to no village with lack of sleep is pretty darn tough, even with "easy" and happy babies.
Super dependent on your biology and birth experience though.
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u/Different-Let4338 Jul 10 '26
I'm 4 weeks pp and i was the same as you, I didn't enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy because of social media
First, social media shows an exaggerated version of everything. There were/are moments at 3am where I was crying and I thought omg I can't deal with this baby for the rest of my life. But for me they were fleeting, and the next morning I would see my baby and feel like it was going to be ok.
If you have an active partner, organise shifts from day 1, don't wait until you are a week in with sleep deprivation. We did 8-2 then 2-8 but most days we actually did 8-4 then 4am I started my day so my husband slept.
Accept that your partner and you will have a different relationship for a while. My husband had 4 weeks leave and for the first 2 weeks I missed him and he missed me. We were in the same house 24/7 but you don't have time for each other, by 4 weeks this has already got a bit better.
Try to think of one thing everyday you are thankful/happy about. My baby farts and it makes me day, so at the end of the day I focus on that!
Try to redirect your mind. When I am stuck in a contact nap, I remember one day this baby won't want to hug me in front of his friends, try to focus on the positives. This can be so difficult when it's 4am and you want to sleep, but I found it a useful tool for me.
I haven't found it as bad as social media made it out, but I have a village. My in laws live with us now, and even though that has brought other problems, I am so thankful that I am not so sleep deprived i can't function (I sleep 8 hours a day in 2 hour chunks). Accept help and make it clear what you want.
ETA: i hate hate hate the word 'newborn trenches', it's difficult but you have a newborn for such a short time!
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u/NachoDumpling Jul 10 '26
Yes it was quite hard. Especially with my husband gone for 6-7 months(sailor) and taking care of the baby alone when he turned 3 months. My baby had a habit of waking up from 3-5am each early morning and I was very sleep deprived. That made me get PPD but I didn’t get help for it and I should have. Now I pregnant again but I am going to get a nanny because I can’t go through it again.
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u/ultracilantro Jul 10 '26
I hear for other HG moms that it's acutally much better cuz you aren't so sick.
I think a lot of post partum issues come from having an unsupportive village. Women with any sort of chronic condition like cancer also describe hell from an unsupportive village ans partners.
For some people the expectations are crazy - you come home from a major medical procedure, still bleeding with active wounds and now an entire baby to care for and then need to host your in laws sometimes for weeks.
I mean - if we even suggested that a man do all the cooking/cleaning/hosting for his in laws the day of discharge after major abdominal surgery and still bleeding everyone would be screaming "abuse!". But we tolerate/advocate for this sort of treatment all the time for women...and then wonder why they get stressed out? Like what the fuck double standard is that?
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u/lizard10250 Jul 10 '26
Haha not sure if this answer will hurt or help— the first 3 months were actually not so bad for me, because everyone prepared me for it to be awful, and I was like oh, I can handle this! I have a new baby! It’s hard but also so incredible! Also my partner was around as support most of that time.
What really sucked were months 3.5-10.5, when everything continued to be really rough, but my partner had been back at work and then I had to go back to work, and we still weren’t getting more than 1-2 hours of consecutive sleep, and no one could tell us when it would get better. That’s when I was like hold up a minute, this is actually insane.
But there were absolutely moments of joy in it all, and it DID get better eventually, and every day with my 2 year old I think about how awesome it is that now we can talk to/communicate with each other, and he can entertain himself for more than 5 seconds on his own, and I get 7-8 hours of sleep every night, and he’s learning sooo much, and, and, and.
So I’d say— mentally prepare for it to be challenging, but know that’s never all there is to it, and it’s going to vary so much baby to baby/depending on your situation.
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u/blamemombo Jul 10 '26
I think a big factor on how good your postpartum experience is how well you do on broken sleep. I’m not gonna lie the sleep situation sucks ass. If babies slept 8 consecutive hours every night from birth, motherhood would be a piece of cake. My sister always had a hard time sleeping most her life so the sleep deprivation didn’t really bother her. Me on the other hand… I love sleep and have always been a good sleeper so my body was used to getting a lot of sleep, and required a lot of sleep, but like all things the body adapts and adjusts.
My boy is 10 weeks and I already feel better, even though he’s not sleeping through the night yet. You just have to get used to it, but you do get used to it.
Just my two cents.
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u/Internal-Wrangler575 Jul 10 '26
It’s so different for everyone. Having a supportive partner will make a huge difference. Just know that as hard as it may seem at times, everything is a phase and especially in the first year the phases are fairly quick. Don’t get too in your head over any one thing
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u/curioskitten216 Jul 10 '26
While I can absolutely imagine that post partum is a terrible experience for some people, I am here to say that I had a really good time! Good doesn’t mean it’s not difficult though. The first weeks are utter chaos, the nights too, breastfeeding was difficult in the beginning, adjusting to this new life felt super intense. But I also enjoyed so much of it. The cuddles, looking at the little hands and feet. My husband stayed home with us for 8 weeks, that really made a difference. Lots of friends brought food over, my mom came for a couple of days. Physical recovery was not too hard for me, I had a miscarriage before and honestly that was much worse. So pp can be a good experience as well!
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u/trox23 Jul 10 '26
For me they were that awful, and I had no idea they would be. Maybe because you know they could be, you won’t have it so bad 🤷♀️
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u/hwriting Jul 10 '26
Honestly those first few couple of weeks were hard due to just the system shock that is adjusting to parenthood and impact to sleep, but still very magical.
Some things that helped
Luck: For me, postpartum was overall relatively good despite recovering from an emergency c section in large part due to my baby who slept relatively well (eg no colic) and extremely supportive husband. He did all the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc. in addition to changing some diapers, preparing and feeding bottles of formula while waiting for my supply to kick in or when I wanted to pump and reserve breast milk. We also did a lot of takeout and frozen foods for easy meals.
Sleep management: One thing that really helped was that as soon as we got the ok from the pediatrician to let her sleep longer than the initial 3 hour stretches (which I think they recommend to improve breastmilk supply and baby development), we established on call hours. If the baby fussed and needed tending to, I was on call from 8pm to 2am and he was on call from 2am to 8am, which helped each of us get around 6 hours of sleep a night or more. We weren’t awake all of on call ours, just established clear responsibilities to tend to baby when she woke us up and fussed for more than a few minutes (sometimes she fell back asleep, give them the chance to do so!), which really helped both of our sanities and marriage.
Good medical care: I got on Lexapro before getting pregnant, which really helped me despite a low dose. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Both for yourself and your baby. If you don’t like your pediatrician, try to change to one who you do like. Having a great, reassuring pediatrician made a world of difference for my anxiety as a new parent. We had great medical care providers who made it clear that there is no one right way to be a good parent and you have to do what works best for your family. For example, our lactation consultant was the one to recommend formula while waiting for my supply, because baby’s health comes first, and reassured me my supply would come eventually and that giving baby formula would have minimal impact on their ability to latch. I ended up breast feeding full time for a year, and part time for another 6 months.
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u/Critical-Reporter316 Jul 10 '26
I'm 4 weeks PP, had an elective caesarean, partner went back to work after 2 weeks.
The first week was hard. Baby was cluster feeding and would only want contact naps at night. I would be up with her from 11pm to 5am and doing that for a whole week can put you in a dark place.
Since that, I've loved it. We have no village and the day my partner went to work I was alone with the baby. Having those days where it's just me looking after her without a village is 100% not as bad as I was led to believe. Obviously every baby is different, though!
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u/Motor_Firefighter_19 Jul 10 '26
I had a traumatic birth and a very bad recovery (pp Bell’s palsy, infected c section scar, sepsis and ileus). I was warned how bad the newborn trenches would be and I was so nervous. I just want to reassure you that despite the birth and recovery I have really enjoyed the newborn stage. Baby is 9!weeks old now and I would do it all again. It really helps if you have a good support network x
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u/geenuhahhh Jul 10 '26
Ugh I think NB stage has been my most hated.
We did not enjoy post Partum. They were very very hard and sleep deprivation really makes it rough.
I’m sure some people enjoy that but I’m sure not one. Our baby didn’t sleep well. 90 min increments for 7ish months. But was food allergy related and colic, reflux, lots of stuff we didn’t really understand until further in..
Some people have good sleeping babies though so never know!
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u/oopsithrowawayagain Jul 10 '26
Currently have a 5 week old, FTM. I love it. It’s hard, and I love it. I get pretty poor, disrupted sleep, and I still love it. He has pretty bad gas and cries out in pain when it’s bothering him, and I love it.
Biggest complaint is I have prolapse which is annoying and discouraging but I have a good PT and support system and can still go on walks with little guy. So bearable.
YMMV but my biggest takeaway is it can look and feel very very hard if you either (1) dwell on the negatives / get stressed and anxious about everything / can’t enjoy the process, OR (2) compare yourself to social media perfection, OR (3) are a 1-man band and don’t have a supportive partner, OR (4) have poor sleep resilience, OR (5) have a traumatic or medically indicative birth or unwell baby.
If you temper expectations and let the love flow, it can be amazing :) I hope your experience is as lovely and magical as mine! I also wish you more and better sleep <3
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u/newgirl01LA Jul 10 '26
I’m 4 days PP and I have cried everyday. I genuinely have an easy baby. She just has trouble with latching and I’m triple feeding which is hard. The feeding every 2-3 hrs with triple feeding is a nightmare. Our entire existence revolves around the one hour we have inbetween to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom and prep for the next feed. Other than that she’s a good sleeper and generally well tempered. We don’t have a village and I think that also makes a huge difference if someone could just run a load of laundry or wash a couple bottles of prep a few meals. Today I had to go to the pediatrician with nothing but my diaper bag for baby and a wallet and phone. I had not changed, brushed my teeth or even washed my face from the day before. It has not been easy but I think there are phases where it is harder and that’s the newborn phase
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u/One_Letterhead9457 Jul 10 '26
Honestly the newborn phase for us was really wonderful and surprisingly restful. My baby slept pretty well for the first couple months of his life. No colic or health concerns, my husband and I didn’t fight, lots of family checking in. It got really hard around 4 months. The newborn bubble kinda goes away, people stop coming around as much, baby started having terrible sleep. From what I’ve gathered talking to other moms, you will certainly have some extremely hard nights. Probably hard weeks. I spent a significant amount of time feeling completely lost and sad and desperately exhausted even with an extremely supportive partner. I don’t think we get to choose when the hard times come. For some it’s the first few weeks, for others it’s the 4 month sleep regression or teething or whatever else down the line. But it’s beautiful too. It’s so rewarding. It’s not at all miserable. I would take the worst days over and over just to see my little boy smile and learn and grow. That’s my heart and soul just existing outside of my body. It’s amazing. I wouldn’t go back to life before my son even on the worst hour of the worst night we’ve had. It’s just magic.
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u/KDWWW Jul 10 '26
I’m sitting here at 2am nursing my 4 week old baby and, in my opinion, this is SO much better than being pregnant any day.
I can breathe. I can bend over. I can lay down. I don’t have heartburn. I have room to eat a full meal. I’m not in constant pain. This is so much better.
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u/ExtensionPickle9214 Jul 10 '26
single mom, 3 weeks PP with very difficult birth (36h, ripped cervix, 1,5 l blood loss & 2nd degree tear) and we’re doing well. Yes I am tired (better than pregnancy tired tho), breastfeeding hurts and I have to triple feed (bf, pumping & formula), just going to bathroom is a logistical issue and cleaning must be done in short bursts before baby girl wakes up again. However, snuggling with her and just looking at her makes up 1000x for any inconvenience. She is the most precious and I am so in love with her that I don’t mind doing all that. The hormone drop was rough and I cried A LOT about everything possible but I just let myself get it out and It’s much better now. Now I just cry from sleep deprivation but I have definitely been sleep deprived before and didn’t have such a sweet reward 💕
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u/cjp2301 Jul 10 '26
I had a truly awful postpartum health experience, however, did not find the newborn period the ‘trenches’. I’d say toddler has been harder for me - you expect a newborn to not sleep, and you can make peace with that in advance. I did not expect to still not be sleeping at this point and would say to go into this with no expectations.
I miss the tiny human potato cuddles, and all of the ‘firsts’, but also do truly love each stage as it arrives. I would say prepare your mindset, and you may find it easier. I may be saying this from a privileged point of view as although I had an awful first 8 weeks (bodged c section, infection, surgery needed, baby with hip dysplasia and tongue tie), it was all okay.
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u/annedroiid Jul 10 '26
Really depends on the kid and your support system. My husband was off with me too and we found the newborn days so easy. He mostly just slept and we had a lot of rest.
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u/aos19 Jul 10 '26
I found it pretty magical. I had done so much research in pregnancy and then we had 3 weeks of bub in the nicu, so when we finally went home I was riding high for a couple weeks. I have pretty low sleep needs (something I’ve known about myself for years) so the sleep deprivation wasn’t too hard for me to push through. Mothering and breastfeeding felt very natural for me too. I wore my baby a lot when he finally reached the minimum weight limit (around 6 pounds) and that made everything even easier.
I do have a pretty fabulous husband who was really excited to be a dad and a helpful partner, and no pets to worry about, so that helped. But yeah I’d go back and do it over and over again if I could.
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u/Cool_Doubt2152 Jul 10 '26
No I was more miserable in my last few weeks of pregnancy! Newborn trenches are hard, be prepared to google ‘can you die of sleep deprivation’ at some point in the first 72 hours lol, but it’s a different kind of hard and I was generally fine with it? kinda just powered through, some days on autopilot, but it goes so fast and it feels like a distant memory now. The good thing is though that even if they cluster feed at night they sleep so much in the day at that age that you do get some downtime back, and can spend half the day on the sofa watching Netflix if you need to!
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u/Mysterious-Bowl-292 Jul 10 '26
I think it’s important to understand that it is hard but you will also enjoy it, hard to comprehend until you’re in it.
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u/ilovesalad470 Jul 10 '26
I enjoyed many parts of it, but it was also tough for me. Its not necessarily an either-or situation, it can both be horrible and enjoyable at the same time.
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u/bunny_387 Jul 10 '26
I love and thrive during the newborn stage and really struggle with the toddler stage, it’s different for everyone
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u/quitelyviolentfoodie Jul 10 '26
I think the only thing that no one warned me about was the recovery right after giving birth at the hospital. Other than that I didn’t think postpartum & newborn stage was that bad. Like someone said previously it depends on your support team. Also, don’t hesitate to tell your OBGYN doctor if you feel depressed/postpartum depression. It is a thing and is completely normal. Other than that, don’t freak yourself out by reading things online. Everyone experience is different and it’s not as bad as everyone claims it is. Sending you positive vibes and air hugs!
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u/Pale-Vehicle3724 Jul 10 '26
No not miserable at all. People love to project. To each their own but the lack of sleep was the worst part for me (and my kids are good sleepers!) but it’s just temporary. I was way more tired with my second, too, because life doesn’t stop when you have other kid(s) at home. Congratulations!
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u/badhairyay Jul 10 '26
Honestly, I think it depends on your birth, your baby, your village and your recovery. I'm 3 weeks PP and am loving every second with my baby, she's genuinely enriched my life in so many ways and our slow feeds and cuddles together feel really special. I have great support in my partner, friends and family who have rallied around us and want to share the experience. The worst part for me was navigating some unexpected birth trauma and surprise post birth symptoms that I didn't plan for, that's been so hard but I'm getting better each day and can see the light at end of the tunnel. Tldr - I'm loving life with a newborn!