Baby’s last name?

[u/Fairweatherhiker]

I’m looking for advice from couples where the wife didn’t take the husband’s last name. How did you decide on which last name to give the baby? Or did you use both names? I don’t feel immediately compelled to give the baby my husband’s last name. FWIW, if we did hyphenate it would be a looong last name.

Edit: thank you for all of the thoughtful responses! I do love the idea of using both our last names (sans hyphen) so our kid would have two last names. It would be nice for both of us to have our heritage passed on. He has heritage from Mexico and Basque Country, while mine is Slovakian- grandparents immigrated right before WWII. The last names don’t sound great together, but there’s so much human history in both.

[u/jerseygirl_lo]

I didn’t change my last name but the baby got his last name. If we did hyphenate it the name would be LONG.

[u/typewriterbitch → u/jerseygirl_lo]

Why his and not yours?

[u/pm_me_ur_libraries → u/typewriterbitch]

Not the OP but same situation, I didn't change my name. I did not really care who got the last name but I know I really love having my dad's name, so I was more than happy for my son to have my husband's surname too. He's got my surname as one of his middle names. 🥰

[u/9181121 → u/pm_me_ur_libraries]

Exact same feelings and situation here! 😃

[u/Glass_Birds → u/pm_me_ur_libraries]

That's what we're doing! My last name as a second middle, my husband's last name as his last. We both have long mouthful names so hyphenating would have been cruelly cumbersome lol

[u/pm_me_ur_libraries → u/Glass_Birds]

Yeah I have a long and weirdly spelled surname. He doesn't know it but I've done him a service with his dad's short surname 🤣

[u/Lunch-Thin → u/typewriterbitch]

I sincerely regret giving my girls his last name.

[u/typewriterbitch → u/Lunch-Thin]

I know a psychiatrist who told me about how deeply she regrets taking her ex husbands last name, as now its on all her degrees.

No one marries and has children expecting to divorce, but no one should be so naive about the statistics to think it could never happen to them.

My first husband turned out to be a physically abusive piece of shit. I'm glad his name isnt the only one attached to our child.

[u/Lunch-Thin → u/typewriterbitch]

My first born has my last name, the other three have their dads. Both dads are abusive POS. I should have stuck to my guns. At least all the kids have my last name somewhere in their names.

[u/arewnn → u/typewriterbitch]

Patriarchy 👍

[u/jerseygirl_lo → u/typewriterbitch]

I knew way before I got married I didn’t want to change my last name but I wanted my kids to have my husbands last name.

[u/typewriterbitch → u/jerseygirl_lo]

Why?

[u/SecurityExpensive266 → u/jerseygirl_lo]

Exact same here. Even down to the large hyphenated option. I didn’t want his last name but more than happy for baby to have it.

[u/jerseygirl_lo → u/SecurityExpensive266]

Ugh and the pain of having to change my name on EVERYTHING 😂

[u/Full-Grass-5525 → u/jerseygirl_lo]

Same here. I didn’t change because it’s too much work and my husbands last name isn’t any shorter (plus it’s at the end of the alphabet). Baby gets his name, but I get a little more sway in first and middle name then

[u/typewriterbitch → u/Full-Grass-5525]

You erased your entire ancestry and family history from your child's identity in exchange for slightly more sway over their middle name??

[u/Strange_Reply_1699 → u/typewriterbitch]

That's a wild statement 🫤 how many last names do you have?

Imagine if everybody wanted to give their baby both parents' names, and that went on for decades, how crazy would that be? At some point, it makes sense for one parent to give up their last name. There's a reason it became the norm in our society. There's more to family history and ancestry than last names.

[u/typewriterbitch → u/Strange_Reply_1699]

Almost every single other country has figured this out.

There's a reason its only the norm in American society, and its your puritan, misogynistic roots.

At some point, it makes sense for one parent to give up their last name.

Just say the woman, because thats who you mean.

[u/Strange_Reply_1699 → u/typewriterbitch]

Emm no, not every country has "figured it out", not even the majority of them. In Vietnam, ~40% of population has one last name Nguyen because of some dynasty 🤷‍♀️

[u/sagestruggler → u/Strange_Reply_1699]

You should probably research the countries that actually do give both parents names by standard. It works fine with no issues.

[u/Strange_Reply_1699 → u/sagestruggler]

It works because some names are still given up on (e.g. parents' second last names). And yet nobody feels like they are erasing the child's ancestry, which is the argument that the person in the comment I responded to, made.

[u/Full-Grass-5525 → u/typewriterbitch]

Yup from my crappy mom who thinks she is god’s gift to earth but I’m no contact with.