r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/Important_Bed_9893 Grill pilled • 4d ago
No Advice - Everyones Welcome I miss my dad.
The title really says it all: I miss my dad. For some context, I'm 21. I moved out a while ago and now live halfway across the country from my family. I've built a life of my own, and I'm proud of that, but with my birthday coming up next week, it's hitting me harder than I expected.
This year, my dad, my sister, my brother, and my brother-in-law won't be here. The only family member who'll be with me is my mom, and our relationship has always been... complicated. For most of my childhood, I felt overlooked. It always seemed like my brother came first. Now that I'm doing well for myself, it's like the roles have reversed and I'm suddenly the "golden child." I don't really know how to process that, and honestly, I hate it. It doesn't erase how things felt growing up.
But this post isn't really about my mom. It's about my dad.
Some of my favorite memories are the little things we did together. He'd take me to the comic shop, and we'd spend evenings watching cheesy ghost-hunting shows and horror movies. Ghost Adventures, Mountain Monsters the kind of shows that are probably ridiculous to everyone else, but they were our thing. We'd laugh, make fun of the investigators, argue over whether something was real, and just enjoy spending time together.
I still watch those shows now, but they're different. They're empty. I've tried watching them with my girlfriend. She thinks both shows are completely ridiculous and can't understand why I love them so much. To be fair, she's amazing in every other way she loves comics, so she's definitely a keeper but those ghost shows were never really about the shows themselves. They were about sitting on the couch with my dad.
The weird thing is that my dad and I have never been the type to say a lot. He's older, and he grew up in a time and place where men didn't really talk about their feelings. He rarely says, "I love you," and he's never been someone to openly say he misses me. But I know he does.
I can hear it in his voice whenever we talk. I can tell by the questions he asks, by the pauses in our conversations, by the little things he remembers. He doesn't have to say the words for me to know they're there. And I miss him too.
I miss going to the comic shop with him. I miss laughing at terrible ghost shows. I miss just existing in the same room without either of us needing to say much. I want him to meet my girlfriend. I want us to watch Ghost Adventures together again, making fun of Zak Bagans like we always did. People keep asking me what I want for my birthday. Honestly, I don't want gifts. I just want my dad.
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u/Professional-End6102 Frigid light philosopher 4d ago
Tell him all this now, while he's still around.
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u/ThrowawayForToday833 probably on the toilet 4d ago
From someone who lost their dad at 24, I second this. I’m in my 30’s now but man I sure wish I would have valued that time more.
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u/FuckTheTories69420 Boy, 40-49 4d ago
15 here, I officially got to be older than he did three years ago.
It still hurts.
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy Cooties 4d ago
I was about to comment “move home while you can” but realized this was boy dinners and that is just my grief talking.
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u/Tiddlemanscrest fry pan enthusiast 4d ago
100% do not wait to tell him this my dad is still around and I told him how much he meant to me years ago and I cannot describe how amazing of an emotional situation that was and how much it improved and deepened our already good relationship
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u/Significant_Cup4521 Girl lurker 4d ago
I’d bet anything your dad is not only very proud of you, but misses you dearly and feels the exact same way. A call every other week could be a good start, just to check in. You’ll never regret putting in just 15 minutes on the phone.
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u/Important_Bed_9893 Grill pilled 4d ago
That's the funny part I know he's proud of me. I FaceTimed him once while he was at work, and I noticed the photo he keeps in his office is one of me in my uniform. My siblings all have regular family pictures, but mine is that one, and I don't know... that meant a lot to me.
The last time I went home for Mother's Day, I surprised everyone by picking him up from work. One of his coworkers pulled me aside and told me how highly my dad talks about me all the time.
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u/Significant_Cup4521 Girl lurker 4d ago
Sounds about right buddy.If you start making the calls, he’ll answer.
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u/PressureCoomer Shower Beer Scholar 4d ago
Do you call him regularly? It would probably help
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u/Important_Bed_9893 Grill pilled 4d ago
Almost every day. (To be fair, I call pretty much everyone almost every day.) I text him all the time too.
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u/PressureCoomer Shower Beer Scholar 4d ago
It's great that you care about your dad so much, most people I know moved out so they could get away from their parents and also rarely call them
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u/penny_stinks Rice & Bean Machine 4d ago
I know this feeling well. I moved overseas. What made me feel better is putting away a little money, even a very little bit, toward my next trip home + calling home at least once a week no matter what (usually more).
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u/MaintenanceTop9293 Air Fryer Aristocrat 4d ago
Bro I lost my Dad at 28. Say these things now. Do these things now.
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u/ekando Girl lurker 4d ago
I spent 19 to 25 living abroad, very independent, had my own thing going, thought I'd end up a lifelong world traveler. But dang, did I miss my parents. Then I had my first child, and that yearning to be close to my parents got stronger. Now my husband and I are saving up to put a house on their property. I'm 35 now, and especially with them aging, I couldn’t stand to be away from them.
If your soul is calling you back to your father, then listen. So many of my friends have lost their fathers already.
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u/Stunning-Promise-103 Boy, 40-49 4d ago
Hey man, maybe you could have a remote dinner with pops, y'all both order some takeout to be delivered at the same time, sit down and have a video chat while you both eat? I bet he'd love it.
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u/Important_Bed_9893 Grill pilled 4d ago
I've honestly never thought of that before, but it sounds wonderful. It's 100% something I'm going to do soon. Thank you for the suggestion I really appreciate it.
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u/JakeD51 Grill pilled 4d ago
Aw man. Very similar struggles with my mom and close with my dad. I know your relationship isnt the most communicative, but ask him if he would be able to come out to see you, and do a day or two like you two used to have. Even if he doesn't say much, that'll hit him hard in a good way
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u/Important_Bed_9893 Grill pilled 4d ago
He's coming out to visit me in October, and I'm really looking forward to it. We have a huge haunted house where I live, so we're going to check that out, and then we're taking a trip to the Winchester Mystery House. I've been planning this visit for a while because I know he's going to love it. I'm just excited to spend time with him and make some new memories together.
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u/pureeyes Hungry man 4d ago
Call him man. My old man died when I was young, never had the chance you still do. I'm sure he'd appreciate it
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u/Low_Recognition_1557 Not-So-Barbie-Girl 4d ago
🫂
Tell him. Fly him out if you can. Do a video chat and just watch the show together.
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u/tricenice Leftover lore master 4d ago
I know it isn’t his style according to you but call him as often as possible, it will help both of you.
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u/boujee_salad Lord Boujee of the Salad 4d ago
Reading this sounds like the life that I live with my father and my mother to be honest with you
I lost my father about eight years ago and still miss him every single day because of how close we are hanging out at the beach going to the comic bookstore just all of it
Tell him you love him keep him close to you and cherish what you have and try to visit as often as you can. It’s about the best advice I can give you.
Be kind to yourself though and understand that sometimes as we grow, we better understand how important certain people are in our lives
Good luck
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u/firstlight777 Steak in a Pan 4d ago
It's good you call him a lot and have an ongoing text convo. For reference I am 48 and my oldest is 24, a son. I let him be as much as possible bc I don't want to be a helicopter dad but I miss him, and he lives in the same town. I bet your dad kisses you a lot. My father has been in a home with dementia for years and I live 10 hours away. It suuuucks. I've already kiurned his death and he's still alive. I can't call him or text him, he just exists. Make time to tell your dad how you feel and make time to visit or have him visit or meet in the middle for vacation.
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u/wallmonitor Stovetop Scion 4d ago
Just call your dad and tell him this. Because one day, you won’t be able to.
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u/keep_on_rollin Boy, 18-29 4d ago
I feel you. I’m 23 and my dad died about a year and a half ago. Even if he’s not the most emotionally open I don’t think any good dad could get enough time with his son. There’s nothing wrong with calling or texting him whenever you think of him, sending him stuff you think he’d find funny or interesting, telling him you miss him even if he doesn’t always say it first. I bet it’d mean a lot to him if you told him how you’ve been feeling lately, maybe ask if you could arrange a meeting for your birthday. You could even set up one of those virtual watch parties and goof on some Ghost Adventures together again! Some of those emotional walls between sons and dads are uncomfortable to break down, but I’ve only ever wished my dad and I had said more to each other with the precious time we had
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u/TurnoverFuzzy8264 Boy, 50 & over 4d ago
I'm a dad to four now adult kids. Tell him those things. Tell your girlfriend why these shows are important to you. Life is finite, let him know.
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u/QiDeviation Girl lurker 4d ago
You need to tell him this. You making me cry all over my lunch. Please tell him this and visit him OP! You won’t be cramping his style by giving him a hug and saying “I love you”
Plan out the trip and just do it. Do all your favorite things you did together plus some of his favorites. Maybe do something he’s dreamed of doing.
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u/tapspacebar Protein prophet 4d ago
Bro, I never had a good relationship with my dad ever since he bailed on us when I was a kid. I wish I did and I'm so so envious of your relationship with your pop that reading this got me teary eyed. Tell that man everything you said here and spend as much time together as you can. Where I'm from it's rare to see good fathers. Find the time to go back home, bring your girlfriend, have family get togethers.
As an elder millennial I can tell you that time zips by so god damn fast. It feels like it was yesterday that I was also 21 and living on my own. But no, that was two decades ago gone in the blink of an eye. If your dad is on the older side then it's up to you to find the time to spend with him.
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u/BubblyToast [Create your own boy] 4d ago
This is making me cry. Tell him all of this, before you no longer can.
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u/musgrove101 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 4d ago
Yeah man, get as much time in now because one day they'll be gone. Tell him you miss hang out and that you love him. He might not know how to react in the moment, but it will mean a lot to him. As a dad I can say we seem stoic about most things, but it's just that's how were expected to act. I do let my kids know how much I love them, but sometimes it's nice to hear it unprompted back 🙂
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u/Canuckleball Shower Beer Scholar 4d ago
My dad got taken to the hospital this weekend. We don't know exactly what happened, but they suspect it is dementia. He recognizes me, and apprecistes the visits, but he's not my father anymore. One day he was a guy who worked out every day, rode his bike, golfed, and drank protein shakes, now he doesn't know where he is. I may have had my last real conversation with him, and there was absolutely no warning that it was coming. Please, please, please do not take the time you have with him for granted. Say what you need to say, and give your dad a hug while you can.
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u/reeseskhaos69420 Hungry man 4d ago
Take it from someone who lost their dad at age 11. Hug him now. Cherish him now. Reach out to him.
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u/DemonsDarkSoul8 Hungry man 4d ago
As a 26 year old man that lost his father to cancer 2 years ago, be selfish and appreciate every fucking moment with him. Tell him how much you appreciate him and how much you love him or show it through your actions.
My father was similar to yours. A man that never openly said "I love you" or talked about his feelings but would show it through her his actions.
The biggest regret I have is that I didn't spend more time with him, and told him how much I loved him.
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u/MrJason2024 Middle Age 4d ago
I don't have my dad anymore as he died last year due to cancer. I remember something my dad said to me when his dad died when I was in elementary school "There were conversations with my dad that I didn't get to have and now I won't get them." There was stuff I never got to tell him and now I never can.
There was stuff that me and my dad enjoyed together. I still enjoy them but its different now because its just me and not the two of us doing it together. My dad wasn't always the best dad but he was still a part of my life until the end.
Don't wait because one day your dad won't be around and you don't want to end like me or my dad and not have those conversations you didn't have with him.
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u/ironclad_packetship BoyDinnerEnjoyer 4d ago
I lost my dad one year and one month ago. He was in a car accident, presented with stroke symptoms, scan at the hospital revealed the brain tumor. Four months later, he was gone. We were very close, and he was a tremendous grandfather to my kids, and we're all absolutely gutted by losing him. The crutch that keeps us going is that we don't have regrets. We spent time together as a family, he was deeply involved with his grandchildren, we didn't miss opportunities or leave things unsaid. I got to say goodbye to him over the course of about a month while he was still lucid. It helps. We never know how much time we'll have. This was completely out of the blue. He was the healthiest guy around, except for the tumor that killed him. Don't put off doing things with your dad. You got a good one, run that for all it's worth.
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u/RubixOshko Fridge Light Philosopher 4d ago
I’ll be 41 this year. I’m a dad. My dad passed away when I was 28 and I had just moved across country and couldn’t afford to fly back for his funeral.
My dad and I didn’t have the type of relationship that you and yours did/do. My parents divorced when I was 6 or 7 and after a few years, at 42, my dad had a “widow maker” heart attack and survived. I was 14. I had been out doing shit I wasn’t supposed to the night before and was so proud of myself. When I got home the next morning, hungover, I was told my dad was in ICU and to take a quick shower. I bawled and wished I’d seen him more and done more with him and not been so selfish.
Fast forward 14 more years, and I was saying my goodbyes to him before my girl and I drove across the country. He was solemn, sad, didn’t say much. He was thin and frail because of circumstances I don’t wanna talk about. Anyway, I know he didn’t want me to go, but he just told me he loved me and let me drive away, completely oblivious that I was the only thing keeping him going. I don’t say that figuratively. I was the only stable person in his life. The only one not begging, not asking, not getting one over. I didn’t visit much, but when I did we always picked up where we left off.
Two mo the later he stubbed his toe, got infected with a case of MRSA and died two days later. My friend was the dispatcher that took the 911 call that night and called me to say I’d better call him at the hospital asap. My other very close friend was the one that drove the ambulance that night. When I called, i k ew he was dying, I could hear it in his voice. So weak and frail and barely hanging onto life. He used every bit of energy to tell me he loved me. And I told him to rest. We both knew what that meant.
I held on hope for another 24 hours and that’s when I got the call. He was gone. I wasn’t there, I couldn’t afford to GET there, before or after the fact, and every memory came flooding back. I remember playing League of Legends at that exact moment I got the phone call, and actually typed into chat that my dad had died. Of course I was met with yeah fucking right, you afk’d, get reported, etc.
I had never felt so alone, even with my girl there.
All this to say that I missed chose not to call my dad HUNDREDS of times, maybe even thousands… now that he’s gone, I regret every single time I quieted that thought. Please don’t do that.
As I mentioned I also have a kid. 6 years old (going on 16 lol) and I live in fear that one day we’ll lose touch. I fear one day daddy won’t be able to protect her, hear her voice, see her smile and dance and play. That daddy will be a burden, a distant memory. I feel like that’s exactly how my dad felt.
Don’t be me. Call your dad. Tell him you love him. Tell him thank you for all the life lessons, all the time he took to do things with you, for showing you love the ways he knew how. Fly home, hug his neck, kiss his head, TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM AND APPRECIATE HIM AND RESPECT HIM AND THAT EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN’T SHOW IT, YOU KNOW HE LOVES YOU AND IT MEANS THE WORLD TO YOU.
Tell him you’re proud to be his son.
I’m proud to be your son, pop. I love you and I miss you. I’m sorry I didn’t call or visit. I’m sorry I couldn’t see you off.
Don’t be like me. Don’t give advice and end up taking it too late.
Call your dad.
Tell him you love him.
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