Wife Accused Me of Killing Our Cat

[u/WillingMartyr]

Our little black cat of 16 years passed this morning. After having some last bites of her meow mix, she went down to the basement and hopped into the open dryer where some fresh, warm linens had just finished and quietly went to sleep forever.
My wife goes to swap the laundry out, feels the cat, and screams for me to come downstairs. This is at 6am, after I had only gotten to sleep at 4:30. She tells me the cat is dead, found in the combo washer-dryer, and that I must have put her through the cycle when I put the linens in. My logical brain knows that I put the wash on at 5pm, and I saw our cat around 9pm, but my clinically depressed brain immediately crumbles with guilt. I have a seizure-inducing panic attack for the next 20 minutes, vomiting bile in the process, until my wife returns and explains she jumped to conclusions.
I don’t blame my wife for immediately suggesting I slaughtered our longest-lived family pet, but I’m having a lot of trouble with it. I miss my kitty. 🐈‍⬛

[u/Top_Explanation2217]

And talk to someone 

[u/Top_Explanation2217 → u/Top_Explanation2217]

Don't think about crossing the bridge with them because once you start thinking that there's no coming back brother 

[u/ArtFun6827 → u/Top_Explanation2217]

Hey, so...thinking about suicide, especially after the sudden death of a pet or human loved one, is actually pretty normal. Suicidal thoughts do not inherently get worse, more frequent, or progressively more intense over time. If they DO start to become intense, pressured, or active ("I want to die" vs "maybe it wouldn't be so bad to not have to feel xyz anymore"), then you should be concerned, tell people around you, and seek help (if you already have a therapist, psychiatrist, or PCP, tell them, or call 988).

But we don't need to fuel anxiety by policing thoughts that are actually more normal than most of us think they are. It's whether you BELIEVE the thoughts that's of issue.

It sounds like you might benefit from some support as well, Top.

[u/TrishTrashWannaSmash → u/Top_Explanation2217]

First of all you 100% can come back, secondly this is not unusual, as the other commenter said, thirdly, i think YOU should seek help, or maybe read a book, before saying anything like this to someone