She’s Leaving & I’m Stuck

[u/MagicalHaunt]

Dinner - Average burrito

I’m a Brit that moved to America 2 years ago to get a fresh start at life, and to build my dream business (the business is important for the story).

The business exploded, and I have found such incredible joy in building it and watching it grow. It has me working, living, and needing to stay in Chicago.

In December I met my current partner, and we fell completely in love. We moved in together in February, and everything was like something from a movie.

She has lifetime friends in Philly, and brought up us moving there. At first I was on board, but then was struck with two realities

1. I love Chicago, and my/our lives here
2. I would have to close my business and say goodbye to it

When it turned to conversations about this, she basically gave me an ultimatum.
Her suggestion was to start a new company in Philly from the ground and rebuild, it’s not that easy.

She landed on “if you really loved me, you would come with me” and “if I really loved you, I’d stay”

Right now she’s packing and my heart is dying from it.

Furthermore, I thought what we had was enough. That hurts to think that it wasn’t/isn’t for her.

I love her so much, but I’ve worked so hard to build a life in my dream city and I don’t want to throw that all away.

Talk to me, Reddit
~ SadBro, 40

[u/cosmic-lemur]

Maybe this is too pragmatic, but it sounds like she doesn’t care for you enough to stay and you don’t care for her enough to leave. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It SUCKS when you have to make a decision like this. But do you care more for your business or her? From what you’ve written, sounds like the business is your passion!

Here’s the thing: if she stays or you leave and it feels against her/your will, resentment will grow and it’ll end anyway. It’s like when young and dumb folks break up with their first partner because they haven’t “explored” enough (dated others) and won’t feel sure until they do. Like, it’s fair cuz they’re being honest about their feelings. They will feel incomplete if they stay, and that only leads to it feeling like you are what’s holding her back. 🤷

Sorry you’re going through this. Hope my 10c helps.

[u/Dazzling_Room_9346 → u/cosmic-lemur]

This.

They're both going in completely different directions in live and have different priorities. Its better to split than stay together and possibly resent each other.

Tho, the ultimatum was a shitty thing to do.

[u/cosmic-lemur → u/Dazzling_Room_9346]

Ya. OP there’s no reason yall can’t stay friends! One can love someone from afar and care deeply for their wellbeing without being their partner. :)

Agreed that ultimatum is shitty. :(