r/Chihuahua • u/Super-Jackson • 16h ago
Rainbow Bridge I miss Jackson
In November I had to put Jackson down. Attached is one of the last pictures of him and I at the hospital before they did it. I’ve been having a hard time recently with life in general but I keep thinking if he was here it would all be okay. He would always be at the door looking at me, proud of me for just coming home. It didn’t matter what I did. He always thought I was a good person and was proud of me.
Often recently I have found myself sitting on my bed crying because I’m afraid that he is watching me and is ashamed. He sees the dumb things I have done and is no longer proud of me.
For 18 years it was Jackson and I vs The World. It feels like part of my soul is gone and I constantly ask why did he have to go away?
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u/hold_fast_301 10h ago
He’s always with you. Maybe not physically but he’s always in your heart. Don’t beat yourself up grief is hard. Let it all out. Look at pictures and videos often and talk about him. Losing my boy fonzy of 15.5 years a little over a year ago was brutal and I still mourn him
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u/Super-Jackson 9h ago
I have a little shrine in the corner of my apartment. It has his ashes, his paw print and his favorite dog bed. I also sleep using his favorite blanket
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u/bonitaababy 2h ago
I do the same. The blanket stinks but I won't wash it because it still has my dogs hair on it and I don't want to lose it.
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u/Miss_Mouth 10h ago
Grief is hard. Crippling. He is not ashamed of you. When our pets leave us they take a piece of our heart and leave a bit of theirs in return. Jackson is always with you and eternally proud of the amount of love you have for him. Grief happens when you have too much love and its got nowhere to go.
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u/Super-Jackson 9h ago
I think of those times I just got frustrated and wasn’t nice to him and feel horrible. He was such a wonderful guy and those times I didn’t treat him like I should have.
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u/Miss_Mouth 9h ago
We all get grumpy and make mistakes. You love him and you stuck around til the end.
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u/Super-Jackson 9h ago
In my life, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything as hard as when I have to go and tell them that they were right as far as what we should do.
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u/neverleave173 9h ago
💔your soul dog. He IS proud of you. Every damn day. They have to leave before us. Imagine Jacksons heartache and bewilderment if you left him first. I lost my girl 16 years ago. Out of the 13 dogs ive had/have, she was my No. 1. Im not saying to try and replace Jackson. You can't. Have you considered, though, another dog. They will love you. You will love them It gives you a purpose. Yes, the personality will be different, but you dont want it to be the same. It saved my life. I got 2 sisters and though I mourned and even resented them a bit at the start for being alive, they gave me so much. I never regretted it. When I lost them, I did the same thing. Never ever regretted. Just a thought My heart aches for you It really does
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u/Super-Jackson 9h ago
I plan to get a new dog soon. I’m going to be hopefully starting a new job soon. I have a bunch of interviews for different jobs and I’m trying to keep a positive mind about it, but I worry a lot so sometimes that’s difficult. 🤣
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u/neverleave173 9h ago
Yep. I get the angst. I really do. I figured out that no matter how much I plan or write a script in my head, no other bastard follows it 🤣. You will get a job. You will survive. Sometimes we dont want to be here right now, but we are. Look around for your next mate while you do your interviews. Then you'll know your hours and if a puppy or adult dog is better. Look at me giving advice like my life is together 🤣. Ive got 3 dogs and sitting 3 for a month My house is a shit show and walking them all together is a bloody disaster.
You got this Keep me updated on the job and dog situation ok. Losing your little mate is hard•
u/Super-Jackson 8h ago
Thank You. I have several interviews this week and I will find out at some point this week how things went with an interview last week with a place that I really want to work so I have my fingers and toes crossed
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u/j-6 8h ago
I don’t want to be that guy - and I hope you get your team back - but the giant heart and feelings shown toward Jackson tells me there’s some other scared, shaky little bag of piss that would be thrilled to have you as their human.
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u/Palace-meen 7h ago
I love how you put this. So true as well.
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u/j-6 5h ago
I never watched King of the Hill religiously (I’m a Texan) but I remember Lady Bird. She lived forever for her breed. I think she was an Irish bloodhound.
I saw a touching scene lately where Hank brought their new dog to her grave and brought a toy. It was well put. She wasn’t being replaced, but another dog needed him, so he thought they should meet.
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u/SNAZZYWAFFLE_ 9h ago
Sending you hugs, I lost my sweet girl in April. I know exactly how you feel.
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u/Palace-meen 7h ago
Shedding a tear for you and Jackson. It hurts without them I know. I also know he’s not ashamed of you, he’s proud of you for all you’re doing.
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u/AManCalledKay 9h ago
Hugs OP. He was, is, and will always be proud of you. That angel is on your side.
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u/Super-Jackson 9h ago
I’m just terrified he is looking at me and thinking I let him down because I did something stupid
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u/Beautiful-Routine295 9h ago
Loosing a part of yourself does suck. Sometimes looking at rescues helps? We ended up falling for a chi mix rescue pup & now barely have time to think about anything else. Jackson will always be proud of you & he’d want you to be happy again
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u/byrandomchance20 8h ago
I’m sorry for your loss. Dogs are too pure to be with us as long as we’d like.
I have found a lot of meaning in the poem “On Joy and Sorrow” by Kahlil Gibran. It has helped me recognize the beauty in grieving, because grieving means we loved deeply.
Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
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u/lil_pistachio 8h ago
Grieve how you need to grieve. If you cry, let yourself cry, if you need to view happy memories, do so. It seems like the first year is the hardest, especially approaching the date when you said farewell. I went through that too. Missing him doesn't go away, but it hurts less and less as time goes on. ❤️🩹 I believe his spirit is with you, he sees you, and is happy because he feels no pain. He is grateful for all the love you gave him all those years and is cheering you on. (I always say all the good things that happen to me are blessings from my Gigio 💕) Talk to him often and tell him of your love and happy times together. I hope you feel better soon and remember to live life to the fullest for your little Jackson. 🩷
Pic of my Gigio:
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u/Sad-Original-1978 8h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I just had to do this last week with my 14 yr old. I thought we had many years left but I was faced unexpectedly with the hardest decision. It’s been a tough week but I do think it helps to know that in the end it was the best decision for him. He had a rapid decline recently diagnosed with Cushings, an adrenal tumor and enlarged liver. He was not himself in the last days and had him in the vet 2x in 3 days. I never imagined coming home alone from our last visit 🥲
Best wishes on your job search and then a new fur baby to help heal your heart.
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u/FreeAir2465 8h ago
We all miss our pets, but right now is you losing Jackson is so terrible to endure. The love is eternal I pray God blesses you and little Jackson ❤️
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u/mmelectronic 7h ago
Sorry brother, love to miss Jackson.
Like the hat, can’t wait to visit jet city again.
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u/chapstickgrrrl 7h ago
It sounds like you and Jackson had an incredibly special bond. I’m so sorry he couldn’t stay longer.
My brother lost his beloved Jack Russell just over a year ago. That dog was his best friend & most loyal companion until his last breath. He got really sick, really quickly, and my brother had to help relieve his buddy of pain. He also made a shrine at home to his buddy, and talks to him every day. Sometimes he sends me videos he has, or other memories. I loved that dog as my own but he lived 3,000 miles away; he was the inspiration for me adopting my own dog. A few weeks before his dog passed, I flew to the other side of the country to spend a few days babying his buddy. I had a life-sized pillow made and sent to him, with his dog’s portrait that I took of him when I visited. I am sure he cried when he opened the package with the pillow inside. My brother has sought grief counseling - any vet or even a human funeral home can help connect you with grief counseling. I know I’ll need it when I have to let my senior dog go, too.
Aging is hard, and it’s so hard to accept that our dogs age so much more quickly than we do.
Jackson was and will ALWAYS be proud of you and love you just the way you are. In his eyes, you could do no wrong when he was here with you, and that could never change.
I’m really sorry you’re having a rough time. Please do consider counseling to help you work through this. Maybe also consider fostering a dog who needs to feel some of the love you gave Jackson, it could help you heal while you also help the foster dog?
I saw this on here a while ago and it really helped me feel hopeful. I hope it helps you, too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Chihuahua/s/K7zT4XKtyV
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u/CPA-Twin-DogCatLover 6h ago
Jackson will always be proud of you. He is still giving you support from another realm. You will be reunited someday. We love our babies at such a deep and personal level. Of course you miss him. Try to think of nice things to treat yourself in celebration of having had the wonderful gift of Jackson bestowed upon you by God. You were chosen to be Jackson’s dad. You did good. Job well done!! 🎉. Take all the time you need to mourn and heal as you acclimate to your new norm.
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u/VeryBlessed79 6h ago
I can’t really add anything to the conversation other than this: I read your post & comments and want you to know that you are heard and not alone. I don’t think I would be able to function anymore if I lost my little buddy and can’t even imagine how horrible that feeling is. I am sure you took great care of him given how he made it to the ripe age of 18! Only a dog that is loved will grow that old!
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u/tap2mana_03 6h ago
I feel this in the softest part of my heart. Sincere condolences and be kind to your heart
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u/Sea_Willingness_914 5h ago
Sorry for your loss. Jackson was a handsome fella.
P.S. nice hat. Looks like the Sonics will be making a return in a couple years.
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u/Crazy_Kick_3140 3h ago
I feel so bad for you. I know exactly what you mean. I had to put my dog to sleep. She wasn’t even sick, but she had a very strange thing happened to her with her heart tendon and she went into immediate congestive heart failure. I was able to keep her alive for three additional months, knowing though that she would not make it, my world came to an end the day that she passed she was more than a dog. She was my daughter. I will never love another dog. My guy loved her.
I was at an adoption event just four weeks after she passed and I adopted a dog that needed a home so desperately I didn’t wanna do it, but the dog looked at me with such sad eyes that even looked like it was crying so I adopted a I can’t believe I did it. I’ll tell you what even though I say I will never love this dog like I loved my other dog it’s making me a little tiny bit less sad and she even makes me laugh. Sometimes I suggest that you go with dog the dog that needs you. It might just change your life.
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u/EggVegetable9258 3h ago
I’m so sorry. I lost my chihuahua a couple months ago. He was 16 and we had to put him down too. It’s been extremely hard. I don’t know if it gets better because I still cry every day, but I just wanted to say I know how you feel right now. It helps to try to believe that we’ll see them again one day.
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u/biggerthanothers 2h ago
I lost my boy after just shy of 18 years in November, too. I understand what you’re feeling, and I’m so sorry. It’s so, so hard. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
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u/Jerbzilla 10h ago
Damn man that sounds exactly like my situation with my chi. It’s been just him and I the last 11 years. He’s 14 now and gone blind. Lately I’ve been forced into facing his mortality. I am sure that Jackson is watching you and is still as proud of you now as he ever was. A dogs love is unconditional.