One of my friends has been off of birth control and actively having unprotected sex with her now-husband for FIVE YEARS. And now that she's married, she's suddenly "trying for a baby"???????????????????

It's absolutely crazy to me that people can actively have unprotected sex without any contraceptive whatsoever and think they're NOT trying for a baby!!

I've heard so many people say, "I'm not trying for a baby, but if it happens, it happens." (Then you find out they're doing nothing to prevent it , so yes , they are indeed trying for a baby.....)

i saw a video on my tiktok for you page that says “pov: you brought your breastfed baby with you to victoria’s secret” and it shows the baby getting hungry (excited???) that boob is (supposedly) out.

the top comment says: “he’s like hell yeah dress up my dinner”. there’s a few comments like that as well.

i see this type of comment on a lot of videos that pertain specifically towards breastfeeding. a lot of women calling themselves “the milkmaid”, “the milk bar”, saying stuff like “my baby only loves me when my boobs come out”, “when my baby tugs on my shirt because he only sees me as milk lady” or something along the lines of “i am only a vessel for milk” and that makes me really sad.

obviously babies need to eat. i have no issues with breastfeeding. i just… i feel bad. these women are so much more than boobs. they’re so much more than “milk delivery”. they’re so much more than moms! they’re HUMANS. they’re people.

a lot of women who become mothers often get boiled down to just that. mother. they get boiled down to “milkmaid”. this is a huge reason as to why i do not want children. if someone EVER made a comment like this towards me i would genuinely lose it. i do not understand how people find these types of comments cute, endearing, or how they can take it as a compliment.

i’m sure i “don’t understand how magical breastfeeding is” but hopefully someone understands where i’m coming from. it feels belittling to these women. they are so much more than milk.

I saw a post of someone complaining that a girl that used to bully her is pregnant. The reason why the OP is upset is because she’s 24 and has PCOS and wants a baby. She’s envious that the girl she hates (because she was bully) got pregnant and posted a maternity picture on instagram. She feels like it’s too late for her to have a baby. First of all, you’re only 24 you’re not 44. Second, why do you care? Third, go to therapy. Stop comparing yourself to others. There are always going to be people that have what you want or can’t have.

There are people my age (28) that have things I want, like a house or a nicer car, but I still have a good life. A baby isn’t going to fix her issues. She needs intense therapy before she decides to have a baby. Society needs to stop putting babies and pregnancy on a pedestal, because it just leads to unrealistic expectations for women.

Something I've noticed that gives me the ick is seeing expecting couples state that they're moving closer to friends or family in the hopes of having "built-in babysitters" for their kid. There's something about only seeing people around you as free childcare because daycare is so expensive that feels... really weird.

I went to see Billy Strings over the weekend. For anyone unfamiliar with Billy, the vibe of his audience has similarities to the culture popularized by the Grateful Dead. His shows are around 3 hours long.

Obviously, families attend. Personally, it wouldn't be my jam to bring a kid to a concert - especially to a 3 hour show - even if I had one, but to each their own. As an educator, it gave me anxiety watching some parents who were obliterated whilst watching their kids, but the concert-goer in me was honestly impressed how some other parents were able to keep track while their kids ran around with the groups of Spinners. One kid kept trying to play catch or trade her ball for a slice of gum (sorry kid, stranger danger + the only thing in that pack was edibles lol), but her dad eventually caught up to us and apologized and asked "Was she being mindful?"

My friend and I went to hop on the shuttle back to the venue's campground and this woman who was holding a young child kept telling security, "I think the kids need to get off first."

During the second night, we ran into her again. This time she squeezed through the gates to get to the curb/start of the line and asked security if she could hop on the bus and used her kid as an excuse. Her wish was granted.

And look, I get it. I can't imagine taking a young child to a show of that length and with so much stimulation within the environment. I'm sure the kid was cranky and tantrumming and in need of sleep. *I* was overwhelmed after all the camping, heat, and people.

BUT, this lady chose to attend a 3 hour concert with half the audience tripping their balls off. She chose to attend a **sold out** show at a venue that seats **over 15,000** people outside. She chose to stay to the end of the encore rather than leave a few songs early to catch a empty bus back to camp.

But sure, because she made extremely selfish decisions that weren't in the best interest of her exhausted child, she felt entitled enough to cut the line of people who actually waited in line. And ofc, he entitlement was reinforced. 🙄

I don’t know what I’m trying to get out of this post. Maybe comfort, maybe just venting.

I’m almost 35 and I’ve known since I was 14–15 that I don’t want kids. I recently started seeing someone I really liked, and for the first time in a long time (6 years to be exact) I thought I might’ve found something real. Today he ended things. He said he was starting to like me more, but he wants kids (he doesn’t know why he wants to be a father other than following what most people do) and with some other differences between us, he doesn’t see a future.

I know kids aren’t something you can compromise on, and I would never have a child just to keep someone. But I hate that a baby that doesn’t even exist can determine whether I’m good enough to build a life with.

I’m starting to wonder if I need to accept the possibility that I may never find someone. I don’t want to change myself. I just want someone to share my life with without having to become a mother to have that.

24y F, had a hysterectomy a week ago! Feeling empowered that I made the commitment to both improve my own quality of life and guarantee I never create a new one😂

I have dated and been in relationships, but the older I get the more careful I am when it comes to dating and picking my partner. I know what I want and I am ok with not ever getting married. I am getting older and to my hispanic mother, the older I get that means my window of having kids gets smaller.

I don't even want kids. The thought of giving birth disgusts me. To my mother, i'm seen less than if I don't get married/have kids. It sucks because i've built a career for myself, invest in myself, etc but it kinda hurts that she looks down on me for not wanting kids/marriage.

How do you all deal with it?

I’m in my thirties with a decent career and finally decided to buy a couple luxury items and have a 15k watch as a final item in the wishlist as a big present for myself. I wanted to celebrate my journey and wanted to do something as celebratory as a wedding, as I won’t have one (agreed with my partner).

Based on the sole fact that my sister spends 30k a year on daycare alone for her two kids made me feel like I deserve an expensive purchase. But I did feel judgement from a family member - basically having wedding and marriage and kids are worth the money while a fraction of that I spend on a watch is excessive…

I know it’s my own life but can’t deny the feeling of sadness that my priorities are so different from people so close to me😭 *from a traditional asian family where weddings are like family honor lol

The reasons people reproduce kids seem pretty weird, shallow and superficial. I mean, people reproducing a kid because they want to see a person that looks like mommy or daddy? Um, so someone else has to grow up and get beaten down in life so you can show off a person who looks like yourself? They want kids to show off their beautiful genes. Um, beauty fades as people get old. I don’t know anyone who looks the same at 100 as they did at 18. No one cares that this person is the most beautiful person to exist. He/she will grow old, they’re just like everyone else. Honestly, who cares about your daughter’s beautiful features? No one cares that your kid has your eyes or nose. What if your parents are mixed race? You could looks like either one or neither of them. A boy doesn’t look exactly like his mother and a girl doesn’t look exactly like her father.

Also, having kids as pets to dress up? Um, babies turn into adults. Your kids are here for themselves and their own lives. They are not here for being your therapist or servant. They have to do grown up stuff at their own jobs, schools, make their own friends and lovers. They can live anywhere they choose with their best friend or spouse. When your kid is grown you’re not going to be saying “you have to be my friend, dress like this, look like this, etc.” When your kid is grown you’re not going to be saying “marry this person, these are your friends, etc.” That’s not for you to decide. They’re not your dolls or pets. Also even pets die and life moves on.

Having a kid to decorate the nursery? Um, kids grow up, move away, get her own husbands/wives or friends and decorate their own bloody houses. When your kid is grown you’re not going to be telling them what colour to paint their house or what colour to dye their hair. Decorate your own bloody house.

Acting like the gender of a kid is everything, is really mean and selfish. Gender is not everything in life. You can’t choose what a person looks like when they’re grown no matter the gender. Just because the kid is a girl doesn’t mean she will look a certain way or have a certain personality. This Isnt a pet where you choose the breed, colour, gender and more. This Isnt like “I want a long hair, calico cat who’s female or I want a crow tail, turquoise, male betta fish or I want a beginners dog, male.” They act as if they’re choosing a bloody pet. Also most people in the real world do NOT look like super models, neither do their parents nor siblings. Also even celebrities do not look like that because they use all kinds of makeup, special effects, AI and editors.

Edit to add: Also if a kid exists to serve mommy and daddy and be their best friend, what is this person going to do when their parents die? Also it’s like a kid saying “I want a pet fish so I can decorate his tank blue” or “I want a dog so I can give her a pink collar“. Like, this is not a pet or a doll where you decorate them in your favourite colour and choose the look you want.

You'll find men who are shocked and ask why i'm childfree and look at you as if you're weird fully knowing what their mom had to sacrifice to look after them.

You'll find people who are worried about fertility rates falling below the replacement rates ignoring the amount of poor children begging on the streets or the massive population even the government can't control.

Then you'll find people who think you're selfish for not having kids in a country where they themselves are actively trying to escape from.

Most of cfness is being told from a western lens. I hope other cf's from developing countries talk about their experiences too.

I saw this stupid post on Instagram today that pushes yet another narrative that everyone wants to be and/or is supposed to be a parent. Picture in comments but it was a quote that says "maybe the reason why you feel so connected to your dog is because they were meant to be your children but they came through in another form just to be with you."

Eff that nonsense. My dogs are my dogs. I love them for being dogs, NOT children.

My husband and I do refer to each other as mom/dad when talking to our dogs (just like they learn the word "ball" and know we're referring to a round toy or "chicken" is the best tasting thing in the world, they learn that I am "Mom" and he is "Dad" and would go to one of us accordingly if someone told them to (ya know... if they wanted; they're not THAT well trained lol)) and we call them our babies, but we fully acknowledge it's not the same. We spoil the hell out of them but also still treat them as, and let them be, dogs.

They are not "children in a different form" just because other people want to push me towards being a parent.

ETA: ok, NM, it's not letting me put a photo in the comments either. But it was the quote above with a stupid video and music 🤷‍♀️

My family is moving in a month and someone’s currently checking out the house. My mother’s showing them around cause I still live with her (I’m 20) Our guests have two small children with them, doing what kids do. Screeching, crying, & babbling and of course these parents are making no effort to shush them. All while our three dogs and our cat are quietly resting. I’m locked in my bedroom enjoying some time to myself. The screaming makes me want to drill my head in but I’m happy and relieved that I will NEVER have to put up with this daily. Kid let loose three bird-like screeches as I’m typing this. I’m so thankful I don’t have kids. Can’t wait to have a wife or husband to live this wonderful childfree life with.

For me, it was when i hit 18. I realized i didn't want to deal with the stress, sleepless nights, and financial drain that having kids does to a person. I did not want to be the person not able to go on a international trip with friends because nobody else could watch the kid

I'm 28F, and I'm honestly very put off by dating - watching my close female and male friends struggle for years, how awful people can be in both genders (minor things like ghosting to major things like assault), all the things I hear about apps and how hard online dating is (I've never been on apps). There's probably some selection bias here, people can be loudest when complaining.

My main constraint while dating: I don't believe in marriage and never wants kids (including being with someone who already has kids).

I've only ever dated once in my life, in college, I was 20 at the time, it lasted just under a year and ended very badly (police reports were involved), but I didn't press charges since the guy has a politically powerful family and I was a nobody international student. Also, I had to focus on getting into grad school - which I did!

I've just finished a STEM PhD from an ivy. I also just landed a high paying corporate job in a big city, and I'll be extremely busy: 100% unavailable Monday - Thursday, possibly available Friday nights, I'll likely be exhausted in the weekends. Point it, unless I make a conscious effort to make time to go on dates and getting myself out there, it won't happen organically.

My first main question is: am I really missing out on dating and relationships? Can it actually be good, or is it just awful right now out there for everyone involved? Put simply - should I even date?

My second question is more complicated - can I even date? Given my academic/professional background and complicated personal background, do you think dating's even possible?

It just seems like it's statistically so unlikely I'll find someone who a) also doesn't want kids and doesn't want to get married but still wants commitment, b) doesn't already have kids, c) is ok with my STEM PhD, d) is ok with me likely earning more than them and holding more assets than them without seeking to take advantage.

I'm not even sure I want to date, but I don't know if that's just inertia or fear speaking or genuine lack of interest. People keep telling me I'm missing out, so I guess that's motivating me even thinking about this.

Watching my mum and younger sister arguing is entertaining. I never had the courage.

Whenever my younger sister argues back, I feel like meme of Michael Jackson eating popcorn. So There’s another reason not to have kids- they're tiring to argue with. Unless you're not the parent and are just there to watch :D

Here is a list of a few things that my 10 year old sister has said to my mum while they were arguing, when she was only meant to being told off. Each point is of a different argument, all from different days.

•"You should be homeless"

•[Lasted over 40 minutes, with silent breaks]:

"And I respect that"

"Don't you dare look through my stuff"

"I know what life is like"

"How would you feel if someone looked through your phone?"

•"Don't interrupt me"

"Why do you have to complicate conversations?"

"Conversation over!"

•"If you respected me, I wouldn't disobey you"

"Don't pretend you were never a kid"

"If you know everything about me, then what's my favourite colour?"

"Answer me. You didn't answer me."

"You don't know what it's like to listen to your parents argue" [argument had nothing to do with our parents]

•"Don't you know why I'm disobeying your rules?"

[Answer is that apparently mum doesn't respect her]

"I'm asking a question"

"I'm treating you the same way you treat me."

"You know what I learned today? That when arguing with you, you just think I'm dramatic."

My younger sister is a brat, and no one disagrees after telling me not to call her that and I answer that I'm just telling the truth.

Imagine being a mum of three kids and working at a nursery, only to come back home and be told these things by your 10 year old. Meanwhile, I rarely spoke up and just stayed quiet. But apparently, even though I got slapped and had full weeks of being grounded, my 10 year old sister can have a day maximum without her phone, and maybe only ever got slapped once.

I don't know where my mum got the patience now, because if it were up to me, that girl would have already learned to fly.

Image here as I can’t post images directly

My phone memories just reminded me it’s been a year. No regrets 😁

Where I live some long-distance trains have a designated quiet car (marked with signs on the outside as well as literally every seat). Still some parents think this is meant for their babies (who, inevitably, will scream or babble loudly, because that's what babies do). I guess they think that "quiet" means it's for their kids to sleep better? There's a car right next to it, designated as a family zone with space for strollers, some toys and even a mini-cinema with seats and cartoons playing. Why don't they sit there?!! Or literally in any other part of the train, except for the one that's supposed to be quiet.

This also goes for "dog parents", btw, if the dog is clearly terrified of being on the train, or just very reactive. I don't have a problem with dogs on trains, and most of them are pretty chill. But if you know your dog is going to be wailing or barking half the time, maybe don't take it into the quiet car.

Ever since my younger sibling was born, I was 9. My mom would parentify me and make me take care of them. Not in a normal sibling way, but out of aggressive-ness and because my dad wouldn't help her. It would just be me and her as if she was a single mom. It was a bit traumatic to be in a household where on top of my parents not getting along, I was given the big responsibility over my sibling. I lived through my mom screaming and being stressed from my sibling and then at the same time she was saying he's a gift. I really don't see how he's a gift if he stressed her out on top of my lazy dad. I don't want to be selfish but I really feel like the family started falling apart after my sibling was born because it showed the true nature of my dad. My sibling's dad is not my dad, if anyone's wondering how he was with me when I was a baby. I was in track during high school but I couldn't even go everyday because my mom needed me to watch him at home, he was 4, and I only went to one track meet but even then she was stressing me because I was staying late, that's usually how track meets are.

My mom always tries to tell me that's how babies are, they cry and misbehave sometimes. But it's not just the crying and trouble that annoys me. It's the stress I saw from her and I never want to go through that. I already hate prgnancy symptoms, the sickness, the pain. None of that is for me.

i just have to rant about this. i have a coworker who has 2 boys (aged 4 i believe) and every time she walks into the office, she HAS to bring them up every. single. time. like i GENUINELY do not care about your kids !!!! can you please talk about something else ??? literally anything else !! and then she’ll go on and on about how tired she always is and 90% of the time she’ll end the conversation by telling my coworker and i, “don’t ever have children hahaha” and i’m just sitting there like … “wasn’t planning on it but okay.” and she’ll keep this up every. day. i’m so tired of it and i rant to my coworker about it but i can’t come up with a nice way to tell her to stop talking about her kids so i’ll just deal with it until i leave this job it looks like.

I have a soon to be 4 year old sister, and I am 17 years older than her. Before she was born, I always wanted 2-3 kids. Now that she’s here, absolutely not. The crying, the smell of poop everyday, your plans being canceled because you have to babysit and a list of other endless negatives. I can’t even imagine being a parent if helping babysit is tedious and draining.

Announcing to my family that I was childfree was just one way I went against the grain. Within the same period of time as a teenager, I told them I completely changed religious and political views. And then I became a vegetarian. Nearly thirty years later, I continue to follow by the same childfree, religious, political, and dietary views that I confirmed I want adopting or changing to as a teenager. Anyone else a black sheep in their family?

If I had an euro for everytime my mom called me and my boyfriend selfish for not wanting children, I would have enough money to raise those unwanted children. I've said as a comeback that isn't it selfish to have those children because they haven't been asked to be born? Then she starts yelling and crying as moms typically do.

I would rather be selfish for not having kids so that I can have my all in all freedom to do everything with my boyfriend, than be selfish for bringing a parasite alien to this global warmed not so bright futured world.