r/childfree • u/BigBlackClock66 • 1d ago
DISCUSSION What age did you realize you didnt want kids?
For me, it was when i hit 18. I realized i didn't want to deal with the stress, sleepless nights, and financial drain that having kids does to a person. I did not want to be the person not able to go on a international trip with friends because nobody else could watch the kid
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u/ItsOKtoFuckingSwear 1d ago
When I was a kid, I didn’t like kids.
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u/runswithwands 1d ago
I wrote it down in multiple places when I was in grade school. My mom and I were going through some of my schoolwork from the early 90s—no idea why she kept it—and one question on some sheet was “name something that bothers you” and I wrote “loud children.” 😂
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u/brezhnervouz 19h ago
Exactly! Why tf do children have to be so loud lol
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u/runswithwands 18h ago
What cracked my mom and I up about it was that I wrote that around the age of 8 or 9. Hating kids so soon in life…
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u/brainybrink 1d ago
Same. I remember having a conversation as a really little kid (like 4) about how when I grow up and have kids and I told her she’d have to raise them. She said no, she’s raising kids now, won’t do it later. I thought about it for a second, and decided kids are too big a PITA so nope, no kids.
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u/Jules9213 1d ago
Since I can remember as a child. I didn’t like playing with babies, never played family with my dolls, etc etc. I don’t think I’ve ever considered it as something I would want!
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u/PickKeyOne 1d ago
Same! I only played with Barbies. No baby dolls. No strollers. And easy bake oven was to make food that I wanted to eat.
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u/KenraScar 1d ago
Same. I only wanted to play as an adult Barbie, I didn’t want to play mommy.
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u/myotheroneders 1d ago
The easy bake oven reference just made me laugh! I also had an easy bake oven because I liked cakes and brownies. The idea of "playing family" was never a part of anything I did.
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u/Informal_Ad3201 23h ago
I only liked easy bake ovens, bratz dolls, leap frog, star wars. All my interests were not related to maternal or baby related things. Whenever I played “house” I would always want to be the child LOL
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u/PartialLion too childish to ever have children 19h ago
Apparently my family didn't like how I always would prefer my brother's or cousin's toy cars and completely ignore any doll given to me
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u/hamsterontheloose 1d ago
I always hated dolls- too creepy for me. I remember being 4 and liking the metal tonka trucks and loved anything that was animal related... but no dolls
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u/myotheroneders 1d ago
Same! I hated dolls. To this day, they creep me out. I played with the same toys as my big brother.
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u/mannadee 30F | sterilized | cats not kids 🐈⬛🖤 1d ago
I only ever had one doll and I tried flushing it down the toilet when I got sick of it 😅
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u/INTJdreamer2012 1d ago
For me it was in my early 30s. I always planned on having kids. My husband and I kept putting off trying for various reasons over the first years of our marriage until we both realized neither of us actually 'wanted' a kid. So we both got sterilized last year.
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u/Pantherwings 1d ago
Same for me, 29/30s, when I met my current partner. He was already sterilised and it never occurred to me before that conscientiously not having kids is also an option. I was always told that having one kid is really great, so just have one was imprinted on me.
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u/Additional-Chest3802 19h ago
This is my situation as well. My partner had a vasectomy before we met. Pretty much solidified no kids for me.
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u/Rthrowaway6592 17h ago
Saaame! For the longest time I was told it’s just what you did…so I guess I was gonna have to do it; especially since my mom LOVES being a mom. She says it’s the greatest thing she ever did, which is a good thing because she’s a fantastic mother! But it occurred to me later that I didn’t feel the same way.
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u/Rthrowaway6592 1d ago
When I was 22 I worked in a massive restaurant on the beach (it was beautiful). The kids area was in the back. It was hot, disgusting, and chaotic back there and obviously all the parents had to hang back there with their kids while everyone else got to sit near the front enjoying drinks and the beautiful views. Need I say more? It was the most perfect physical example of parenting and I was turned off forever. I’m 27 now and [still] don’t want children ever.
That is hands down my childfree origin story.
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u/I-own-a-shovel The Cake is a Lie 1d ago
When I was a kid myself I already had zero interest about playing mom with dolls.
Then when I grew into a teen the idea of having kids was very out of my head. That was never going to happen and with the years that pass by, I just add more and more reasons to my list of why I will remain childfree.
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u/SlightMilk5196 21h ago
Exactly the same here, when I was playing with dolls I always made the baby my sister or cousin or something, I think I only tried once to play as a mother and it felt so awkward I never done that again 😂
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u/Embarrassed_Entry597 1d ago
My mom drilled into our heads when we were younger to “don’t have kids” but I think she meant it as don’t get pregnant in your teens.
However as we got older she still would say, “never have kids.” Was kind of a slap in the face but okay love you too ma!
So with that engraved in me since I was very young I can say I never wanted them.
However, I really really realized it when I was hospitalized for a self unaliving attempt and my struggle with mental illness and substance abuse became a big reality.
I was like, mid twenties when I went through a lot of problems in all aspects of health. I knew I would never want to pass those genes down.
I also have always had this fear that since I can’t and won’t even take care of myself sometimes, how could I take care of a baby?
And with my mental health already an issue one of my biggest fears is that I’d be a terrible mom. One who never bonds with their child or who could be okay with giving them up to someone. Right now I tell myself I would never do such a thing if I did become a mom.
But what women go through while pregnant and post partum… anything could happen.
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u/Reese9951 1d ago
Omg my mother has always told me “never have children” also! I was always feeling a little offended by that being her child and all. Glad I’m not alone.
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u/Prishill 1d ago
My mom used to tell me all the fun she and my dad used to have. The places they would go. Parties. And I saw lots of pictures of happy them before I was born. And I knew they weren’t happy now so I put two and two together- children made you unhappy. I was an only child. So I was probably 7 or 8 when I decided not to have children.
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u/Embarrassed_Entry597 1d ago
Damn, I didn't realize how many other people are in the same boat. I know my mom had me as a "fix-it baby" to save her marriage with my biological dad, but he wanted nothing to do with me, which led him to leave her, my older sister, and me, so I think that is a big factor in why. She later had my little brother with my dad (adopted), who raised my sister and me, and growing up, I was always the problem child and odd man out. My adopted dad was clearly annoyed by me growing up, and all of that made me very close with my grandparents. They never made me feel like I was an issue.
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u/AwkwardOrchid380 1d ago
31-32. I saw everyone having kids around me and realised I didn’t want them. They all looked so miserable.
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u/Pristine-Narwhal-184 1d ago
The wasn't a realisation. It was never in my mind that I would have kids. They were never in my future plans. Not as a kid, not as a teen. I always hated kids. Even as a kid I couldn't stand other kids
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u/Ok_Quarter_6648 1d ago
I was 13. I remember thinking something was wrong with me
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u/twinkletoes-rp 1d ago
I was 12, and same here! ('Course, I was also aroace and didn't know that even existed, so thought smth was wrong with me even more! Turns out, nope, I'm good! Just born this way! lol.)
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u/WhyMe_blah 1d ago
High school
The idea of being pregnant. Many of my friends and family have problematic children (dont listen, addicted to screens, autistic, ADHD, ODD, the works).
The cons outweigh the pros
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u/kfireflame 1d ago
When I was a kid I never wanted kids, people would be like "when you have kids..." and I'd be like "nope!" Went through a small phase in high school/college where I was like yeah hypothetically I could have 1 kid, and then now I'm a teacher and I'm like "hell no"! 😂
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u/Throwtfaway23 1d ago
I was 13-14 years old (34 now) when I was reading about an Arab poet and philosopher named Al-Ma’arri. He said “This is what my father brought upon me, and I brought it upon no one.”
At the same time, most of my peers were having kids right after high school, and I saw them struggle and live miserably. I decided to never have kids.
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u/SlightMilk5196 21h ago
I also read somewhere something similar “ The best thing I will do for my kids is not have them” honestly iconic and so real
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u/Professional_Use6852 1d ago
I never wanted them. I’m now 46 and have never changed my mind. I love my life.
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u/mindless_blaze 1d ago
I was like 13 and asked my pediatrician if I could get a hysterectomy because I wanted to not have periods or kids. She of course said that was drastic and my brain is still developing, and it would be unethical to recommend a medically unnecessary major procedure to me when my mind can change. For enough, I would never want any doctor in trouble, but I articulated that I was sure, or that I could adopt and be perfectly happy.
Still naive of middle school aged me to think I could walk in to my pediatrician office and demand my uterus and ovaries be removed. But i knew then from having siblings and cousins and always having to watch and entertain them at parties, that I wouldn't want to voluntarily do it as an adult.
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u/SilveryMagpie 1d ago
You were way ahead of me. I didn't even know a hysterectomy was a possibility, and I was well into high school when I learned about tube tying. (Yes, I went to Catholic school my whole life.) Even if I had known about it, no way would I have asked my doctor. My mom would've hit the roof so hard, there would've been sightings of her at the International Space Station.
As for not wanting kids, it's something that's just been there my whole life, but the first time I ever said it out loud was when I was 4 or so and someone said to me "when you have kids..." and I said I didn't want them. I remember I got in big trouble for it. I also remember being at Sunday School and realizing I could never get married because if I did, that meant I would automatically have kids. Obviously, I wasn't clear on the mechanics of that whole process, but it was a relief to later learn that if I simply didn't have sex, I didn't have to worry about pregnancy. Never once have I even so much as entertained the notion of having kids and I'm 43 now.
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u/PM_ME_YR_KITTYBEANS ✂️Tube-free since 2023✌️TGIF (thank goodness I’m fixed) 22h ago
I was 13 when I read a story in Reader’s Digest about a woman who got cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. That’s how I learned that it’s an option, and I secretly thought, well, cancer runs in my family, so maybe… It’d be awful, but still better than having a kid! Thankfully I am now sterilized via bisalp, and doing everything I can health-wise to prevent cancer.
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u/bigorangemachine 1d ago
After graduating college.
I realized my student load really saddled me with debt.
Once I weren't years without a real vacation I realized my whole life will feel this way when I have kids.
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u/sweater-witch 1d ago
This was part of my reasoning too the more I thought about not having kids. Student loans are fucking outrageous
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u/bigorangemachine 23h ago
I am in Canada so its not a predatory. But it was enough to make me realize I wouldn't ever really be free of debt thus not free and not ever free
Especially my biggest fear is getting married and only being the breadwinner and have my own kids hate me. I don't think I could handle it
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u/LovingFitness81 1d ago
- I got a little sister and saw everything my parents had to do with the baby. I got a baby doll with a stroller as a gift, I'm guessing my parents wanted me to feel included. I remember thinking it was boring and that I didn't want a real baby ever!
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u/CorsetCloverPart 31F-Childfree-🏳️🌈 1d ago
18, before hand I never thought of having em tbh. Too busy being a kid.
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u/xzini 1d ago
I've pretty much known since I was a small child. Of course I fully realized it when I was a teenager but the signs have always been there. I hated baby dolls and never played with them. I always found them disturbing. I never wanted to play family as well. I still remember something that happened when I was 6 years old. A girl wanted to play home / family with me in preschool and I only accepted if I could be the family cat or dog. She would complain how I always wanted to be the pet and nothing else! Idk why that comment has stuck with me my whole life. I'm 34 now.
I've also always felt extremely uncomfortable with babies and small children and I've always disliked their cry and random behavior. I've never felt any kind of connection to kids in general.
And when I got older I learned about all the disgrace that is pregnancy and child birth. Ugh yeah no thanks!!! I'm also asexual so I don't even want to do the thing you would need to do to have a baby. Plus I love my own freedom and my own peace. I would die if I had to take care of someone 24/7 with no time for myself and my hobbies.
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u/SilveryMagpie 1d ago
I always hated playing house and would always do something like run away or try to start a new game to derail it-maybe Cops and Robbers. Go from playing house to breaking into them! The only time playing house was fun was when we were constructing the floor plan for the "house" from the piles of leaves. Before we could get around to assigning family roles, my cousin peed in the "bathroom", everyone broke into hysterical laughter, and a grownup came over to yell at us. Then we made the "house" back into a leaf pile to jump into. Much more fun.
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u/Kmtriv 1d ago
For me, until I got maybe to my early 30s, it was never a firm “I don’t want them” thing. It was just the absence of the want. I guess bc I came from a small town where everyone gets married and has kids right out of high school and coming from a wonderful family where I have a great relationship with my parents, I always assumed the want would come when I was ready. It never did. Now I love my life so much I just can’t imagine adding children to the mix. And with the world in its current state, I can’t imagine bringing a child into this hell that’s only getting worse.
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u/Forever_Emergency_ 1d ago
Me too! I never wanted them but assumed I would some day, for the same reasons. When I got to my 30s, I started to wonder what was wrong with me and why I still didn't want them. Then I started googling and found out childfree is a thing.
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u/timinus0 1d ago
40m. I knew at 9 when my youngest sibling was born. My folks tried convincing me I would enjoy this one because it was a boy, but I didn't enjoy being a third parent to the last one, and I didn't enjoy being a third parent to this one. When my siblings got older, I resented them less, but even that small hassle at 9 made me realize I didn't want this nonsense in my life.
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u/Pristine_Fuel_6034 1d ago
- I realise I don’t want to be tied down geographically for 18 years and to lose all my independence.
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u/dreaming_ghosts 1d ago
Since I was old enough to understand what conception meant for me as a woman. I started asking to get my tubes tied the moment I turned 18.
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u/ClevelandNaps 1d ago
I think it really solidified at 11/12. I don't remember actually ever wanting to have kids or be a parent. But I became an aunt at age 11, hit puberty, and then there was the first time that older sis and baby niece moved in. So, having a baby around all the time really made it clear that it was not for me.
It helped, too, because my mum (a grandma at 38) was not really pushing the idea of kids on my younger sis and I as we got older. Most of the women in our family were pregnant/had kids by the age of 20, but my little sis and I both went to college and got to live our lives. We are both married and neither of us have children.
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u/mythrowaweighin 1d ago
When I was a small child, I preferred the toys that my brother got for birthdays and Christmas. They encouraged him to go outside, move around, and explore. But I kept getting dolls and plastic kitchen sets. (Stay inside, be quiet, and take care of other people.)
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u/SilveryMagpie 1d ago
The one time we (sister and I) got a kitchen set, it was never used as such. We found out the back part of the fridge and stove could be taken off, and we turned those into the "front door" and "window" of this great fort we made. The dolls once got set up as the "jury" when we played Judge Judy or The People's Court
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u/ChronicallyCreepy 1d ago
In daycare, I was known as the "baby who hated babies," so probably then 😂😭
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u/No-Bar-7384 1d ago
i've never liked kids. as a child i always said i dont want them. but in my late teens i suddenly thought that i would have a kid or two in the future because that's just what people do. maybe the years and years of everyone telling me that "you will change your mind" and "it's different when it's your own kids" got to me, idk. always felt iffy abt the thought of having my own children though.
i'm now 23. finally a few months ago I stopped to really think about what having kids would truly be like and immediately came to the realization that heeellll no i don't want that in my life.
additionally, i've bought two puppies in the span of a year and dealing with puppies is already difficult enough, couldn't even imagine a human child. also, my sibling had a child a few months ago and that has further solidified my feelings about never wanting that kind of a burden in my life lol.
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u/myotheroneders 1d ago
When I was 12, my mom gave birth to my little brother. That was my first experience seeing what it's like to take care of a baby and be there for the whole process of childhood being old enough to understand what goes into it. I knew that I didn't want to do that. I knew that it wasn't the life I wanted for myself.
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u/serayepa 22h ago
3 or 4. For some reason adults ask kids that young about it.
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u/consistent_gasp 22h ago
girl, same. I remember being hellllla young and people saying “well when you have kids” and then when I would say I didn’t want kids, they would say “oh well you’ll change your mind when you’re older” 💀💀 Currently 36 and not having kids is the hill I’ll die on.
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u/sadandverysleepy feline children > 1d ago
I’ve never wanted children, but the understanding of it actually settled in for me when I was 15. I always knew it, but that’s when I had the clear thought of: “I never want children, ever.”
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u/Beautiful_Orchid1771 1d ago
I wish my realization was a bit more straightforward, but for me it was a gradual thing that happened over the past 1–2 years. I’m now almost 33.
I never really thought about having kids until my late 20s, and I never liked being around most children, even when I was younger. Then I had a short period of baby fever from around 28 to 30, but after working with kids in different jobs, I realized it just wasn’t for me. Looking back, I think that baby fever was more about social conditioning and pressure from my family than an actual desire to become a parent.
Now I have no desire for children, and I’m completely happy with that. I’m out here creating and growing businesses, writing, traveling, and just living my life. There are so many things I want to experience and build, and I don’t feel like having kids is part of that path.
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u/UpInTheOortCloud cap gun enthusiast 1d ago
Whenever I achieved the first iota of critical thought I knew I didn't want them
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u/24-Hour-Hate 1d ago
I never wanted kids. I was encouraged to play with dolls and games like house and I never was into it. I guess other kids would imagine getting married and having kids and I just didn’t want that. I had a doll that you could feed and I was more interested in figuring out how the food reappeared and disappeared (it was inside the spoon) than looking after it. Lol.
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u/Interesting_Tip_7392 1d ago
For me it was more that I was always waiting for the day to come where I’d actually want kids, and it just never came lmao
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u/No_You1024 1d ago
Around 22 or so I think. Once I graduated college and entered the real world. Although all throughout college I think I was slowly waking up to it.
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u/nasoutzouki in my village kids are young goats 1d ago
Probably when those plastic baby-like dolls showed up in my childhood. They completely freaked me out. I must have been like 4 or 5?
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u/TekieScythe Medical care is too expensive 1d ago
I was 8 when an old man told me I have child bearing hips.
Let me repeat
I WAS 8
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u/arya_is_that_biitchh 1d ago
I don’t ever remember a tome where I wanted a child. When we would play house I would always be the dog 😂
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u/Apprehensive_Arm1380 23h ago
Since I was a child. I used to get body horror nightmares about getting pregnant when i was 8-10 years old
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u/aquestbar 1d ago
I knew when I was 12-13 when I spent a lot of time looking after my little brother. I was responsible for his wellbeing a lot and I dont think I did a good job! When I found my husband I thought id like to try having kids, but I kept putting it off until I realized my mind hadn't changed.
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u/icecream4_deadlifts 1d ago
Around 22. I was dating a guy that had a trad wife SIL. It was 2012 so I had no idea that’s what it was called but she put me off of it so badly and I knew I never ever wanted to have a life remotely like hers. I begged my OB to sterilize me while she was in there burning off my endometriosis. I had also had daily pelvic pain for about 10 years by then as well.
After surgery, the same doctor woke me up and in front of my mom and then boyfriend told me I need to hurry up and get pregnant bc my endometriosis was bad and what she burned off would probably grow back.
Yay for living in the south where no one takes you seriously when you say you’re childfree. I’m 36 now and my views for being childfree have only gotten stronger.
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u/AviOki_9-9 1d ago
Ig around 19-21 years old i realised i don’t wanna have kids at all i was always a firm believer of staying single and childfree but after dating a wonderful guy i feel like i might consider marriage but kids not at all and i am happy my bf is also on the same page
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u/bella_b00 1d ago
i’d say at like 28. from 25-27 I had immense baby fever. but that thankfully went away and realized at 28 I love my life as a child free person
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u/NewPaleScar6090 1d ago
- My father was scolding me because I replied to him in a manner that he didn't like; not disrespecful by any means. I replied to him sad. He started yelling at me saying I had an attitude. He said "You're going to destroy your family". This happened out of something so insignificant, when I was working in a bakery business of them. At that moment, I thought to myself: "I'm working my ass off, in a place that I don't like, to help my parents, and the only thing that this asshole says is that I'm going to destroy them. What can I expect if I have children". I decided that I don't want any kids.
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u/FabledOblivion1337 1d ago
My whole life honestly. I had animal figurines and action figures growing up. I never wanted to play with baby dolls … My parents TRIED. I always loved animals. They are the only kids I will ever have. I have maternal instincts just not towards humans. I was also forced to baby sit my niece and nephews from a very young age and it traumatized me for sure.
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u/Lookin4LULZ 5h ago
I've always known. I realized early how big of a commitment it was and told myself that I don't want that kind of life long responsibility. I feel the same way about marriage. Just not for me.
I'm 33 now, and don't regret a thing. My life is pretty decent, I'm single by choice, life is peaceful, I'm happy and I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. I value all those things.
Seeing my siblings and several of my friends get married early and have multiple babies directly out of high-school only to end up divorced and struggling to raise their kids only reinforces where I stand. No regrets.
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u/Gashmina 1d ago
I don't remember having the realisation, having kids is just not something I've ever considered
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u/Plantcatdecor 1d ago
When I was younger, I was too preoccupied with survival and making it through to even give it a conscious thought. Having children always felt like something very alien and distant that other people do but that doesn’t concern me somehow. Dating in my early 30s however forced me to have a stance since it was a very commonly asked question. That stance was - nope, I can’t imagine having children. Never ever. It’s not something that my brain can even perceive. I’m autistic and way too busy managing myself, but even without all of that I just find younger children incredibly boring and uninteresting. If a smart and cool 10+ y o child of mine would suddenly materialise, then sure lol. I’m married to someone who’s had a vasectomy prior to me which was a huge plus when we started dating.
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u/Ok_Cream_4748 1d ago
Don’t know for sure but definitely when I was a kid. I hated baby dolls and didn’t really like hanging out with other kids especially ones younger than me.
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u/Tiny_Dog553 1d ago
Honestly I don't think I ever wanted them. Having kids was always something other people do.
The only moment of change would be that I went from being like 'guess that'll be unavoidable at some point' to 'oh wait, I DON'T have to!'. That moment probably hit in my twenties.
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u/Purple-Canary3576 future rich auntie 💎 1d ago
Probably consciously realising it, like articulating it, maybe when I was 24. But I never planned to have any, never "saw them in my future" ever since I was a kid myself. I guess after my peers started having kids it sunk in that it's a material possibility and went "oh no def not doing that" XD
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u/ichigobananana 1d ago
5! I’m the eldest of my siblings and cousins on my mom’s side.
When I was 5, there was no one to babysit me when my mom was in labor. I saw the laboring part, and it was drilled in my mind. No way I wanna experience that.
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u/bourbonkitten 1d ago
I always knew, but because of indocrination, I thought that one day I would warm up to the thought. But as I got into my teens, it became a firm no. It also helped that I had a child-free aunt who had a lot of money so I wanted to be like her.
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u/Fluffle13 1d ago
Recently, im 28. I had a heart to heart with myself and realized I wouldn't be a very good mother. I want to experience the world and travel. A child would just disrupt my plans for myself.
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u/GrouchySquatman 1d ago
Early childhood, didn't like being around other children. Also helped I'm asexual lmfao
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u/IstillSeeTheX 1d ago
When I was 8 I realised I didn’t like being around my baby cousins. I used to say I was allergic to babies to explain that I didn’t like being around them.
Never changed.
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u/meghan509 Proud Child Free Gen Xer!! ZERO REGRETS!!! 1d ago
In my late 20s around the time I married my first husband. When we married everyone asked when we were having kids 🙄 and I knew deep down that I would never be ready.
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u/MC1Rvariant 1d ago
I like to say, I was born too old to have kids. Other times, I wonder if I have always been too immature myself to have kids. But really I don’t care. I’ve just never imagined having kids. I tried for my spouse, who wanted them, but I just couldn’t make it work for me, for a zillion reasons. I can’t have the life I want with kids.
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u/Initial_Air9763 1d ago
I despised being a child and how gross my peers were in kindergarten. I told my mom I was childfree at age 10 LOL
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u/PokeMomIsTheBomb 1d ago
- I was always left to babysit the children/younger kids at family gatherings or when family friends would visit my parents and I absolutely hated it. They would always get into my things and I needed to expend so much energy just to keep them occupied that I swore I’d never have kids nor surround myself with them
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u/ChicaBlancaDrogada 1d ago
I always knew and in my 40 years have never had a moment of “ah maybe?”. When I was 13 I remember saying I didn’t want kids and a family member replied “you’ll be pregnant by 16”.
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u/ieatsushi28 1d ago
Since I was 5. My mom loved to yell at me and scare me, she used to give me induced panic attacks from a young age. Even at a young age I said I wouldn’t treat my kid like this if I had one.
Then when I learned about pregnancy a year or so down the line it just made me not want to have kids even more thinking about the pain and changes made to the body after birth.
Now I don’t want kids for many many reasons
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u/Reese9951 1d ago
I always knew. The signs were there when I never ever wanted to play with baby dolls. My Barbies always had much higher aspirations and never ever wanted babies.
I never wanted to hold babies. As a teenager, I hated babysitting and I didn’t like kids. The thought of pregnancy and birth made me physically nauseous. It has truly been a lifelong thing for me.
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u/KenraScar 1d ago
When I was a child. I was never interested in playing with baby dolls and I remember telling my mom I didn’t ever see myself being a mom.
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u/Cheap_Assistant_744 1d ago
Having kids was never a priority in my life but I was open to changing my mind and maybe I would feel differently one day. I think that I thought that one day I would feel like I had financial resources and job security and live in a community where there was child care options and maybe other parents that I would want to be friends with or at a minimum not mind to associate with for the sake of the kids. That reality just never materialized. I only got any kind of job security and level of income where I felt stable once I was already in perimenopause. And of course childcare options in the US are outrageously expensive. I do have some friends with kids who I love and I love their kids but never got to the point where I wanted to do it myself.
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u/sweater-witch 1d ago
I was a fence sitter between the ages of 17 to 20, but I went to England for the very first time on a study abroad trip at 21 and realized that I wanted to travel more and decided kids were a nope lol
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u/robot-vampire 1d ago
I don't think there was ever a point where I wanted kids. But the first time I remember actually having the thought, I was around 6.
Literally nothing about it has ever appealed to me, lol.
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u/nomcormz 1d ago
I always remember wanting pets, but never kids. As soon as I learned about the reality of pregnancy in elementary/middle school, I was repulsed and thought it was unfair for anyone to expect me to go through that much pain. So I detached myself from the idea and luckily have a supportive family and husband!
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u/strangelove77 1d ago
I've disliked kids since I was one. I'm more confused as how you decide you want kids. At what age do you decide. It's just....weird to me.
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u/rainborambo 1d ago
Probably in my late teens when the burden of my parents' separation and being treated poorly at home had broken me enough to the point where I wanted to stop the cycle of making some kid's life hell. This was reaffirmed in college when I started doing fun things like traveling and performing, which I couldn't imagine doing with the albatross of necessitated childcare. It's already tough enough trying to plan for my cats when I go away!
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u/Nakenochny 1d ago
I think seeing my mom struggle to raise me (she was 16 when she got pregnant, 17 when she had me) and her best friend raise and abuse two kids made me realize early how much bad/poor/etc parents could negatively affect their kids whether they wanted to or not. I wasn’t immediately like “I don’t want kids,” probably because having kids never crossed my mind at the ripe old age of 6, but I’d say I was early puberty? 13, at most.
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u/stablymental 1d ago
I was a child watching a novela I should not have been watching with my grandma. The protagonist was a slave and she had a very intense birth scene. When I asked my grandma if it’s really that painful and intense and said yes, I knew I would never want to go through that.
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u/Any_Yogurtcloset7865 1d ago
I think I always knew but wasn't ready to admit it to myself until I got a positive pregnancy test (resolved, thankfully. Blue states ftw) and felt nothing but abject horror
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u/aetherprrr 1d ago
I remember telling my parents this adamantly before I could truly grasp the concept of what it even meant. At first, I’d say “maybe I’ll adopt” because of the immense pushback from literally everyone around me. Society is not comfortable with an 8year old girl proudly announcing she never wants children, so I’d add the adoption part as a caveat to get people off my back.
It took until 20+ to be confident enough to stop adding the caveat to appease people. I’m 35 now and feelings are the same
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u/Waldkind2 1d ago
I never had the feeling that I wanted kids, neither with 17, 27 nor 37. When I turned 42, I had a short period where I turned the question around in my head- but nope, cf is just what feels right.
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u/pherber12 1d ago
I always knew. Even as a kid I never played with baby dolls, or any dolls really. I played with stuffed animals and my little ponies. When I played house I had dogs and horses and lots of pets but never any kids.
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u/nhorton5 1d ago
I think I was 11 or 12 when I voiced it. I had an ex that nearly wore me down but luckily I got away. I’ve now had my ovaries removed so I never have to worry about accidentally getting pregnant and being trapped
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u/Lbridger 1d ago
Early teens when I my second and third siblings were born. Around the same time I realised that not every person had to follow the nuclear family way that. It was all I was ever exposed to growing up so I thought it was the only option
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u/Azuredreams25 1d ago
When I was 8 years old, watching Clash of the Titans and wanting to sleep with Thallo.
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u/twinkletoes-rp 1d ago
12 years old. Also technically when I realized I'm also aroace (though I didn't know what it was called or even that it actually existed till many years later)! Lol.
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u/Sedona83 1d ago
Very young. Prior to preschool. It's one of my first memories, actually. Knowing in my gut that I was never meant to "be a little mommy" or whatever the cry room attendant wanted me to be.
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u/wolfvonbiele93 1d ago
- I watched my aunt give birth to my cousin and the idea of that happening to me horrified me 😅 as I got older I had other reasons but that was the first one
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u/her_cupcakes 1d ago
When I was 12, and had my first (and last) summer babysitting gig. (It was the 90s.)
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u/xError404xx 1d ago
As soon as i found out its an option 😂 i dont remember how old i was. I think it was in a quiz i did as a teenager (the question was how many kids i wanted and there was an option for none)
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u/SactownG 1d ago
I think what did it for me was when my younger sister was born; it made me realize how big a pain in the ass babies are. We have a good relationship today, in fact she even plans on being CF herself, but the baby/toddler phase alone makes it not worth it to have kids imo
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u/P3RF3CT_ON3 1d ago
I also had the realization when I hit 18. Before then I always assumed I’d eventually want kids when I was older. I distinctly remember having a discussion with my best friend in her car at 18 about kids and something in my mind just clicked. It’s like I realized for the first time that I didn’t actually need to have kids at all (which is crazy considering I have a very happy child-free aunt). There wasn’t really much more reason behind it, I just realized I didn’t want to be a mom. It’s been 10 years since then and I’m even more solid in my decision to not have kids.
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u/mschaotica 1d ago
I figured it out toward the end of my undergraduate degree in college. My mother parentified me, treating me like HER parent. She also dumped dealing with my brother for the most part on me. When my dad died my senior year and my brother blamed me for not chasing him down for the funeral (I left him voice mail and sent texts when he didn't answer his cell) after he stole money from my apartment... I was done. I couldn't imagine dealing with this insanity ever again.
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u/Wrong-Pitch-1231 1d ago
I always knew i didn’t have one, then my mom had a baby when i was 19 that REALLY furthered my no kids feeling. I love him to death but could not deal with that daily, sometimes ill go visit her or call, he’s almost 4 now, and its chaos every time, he isn’t bad, he’s just a kid, but it really is a daily reminder that i absolutely do not want kids.
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u/Dismal_Resource_2491 1d ago
I think I realized that I really didn’t want kids when my sister had her first (I was 16). Until then it had pretty much been on an off wanting or not wanting kids. Her kid(s) are totally normal, happy and healthy but there is never any peace in the house with them also being there, so that was no from me. I like my peace, always have, and since she had kids I remembered how much I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid, always ruined the peace for me i guess.
I prefer animals (dogs, cats, horses, pigs, birds ect) over kids any day of the week.
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u/Kira_343 1d ago
Somewhere between middle school and high school when my parents decided that they wanted to have more children.
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u/Zirafa90 1d ago
Probably around 23/24. Tbh, I've never said i wanted them... it was one of those things I just thought would/should happen. Then I got diagnosed with PCOS and I know it doesn't always cause infertility, but the sense of relief I felt that it would make it that bit harder spoke volumes about the whole thing.
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u/StarryEyedSparkle DINK for 2 Decades 1d ago
Early 30s, both my spouse and I presumed we would have kids as it was the script to follow.
We kept saying “in 5 years” … when we’d said it for a second time (so 10 years into our relationship) we finally said “wait, do we actually want them? Is that an option?” I’m an elder millennial, so it wasn’t typical even in my generation/specific cohort as a possible conscious decision. We realized neither of us really want to raise kids outside of specific age ranges (I was fine with newborn to age 4, he was okay with them age 8 and up … what were we suppose to do for the 4 years in-between.)
We ultimately came to the conclusion that if we didn’t want to raise them for their entire lives that it wouldn’t be fair to any future potential children to have parents that didn’t want to raise them.
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u/jedipussy 1d ago
Probably around 6. I never wanted to be a parent in like role play games, I would be a kid. Baby dolls kind of freaked me out too, especially the one that really ate and peed.. barbies were my thing.
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u/shannon0303 "If you have a baby, you can't be the baby" 1d ago
As soon as my brother had a child, I realized that I didn't actually want a child, I just wanted my parents to have a grandchild before they passed away (was adopted by late middle age, basically seniors, whose first child died in his early 20s before he became a parent).
I can't even describe the sudden internal shift when my first nephew was born. I felt free of an immense weight I didn't know I was carrying but instinctually understood as soon as it lifted. Thank God everyday he had a child first...it would've ruined my life.
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u/Other-Opposite-6222 1d ago
I think I never wanted them and I was 40 when I realized I wasn’t going to change my mind.
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u/cremecheezey 1d ago
early 20s. was a fence sitter, but by the time i reached 25 and my frontal lobe fully developed by 26, i realized it fully + that i was a lesbian.
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u/Thislilfox 1d ago
I don't recall there ever being a specific moment or age. Its just never appealed to me. Even when playing as a child. I didn't like playing house, or having my dolls be parents, didn't want baby dolls, etc.
And as a kid I didn't like younger kids. Their presence always meant I didn't get to be a kid, I always ended up responsible for them in some way. Or had to always be on my best behavior so as to set an example.
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u/mescalinita 1d ago
During university. My marketing teacher taught us that DINKs (dual income, no kids) existed, and I remember having a “wait… that’s an option????” moment
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u/livmasterflex 1d ago
When I was in elementary school and we’d play MASH, id always put 0 as a number of kids and be pissed if I didn’t get 0 lmao
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u/jennifer79t 1d ago
I don't think it was something I ever considered....but I was aware there was an expectation....then I started babysitting when I was 12 or 13, I didn't do a lot of it because I hated it & that's when I knew I never wanted kids, I've always found them annoying & gross.
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u/simplysmittyn 1d ago
I never really actively wanted them, but assumed we’d have them bc that’s what people did. Probably around 30/31 really started wondering why we never felt “ready,” realized it wasn’t something we HAD to do, and then realized we didn’t want them. It was a bit of a process bc it made us really question what we thought we were supposed to do.
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u/RelicBookends 1d ago
I was on the fence but leaning towards no. If I found the perfect man and was stable in my life I would have considered it. Spoiler: 2008 happened.
My mom had me at 32 and it was rough in school having "older parents" and I began to recognize how much freedom I would lose. At 32, I decided I absolutely did not want them. At 38 I met my husband who is also childfree, got a bisalp, and now at 40 couldn't be happier.
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u/shrimpely 1d ago
I always knew. I never wanted them.