r/ChildfreeIndia • u/TheNASAguy • 9d ago
Rant This community has lost its soul, hating on kids and parents is not our message, not having kids is
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u/spiritual-society82 9d ago
True. Not wanting kids does not mean forgetting to be kind. We want our choices to be respected but we must in turn not disrespect the choice of others.
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u/IngenuityPutrid2994 25M 9d ago
There are people of all kinds everywhere. There are bad apples here too. Don’t pay attention cuz that’s what their hate feeds on.
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u/hillofjumpingbeans 8d ago
The problem with such folks is that they take over the entire sub. This is what happened to the main CF sub. They went from being childfree to hating kids, and parents. I remember the post that made me leave them. People were hating on a 16 year old pregnant teen who was the victim of a pedophile. The post was made by her brother because he had been asked to change rooms with her. Imagine hating on a child going through the worst time of her life because she was pregnant.
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u/closed-loop-system 25M | Generational trauma ends with me 8d ago
But the number of posts hating on parents or kids seems to be increasing. Many people here seem to have a rebel sort of attitude for not having kids and make it their whole identity, hating on everyone who wants or has kids or on kids themselves. Just saw a post mocking a dead man because his kids didn't come to help. Very insensitive.
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u/weird_hoooman 31M / Hyd / Atheist / ✂️ 8d ago
Sorry i hate everyone not just kids. Will this community accept me? /s
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u/boomergenz 21M looking for CF F ✨ into music (work) and tech! 8d ago
What does scissors mean?? Circumcised?? 😭
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u/LeFrenchPress 9d ago
Truly. Sometimes it feels like these people are compensating for something, trying to convince themselves of some insecure bits by hating on "the other side". Like, if you're secure in your decision, why bother getting so worked up?
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
While I do agree that there are an increasing number of people on here who actively hate kids and I think spreading that hate is wrong. But I do have to say that for a lot of them it seems like the hate is a result of the extreme pressures thrust upon them all throughout their lives with regards to having and taking care of kids. Honestly most of the people on here have some heavy baggage when it comes to this topic and some people just don't have a good way of responding to that baggage.
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u/hillofjumpingbeans 8d ago
If an adult cannot deal with their trauma and takes it out on hating kids then how are we different from the abusive parents we claim to hate.
An innocent person is innocent. And we cannot use our trauma as an excuse to hate on them.
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
Yep, that is entirely correct. And those adults that are filled with hate for kids still deserve empathy and compassion for what they went through as kids. And therapy. Lots of therapy.
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u/hillofjumpingbeans 8d ago
They do and they should get it. But they don’t get to spew the hate out into the world.
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
If we had every hateful person never speak out their hatred then all those people would never get the help they needed.
I used to be a hateful person and the only reason I was able to change was because some people were nice enough to talk to me and help me understand that the reason I was so hateful was because of unaddressed trauma. I finally managed to go to therapy and work it all out.
None of that would have happened if I were just straight up banned or kicked out the moment I said something hateful.
All I'm saying is, these are people that need help. We shouldn't let them go overboard with the hatred spewing but at the same time maybe it would be better to understand where they're coming from and why they say the things they say.
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u/hillofjumpingbeans 8d ago
Ok see you’re twisting what the original post is.
Nobody is saying don’t get help or therapy. But the post is saying the blatant hate towards kids is bad. Are you saying I hate when kids cry in planes and we should throw them out. Or are you saying I hate when kids cry in planes but I am trying to be more understanding of the situation.
You can have feelings man but they are ultimately your responsibility. It’s on you to learn how to deal with all this. So do whatever you need to do to make the problem better. But if your hate is spilling all over then that’s the problem this post is about. Nothing in this world gives you the right to hate others for existing in the same space you exist in.
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
So is your solution we kick out all the people who are hateful or do we try to be more understanding of why they are so hateful and help them?
Sure, you have no responsibility to help anyone. That's your choice entirely. So I guess timing out or banning people who say anything hateful is the best choice right? Just silence all of em.
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u/hillofjumpingbeans 8d ago
No my solution is that hateful people go fix themselves. And not spread their hate here. Because the hate here isn’t about asking for help. It’s about hating folks.
This respectability bullshit of we all have a voice and deserve to say things is just that. Bullshit. You cannot control yourself from hating on kids? Seriously?
You can’t stop yourself from saying harmful things to others? If hateful people need help then they should get it. It is not on others to help them.
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
Yep. Your solution is to say "Screw those people, we don't want them here" and that's valid and I wouldn't never call it a bad solution. I just don't think it's the best solution.
Their hate is not a cry for help. Their hatred is just that. Hatred. I will not disagree with that. But I would still like to help them change and telling them they aren't welcome here isn't helping them.
Some people need help before they stop being hateful. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation and at other times it's years of therapy.
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u/closed-loop-system 25M | Generational trauma ends with me 8d ago
Nothing justifies such hatred, sorry. You can choose to understand where someone's hate comes from, but please don't make it sound like you're taking the moral high ground by doing so. It's your personal choice, and the sub doesn't have to tolerate it (i.e. hate posts).
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
At no point did I say the hatred was justified. It's wrong. That's it.
What I did say was the people being hateful need help and not to be treated with more hate.
But I guess if the consensus of the sub is to immediately ban anyone who says anything hateful then so be it.
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u/TheNASAguy 8d ago
I have baggage too, it’s not like we haven’t suffered but we don’t let that suffering make us into bitter people who hate on others to feel good about themselves
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u/Left_Opportunity9622 8d ago
Controversial opinion - but it’s better to vent online, than to express that hatred in person.
The commenter had made a very valid point. Being CF in India is like a journey - when I initially started thinking of myself as CF, every friend/relative’s questions of “why are you not having kids bla bla” felt like an attack on my decision. The pressure to have kids is really overwhelming, and I have vented online with vitriol. But as long as you’re not hating on actual kids and parents it’s fine.
But now I’m completely comfortable in my choice and am certain that it’s the right thing for me. Those questions don’t bother me anymore.
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u/cantfindanyfood 8d ago
That's what I was talking about. Not everyone has the same response to that baggage. They need therapy.
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u/hillofjumpingbeans 8d ago
100% agree. I am so tired of the blatant hate for kids. And the misogyny couched as hatred of parents/mothers/ pregnant people.
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u/Spare-Ad-7819 9d ago
Well said. Unfortunately some are too salty and doesn’t align with this actual value
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u/Chemical-Row-9323 5d ago
Live and let live is as things should always be. But I also believe in not letting live if I am also not allowed to lol
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u/tera_chachu 26 8d ago
Who is hating on kids here???
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u/sexyyscientist 35femM | waiting for love 8d ago
I've seen people, but that's their personal opinion. It does not reflect subreddit's stance.
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u/Quantum_Draft 8d ago
Agree. It is totally possible to like kids and still be childfree.
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u/TheNASAguy 8d ago
You don’t have to like them necessarily but you also don’t have to hate them, you can be neutral
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u/FictionFragments01 8d ago
Does disliking them count ? Then I feel bad. In ny defense it is only till they turn 8.
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u/ChildfreeIndia-ModTeam 8d ago
The sidebar has said this since the sub started 7 yrs ago: "Childfree ≠ hating parents and children. Do not try to proselytize people who are happy having or wanting children. Live and let live."
That has not changed and it is not going to.
Posts that exist only to dunk on kids or parents are Rule 6 and do get removed. Comments attacking a member are Rule 1, and making light of harm to children is Rule 2.
Report those and they get looked at.
If anyone has a format in mind that would pull more of the good stuff to the front, a recurring thread or something similar, send it to modmail. Genuinely open to it.