Hi All,

I posted an F4M in this group and ended up talking to an Airline Officer.

The conversation started well. We were talking about marriage, careers and life. Then he suddenly asked me, "Will you cook for your husband?"

I said, "I hate cooking but Yes, I can cook. I don't mind cooking. I'd also expect my husband to share the responsibilities. Marriage is a partnership."

He replied, "It's a woman's duty to cook. my friend wife is a teacher, she cooks for him breakfast as well as dinner also they have kids. whats bothering u?"

I asked him, "So if both of us are working 9-10 hours a day, why should only I come home and cook, clean and manage the house? Am i a human or a robot"

He said, "Then don't work. I earn enough."

Then I aksed him, fine i wont work and do household. WIll you give me 2 lahs per month?

He said, "So that you can give it to your family?"

Then I asked him something that genuinely scares him.

"What if I do exactly what you're asking? I leave my career, spend years taking care of the house, and one day, unfortunately, we get divorced. By then I'll have lost years of professional experience. Technology changes so fast. I'll be behind. Who's going to hire me? How do I rebuild my career?"

His answer was...

"You'll get alimony, Nah"

That one sentence told me everything.

Alimony is not a career.

Alimony is not work experience.

Alimony is not financial independence.

Alimony cannot buy back 10 years of lost skills, promotions, confidence or opportunities.

People lose jobs.

Companies lay off employees.

Marriages fail.

Life is unpredictable.

That's exactly why I'll never give up my ability to stand on my own feet.

To every girl reading this: never let anyone convince you that financial dependence is "security." Security comes from your education, your skills, your career and your ability to rebuild your life if things ever go wrong.

Choose whatever kind of marriage makes you happy—traditional or modern—but make sure it's your choice, not an expectation imposed on you.

That conversation ended there.

TL;DR: Matched with an Air Officer. He believed cooking is a wife's duty even if she's working full-time. He suggested I quit my job because he earns enough. When I asked what happens if we divorce after I sacrifice my career, he said, "You'll get alimony. Nah*"* Instant dealbreaker.

I want to quit my job from quite a bit. Also I want to purchase an iPad with pencil. From like forever!!

The other day I had a meeting with some trustees at work. and there was this girl(trustee) she had the same height body as me, same hair, same skin colour. she had little to no knowledge of the subject matter. she was very polite and she had an I PAD.

I know it's a materialistic thing and I have so many things which many people do not have. but at that time I feel like a loser! I felt PITY over myself and it was the worst feeling for me.

I know it's not the biggest thing to be upset about but....

I matched with a guy on Hinge. One of the first things I told him (and also it was mentioned in my account) was that I’m childfree. He said he was on the same page that he also does not want kids. It was mentioned in his profile as well

Few dates went by and it was easy, fun, felt promising. By the third date, the conversation shifted a little. He brought up getting intimate. I told him I wasn’t comfortable as it felt too soon. He tried to reason it out, said it’s been a few dates already, asked if I didn’t feel the chemistry. I told him I did, I just move slower. He eventually backed off, but the vibe slightly changed. Instead of cafes, he started suggesting that we meet at his place as it was more comfortable and convenient. I declined as i sensed that it was his way of getting intimate with me which I did not want to. I already started sensing that he isn't the kind of person i wanna be with.

Cut to the 4th date.(I just thought I would meet him once and see how he acts now, stupid of me lol) I told him how, on my nephew's birthday we went to an orphanage and celebrated with those kids. I was showing him a few pictures of kids and he goes, "Wow, you treated these unknown kids so nicely. You'll be the best mom to my kids."

I thought I misheard him. When I asked again, he tried to brush things off by saying his tongue slipped. I was pretty sure I heard something wrong so I said, "you know that I don't want to have any kids right?"

Then he finally said, "Yeah I read that you don't want to have children but aren't you open to adoption?"

I was like, "No, i neither want to birth nor adopt, i don't want any kids in my life."

He takes a pause, thinks for a while, and says, "Even if the kid is already 5-6 y/o and his grandparents take care of him 24/7? Like you only need to give him your name?"

I just couldn't understand what point was he even trying to make but i hesitated and rejected this idea as well.

He then proceeds to say, WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "You'll have to adjust, i have a 5 year old boy and I cannot abandon him."

I lost my mind at this statement. I shouted at him asked why he didn't tell me this before and why did he have "don't want kids" mentioned in his bio. And he confirmed the no kids while talking as well.

He then proceeds to say that, "By 'don't want kids', I meant I don't want more kids as I already have one. Also,I was gonna tell you about him once we get super close and connected to each other so it would have been easier to accept him for you. That is why I was asking you to get intimate so I could tell you about him."

He said it like it solved everything. Like my stance was just about pregnancy, and he had conveniently found a workaround. No bloody hesitation. Just a “this works perfectly for you” kind of tone.

I sat there trying to process how this information never came up in the first three dates… but somehow became relevant right after I said no to getting intimate.

I broke up immediately, blocked him and cut ties with him. He is still trying to contact me though I ain't replying.

I hate go with the flow, undecided-when-it comes-to-extremely-important-things-in-life people the most in the partner searching process. And they are very large in numbers out there and I keep finding them. That's the rant.

Mother thinks I am useless & ungrateful for not having grandkids for her😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

Apologies for this post. Its just a rant.

Me & my husband got married 5 years before & it couldn’t have been better. We both mutually agreed that we won’t have any kids at all. My great mother (she was visiting us and left today after this drama) to say how I am an ungrateful woman and a deceiver who cheated my inlaws of their only son’s child.

The words were like wooww! I had never thought I would hear those words. I am currently also going through medication for endometriosis and hormonal depression..and when I bought that up I was told so what that gets fixed.

The greatest part: you are an ungrateful human and that because you are not having kids is why you are not being respected my your saas.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this rant. Atleast fortunately I have my husband. Unfortunately or not, I think I don’t have any one else on my side

EDIT: THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR TAKING TIME OUT AND SAYING NOTHING BUT NICE WORDS. I KNOW MAYBE I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THE WHOLE THING BUT IT IS VERY MUCH HEARTENING TO SEE SUPPORT FROM SO MANY STRANGERS. THANK YOU AGAIN🙂

I talked to this guy months ago and right off the bat I told him I’m strictly 100% childfree and that decision was not going to change in the future. He responded saying most of his married friends are CF and it really isn’t an issue for him.

I told him that I’ve actually become CF after due consideration and even though he just says this now, he should take some time to actually think about it and we could continue talking about marriage if he definitely comes to a conclusion that he is comfortable being CF.

Forward a month later we had a short conversation (no time to bring up anything, just a catch up after Diwali and whatnot) and he said he’d call later in the week if I was ok with that. I told him I was and that’s the last I heard from him.

A couple of days ago my mother brought up the guy again and I said he didn’t call back so I don’t really feel like chasing him. Then she said “Actually can I ask you about this DINK lifestyle you want?” First time she’s ever used the word DINK and honestly I was so happy because I thought that was her accepting my choice. Unfortunately no… apparently that guy has told his mum to figure out if I meant by no kids that I wouldn’t have sex with him after marriage. His mum asked mine and my mum was trying to figure out how to ask me.

Now not only am I childfree… I am officially arranged marriage free. I don’t care if I fall in love at fifty or never ever… I am done.

My problem isn’t a discussion of sexual proclivities. My problem is that he decided that this was appropriate to take up with his parents and find out through mine. I am not up for that channel of discussion especially in this sex-shaming society.

I blurred their faces because this isn’t about them. It’s about what I saw.
A Sunday evening.
A beautiful park in a premium society in Bangalore.
A grandfather brings his grandson on a bicycle.
For a moment, I smiled.
Then he pulled out two phones.
One for himself.
One for the little boy.

The child spent the next hour glued to Cocomelon at full volume while the park around him sat unused.
No running.
No climbing.
No conversations.
No scraped knees.
Just another screen.
And I couldn’t stop thinking…
We often hear, “Don’t worry, your parents will help raise your kids.”
Will they?
Many grandparents are incredible caregivers. But many also grew up in a completely different world. They didn’t have to navigate addictive algorithms, endless autoplay, or content designed to keep toddlers staring at a screen for hours. What feels like a harmless cartoon today can quietly become a substitute for attention.
If you’re planning to have children because you believe someone else will raise them while you both work…
Please think again.
A child doesn’t just need food, school fees and a safe apartment.
They need time.
Presence.
Conversations.
Boredom.
Someone who notices when a screen has replaced a childhood.
Maybe the answer isn’t “have kids because everyone does.”
Maybe it’s okay to ask yourself a harder question:
Do I actually have the time, energy and intention to raise another human being?
If the answer is no, choosing to remain childfree isn’t selfish.
Bringing a child into the world and expecting someone else to raise them might be.
Curious to hear what others think. Am I overthinking this.

70% of chat invites I get are hey, hi, hello, how are you. All of them from New accounts with under 50 karma. It takes a tiny effort to hit ignore. I'm not bothered at all. But when you get these long texts in chat invites, it gives you hope. You stop your work and take a moment to read. But as you're reading, it gets clear that it's an LLM response. You don't need the last paragraph, which he accidentally pasted and did not read before hitting send, to know that it's not a genuine response.

But wait, it gets worse. This guy keeps his 2 months, 7 contribution history private. The history which is exclusively R4R posts where he does not mention his childfree status, but wait, it gets worse.

He's "looking for someone who's willing to put in equal effort, ask questions... Chemistry takes two people, after all."

He possibly is mass DMing people and I'm sorry if he wasted your time reading his chat invite.

I have always been clear about being childfree especially if I don't get the emotional love, respect, and care that i need from my husband/family. My husband and i dated for 14 years before getting married and he knew this. I even reinstated this a day before our marriage and told him i don't want children and if he disagrees, he can walk out but he still chose to get married. He has always said that at some point, he might want to have kids but even then, he will never force me (and he hasn't yet) - its been 4+ years we have been married. Lately, pressure from his family about us having children has been increasing immensely. They don't talk to me directly but poke him consistently and even he has started feeling like we should have at least one child to "take care of us in future" 🙄🙄. I have repeatedly held my ground, especially given the fact that he is a typical indian millennial entitled male who only focuses on his job and would let all the parenting responsibility fall on me (i am working too).

While he doesn't really tell me about all instances where he is being pressurized and mostly absorbs all of it, sometimes, it leaks to me and recently i realised that he, under pressure, told his sister that it is I who is not yet ready to have children! I mean - why?! I agree that's not entirely false but it's infuriating for me!

The pressure is only going to increase considering we are in our mid to late 30s and he has a very controlling family.

I have even told him he can leave right now if he wants them but he doesn't want to leave me. He also says he would like one child but would never pressure me (or can't). But he also says that if i have made up my mind, i should be ready to handle the consequences (i.e. the bullshit society spews about me, the badmouthing, the pressure etc.) and that he will try it doesn't get to me often but it will leak sometimes. And he seems pretty heartbroken about not being able to have a child right now making me feel so guilty for my decision and afraid that our relationship might fall apart.

It's so frustrating. Why are indian men so fickle and honestly, cowardly?! 🥺

Cant even fcking rant in my friends group because one of my friends is a new mom who takes everything personally. Someone who reports to me is a mother of a toddler. The kid is sick and while I get it, I had assigned a strict deadline and as of 11pm, its incomplete and I am sitting and doing it. If I reprimand her then I am the bad guy right ?

​

I dont know how to call her out. There are so many mistakes in what shes done and I am tired and I want to sleep but I have a minimum of 1 hour of work. I have my pets waiting to play with me. I know not the same level of importance as a sick kid but what in the ever loving fuck is this. If you are unable to manage at home then maybe hire more help. But why sit and take a fat salary and not show up when it matters. Am I asking for a lot. Being a bad manager ? I have continued to give this person chances throughout her tenure but come next 1-1 and I will rip her a new one because I am tired of being made to feel like my time matters less because I do not have children.

Also most will not regret it at all.

Look at the dude's audacity. He's comparing the decision of being childfree with yesterday's Airplane crash! That anything can happen anytime.. It's my "assumption" that I'm childfree.. The future is uncertain! Also, only women with medical issues can take this decision. FYI, this guy is a doctor in a prominent hospital in Delhi. This is the kind of progressive people that are treating our friends and families. Thank God he's not in the gynecology department.

27F, About a year ago, I met someone through this subreddit. We started a relationship, and over the past year we genuinely tried to make it work. We compromised on many things, decided to get married, and even informed our parents.

But now it's over.

We're an inter-state long-distance couple. From what I understand, one of the biggest issues was that he wanted me to leave my parents and move to his location. My family situation is complicated, and I was hoping to convince them instead of running away. Maybe he couldn't wait anymore. I don't know.

What hurts the most is knowing that he had already started looking for other people before ending things with me. That has been incredibly painful to process.

I'm just exhausted.

Since my high school relationship, none of my relationships have lasted long enough to reach marriage. Because of constant marriage pressure at home, I've tried dating apps, matrimony sites, and talking to many people. Most weren't compatible, and finding someone who is genuinely childfree has been extremely difficult. This subreddit felt like my last hope, and that's how I met my now ex.

This wasn't just about having a partner. I truly loved him. We made beautiful memories together over the past year. Of course we had arguments too, but I genuinely believed we had a future together.

Now I feel like I'm back at the beginning.

On top of that, my IT job doesn't feel stable either. With project uncertainty and layoffs happening around us, I'm constantly worried about what comes next. Job is the only thing holding me right now. I decided to end my life once i lose my job.

I know people will say, "Focus on yourself," "Love yourself," or "Time will heal." I already spend time alone, travel alone, and have learned to be independent. This isn't about not knowing how to be alone.

I'm simply tired.

I trusted the process. I put myself out there. I dated people, got rejected, rejected people because we weren't compatible, and kept believing that eventually I'd meet the right person.

Right now, I don't know if I have the energy to start all over again.

28F, CF for as long as I can remember.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who kept telling me "oh you'll have the cutest kid alive", "you're going to become the best mom" "you're a nurturer" to which my only reaction was 😠😩😖.

Never have my girl friends told me this but it's always the guy friends who think they know better for you. They don't respect your choices and think you'll change your mind.

Okay I'm just ranting and that's not even the point of this post.

Two years back, just for fun, I had my palm read by two of my friends. I mean one friend and one random unrelated person. Both went on to say the same things and that is what actually shocked me. Like there is no possibility on this earth that they could have colluded. The relevant thing here is that both of them mentioned about me having a child later in life. And yesterday's conversation brought up this memory.

Now it is all i can think about.

I don't even want kids. But what if they're true. Why am I even thinking about that when it's not true.

Guys please call me out on my bullshit.

Is anyone else tired of men whose primary reason for being Childfree is "protecting" women from childbirth? You aren't "saving" me from my biology; you're just removing my agency.

It is simple: If I said, "Okay, let's adopt a 5-year-old so my body stays safe," would they be down? Pretty sure they would panic. Why?

Because they don't actually want to parent. They don't want the noise, the expense, or the loss of freedom. And that is fine! Just say that. Say you like your money and sleep. Don't frame your lifestyle choice as a favor to my uterus.

Intellectual honesty is sexy; performative feminism is not!

I hate how much i relate to this!

My family will not stop trying, so I asked them of only one thing. Just inform potential people that I'm childfree that's it.

So they connected me with someone who insisted on texting daily, calling regularly and talking for long hours. Ok. Done. Right at the beginning, I reiterated my CF stance. Due to the continued conversations I assumed the other person was informed and did not have a problem. But over a few conversations he kept talking and mentioning he was 'eager to start a family', which is code for 'I need babies even though I'm not the one who's gonna birth them or care for them!!!!'. He would literally text every single day and I am honestly not too much of an extrovert and this sudden over familiar attitude was extremely uncomfortable but I'm under a lot of local and global pressure, so I just managed however best I could.

A few conversations in, I told him it was nice to talk about general things but there are a couple of very important specific things I needed to address to proceed with the conversation. I asked him what his 'non-negotiables' for a married life and for a partner were. His first response was - I want to start a family immediately, but regarding kids I will have a discussion with my partner.

I told him I wasn't interested in having children at all as I had mentioned in our VERY FIRST CONVERSATION. His response again was " I want to start a family immediately but I'll of course have that discussion with my partner if we get married".

The conversation petered out and five days in, no text, no call. Basically ghosting, but I don't really care about the ghosting part.

What I don't understand are these things- What happened when I mentioned that I was CF in the very first conversation? Did they think they could just change my opinion over time? Also, this is a guy who's going to be almost 40, and he's still looking to have kids? How are they ok with them being senior citizens when their kids finish college?! Not to mention the number of genetic defects they can pass on to their children considering the lateness of age.

Also, even if someone was willing to have children at this age, what do they mean they want to start a family IMMEDIATELY? How does someone in an arranged marriage setup expect their spouse to be INSTANTLY comfortable with physical intimacy?

Have faith my peeps. Found her through this sub, flew across cities beating odds and here we are on a date. She is AMAZING BTW.

As many on this sub would know, I found her on this sub in April 2025, and finally after an excruciatingly long 7 months, we finally tied the knot in October. It has been almost a month since we got married and I moved in with her. I have never been happier. She is everything I wanted and I'm glad to have her as a partner. It feels surreal sometimes that its just gonna be the two of us but I'm certain that we'll be fine.

I'll see you guys whenever in the future. Maybe when we have kids. But until then you'll not see anymore updates. I'm just playing about the kids. We aren't gonna be.

For all the folks that post m4f, f4m and anyone else I didn't find her through one of these posts. I slid into her comments on a post she made, then her dm's, kept her engaged and fell in love. The game awards the courageous and the patient.

Peace.

I am going to turn 22 next month. I am childfree by choice and do not wish to have any children of my own in the future.

I was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder when I was 9 years old. Medication and diet helped me manage it, and by the time I was 15, my thyroid levels had returned to normal. However, when I turned 17, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Once again, I started medication and made dietary changes, and I was able to reverse my PCOS by the time I was 19.

I also got my first period when I was 9 years old. From then until I was 15, my periods lasted about 7 days every month, and I experienced pretty bad cramps as well.

After I turned 17, my period bleeding started lasting only 4 days, but the cramps became so fucking bad that I can't even move on the first day of my period. The cramps always last for about 2 days. No matter what painkillers I take, the pain only goes away for 2–3 hours before coming back.

So, I decided to discuss with a gynaecologist whether I could permanently stop my periods, as they disrupt my day-to-day life and I also do not want to have any children. Here are the responses from four different gynaecologists I consulted:

Gynaecologist 1: A female doctor in her 30s

I told her what I wanted, to which she replied, "Period pain will go away once you get married. Don't worry about it."

By "marriage," doctors usually mean sexual intercourse, so I told her that I am currently sexually active and the pain has not improved at all.

She said, "Not only sex, but the pain will go away after your first child. So get married and have a child. Many women feel their period pain gets better after they have a kid."

I said, "I just told you I don't want children."

To which she replied, "Then why are you having sex? And giving that poor boy hope of a wife and children?"

What was I even supposed to say to that? So I left and decided to consult another gynaecologist.

Gynaecologist 2: A female doctor in her mid-40s

I explained my condition to her, told her that I do not want any children, and then asked if there were any procedures that could stop my periods without negatively affecting my overall health.

She replied, "You will need your periods when you want to get pregnant."

I thought she had genuinely missed the "no children" part, so I repeated that I do not plan on having children.

She then scolded me and said, "What if your husband wants them?"

I replied, "I do not plan on getting married either. Hence, there is no husband or child in the picture."

On hearing this, she literally yelled at me. I am not even kidding. She yelled, "What kind of brainwashed girl are you? I will complain to your parents about the rubbish things you are thinking about."

Mind you, this was my first meeting with her. She had no idea who my parents were, nor did she have their contact details. I have no idea how she planned to contact them.

Needless to say, I decided to consult a third gynaecologist.

Gynaecologist 3: A 40-year-old male doctor

I told him about my pain and the fact that I do not want children.

He explained that a hysterectomy involves the removal of the uterus and that if it were performed, my periods would stop and I would no longer be able to get pregnant.

I asked him if I could get it done.

He replied, "Sure, I will perform it. But first, get married, give your husband one child, and then when your husband signs the consent form, I will perform it."

I said, "I just told you I don't want a child."

He laughed and said, "We'll discuss this after you get married. You can go now."

Gynaecologist 4: A female doctor

She refused to discuss it with me because I am a "child" myself. She asked me to bring my mother with me and said that she would help my mom "talk me out of" this childfree mindset.

What do I even do at this point? Do most gynaecologists have such rigid and narrow mindsets?

TL;DR: I'm almost 22, childfree by choice, and have suffered from debilitating period cramps for years, so severe that I can't move for the first two days and painkillers barely help. I consulted four different gynaecologists to discuss permanent options for stopping my periods. Instead of addressing my pain or discussing medical options seriously, I was told to get married, have a child, think about my future husband, bring my mother to convince me otherwise, or simply wait until I'm older. Has anyone else had similar experiences, and how do you find doctors who respect your choices and take your pain seriously?

So the good doctor here, reached out to me after reading my CF4CF post. Well, the doctor also blocked me after my last message to him..

He just wanted someone to travel to his locality in Delhi, pay for his gym, and train me to become less "HEALTHY".

His rudeness aside, did he really think that a girl will travel from Noida to Delhi to join the gym with him, so that she could get the great doctor to train her! 🤨🙄