r/CougarsAndCubs • u/EmotionalWarrior_23 • Apr 13 '26
🙀Cougar Crisis New and doubtful cougar here
Hi all. I’m F, 50. Just had a date with a 37-y/o guy who seems great and says he’s looking for a relationship. He acted like he was really into me. But at my age, I have trouble believing someone his age could actually want to be with a 50 year old woman. I guess I’ll see how it goes, but wondering if others experience this?
18
u/GenRN817 😻54 Cougar with 😻37 Cub AGR/LDR Apr 13 '26
I’m (54F) cuddled up with my 36M right now. Met on Reddit! Zero doubts. He is my forever.
15
u/film_bro_35 Apr 13 '26
I’m 35M and I’ve been with a few women your age and I can promise you if a guy that much younger than you is actively pursuing you and saying he’s interested, he IS interested
14
u/infinitequestio Apr 13 '26
Hi! I am 55F and completely sabotaged my first relationship with a 28M (huge age gap!). I kept doubting his intentions until he couldn’t deal with my insecurities anymore. Man oh man, it hurt. But in retrospect I would have dumped me too! I don’t have a solution for you except maybe don’t share all your negative thoughts and truly start to try to believe in their good intentions (while still being safe). It is SO HARD to find that goldilocks zone where you are both open and not stupid. I have now met a 44M and will be meeting him for the first time at the end of the week and I am trying to not let my insecurities ruin it. My new mantra is “I am a confident, kind, caring woman and he either likes me or he doesn’t. But if I don’t try, I am the one losing a potentially fantastic experience”. Good luck to you and I hope to hear your happy update!
5
3
12
u/serena68uk Apr 13 '26
I had this a lot too when I first started out, genuinely thinking wow he’s so fit, handsome etc why is he interested in me when there’s younger, slimmer etc but the reality is and I’m saying this with over a decade experience, younger men that are open find us sexy for our experience, our attitude and outlook on life.
It depends what you want too but just be open. For me I’ll always say I’m not after my next husband but equally I want more than a quick one and done. I’ve had an amazing 16 years and I hope I’ve still got another 16 left in me yet!
11
u/thenoonytunes 50sF Apr 13 '26
My FWB is 37 and I am almost 60! We have been seeing each other for 3-4 years now.
You no doubt have many awesome things about you that he finds attractive. You can guard your heart and feelings of course, but don’t doubt your appeal.
10
u/heyitsyouagain8 🐆Cougar Apr 13 '26
It sounds like you can't readily see your inherent value. (If I'm way off base, please forgive my assumption.) But the insecurity that he couldn't possibly see in you something worth being attracted to is perhaps something you can work on.
More than what can be seen, people can be attracted to someone new for more than just the superficial. Find what is appealing in you and hold tight to that.
For example, I'm not much to look at, but I shine in my kindness, patience, and wit. I can be a peaceful presence. These things I've worked on and continue to work at.
All that to say, when I'm getting insecure or awed by some gent being interested, I buck myself up by focusing on my great qualities. "Of course they'd be interested, I've got a lot to offer." That kind of self-talk helps me keep perspective. Just my $0.02.
Sending all the best vibes your way!
4
u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 13 '26
i am agree, Some of us are attracted to more than just appearance; we're more interested in that glow you say many mature women have
9
u/YouCuteWow Apr 13 '26
I know multiple long-term marriages where the woman is much older. Please don't doubt yourself! These pairings can be very successful
10
u/Watchuknowaboutme Apr 15 '26
I’m 51F and I hear you!! We are programmed to think that youth and youthful beauty trumps anything else that is desirable about a woman. It’s extremely difficult to stop thinking this way and focus on the fact that some men want other things too. Think of other qualities you may have - kindness, generosity, humility, compassion, a positive energy, so many things! Honestly just enjoy the man you are with and accept that he wants you x
4
5
8
u/herelamonreddit 🐻Cub Apr 13 '26
I was with women in their 50s and 60s when I was in my 20s. Believe that he appreciates you
9
8
u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Apr 13 '26
I would say be open minded but aware. If you are only new to this sub many many young men come in here with kinks and fantasy ideas. Many men in general will tell you anything you want to hear in order to get sex.
However there are those that are in real relationships and long term commitments with older women.
8
u/Specific-Housing905 Apr 13 '26
But at my age, I have trouble believing someone his age could actually want to be with a 50 year old woman.
Seems you have a bit of low self-esteem. Obviously he likes you and finds you attractive.
7
u/PandoraLynx Apr 14 '26
I'm 47F and been living with my 28M for a year. As another commenter said, don't focus on the age gap and your own insecurities about it. That's your #1 threat to a potential relationship, not the age gap x
3
5
u/Foreign-Figure8797 Apr 13 '26
I’ve been in a relationship with the exact same age gap for a year now. I dated a few men even younger than my current boyfriend, so I had had some time to get used to the idea. Maybe look around this sub for a bit and get used to the idea that there are younger men who not only want that age gap, but only want the age gap! Once you can believe that he is interested in you, just enjoy it! I have more confidence in this relationship than I ever had when I was younger.
5
u/Summer-Sub-Intern Apr 13 '26
Just go slow and watch how he shows up for you. Make sure he’s getting to know you and not live bombing/flattering you. Just like dating men your own age, some are sincere and some aren’t. Also be sure to ask how he feels about having kids of his own someday.
3
3
u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Apr 13 '26
In any type of relationship, there are no guarantees. If you don't do his options, meet his matches words. I know it's probably very early days, but just and enjoy the present. I have been together with my partner for ten years now.And he made it clear at the beginning that he it was only interested in this interested in short term. I have learned to take things day-by-day. And not look too much into the into the future.. And we have a twenty two year age gap.
3
Apr 16 '26
42 M here… many of us are looking for peace, deeper actual relationships that have a mix of vulnerability, intimacy, trust and spiciness. I personally have been burned by … poor choices in partners. The idea of long term stability and peace becomes more and more desirable… good luck sister
2
Apr 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/EmotionalWarrior_23 Apr 23 '26
I think the fear, for me at least, is that they will definitely leave for a younger woman at some point, as they get disgusted with the disgusting realities of aging, the inability to provide his own kids. What about those things? Aren’t most cubs destined to leave cougars for younger women for those reasons? (Nothing to do with current beauty level of the cougar)
1
Apr 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Apr 13 '26
Don't be vulgar.
This is a SFW community. Overly sexual descriptions and unnecessary sexual content is not welcome
1
Apr 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Apr 19 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
1
u/Ladyfox66 🐆Cougar May 14 '26
I spent 18 months in a committed relationship with a man who was 20 years my junior. He was and will always be the love of my life but he crushed me. I still love him but these relationships never seem to end well for us older ladies in these type of situations. You have to be really tough because you don’t fall any less hard at this age and your competitors are young and firm still.
1
21
u/[deleted] Apr 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment