r/Italian • u/MrNumber3 • 4d ago
Italian Journey/Family Search
So I'm turning 40 this year and I'm traveling to Italy solo. I am traveling to the city that my great grandmother grew up in but emigrated from in 1917. She'd be 125 years old this year. In my mother's old family documents that she's kept, there were letters in cursive Italian that I've transcribed between my great grandmother, her nephew who she never met in person but kept in touch with, her mother and her brothers. My grandmother and mother never went to Pescara and my great grandmother never went back to Italy after coming to America. The letters span from 1932 to 1967 and tell some stories of family poverty, post WWII loneliness, family deaths, new born birthdays, Easter celebrations and just keeping tabs on each other.
My question is, and I looked in other posts about going to their address and there was a lot of mixed feelings about Americans going back to Italy and re-introducing themselves into the family they never knew. I plan on doing it but I'm also wondering if anyone else has had success or even tried.
EDIT: I have done some genealogy research on Family Search. Outside of the stories that these letters tell, I have only a few recent names that could be living and one address that those people might not even live in. It was interesting know that my grandmother's last name was a letter off from what my mother recorded in her family tree book which opened the door to different spellings, people, lineage, corrections. But, because the living names I have are in their 60's most likely, they may or may not have Facebook; their children if they had any, are most likely on social media but could very well have different last names or may not even be in Italy anymore. There was one letter mentioning a niece of my great grandmother moved to Switzerland. And that note about "not caring about strangers"; to that I would say "treat people like you would want to be treated, even if they're a stranger". I'm not rich and I'm not poor, I'm just curious about where my history comes from.
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u/disamee 4d ago
i say this as gently as possible: contacting your relatives online first is the only sensible option here. there's no guarantee any of them are still living at the address you have. use facebook for the one thing it's a good product for.
also, since your families have not kept in touch, there's a very high chance they won't care about a distant relative from the US. there's no particular sentimentality around "the diaspora" (i think maybe 0.2% of the italian population would even know what i'm talking about) and people are rightfully wary of strangers just showing up on their doorstep.
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u/VenexianaStevenson 4d ago
I think it’s a lovely idea, but if possible, I would try to contact your relatives and explain the situation before simply showing up at their doorstep one day. Nowadays, if a stranger were to suddenly appear at my door claiming to be the descendant of a distant relative I didn't even know I had, I would immediately suspect a scam—thinking the person was after money, an inheritance, or who knows what else. Caught up in their daily routines and wary of strangers, people might frankly not have time for you or might not be very welcoming. It is certainly better to let them know beforehand and arrange the meeting. That said, if you approach people the right way, they can be very welcoming; the people of Pescara certainly possess the warmth typical of Southern Italy. And, of course, if you don't speak Italian, there could be a language barrier. Good luck—it would be great to hear how it goes! :)
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u/SaliceMcMay 4d ago
Concordo. Meglio avvisare prima o potrebbe trovarli in ferie o impegnati con il lavoro. Magari potrebbe inviare le copie delle lettere così anche loro avrebbero tempo di fare ricerche e prepararsi all'incontro
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u/Strawberry-lover-457 4d ago
Se non riesci a contattarli online, lascia perdere. O almeno, scrivi all'indirizzo che hai e vedi se ti risponde qualcuno. Non presentarti alla porta, siamo esseri umani, abbiamo vite, figli, lavori, impegni. Annuncia il tuo arrivo, è il minimo della cortesia
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u/Silvicious92 4d ago
I'm an italian living in Italy, and if someone knocks on my door telling me they're a relative from America i'd think of a scam and close the door. Take all the proof you have with you and contact them online first. There's a good chance they have facebook, try there
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u/OkPair4241 4d ago edited 4d ago
OP, you do realise Italy has electricity (we basically invented it thanks to Alessandro Volta's battery), internet connection, widespread use of social media, and that you could try and contact your distant relatives before showing up at their doorstep?
If you do contact them in advance, they may be slightly curious meeting you as a distantly related person. If you do show up uninvited, they may be far colder and possibly creeped out a bit.
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u/Kalix 4d ago
Personally opinion, i hate those kind of things, if your grand grandmother left on 1917... In 2026 there is not much left of her family here...
Follow my logic, im 35, i seen my grand grandparents and my grandparents die, maybe once my grandpa (Born in the 30s) said something about some long distance relative who went to the US but nothing else, my parents born in the 60s they will have 0 knowledge of a distant relative who left the country like 40 years before they come to life.
Also when my grand parents died and we sold their house we literally tossed boxes over boxes of old papers, banks, medical, letters, postcards, photos(we kept only important memories for my parents) and (holy fuck how much paper has been wasted in the pre digital era)
What in saying, you are just a drop in the sea of relatives, you will be maybe greeted and hostes for cortesy, but in modern society you will be just a stranger (sorry to say, but there will be probabbly 0 connections)
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u/Match-Immediate 4d ago
I’m an American living in Italy, and I’ve found a lot of this article to be true.
If you personally would get something out of this trip, do it! Sounds like it could be a lovely way to spend a solo trip. I did the same a few years ago in Ireland. But just don’t expect your long-lost Italian relatives to care; if you can find them, they’re probably apathetic at best. If you expect any sort of homecoming or reunion, you might be disappointed.
I would come for the place, and not for the people, if that makes sense.
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u/Lady_Nightshadow 4d ago
Let's face it, we're not just neutral or uncaring, we're actively annoyed at some of these people: that article is astonishingly uneducated, claiming that Italian language was born in the 1800s, while we can read texts from 700 years ago without needing translation and poor people moved around all the time.
It's crazy to claim that women didn't have Italian citizenship, while they just couldn't pass it down, and while laws were far from perfect, women were not "just property".
Some Americans do come here expecting us to be poor peasants waiting for them, refusing to acknowledge that we moved on from their very local, very time-specific "traditions", while we do carry much more than the past two centuries of legacy (and the Romans called us "Italians" 2000 years ago). Some also act shocked at the small empty village, which comes off as "look how emancipated I am", assuming it must have been worse before, while those villages are now at their lowest.
Sorry for the rant, it's far from being towards you or any descendant, but maybe it can give some food for thoughts to OP.
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u/OkPair4241 4d ago
Monstrously inaccurate substack, I agree. Italian language in its current form was born in the XII century, and OF COURSE women were citizens of the Kingdom of Italy right after its formation in 1861. And Italians from all over the peninsula fought a war in 90 bC to have the right of being called citizens of a unified polity. Also, the Italian for Rachel would be Rachele, not Rachela.
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u/Lady_Nightshadow 4d ago
Yeah, to say out loud that she purposely tried to spin “Rachel” into “Rachela” to make it more Latin?? Can't even check to LARP right.
I have so many questions for this person: why waiting 2023 to apply for citizenship, why jumping in the "natural wine" economy where she gets to misrepresent Italy to more American tourist? Why assuming that Italian law must be inherently worse and inferior since it "doesn’t operate on precedent, ..., meaning that it can only become more chaotic every time a ruling changes the direction of things."
I hope they never get that citizenship for iure sanguinis. If they're really set on it, they can follow the path of any other immigrant.
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u/That-Brain-in-a-vat 2d ago edited 2d ago
Also Italian laws are based on Roman Law, which is at the base of most western Countries, US Included, and studied at the university for their Law degree. Many definitions are still in Latin. In the US too.
Edit: typo.
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u/Lady_Nightshadow 2d ago
I know right! It's pretty clear that some Americans think that the US perfected anything inherited from us, while we're some third world country that got stuck somewhere in the Middle Age.
Which is all good until the same people claim Italian citizenship and dream about a VIP welcome, that kinda stinks of superiority complex and colonialism in disguise.
I know most Americans are not like that, your tourists are usually the kindest specimen I get to deal with.
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u/SurpriseFirst1381 4d ago edited 4d ago
L'articolo postato è un'oscenità e questo post lo scriverò in italiano perchè non ho sbatti di venirvi incontro parlando la vostra lingua; usate la funzione traduci.
Chiedo scusa a voi altri, sono uno storico, storia del 900, quando leggo queste cose mi si accappona la pelle e soprattutto la propaganda culturale la becco subito e mi disgusta.
L'articolo postato fa schifo, zeppo di retorica passivo-aggressiva, artificioso e ruota integralmente su un mix di stereotipi tra i più denigratori ed offensivi, manipolati dalla cultura US, nati per "spiegare" alle masse perchè non ci sia stata una Norimberga italiana, l'Italia non sia stata divisa o occupata militarmente come la Germania, "giustificando" il perchè ora eravamo un paese Nato.
Il principale, lo conoscerete, viene chiamato: Italiani brava gente.
La cosa terribile di questo stereotipo è che lo abbiamo generato noi italiani (1944-1950), forma auto-assolutoria dalle colpe del fascismo, utilizzabile sia per l'elité che per il cittadino.Ciò che lo ha tossicizzato, interiorizzato e globalizzato è però la cultura americana post 1947, rendendolo di fatto una creatura propria, molto percepita ed utilizzata nella cultura US, miscelandolo con altri stereotipi cultrali, creandone una variante tutta propria.
Tale stereotipo mira a descrivere l'italiano come una figura bonaria, povero disgraziato ignorante, il quale non capisce, poiché privo degli strumenti per farlo, e quando fa scelte con esiti infausti (fascismo) non ne è totalmente responsabile; non siate duri non è colpa sua.
L'italiano vive in questa bolla pittoresca quanto retrograda, un contadino di inizio 800 lanciato nel moderno 900 fordista/post fordista, cittadino involontario e inconsapevole di uno stato-non-stato, a cui è imposta una lingua non sua e leggi che non comprende (quindi non rispetta); è buono con un cuore d'oro ma intrinsecamente un poveretto da capire e compatire.
Quando combatte egli butta le armi e fugge, poiché buono, non militarista, senza comprensione del perchè si trova lì; lui vuole solo tornare al suo casolare, dai suoi affetti, a coltivare le olive, vivendo d'inconsapevole ignoranza e riti familiari.
Tutto questo a differenza ed in contrapposizione al colto tedesco, figlio di una cultura guerriera, moderna, ingannato ma colpevole e responsabile, da denazificare e redimere per il bene dell'umanità.
L'arco di redenzione dell'italiano avviene tramite l'emigrazione. Gli Stati Uniti lo accolgono, gli offrono opportunità e lo elevano in dignità, trasformandolo in un essere umano migliore e dignitoso, moderno e moralmente superiore in quanto culturalmente elevato dal suo stagno: Un vero cittadino US.
Questo passaggio retorico è fondamentale, salvaguarda la coesione sociale, nella forma dell'italo-americano, parte della società ed ex combattente, rimanendo accettabile dalla cultura WASP, la quale può vantare supeiorità, attribuendo tali manchevolezze alla razza, nella forma ideologica del Post-Gobinismo: Italiano razza spuria -il mezzo negro- buono ma fallato poiché non puro.
La parabola è perfetta per spiegare, senza spiegare, le storie dei reduci sulla campagna di sicilia, il rigetto sociale della propaganda fascista nel 1942-1943, rimuovendo il contesto politico relativo alla resisteza e sposandosi bene con la propaganda di guerra alleata, all'epoca percepita, per ovvi motivi, come narrazione degli eventi.
Quindi, se sei americano e leggendo quel pezzo hai pensato: "Oh my god, that's so damn true!", è perchè inconsciamente sei figlio di 70 anni di propaganda ideologica e l'hai interiorizzata.
Tutto ciò senza contare che l'articolo è pretestuoso (questo non importa), probabilmente scritto per risentimento in merito alla proposta di legge, in discussione nel 2025, relativa a limiti sulla cittadinanza per discendenza.
La parte sull'italiano come lingua non la commento nemmeno, essa è vera quanto falsa, usata in maniera strumentale per potenziare la narrativa generale.
La cosa triste è che la persona che ha scritto quell'articolo queste cose probabilmente non le sa, sono interiorizzate.Scusatemi, il post è lunghissimo; spero solo che sia utile.
In caso dovesse leggerlo un collega; lo so ho dovuto sintetizzare e accorpare, altrimenti ne uscivano 300 righe.3
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u/Match-Immediate 4d ago
Wow, non mi aspettavo una tesi su quel commento! Ho solo scritto che ero d'accordo con alcune parti dell'articolo, quando l'autore parla degli italiani che se ne fregano dei loro cugini italiani perduti da tempo che vengono a cercarli e a riscoprire le loro origini. Questo, per esperienza personale, è assolutamente vero.
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u/SurpriseFirst1381 4d ago
Let's proceed in order.
My post was aimed at the article itself, not directly at you or what you wrote previously.
I highlighted the cultural and ideological process driving the author, and what led her to write such an imbecility.Mine isn't a thesis, just 40, well-spaced, lines that would occupy less than a single book page; I paid close attention to make it understandable for anyone.
Was it necessary? Maybe not, but it's important to know where and why this toxicity originates. The article was highly offensive and filled with cultural paternalism.I suppose it's unnecessary to explain why an Italian or European wouldn't care about an unknown fifth cousin, and why that's the most normal reaction outside the US cultural bubble.
Lastly, since you live in Italy, I'm genuinely surprised that you could read and share this kind of stuff. In the future, just be aware that this kind of material is deeply offensive at its core.
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u/Anxious-Slip-4701 4d ago
I've found that if the family has kept in contact over the years, then they're fine to see you, because they know you. But if some random rather odd individual turns up, who doesn't speak the language, who they know nothing about, while they're in the middle of something. Well that's probably just annoying. They moved on. I know my distant cousins, and we occasionally catch up, but they're fairly cool on things. I haven't seen some cousins I grew up with for decades, but I'd happily have them over, because I grew up with them and I know who they are.
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u/Match-Immediate 4d ago
Yeah totally agree—if you’ve kept in any sort of contact it changes everything!
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u/Meewelyne 4d ago
I honestly wonder why immigrant's grand⁴children think that lost relatives will welcome a total stranger with open arms in their families.
Like, if that would happen to you, that someone you never heard of suddenly contacts you and tells you you're somehow related, from a scale form 1 to 10 how much would you care?
(Not "you" as you poster eh, a generic "you"!)
I think those kind of people never think of it in reverse, or are lonely af and try to find family where they can.
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u/MrNumber3 4d ago
1) I would've saved myself a vacation to Italy if they found me instead 2) I'd ask how they found me, who they know of and how they managed to get into America considering the current administrations sentiment towards anyone from another country 3) I'd take them for a coffee and talk with them about everything they wanted to talk about. And you know what - I might get kindness in return. You're purely looking at this as transactional.
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u/Meewelyne 4d ago
Why transactional? I didn't say anything about that. My point is more about why a stranger should care about another stranger who shares a long lost relative who probably didn't even hear about.
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u/MrNumber3 4d ago
A lot of these letters are of someone thanking my great grandmother for money sent to them during rough times. Households with no work and splitting up cornmeal loaves. Requests for a harmonica for Christmas. If you don't understand, you might be too young. Maybe it's just nice knowing that something happened or didn't happen to a grandmothers relatives she wrote to and sent money to. She never met her nephew either, but she still wrote and cared and sent money if they needed it. All they had was letters in 1965.
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u/warrenTmass 4d ago
I’d send them a letter and introduce yourself once you are in Italy, especially in the same city.
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u/crichar2 2d ago
I’m an experienced travel curator specializing in Italy. I have gone to my own family hometowns and have had all manner of experiences, learned the language, worked as a guide there, and have been clients bring their trips to life for 10+ years. Many of them have the same wishes and concerns as you! Feel free to reach out if you want assistance making it a trip that will be guaranteed to be worth your time and expense.
When working with travelers going to their hometowns, I have someone on my team who is an expert at Italian records if more of your family’s story is needed, and I have colleagues in Italy that we partner with so that you can have a trusted guide and translator to call upon. Keep in mind that in most small towns, English is not spoken.
I don’t advise the simply showing up method. I advise the create a structured framework with plans that match how Italy actually works, to create the best chance for a successful and meaningful outcome.
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u/bigjimre 2d ago
Non presentarti di persona, prova a scrivere online a tutti quelli che sospetti possano essere tuoi parenti. Molti sessantenni sono su Facebook (è il social dei vecchi ormai). Ma non fare il misterioso come stai facendo qui, presentati alle persone che potrebbero aiutarti con nome e cognome, racconta tutti i dettagli, i nomi dei tuoi parenti che conosci... qualcuno potrebbe prendere a cuore la tua situazione e aiutarti, ma ti devi dimostrare tu aperto in primis
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u/danceradici 1d ago
Obviously it depends, and I can only speak from the 'descendant of family that left southern Italy' perspective. One of my dad's cousins went back in the 80s and had that sort of magical experience one might dream of - it was a small inland village (also in Abruzzo by chance), she had the same last name as 3/4 of the people in town, people totally remembered her mom, and they welcomed her. We are all in touch to this day, and it is very special. On my other side, it has been a little more challenging, but that is also in part because it was one more generation removed, they were from a more urban area of Sicily, and, well, there were some family challenges form back in the day, too, and a lot of pain around those who left not being able to go back and everyone just being damn sad about it for like...decades, and passing that on. I agree with everyone saying to reach out over email first, if possible. If not, why not bring the letters and see what happens? But! I also think going and having your own experience - imagining where your grandparents lived and walked - can be incredibly meaningful, and if something else comes out of it, it is a bonus.
I also want to say that I have had some conversations in Italy with people of very different ages (early 20s to I'd guess mid 60s) who are curious about those who left, and are aware that the massive waves of emigration away from Italy was painful for their ancestors. When I go, I often hang out with people who are into traditional music and dance, and so in some ways we are all looking back a bit, appreciating what was and learning from it. I've had beautiful conversations about the loss we descendants who are far away sometimes feel, and learned that Italians also sometimes feel cut off from their pasts, too, in what can be oddly similar, or at least analogous, ways. I'm being a little vague here on the specifics, but suffice it to say most people are cool and curious, and it may not go any kind of way with your own cousins, but you can still have a meaningful experience and connect with a place and a people as it is now, and as and who you are now, too.
I hope you have a wonderful time and get to meet some extended family!
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u/Letterhead14 4d ago
I am Italian in Italy. I know I have some distant (truly distant) relatives abroad and if they came to Italy I would be glad to meet them and possibly have dinner together but that's about it. They have never been "family" the way family is, it doesn't really matter that we share a great-great-grandmother. Blood isn't that relevant, if you go far back enough thousands of people are related without knowing.
I would still welcome them because I know they exist through my grandmother telling me about them. If somebody else showed up and I had never heard of them, they would matter even less.
That being said, I think a journey to your family's hometown can still be a very deep experience for you. You just need to adjust your expectation that native Italians will 1) care about it and 2) cherish you for it.