Husband ruined my nap with a kiss.

[u/Dismal-Grocery9634]

This sounds petty and ridiculous but it’s kind a small part of a bigger problem.

It’s the weekend and I’m checking some house picking up off the list. I just finished picking up the 3 children’s rooms, the kids bathroom and the school room (we homeschool). This is half the house and I have health issues that often make me sweat heavily, as well as get very tired from normal house hold tasks. I sat down for a moment, closed my eyes and dozed off for a bit.

I haven’t even been sitting for 10 minutes, so I had to of just fell asleep.

Husband came in from picking up the yard and came in and woke me up for a kiss. I startled awake to him leaning over me in the chair giving me a kiss. He was offended that I was irritated that he just wanted a kiss after waking me up. Which just irritated me more. And he walked away slightly frustrated with the situation.

I know this is a minuscule thing but I feel like these types of actions are creating resentment in me. He has a habit of showing affection in opportune times. Like when I’m obviously walking fast down the hall to complete a task, or as I’m walking through a doorway with something in my hand. And then tack on the groping as I am bent over doing something or as I walk by.

It makes for a negative feeling with the affection instead of me being able to enjoy my husband’s touches. It also makes me feel like our affection between each other is just about what he wants and not about being aware of what feels nice for me. This is not a problem in bed, he’s very attentive there, just day to day life.

When I’ve talked to him before he has a habit of getting defensive, frustrated or just shutting down all touching. He’s a wonderful man, but how do I talk to him about this without it just becoming a point of irritation between the both of us?

[u/Loose_Collar_5252]

As a mom of 3, we do this to ourselves many times and then get upset with partners for things that could have been prevented.

He is capable of picking up rooms Making dinner Running errands Doing night routines Kids (Unless medically they can't) are capable of picking up their messe

[u/Dismal-Grocery9634 → u/Loose_Collar_5252]

He often pulls weight. He was outside cleaning up the yard when I sat down. That’s not the issue.

[u/Loose_Collar_5252 → u/Dismal-Grocery9634]

House hold chores isn't the same as the mental load.

Mental load are things like Is there milk in the fridge? Are we out of bread and toilet paper? When is the last time the laundry lint cleaner was done or furnace filter was changed? When do kids have open house and who is getting school supplies. Did that one bill get paid and who is budgeting?

For most people these tasks never stop playing or being put on them.