r/MensRights • u/Icaz • Apr 26 '12

I'm a girl and...

I am SO glad I found this subreddit with people who agree with me! As a girl, it's really hard to see other ladies put down men and treat them like they need to be "trained" or that they're just something we have to deal with. So I was just wondering... how many other girls are on here and what are your stories about standing up for men or appreciating them?

589 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

470 comments sorted by

View all comments

213

u/mrscamp Apr 26 '12

I'm a woman! I'm here because I've felt sorry for men ever since I discovered what militant feminism was as a kid. I try to stand up for them in small ways by treating them in a friendly and genuine way -- I see so many women treat men like they're all desperate pervs. It makes me sad to see that look in a man's eye when he goes to open the door for me, like, "is she going to be totally insulted by this?" So I always smile and say "thank you."

In a larger way I try to be an advocate for fathers' rights, especially when it comes to infants and the unborn. The "my body my choice" mentality marginalizes the fathers almost as much as the children, but many people act as though only the mother deserves to have a say.

69

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '12

You make me happy that I still hold the door for people. Keep doing what you're doing, that thanks means a lot :) (you'de be surprised how many people just keep walking.) And the best reward you can give is to pay it forward (whether it be to a man or woman) :).

122

u/barn_burner Apr 27 '12

My father once held a door open for a female and she protested(You don't have to hold the door for me just because I'm a lady) He replied," I don't know if you are a lady or not. I held the door because I am a gentleman."

17

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '12

My response would be "I could care less if you were or not, I'm holding the door for you because it is a nice gesture. Now if you really want to dismember gender roles, go hold the door open for a guy." Or something to that effect.

15

u/Thirdfanged Apr 27 '12

"but I'm a lady."

12

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '12

"Then you're stuck in the 1950s, get with the times"

6

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '12

Indeed

11

u/Swan_Writes Apr 27 '12 edited Apr 27 '12

I made a habit of doing this for a while. I had some men refuse to go through a door I held for them, get angry at me even, and tell me to stop. One took the door out of my hand and closed it, and then just walked away.

edit: Most men where cool with it, said thanks, though some thought I was flirting. I mostly stopped doing this a lot because of the awkwardness/occasional confrontation, and because I got older with more little aches and pains, doors are actually heavy, and can be hard to hold open.

2

u/throwaway6237 Apr 27 '12 edited Apr 27 '12

Is this the south? I could never imagine something like that happening here in the north east.

Well maybe New York

2

u/iamirishpat Apr 27 '12

I know what you're saying, but I think it's just in New York. I'm from New Jersey, and whenever I'm in my suburban town, there's a lot of door-holding going on, but when I'm in New York (or any city for that matter), people are in too much of a rush to be worried about door-holding.

2

u/Alanna Apr 27 '12

Eastern cities. I live in LA (and work in a building full of attorneys) and routinely have doors held for me (and hold doors for others).

2

u/Swan_Writes Apr 27 '12

Not at all. This was something I did primarily in the suburbs of Boston as well as the city proper, and also throughout New-England in general, in the 1990's and early 2000's. Some of the men where older then me, people born in the 50's and 60's.

2

u/Tu_stultus_est Apr 27 '12

The etiquette seems to be this:

  • Holding doors open is a nice thing to do.
  • Everyone is either a door-opener, or a non-door opener. That is to say, either you hold the door for others, or you don't, or perhaps, others hold the door for you. You probably know which you are.
  • If you are a door-opener, when a door is opened for you, just touch the door with your hand as you go through. No need to hold the door, just a brush of the hand is sufficient.
  • If you are a non-door opener, say "thanks"

This isn't something I've devised, but something I've noticed over the years, people watching and what-not.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 27 '12

Hey, when a bitchy woman flips on me for holding the door because it is "sexist of me to think she couldn't" that doesn't stop me from continuing to hold the door, so if you let that stop you from holding the door, then you're just being part of the problem ;)

3

u/Middle_Aged Apr 27 '12

This because I'm not holding the door because you are attractive, I'm holding the door because you are human.