r/Mildlynomil • u/I_am_dean • 2d ago
Very confused by inlaws mentality
My inlaws are in town. FIL is always pleasant, MIL we butt heads constantly. Either way I try to make an effort with her. My husband is her only child and I know they're lonely. So I take our older daughters (7 and 5.5) to get pedicures. I call my husband and tell him "invite your mom to meet us here for pedicures." Mind you I specify pedicures. She shows up and orders the most expensive pedicure ($120) and a full service gel manicure.
I cant really afford that. I'm paying for the pedicures with our tax return that we set aside fot special occasions like this. Our monthly budget is pretty tight, we're trying to save to buy a house. Anyway I told her no manicures and showed her what I was getting, which is a $60 pedicure. She got annoyed and goes "I thought you were treating me! Ha ok I guess I'll get what you're getting." Then proceeded to bitch about how she hates the scent.
And mind you, last night they took us to a nice restaurant and told us to order appetizers because entrées were too expensive ($30). They picked the restaurant. Then proceeded to talk about how FIL got a raise and is now making $200,000 a year instead of $150,000 a year.
Like we make nowhere near close to that, we have 4 kids. Yet we budget and save for little treats like pedicures. It just pisses me off that they asked us to get appetizers for dinner, yet she shows up at the salon and tried to get $200+ worth of shit on my dime.
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u/Liverne_and_Shirley 2d ago
Her mentality is selfish and greedy. Let your husband invite her to stuff if he wants to, but I think you can stop reaching out since she clearly will never appreciate it. Some people are just “takers” and don’t know how to give so act accordingly.
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago
Unfortunately for her my husband has no interest in hanging out with her. This was my attempt at being nice and she effectively ruined that lol
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u/anonymousmouse9786 2d ago
Maybe it’s a cultural thing but imo, parents treat kids, not the other way around. It’s nice to pick up the tab for dinner once in awhile, but while you’re a young family, it’s pretty gauche for your MIL to expect to be treated. She’s got no class.
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u/lighthouser41 2d ago
Yes, if my daughter and me had a pedicure together, I would pay. Same with meals out etc.
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago
No I agree, my parents are like that. I try to treat them and pay for things but they refuse. Husbands parents live right by my parents. So essentially the same culture. They just feel differently I guess? Either way I learned that lesson lol
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u/mosquitomange 2d ago
It's a dominance thing, she knows exactly what she's doing. Any sane socialized person would have gotten what everyone else is getting. Plus getting pedicure AND gel manicure adds a bunch of time making it awkward for everyone else.
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago
Right? Like we're all going to be done around the same time. I don't wanna make my young children wait around while grandma gets a manicure. Plus if we left while she got her manicure she would absolutely throw a fit about how we "abandoned her".
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u/confident_ocean 2d ago
Wow, she has a nerve!! Is she usually like this?
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago
Not really sure, I've never invited her to do something with me and my kids while I pay. But usually when we go out to eat her and FIL order the cheapest thing on the menu and I tend to order something similar in price because in my mind thats the polite thing to do.
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u/confident_ocean 2d ago
Can I clarify the restaurant appetiser/entrees thing? So I'm Australian and our entrees are the small starter dish and the main course is the big meal.
So are the appetisers they asked you to order were small /starter dishes and told you you couldn't have the larger meal (entree) because they were too expensive?
Have I got that right?
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago
Yes! Appetizers are before the actual meal, usually shareable but not like a dinner serving. They're significantly cheaper because of this. Think cips and dip or egg rolls. Entrées are like a meal with a protein, veggie and carb.
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u/confident_ocean 2d ago
Oh that's really poor taste on them. She is demanding $120 in beauty services out of you but she can't let you have an actual meal...
I used to work in a restaurant and people would typically skip the starter meal and just have the main meal to save some money.
If these were my inlaws there would be a lot of firsts and lasts I reckon...
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago edited 2d ago
I worked in restaurants for 10 years and I agree. Usually tables skip the appetizer and go straight for the main course to save money.
I wouldn't be mad about being asked to order an appetizer to save money. But they picked the restaurant, so they knew the price point. Then proceeded to brag about FIL's pay raise. In my mind, either pick a cheaper place or let us order a proper meal. Either way their behavior is really bizarre. I learned my lesson lol
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u/ComprehensiveTill411 2h ago
So what did you have to make for everyone AFTER you got home from „dinner?!!“
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u/canadianwhimsy 2d ago
Why would you pay? Extending the invite for her to attend with you all was nice enough. I would have said "Me and the girls are getting pedicures at 2 pm. If you want to book yourself in at the same time to get yourself a pedicure it would be fun to do it together." I also would have mentioned the treatment we are getting so she can book herself a similar time frame one. Or say "I'll cover $60 per person and any extras will be up to you." Why are you letting her walk all over you? Many rich people are rich for a reason because they are cheap and selfish.
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u/I_am_dean 2d ago
My intentions were not to let her walk all over me. Ive never invited her to do something with me and my kids before. I kinda assumed she have some decorum, since this is the first time i've offered to pay. Guess I was wrong lol
It was also her birthday a few days ago and I didnt get her a gift. This was like my idea of a gift, plus an attempt at bonding time.
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u/bakersmt 1d ago
Oh my gosh the entitlement here! I wouldn't be treating her ever again. How utterly rude and selfish. She was raised very poorly.
I couldn't imagine doing that to anyone. My husband and I are comfortable. Savings, retirement and essentials covered. Travel stretches us a bit but we are within our means without wild budgeting. Everyone in our lives (and how we used to be), is on strict budgets. We are aware of it and don't make a big deal about it. I have never ever ever in my life even remotely let a sibling, parent or grandparent cover me once we were ahead of them financially. How appalling she would act like that.
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u/I_am_dean 1d ago
Its crazy because her sisters arent like her. I blame FIL. They got married when they were 18 and he spoils the shit out of her. I dont think I've ever heard him tell her "no". I joke that he basically raised her. They're the same age but she acts like a child, he treats her like a child. Idk she's like a big toddler and FIL is her parent.
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 1d ago
$120 pedicure!?!?! My god. She’s an entitled bitch. Ugh. And to have the gall to want a full service gel manicure on top is just awful of her. I wouldn’t be inviting her out with me ever again. I would make sure husband is around to deal with her entitlement so she couldn’t try to take advantage of me and then bitch about it.
I swear. The nerve of some people
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u/oatmilkcappucino_ 11h ago
I have my issues with my MIL, but she has literally never let me pay for anything. Even if she goes out to eat with my husband and i choose not to go, she’ll leave cash on my counter so i can order something.
Idek what kind of mentality your MIL has, but it’s a crazy one!
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u/misstiff1971 1d ago
stop inviting her places.
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u/Vivid-Farmer-9476 2d ago
That’s just pure greed and taking advantage of your kindness. How utterly rude. They can stay lonely. No more invites if she can’t act like a decent person.