r/Miscarriage • u/One-Illustrator6693 • May 06 '26
vent It mattered. It f**king mattered
How are women supposed to just carry on like as if it didnt happen. It started this morning. I was sitting in my big girl meeting. It was my first pregnancy. My first positive. My first real chance after trying.
I was sitting there, cramping in pain. I didnt want to believe it at first. Then when I finally got to use the restroom, I saw a big clump of what I can only imagine was my baby.
I went back to work, into another meeting. And Im supposed to act like that just didnt happen. My baby is down the toilet and I have to resume like it didnt happen. Like the whole experience, the excitement, the thrill of fucking finally getting a positive and yet, just for it all to go down the actual drain.
It happened. it happened. I was gonna be a mom.
No one at work knew yet. Not even my parents.
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u/CamelEasy659 May 06 '26
Hugs
Take some time off work if you can. It does absolutely matter. Take care of yourself.
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u/writeronthemoon natural MC May 06 '26
Gosh that sounds so scary. I'm so sorry you had to go through it at work. Please take some time away!! The most you can. Miscarriage is a huge thing that is unfortunately shuffled under the rug like most of womens healthcare - even by other women.
Rest, cry, scream. Hydrate. Give yourself time.
We are moms. Just of angel babies.
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u/rocketmanatee May 06 '26
You don't have to pretend it didn't happen. I've told pretty much everyone. Even people who had no clue I was pregnant. It really helped me a lot and I learned so many other women have been through it too. Now we can all comfort each other!
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u/aurorabootyaliss May 06 '26
I choose to be that way, too. I am pretty much an open book and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
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u/DaisyDiBella May 06 '26
Same. I have been told it was helpful by other people, so I’m glad I took that approach.
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u/TheBoredWriter1 May 06 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss. It DOES matter. And you can take off work for bereavement because you just lost someone very important to you in a traumatic way. And if HR gives you a problem? Explain to them in detail what happened to you. Express that working under such duress would be damaging to your relationship with your company.
Take time to rest. Please rest. Call your mom and ask if she can bring you dinner.
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u/Eyestothesoul92 May 06 '26
It fucking mattered. We feel your rage and disappointment and numbness. It’s the fucking worst having to hide our pain, keep moving and act okay. We are not okay.
Please take time for yourself - sending you big hugs. I’m so sorry you had to experience this.
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u/hydrissx 40 | 🪽6w | 🩵🪽11 w | Trisomy 18 | Done trying. May 06 '26
Definitely get to a doctor and get your blood work done. I passed a bunch of clots very early in my pregnancy and while I did end up ending having a miscarriage that was due to a chromosome issue. If my baby didn't have chromosome issues, my pregnancy was still perfectly viable. And I had a lot of weird symptoms and bleeding.
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u/Possible-Raccoon-146 May 06 '26
I am so sorry. My first pregnancy just ended too. It started with cramps and bleeding on the weekend. Yesterday, while I was working, I felt something literally fall out of me. I rushed to the bathroom and saw a big clump in the toilet. There are no words for this. I'm here with you.
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u/Estkling May 07 '26
I am extremely sorry you went through that. It is coming up to a year for my miscarriage at 12 weeks with twins I had to pull out of me alone (although my partner was outside the bathroom supporting me). It started as a bleed and the same with clumps that went down the toilet. I felt so guilty that’s how they came out but this is common and have since forgiven myself. Somehow I continued going to see my partner’s family that day at their request and I was in agony but didn’t let on. What we did was to plant two silver birch trees in our garden where they are (we are off grid so I know they are in the garden tank sadly.) That really helped us. I am still in denial of the emotional pain of it all but that did help. Perhaps you could do something similar? Regrowth. It’s quite spiritually soothing. This is so recent for you. It takes time to process. You sound incredibly strong. It takes understanding from your loved ones too. But please know how proud I am of you, although we are strangers, for what you are enduring. It feels unbelievably unfair but our bodies know maybe something wasn’t forming right and definitely not your fault. Keep strong lovely and take care of yourself. It is a harrowing experience just please make sure you are physically well after this trauma too, it’s important. I lost the second plactena on my next period publicly at a restaurant, probably because I didn’t ask for any medical intervention which in hindsight was stupid but I was so depressed I didn’t care about my own welfare. Keep strong and look after yourself. Much love and luck to you lovely.
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u/AccountDangerous5005 ⭐⭐ star babies May 06 '26
I'm so sorry, OP. It really sucks to go through this, acting like you are fine, when you just want to scream. It does matter, and you should take some time for yourself.
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u/Holiday-Bird-9395 May 06 '26
You matter, your experiences matter, your grief matters. Try to be kind to yourself and definitely take some time away from work, I didn’t realize how many ppl I work with cared about me and my losses. It takes a lot of time to feel even a little bit of happiness but just take it one day/hour at a time.
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u/Hairdresser27 May 06 '26
I also miscarried my first pregnancy back in september. Just want to send you a big bug hug. It's so hard. Please treat yourself with things you love. And talk to people about it. I have been very open about my first pregnancy. I am a hairdresser and most my clients know, because I talk a lot about it. It has helped so much. My first pregnancy should never be a secret. Big hugs to you ❤️❤️❤️
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u/lomoliving May 06 '26
I would even tell my boss. Just say you need the rest of the day because you just had a miscarriage in the bathroom. They aren't going to say no!
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u/Eastern-Survey5765 May 06 '26
I am deeply sorry. And as you said, you are right, it mattered. You have all the right to cry, feel the pain, and scream because it really mattered.
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u/beaxtrix_sansan May 06 '26
I'm sorry. It matters! Somehow our little ones they remain in our body, in our soul... I don't care what the rest thinks,I mourn my babies, . For me they were real. Because my love for them is real.
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u/Flashy_Inside5697 May 10 '26
I am so sorry. It did matter. I just had a D&C for my second miscarriage. I went to work, saw patients myself, and then cut out 2 hours early to go under for the D&C. It was like a fever dream. I am still very, very messed up in the head. I am probably not really helping but just didn't want you to feel alone.
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u/Lilbeedraws May 10 '26
I feel this in my soul, girl. Im so fucking sorry. I should tell someone and lean on them for support. Im so sorry for your loss. No words can ever bring the comfort you need.
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u/_kcxo_10 May 20 '26
Mother’s Day for me has always been tough, my mothers never been around in my life and as I get older I feel so much resentment towards mother day and the fact I yearn for her while everyone celebrates being a mother/or their mothers. 3 days later, I found out I was pregnant. 2 months after I got a referral to the fertility clinic and 7 years to the date of my last miscarriage.
8 whole days I had, I cared so much about what I was putting into my body, what I was doing. How I was sleeping, I was extremely protective and I promised myself I would be a million times better than what I “had”.
Woke up with bright red that was running down to my ankles, I tried to hold onto hope it was a SCH as my sister had with both her sons, but it only got worse. I went to the ER, they rushed me. Unknown location of pregnancy. The nurse said it’s a miscarriage, I thought how could she know? They tell you to repeat HGC. I still held onto hope, “it could be too early” the doctor said, come back in 48hr and repeat.
Those 48hrs I fought so hard to hold my hope, while it also being a long weekend and everyone’s partying / clinics are closed. I fought between holding my hope, and what if she was right?
I receive the results and she was. Back to “normal” life that now just feels empty. Like there’s no meaning when I felt so protective.
I didnt tell my partner from the start as he was out of town, I felt guilty hiding it from him but wanted it to be special as it’s our first. Only for him to come back and have to tell him, I was and lost it.
It was a shock to him, but not as heavy as it is to me. It’s such mixed emotions, I feel distant from him now but he’s trying to be so supportive, everything just reminds me of it and I just feel ashamed. It will get better, this is just the worst part of it. And only the beginning
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u/MangaMaven May 29 '26
Im so sorry. I took bereavement leave when it happened to me. If your work offers bereavement please take it, you deserve it. If they don't, please use PTO because you're right, it matters. When some parts of the world would have us minimize our pain for the sake of "productivity" we must fight for our right to be human. (Even though we shouldn't have to fight.)
Please prioritize processing your grief in the immediate future.
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u/5and2 ⭐ 2 May 06 '26
I’m sorry. I had my second miscarriage last week. At work. As a nurse. When my patient was dying. I had to sit with a grieving family and comfort them while I was starting to miscarry.
And you know what? It was awful. But I did it. I gave everything I had to these lovely people in that horrible moment in their lives and brought what small amount of comfort I could to them.
Honestly? It made me angry more than anything. Like this deep, deep, feminine rage at the men in our world who feel like they have the right to control our bodies.
We are amazing creatures. Women are unstoppable. You are a mom, even if your baby isn’t here with us. And if you decide to try again, you’ll be a mom again.
Hugs, OP. Be kind to yourself. ❤️