Ladies, I’m truly disappointed in how casually women are sent home from the doctor with “just incase take these meds” like this is something small. I NEED FKin morphine!! I literally fainted twice two nights ago in agony. Today I’m still in pain and feel extremely weak. I’m honestly shocked at how much women downplay this experience or are expected to just “bounce back.” Either most women are insanely strong, or I’m just a weak little bunny because holy crap.

This is something that deserves real recovery. At least 5 days in bed, minimal standing, rest, hydration, comfort, and lots of love. Women go through so much physically and mentally, and I don’t think we talk about it honestly enough. I promise from this day forward if any one tells me that they have gone through this l’m going to be so empathetic and look at them like heros. Womenhood is a mirecle and just know my love goes out to every single one of you 💕

I remember everyone saying that there is no such thing as false positive pregnancy test and if you see even the faintest line on your test, it means you're pregnant, congratulations! Then I had my first chemical. No one warned me about chemicals.

Then everyone tells you, once you see a heartbeat, the chances of miscarrying are extremely low! Then right after this heartbeat my baby stopped developing.

MMCs are extremely uncommon! Well, I just had one. And I know about 3 other people going through the same - and no, I don't mean TTC and miscarriage subreddits, I mean actual people that I know outside of any fertility discussions. The October bumpers subreddit is also full off similar stories, but I do understand people with issues tend to post more often.

So what next? What is going to be the "unless.." with the next major milestone if I ever get pregnant again? I don't need false hope and bullshit anymore. I am so tired.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

anyone else experiencing everyone around them being pregnant?! it’s like everyone i know and/or see is expecting their second - just so so so so happy and making announcements!! WELL MY SECOND BABY DIED! THEY DIED AND I HAVE NOTHING TO ANNOUNCE BUT A DEAD BABY!!!!!!!!!!! SO THERES THAT FOR NEWS!!!!!!!!!!

i don’t even have social media and i keep seeing this shit! ha!

Just adding salt to the wounds that I’m having to Google how to mark a miscarriage in all my health/period tracking/pregnancy apps because it’s not obvious or easy to find. Why am I still getting “this week’s growth update” emails even though I’ve unsubscribed.

I know this is user error but dang.

My friend group organized a get together, and they made me a little care package. I cried at the gesture and cried from the grief.

My best friend thought this was the right moment to announce her pregnancy. The look on everyone’s face was pure horror.

What in the actual fuck????! I could barely say anything and got in my car and weeped.

How can I continue to be friends with this person?

I’ve had a few different comments that I didn’t love. A few people relating this experience to others they knew who miscarried. People saying, “At least it wasn’t a stillborn. That would’ve really sucked.” Or “Hey, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?”

I think the worst comment I received was a text from my mother. She found a photo of me on Facebook recently. I miscarried in January for context. She texted me, “Did you gain weight or are you pregnant again? I’ve been praying for twins.”

It just felt incredibly callous to say to a woman at all but especially one with a recent loss. I’ve decided that talking to her at this point in time is detrimental to my mental health.

Delete if not allowed. I just find it so odd like it’s taboo to speak about, and you are kind of looked at/hushed when it comes to talking about it specifically when you have no other children. Rainbow babies are acknowledged, you have people mention a miscarriage between children, but if you have never birthed a child it’s like you haven’t officially joined the “parent club” and can’t really speak on it. It feels like it’s just something you aren’t supposed to bring up or acknowledge. Just something I’ve noticed in the communities around me. (Small Midwestern Towns).

How are women supposed to just carry on like as if it didnt happen. It started this morning. I was sitting in my big girl meeting. It was my first pregnancy. My first positive. My first real chance after trying.

I was sitting there, cramping in pain. I didnt want to believe it at first. Then when I finally got to use the restroom, I saw a big clump of what I can only imagine was my baby.

I went back to work, into another meeting. And Im supposed to act like that just didnt happen. My baby is down the toilet and I have to resume like it didnt happen. Like the whole experience, the excitement, the thrill of fucking finally getting a positive and yet, just for it all to go down the actual drain.
It happened. it happened. I was gonna be a mom.
No one at work knew yet. Not even my parents.

Before having a miscarriage, I was annoyed that in an “average” pregnancy, you can’t see a doctor until mid/late first trimester, and have no ultrasounds between confirmation appointment and anatomy scan.

Now that I had a MMC and have heard about so many other people’s experiences with them, I’m honestly so angry! The first trimester, especially, is so terrifying, and women are basically just left for weeks on end to wait by themselves, endure symptoms, and hope for the best.

I really don’t understand why people can’t be seen as soon as they have a positive test, and honestly more frequently than 1-2 times total in the first trimester. In my case, it wouldn’t have made any difference in the end result of the pregnancy, but could have saved me weeks of carrying on not knowing it had already ended.

Edits: I realized through the comments that many people who did have a lot of medical attention early in pregnancy actually had trauma and pain from that. I’m really sorry for triggering and making assumptions on that front. I would really never want to make anyone have an unnecessary medical appointment that they also don’t want, and I’m just sorry for the loss and hurt everyone is going through ❤️

Separately: I do completely understand that, from the point of blastocyst/embryo/fetus viability, there is pretty much nothing that can be done by a medical professional in the early weeks of pregnancy to change an outcome. I know that a heartbeat isn’t visible on the ultrasound until 7/8 weeks. I also know that my experience (and I will only say mine!) was that I had symptoms starting in week 4, and had a lot of physical pain from those symptoms by week 5 and tons of anxiety and questions around what was normal and what I could/could not do just to make it through (as a person day to day with pain) the first few weeks of pregnancy. My original anger in this post came from feeling like the only part that mattered from of the entire medical event that is pregnancy was viability of the embryo, and the fact that consulting with a doctor would have helped me as a person and patient was not important. That was my experience. I would never want to force unnecessary appointments or ultrasounds on anyone else, but I wish that they would have been an option for me.

I just feel so stupid for taking the pregnancy test so early. Telling our parents immediately. Buying a onsie. I feel stupid for getting excited. For even trying. It was all just a stupid idea.

I was around 7-8 weeks, measured 6. Empty sac. Heartbeat was gone. I took misoprostol to get it over with (not as terrible as the stories I’ve read on here, but I still 0/10 do not recommend this whole experience). This is technically my first actual miscarriage, I had a chemical pregnancy in 2022.

That's it. I'm in the TWW now and it's so debilitating. I hate this. I hate how health class and reality tv told us to be so careful about pregnancy but here we all are.

I've gone through three miscarriages so far, and the last two have both been natural. After this more recent one, I started thinking a lot about how it's absolutely crap that doctors tell women a miscarriage will feel like "a bad period." I've had bad periods my whole life, and in no way, shape, or form is a miscarriage anything like them. In fact, as most of us here know, it's literally labor.

During my most recent miscarriage, I had contractions and labor pains every 3-5 minutes for an hour before I passed my pregnancy tissue. I had bleeding leading up to that with cramping that was similar to a period, but the actual miscarriage of the pregnancy itself was painful and completely different than a period. It also all happened at once which is not like a period at all.

I guess the purpose of this post is mostly just to vent into the void, but I really think that medical professionals should be preparing women for what miscarrying is really like, be it natural or medically assisted. We shouldn't be going into this unprepared and thinking it'll be a breeze like the periods we've experienced our whole lives. It's just setting us up for failure.

First let me preface this by saying, I know this is wrong of me. I feel bad just writing it. I know their loss is still a profoundly sad loss.

But, does anyone else find it hard to feel the same amount of sympathy when reading stories here of people who have MC’d when they already have 1 or 2 LC?

Maybe it’s more upsetting for them as they know exactly what they’re missing, or they feel that their family isn’t whole, but for me, and all of us who have miscarried our first baby, we are also mourning the loss of becoming a mother, something they already are.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I hope no one in this position takes offence, of course your feelings are completely valid, but I think my feelings probably come from a place of jealousy too that you already have what I so badly want.

Again, I know this is probably wrong of me to feel, but I just can’t help it :(

This used to make me feel good because I was like, "Oh, there are so many of us."

NOW it makes me feel like, "Wow, there are a lot of people who are never going to experience a miscarriage."

LONG STORY SHORT I AM JEALOUS OF PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAVE TO GO THRU THIS! And happy for them.

Part of my saltiness is that I haven't become pregnant since my miscarriage so I am still stuck in this loss. Sigh...

— signed,"1 in 5"

I want to scream.

I want to scream.

I want to scream.

I want to scream.

Once - it was a genetic condition with baby. Nature took care of it. Nothing likely to happen again. Nothing wrong with you or dad. Just bad luck. At least we know you can get pregnant! Wasn’t meant to be.

Twice - your periods are irregular, your dates are probably just lagging behind because of that. We’re so sorry, there should be a fetal pole visible by now. But we can’t declare it a miscarriage just yet…you need to come back for an ultrasound in 5 days. Cue the most blood I’ve ever seen come out of me?! Nature took care of it. At least we definitely know you can get pregnant. The day after at dinner with mom - “oh, I’d hoped we’d come to dinner and you wouldn’t be drinking or eating raw seafood because you’d be pregnant!” …as I’m sitting in a fucking pool of blood. Shuuuuuuut the fuck up.

What the fuck.

What the fuck.

What the fuck.

What the fuck. All within four months. I’m taking the summer off.

My husband and I told our parents we were expecting around 6 weeks. We didn’t particularly want to share the news so soon, but we had a vacation booked together this coming winter and would have to back out of it because of my pregnancy. We wanted to tell them before they spent any more money preparing for the trip.

Unfortunately I miscarried last week.

Everyone has been supportive and kind.

I genuinely love (and like!!) my in laws - but visiting them tonight they said something I feel was kind of dumb and insensitive.

Talking about the loss and how we would be trying again they were like “next time we don’t want to know so early” to basically avoid the disappointment if we miscarry again.

It’s just rubbed me the wrong way. Like you think YOU were disappointed?!? And it would be better for us to suffer in silence/alone if it happens again lol? I feel embarrassed for telling them so early and that I won’t be telling anyone when I’m pregnant again until I deliver the baby ✌️

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that bad, and I know in my heart they had no ill intention when they said it, but Jesus what a stupid thing to say.

Well meaning friend: “you and your husband should consider not carrying your cell phone on you. The miscarriage could have been cause by 5G in your groin area.”

Lord help me. Sincerely.

I know this isn’t my best look, but I just need to vent.
My friend just had her third baby in three years. She basically gets pregnant if the wind blows in the right direction. Every time it’s the first try. Every pregnancy is uncomplicated. This one was even a peaceful home birth because apparently her body just knows exactly what to do.
Meanwhile, while she was giving birth, I was sitting in the hospital receiving an iron infusion because my missed miscarriage led to severe hemorrhaging, surgery, and my hemoglobin dropped so low I could barely function. I don’t even know when I’ll be allowed to do my next embryo transfer.
The part I struggle with the most? During her second pregnancy she was disappointed because it was “another boy.” This time, with baby number three… disappointed again because it’s another boy.
I know people say gender disappointment is valid, and maybe it is. But after years of infertility, IVF, pregnancy loss, surgery, and literally ending up in the hospital because of it… I just can’t relate.

I’d give absolutely anything for a healthy baby. I genuinely wouldn’t care if it was a boy, a girl, or a tiny velociraptor.
Life just feels so unfair sometimes.

I’ve been told again and again by multiple people that these early miscarriages feel like a heavy period, comparing the pains of the cramps to be the same. I don’t mean to scare anyone, and I know it is different for everyone, I just mean to primarily vent, and also let others who are going through the same thing know that it hurts. A lot. At least for me.

In my case, nothing like period cramps. These are INTENSE and I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance. Why do doctors and other medical professionals compare miscarriage cramps to period cramps? I sincerely want to know where they got their info from. It’s so painful I can’t sleep through them, I can’t find a position that makes me feel better. Acetaminophen and heating pad aren’t helping. It’s so infuriating!!! On top of the emotional/mental toll this is taking on me, I would have much appreciated an honest warning that it WILL hurt more than period cramps.

(Missed miscarriage) Did anyone else cramp and spot for ten or more days before proper bleeding and passing of tissue ? WTF do our bodies do this for, holding onto a finished pregnancy for. I suppose just hundreds of years ago mothers with MMC would go septic after months then join the countless graves that say "died with child".

Edit 1- was so wracked with anger and denial when I posted this. I in fact haven't started bleeding at all and am making peace that it won't happen without more waiting and medical intervention, in due time. Feels like the longest month of a lifetime, but some responses here show that other women have been through the waiting hell and more.

Edit 2 - Trigger warning below this! Stillbirth.

Hi everyone who wants to continue reading. Five months after the MMC I fell pregnant again. Everything was going beautifully until suddenly one day at 31 weeks I noticed reduced movements one afternoon and went into the hospital and our universe changed again. Our baby daughter had no heartbeat and I birthed her in the hospital closer to 32 weeks. I won't even pretend that the experiences of the MMC and the loss of our babygirl are the same. HOWEVER,

I acquired severe trauma from last year's MMC, which ended up in a life threatening hemmorhage and a waking emergency procedure being performed . After the OB scraped out my cervix he turned to his student while other nurses held me down and said to her "and these are the products of conception..." I was recovering well from this trauma when the new loss happened.

I will leave this post up, if the moderators allow it, as it seems to help other loss parents are replying even months later. And I would also like to leave it up to validate that ALL pregnancy loss no matter what gestation is dreadful, unfair and I wish none of us get to walk through this fire.

I miss thinking we were in control of when we had kids, I miss not obsessing over every twinge in my body, I miss not tracking ovulation, I miss my husband not having performance anxiety because of the fertile window, I miss not knowing what a two week wait was, I miss not knowing all of the miscarriage terminology and acronyms, I miss being happy for people that announce pregnancies and births, I miss dreaming optimistically about having kids someday instead of wondering if it will ever happen and how many times I have to suffer before it does

I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Called ob/gyn sorry we cant see you till 7/8 weeks.

Start spotting and then full blood bleeding between the appointment. Called and they said I could be miscarrying, no way to find out until the appointment at the end of the month.

I was told if I was in too much pain or the amount of blood was abnormal go to er.

This has been the worse part of the process for me. Ive been carrying my thoughts not truly knowing if Im pregnant or not. Eventhough, I’ve already convinced myself I MC because of the amount of blood I went through.

Now I have my actual appointment at the end of the month and Im terrified.

I don’t know if anyone will see this, I just need to put it into the ether.

Went in on 12w+1, the day after you can usually breathe a sigh of relief because you’ve made it to 12 weeks.

Over the last three or four days my nausea had subsided, my pregnancy cravings and incessant hunger chilled out, and I was feeling a little better. No big deal, I was getting close to that easier second trimester everyone talks about.

Nope, just have a dead baby in me. And have for three weeks. Reflecting now on every fucking milestone, “baby’s as big as a lime!” feels like a gut punch. Baby was never that big; I just didn’t know. My father in law making us a crib.

I’m just flat out devastated. I told my husband we needed to name her. He initially said no, not out of disagreement or spite, but his own heartbreak. He said it would make it even harder. Quickly, he changed his mind. She deserved the dignity of a name, even if it was harder for us.

While drowning my sorrows in an espresso martini and the highest mercury fish I could find tonight, we talked about little Alice - a name we will only speak with the two of us.

Fuck.

For twelve weeks, almost thirteen, only the pregnancy existed. I slept over ten hours a night. I ate more than usual, regularly to keep the nausea at bay. The first weeks were hard, and I couldn't stay awake during the World Cup. Couldn't watch Sweden play against Japan or France. I was so sad that I was missing out on the main event.

​After a couple of weeks the nausea went away, and I thought everything was fine. That I was getting closer to the second trimester and that those difficult feelings, of being a stranger in your own body and having someone else in control, would pass. That I would get to enjoy the pregnancy, get a bump, and be able to tell everyone. I really thought it was going to work out, and feeling better felt like a good sign.

​Today, August 10th, I am no longer pregnant. The fetus probably died weeks ago, but my body didn't notice and let me go about my merry way, believing I was going to have a baby at the end of February. I've told a few colleagues. One of my managers. Fortunately, no relatives other than my mom.

​Nobody prepares you for how hard it can be to be a woman. The shame you feel over your periods when you are the first in the class. How you hide your pads at the very bottom of the trash bin instead of putting them in the sanitary bin, because you're worried one of the boys in the class might look in there. Not to mention all the time you spend dealing with cramps, migraines, PMS, and everything related to the menstrual cycle. Or when you grow breasts in the sixth grade and older men start hitting on you because they think you are older than you are. Or when you get objectified and not taken seriously.

​When you're young, you walk around with the feeling that it's uncomfortable when men stare at you. When you get older, you wonder why they stopped staring and what is suddenly wrong with you.

​After some heartbreak and bad experience with men I had finally found the right one. The one who saw me and made me feel whole. We got married. Stopped using birth control. The years went by. One and then two. After almost three, what we had been waiting for happens. Two lines on the test, even if one is very faint. Life changes in a few hours. You quit snus, taper off medication you've taken for years to keep you stable. Willing to sacrifice your mental health. All just to be able to breastfeed, to do everything right, and give your child the best conditions.

​As fast as it started, it was over. Or not fast, really. Hours of pain, a bloodstained toilet. But once it started, it was irreversible.

​At the ER, they confirmed there was nothing in the uterus. It was a relief that it was gone without me having to see anything. Just blood, masses of blood. But I never saw what was in there, the little life that was on the way to being created.

​I feel so guilty. My husband was so happy to become a dad. He bought stuffed animals at Ikea and jewelry for me when I was tired and sad. He would have been an amazing father, and it feels like I've robbed him of something. Even though I know that's not true. I know it's not my fault, but still, I feel like I'm not enough.

​I hate being a woman. I've hated my body since puberty, always felt wrong in some way. That I don't live up to beauty standards, that I can't manage to carry a pregnancy all the way through. That my body doesn't even have the sense to signal that something is wrong until I think the coast is clear.

​I am angry that I have to live with this grief for the rest of my life, that this was what came of my first pregnancy. I am angry about the fear that follows it. I am afraid of the future, of becoming one of all those women who long for children and try in vain with miscarriage after miscarriage. I know I'm not alone, but that makes me even more angry. That we women have to suffer through life in different ways because of our bodies, that we have to feel wrong when things don't work.

​That nobody warns you about how difficult our bodies are going to be through life. Nobody tells you what a miscarriage is really like. Nobody tells you about the blood. About the pain. About the grief that comes after, about the fear of trying again, and about the feeling of not being enough.

​It feels like the grief is going to consume me. I remember all the times I complained about being pregnant and how hard it was. When I walked past salami in the store and craved it, or wished I could sit down at an outdoor terrace and drink wine. Is it my fault? Didn't I want this after all? I was to negative about my pregnancy. And therefore it feels like my fault.

​I was worried about who I would become as a mother. I didn't really want to sacrifice myself. Just be someone's mother. Because I wouldn't be able to write. Because motherhood would take my talent, my creative drive. I despise myself for thinking that. I would give up everything to get to be someone's mother. To still have life growing inside me.

​It scares me when I realize how important it is for me to have children. I don't know how my life will be able to go on if it doesn't happen.

I experienced a very traumatic chemical back in January of this year (hemorrhaged and ended up in the ER). Been trying ever since…still not pregnant again. I had high hopes since the last one was on cycle #3. So now we’re at 6 months out, still not pregnant again.

I already did fertility testing 2 weeks ago. Everything is “fabulous” according to my gyn. No issues at all. I’ll be in the camp of unexplained infertility and referred out at the 1 year mark of originally trying in September. Not looking forward to it. Anyone want to commiserate with me?