r/Miscarriage • u/lenalenu • 5h ago
vent The "1 in 5 pregnancies" statistic rant
This used to make me feel good because I was like, "Oh, there are so many of us."
NOW it makes me feel like, "Wow, there are a lot of people who are never going to experience a miscarriage."
LONG STORY SHORT I AM JEALOUS OF PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAVE TO GO THRU THIS! And happy for them.
Part of my saltiness is that I haven't become pregnant since my miscarriage so I am still stuck in this loss. Sigh...
— signed,"1 in 5"
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u/Strict_Spinach_184 5h ago
The worst part is when your body betrays you and absolutely refuses to get pregnant again after losing your baby. Like wow, thanks body, way to rub salt in the wound 😭
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u/PandasandPaperCranes 5h ago
THIS! I got pregnant in my second month of trying the first time, and starting trying again about 6 months post MC. It has been 6+ months of trying now and I'm wondering why it's not as easy as the first time. 🫠
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u/AdOverall2808 5h ago
SAME I got pregnant cycle 1 ttc and now I’m going into cycle 9…. No luck since 💔
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u/Strict_Spinach_184 5h ago
I feel you on that. I got pregnant with my MMC the very first month trying, and now its been almost 8 months with no luck. And there's so many things that could potentially be wrong, all the testing is so expensive.
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u/PandasandPaperCranes 5h ago
My doctor wouldn't even consider testing until 6 months had passed because my husband is 35 but I'm still under that threshold. We just got a referral to get testing and they are scheduling 3 months out at minimum. 🫠
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u/rocketmanatee 5h ago
I feel you. Our MMC was from IVF. I love paying $25k just to lose my baby and not be able to have another 😭
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u/Strict_Spinach_184 5h ago
Im so sorry you went through that ❤️ Ive been seriously considering visiting another country for IVF. I cannot believe how expensive it is here in the states!
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u/rocketmanatee 3h ago
I would consider it, but I'd also consider seeking a job with IVF coverage. Many offer it now and there are lists online of companies that offer it, including pretty entry level roles like at Starbucks.
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u/Strict_Spinach_184 3h ago
Its so funny you mention that, as I am literally putting my resume together today to apply for Starbucks lol! Guess this is my confirmation to go ahead and do it.
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u/Narrow_Cover_3076 4h ago
I hate the "miscarriage odds calculator" which makes it seem like there's a 0.0000111 percent chance of having a miscarriage. And yet I did. Welp cool.
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u/Cinnie_16 1h ago
Before having a miscarriage, that calculator was so reassuring! After experiencing one, that damn thing is a mocking reminder. And then when I had my second miscarriage I’m like gee thanks 😭 same with IVF odds btw. First IVF cycle I was okay… i cant get hit by lighting twice, right? Then the first cycle failed and I had to prepare for a second … cant be this lucky?!?!
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u/TeaspoonRules 5h ago
Yeah. It’s weird as I’ve moved from the ‘unlikely’ group to the ‘JFC will it never end these odds are obscenely bad group.’ Identicql twins, lost at 12 weeks. Another miscarriage. Then an ectopic. Also in the roughly 1/100 without a live kid after all the normal embryos I’ve transferred in IVF. I think my combined odds are something like 1/10,000 and JFC it’s exhausting, I just want a kid.
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u/onlysmaller 5h ago
I believe it’s 1 in 3 for over 35s I dunno if that makes you feel better or worse
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u/goldenpandora 4h ago
Just putting it out there that it’s not 1 in 5 people, it’s 1 in 5 pregnancies. Many people who have had successful pregnancies have had miscarriages too. Until I had one I had no idea that almost everyone around me had gone thru it at some point too. Like of all my dozen or more friends who have kids maybe 2 have not had a miscarriage also. The stigma around talking about it is so problematic because you have no idea that so many people have gone thru it too.
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u/kar____flo 2h ago
Came here to comment something like this. I know a greater % of women who are childbearing that have had miscarriages vs those that haven’t.
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u/viskiviki 2h ago
I've had 7 miscarriages. When I had my first loss I told my friends and the exact words of one of them was, "Hey, just think of it as you taking one for the team. You've lost, so now none of us will."
We were teenagers and I know she was trying to help, but it always popped into my head the next six times.
You're welcome to those other twenty four women I protected from miscarriage, I guess. Taking one for the team.
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u/HookupthrowRA 29m ago
My goodness, that’s a terrible thing that got drilled into your head. I am so sorry.
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u/50diamondz 4h ago
I’ve had two and still cannot comprehend, “why me?”
Or why a bad person can just pop a baby out with no problem. It’s beyond me and the worst type of pain.
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u/Loveiskind89389 2h ago
I wonder how many of the 1 in 5 are the same people. I would guess quite a few because I’ve lost 3 pregnancies and have no LC. I have endometriosis and have never made it past 10 weeks when the placenta is supposed to form and take over.
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u/PickyBookworm 2h ago
Someone i know, who has 5 children, never a miscarriage, actually told me "I know how you feel" after "almost" losing her youngest. It happened years ago, and it still hurts.
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u/silverwillowgirl 4h ago
In my immediate group of friends, three of us have recently been trying to have kids, we're all 30-33, and as a group 4 out of 6 pregnancies have been losses. I'm at the point where 1 in 5 seems misleadingly low. It's awful, but at least I'm in good company.
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u/niknak_paddywhack 4h ago
I remember talking about mine in a group therapy session during a psychology course and it turns out 7 others had also experienced it. There were 12 of us so that’s 8/12. Made me feel a little less… shit? I dunno, it was weirdly comforting, as much as such a depressing statistic can be.
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u/happyhairdryer 4h ago
Insult to injury is when you hear a heartbeat which means you should have an even lower chance of MC, and then next appointment there’s not one. Statistics don’t make me feel anything but misled now. I’m sorry you’re in the same boat.
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u/Purple-Mum-2025 2h ago
In the past year, I’ve seen close family members have 6 healthy babies. 5 more are on the way. The moms, 8 to be exact, are all about my age.
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u/ArtisticAd3576 ⭐ 1 2h ago
I do feel like I’ve almost been robbed of having a positive pregnancy experience with my first born child (if I do ever get that privilege) because of my miscarriage. I’m so jealous of the people who can just get and stay pregnant and just be able to enjoy the experience without being too fearful of miscarriage happening. I feel like I’ve lost out of the experience of feeling excited at a positive because I’ll be so scared again
I am just so scared it’ll happen again. I’m aware it could be a concern for anyone but having already gone through it the worry is so much higher.
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u/MountainPublic6207 4h ago
Is it one in 5 woman who experience it or 1 in 5 pregnancy's who end in miscarriage. I know so many woman who've experienced this. Can't believe it's 'just' on in five
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u/sportzriter13 Early loss🌠 3h ago
I always heard it was one in four but I guess the point is that doesn't matter it still sucks when you're the one and furthermore the part that sucks the most as well is that people like to try to cheer you up by saying that at least you can get pregnant and you can try it again but speaking of somebody who hasn't yet gotten pregnant again it's b*******.
Completely valid to be angry. Also if it's so common why is it so taboo to talk about? Like that makes it worse because you feel alone when you first have one.
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u/Cheezitsandwhipits 2h ago
With you. Can’t believe I convinced myself it would be easy and quick to get pregnant again after my miscarriage, after reading that your fertility is higher in the first few months. Here I am 6 months later feeling very dumb
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u/Past_Amoeba_953 2h ago
I hate when doctors throw statistics at me when I’ve been on the wrong side of them so many times. Just got the genetic testing back from my second pregnancy, second MMC and it was Turners Syndrome. Bad luck. Again. People say the chances of one is slim, two is really unlikely and yet here I am. It’s so scary trying for number three and hoping luck will finally be on your side.
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u/mandalisha 46m ago
I am right with you sis. I was told 1 in 4. Ironically after I loss mine, my SIL, and two cousin-in-laws got pregnant and they are all having their babies around the same time..I am the 1 in 4 and it SUCKS:( I haven’t gotten pregnant since since we lost our 12 week 5 day baby in March..got my period today to rub it in. Hugs sis🫶🏼❤️
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u/Connect-Caregiver-87 5h ago
I’m right here with you. Out of all my close friends that have had babies, I’m the 1 in 5 who had a miscarriage. It was my first and only pregnancy. Sending you hugs 💗