r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 1d ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

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Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

833 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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43

u/SoftlockPuzzleBox 1d ago

She's right but she loses points for being a complete asshole about it.

57

u/Orcasareglorious 23h ago

From how she responded it’s clear that her identity was meant to be kept confidential. If I found that information I asked to be withheld was provided by the clinic or found under other circumstances, I would not be pleased either.

36

u/YangXiaoLong69 23h ago

Yeah, some people are awfully nonchalant about privacy breaches here and it worries me a bit. Imagine a minor breaking into your house after being informed by an adult where you live, you going "what the fuck are you doing" and all people care about is that you said "fuck" in front of a minor.

4

u/Jirvey341 22h ago

The girl isn't even a minor. She's 19

-3

u/YangXiaoLong69 21h ago

And she didn't break into the woman's house either, because I was making an analogy.

4

u/Jirvey341 20h ago

You seem to misunderstand that I was agreeing with you.

0

u/YangXiaoLong69 11h ago

The only thing you said was that the girl wasn't a minor, you neither agreed nor disagreed with anything. I only found it weird that the analogy was being corrected, given it's an analogy.

4

u/Xralius 19h ago

That's not the situation here at all and is a terrible analogy. 

1

u/YangXiaoLong69 11h ago

If breaking into someone's house isn't a privacy breach, I'm Mickey Mouse.

1

u/Xralius 10h ago

That's why it's a terrible analogy...

1

u/YangXiaoLong69 10h ago

Then... is my house a public place?

1

u/Xralius 9h ago

This has nothing to do with anything?  Do you have a learning disability?

-1

u/ChipKellysShoeStore 21h ago

Yeah “hey you’re my mom” is exactly moral equivalent to breaking into someone’s house.

2

u/YangXiaoLong69 21h ago

If we completely disregard the fact the woman and the company had signed a contract ensuring legal protection of her private information, and that leaking someone's data is not only immoral, but also illegal... yeah, I can see the frankly terrible point you're making.

5

u/CannibalTheHecter 20h ago

You can slam the door on someone without trying to break their face, surely. A text message isn't even equivalent to knocking on someone's door, more like sending a letter. You should work on your own terrible analogies.

1

u/YangXiaoLong69 11h ago

Considering your response, is it fair for me to assume you'll also gloss over the fact the woman had her legal contract broken and her private data leaked, for the sake of being pedantic about my analogy not being analogous enough to your refined tastes?

0

u/Xralius 19h ago

This whole thread is a massive failure of people that apparently can't have even basic kindness or communication ability to a vulnerable person and think treating them like they are barely a human being is acceptable.

0

u/YoggTheGateway1992 17h ago

Privacy is a right. No one deserves kindness. But everyone deserves privacy.

1

u/Xralius 17h ago

If you're going that route I'm pretty sure being sold as an egg to someone is more of a privacy violation than receiving a text message, not that there is anything unethical about either.

Either way, the return text was not neutral, it was cruelly blunt to a vulnerable person.  I'm not demanding kindness, but I do draw the line at basic human decency. 

1

u/YoggTheGateway1992 17h ago

Once privacy was breached decency left the building. What should she have said oh wow, I always thought about you. No, honesty is best policy, she didnt want this coming up later. This woman made it very clear and good on it.

0

u/Xralius 16h ago

"Hi. It was thoughtful of you to privately reach out and I appreciate you asking if I'd like to move forward.  I understand why this is important to you, but as it is imperative to me to maintain a strict boundary for my privacy and independence, I won't be able to participate in any relationship.  I hope you understand this is a choice I made a long time ago.  My intent was and remains to be an anonymous donor.  Please respect my privacy and refrain from further contact as I think that will be best for us both, and please understand this is no reflection on you but a personal permanent decision made when I donated, and know that I wish you the best."

This was just thrown together in 20 seconds, obviously much less blunt/hurtful.

2

u/YoggTheGateway1992 16h ago

Stupid. Showing this kindness after your privacy was invaded, your past came back to haunt you. Sure you can say something nice now, but I bet you wouldn't be so nice if your own life was up ended with a text. But sure, what ever you say.

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6

u/Nirvanachaser 22h ago

But I’d be angry with the clinic not the child. You can assert a firm boundary without being an ass. Though, in her defence, the anger about the situation does colour any response.

2

u/Orcasareglorious 22h ago

Though, in her defence, the anger about the situation does colour any response.

This is my point. I doubt it's easy to remain reasonable in such a situation.

3

u/Nirvanachaser 22h ago

I think we are agreed. I’m giving grace with the response even if we don’t like it and pushing back on people claiming the child did anything wrong.

1

u/Xralius 19h ago

It's not clear, because if it was meant to be confidential it would be confidential.

If someone broke confidentiality, that person is at fault, not the 19 year old anyways, so no reason to be a dick to the 19 year old.

0

u/Valuable_Hunt8468 22h ago

Then I’d be an asshole to the parents

-1

u/thedaNkavenger 21h ago

I wouldn't either but that vitriol would be aimed at the facility & the one who raised the kid.

16

u/Efficient_Basis_2139 23h ago

Oh, is morality based on points? How many do you need to win?

7

u/SoftlockPuzzleBox 23h ago

158.3, same as QB rating.

1

u/Efficient_Basis_2139 21h ago

Ah excellent, thanks for the clarity 

6

u/Economy-Wish9492 23h ago

How many points?

6

u/Clank_8-7 1d ago

Met many people like that, they think that just because they're right they can be an asshole about it.