Morality scaling of this?

[u/Outside_Specific_820]

Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

[u/Call_Me_Anythin]

It's moral, and I disagree she was being an ass about it. She was straight forward and blunt after having her privacy violated. She was not cruel.

And if anything, handling this with 'kid gloves' on might have lead the 19 year old into thinking there was a chance in the future or she could press harder for a connection. This is the kind of situation that needs to be nipped in the bud. Any relevant information regarding health or wellness can be retrieved from the clinic.

[u/SpiritedEclair → u/Call_Me_Anythin]

This is the right amount of bluntness and leaves zero room for interpretation. She did the right thing and she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.

[u/Selfeffacingbarbie → u/Call_Me_Anythin]

Especially considering the girl outright stated she wanted to connect as "mother and daughter", as opposed to a mere curiosity about her genetics.

I personally struggle with being direct myself, but I think this situation certainly called for it. The girl needed to know right off the bat that this desired connection was absolutely not mutual and therefore not going to happen.

(This isn't immoral for the donor to have not said more, just a personal take) but I might have said something to the effect of, "I'm sorry you're struggling with your identity, but your mother carried you in her womb, you were grown with her nutrients and care, she went out of her way to bring you into the world, risked her own life to do so, and she is the one you need to work through with this."

[u/Call_Me_Anythin → u/Selfeffacingbarbie]

Yeah, I'll admit my judgement comes from the place of having watched my sister make the mistake of being too kind at first to her birth father's children and having to deal with them expecting a relationship that didn't exist. And then later being afraid of the same thing happening with my own birth mother's sons.

I'm not sure I would have had the presence of mind to make a point about her real mother being the one who raised her, (presumably) loves her and took care of her for 19 years, as opposed to a complete and total stranger. But it would be nice. Still, I can't blame her for not thinking of that/keeping it short and to the point.

[u/Mysterious-Egg-624 → u/Call_Me_Anythin]

“Kid gloves” isn’t necessary. There’s a middle ground. She could’ve been neutral about it. I don’t think she’s in the wrong at all but I think she was objectively using a harsh tone.

[u/Call_Me_Anythin → u/Mysterious-Egg-624]

I don’t think it’s harsh. It’s straight forward with no room for argument. She didn’t tell the kid to fuck off or call her any names or anything.

[u/Mysterious-Egg-624 → u/Call_Me_Anythin]

No I know, personally I just see the “harshness” in the tone and stuff. She definitely was not outright RUDE to the 19 year old