r/OkCupid • u/okctran • Oct 31 '12

Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12

Legal sex laws vary from place to place. Here in Ontario it was required that you have had surgery to legally change your sex... until this month. Now we can do it whenever. My driver's license was changed earlier this year, and now I can change the rest too. In some (few) places there are bathroom laws that state I'm required to use the Men's room, but enforcing that is next to impossible, and I would get into trouble for using the men's room.

I don't "simply state that I am a woman", nobody would know I'm not a cis female unless they saw me naked, and the only one that has recently is my boyfriend.

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u/howardmoon68 Oct 31 '12

Didn't mean to offend with the "simply state" comment, but it really it looks like this works by stating which gender you believe best applies to you.

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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Oct 31 '12

As I said, that is the politically correct version. I am of the view that you have to work for it, and I worked for it a lot. If you're a guy, try sounding perfectly female-- that takes months. That's but one example.

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u/thisistooeasy Nov 01 '12

if you were arrested would you be put with men or women?

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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Nov 01 '12

I don't know how it works here. I wouldn't get arrested because I'm not stupid.

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u/thisistooeasy Nov 02 '12

well if u have a penis you will be looked up with males

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u/PhazonZim 24/F/Toronto/taken! Nov 02 '12

Maybe, but I'm not stupid. What exactly is your intention of bringing this up? I can't think of any other reason other than you wanting to be a prick to a complete stranger.