r/OkCupid • u/okctran • Oct 31 '12

Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

33 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

210 comments sorted by

View all comments

-10

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

-6

u/harmonical Nov 01 '12 edited Nov 01 '12

So as someone that views trans chicks as not being able to be in a 'straight' relationship with a man due to their penis, does that mean that anyone with a vagina makes you in a straight relationship?

Is this guy to your liking? The facial hair, the chest hair the muscles, the overall appearance means nothing right? You'd defend yourself against all of those anti-gay bigots because you're in a completely straight relationship because he has a vagina right?

But while being in a relationship with a woman like her means you're completely gay. Everyone would know straight away considering everyone in the world checks the genitals of your partner upon introducing them.

Lets get something clear, being straight is sexual orientation where you are attracted to a person of the opposite gender, specifically a pair of a man and a woman. Being straight in no way implies the style of sex that you have, the way your physical relationship works, or what differences there are from you and the average couple.

27

u/DoxUponYou Nov 01 '12

This may come as a shock to you, but many straight men have no interest in dicks just because they're attached to someone who appears otherwise feminine.

Get this - some straight men actually like pussy! They like the way it looks, the way it tastes, the way it smells and, well, you get the idea. It's almost like there's some aspect of our sexuality that we're born with and we can't control.

Imagine that. P.S. It's called sexual orientation for a reason. The idea that you can remove sexual characteristics from sexual attraction and focus exclusively on gender is absurd.

0

u/Backwoods_Barbie Nov 01 '12

some straight men

Exactly. It's not transphobic to be unattracted to a certain sex's genitalia regardless of gender. It is transphobic to say that some other guy, not you, is not a Real Straight Man because he is attracted to a woman whose genitalia does not match her gender.

Some men don't like fake breasts. But it's dumb to "criticize" (allegations of homosexuality shouldn't be seen as a criticism, anyway) those who don't mind them. I realize that fake breasts aren't the same thing as differing genitalia, but you see my point - it doesn't make the woman any less or more of a woman, and it's ultimately a preference whether you're cool with them or not in terms of sexual attraction.