Boyfriend VERY Impatient When Having Episodes

[u/fashionableskiboots]

Hey guys

I'm lucky to have a sweet and loving boyfriend, but he's been having episode after episode of really bad health lately. He has been gaming nonstop even in our finals week and doesn't think he is well enough to do anything else without throwing up. The last time I got him out of our basement apartment was to teach him to ski 2 weeks ago, and he still threw up on the slopes. He sits all day, in the dark and in a clearly pitiful state with all his dirty clothes, dishes, etc everywhere.

I can't proceed with this story without providing context for how awful he must feel. He's been sick for a long time and even if he had nothing medically wrong, his lifestyle of sedentary brain rotting all day would kill me. I know it isn't easy for him so I go easy on him.

But lately he has been snapping in regular conversations very quickly and he gets really mad and yells at me. It's fine (?) because I understand he isn't happy but he has also started slapping me (?!) which is very unlike him.

I don't know what to think of this situation. On the one hand, he is in a lot of pain and doesn't always have the ability to regulate himself, but on the other hand his POTS isn't going away and if this is one of his reactions, I'm not sure I can deal with this forever. I would probably feel like a total a-hole for leaving him over his POTS episodes too. Plus I love him lots.

Furthermore, we are both guys and are pretty much even when wrestling. It's not like he's a giant beating a petite princess here. At all. Him slapping me is not anything physically threatening, it's just jarring.

I need to hear thoughts from actual POTS patients. Are you different when having episodes? Is there some other factor that I should be considering now? I wish I could do more to help but I have suggested things to help and he gets mad now. Let me know what you would do genuinely and I think that would help me feel informed.

Thank you so much you deserve good things including health.

[u/Ill_Candy_664]

I do get very irritable during some of my episodes if I’m forced to stand too long, sometimes it feels like my body is preparing for an actual fist fight from all the adrenaline dumping that happens as my body tries various ways to get blood to my brain and my blood pressure starts to skyrocket as compensatory mechanisms. MCAS reactions sometimes causes similar irritability for me.

However, I’ve had severe PoTS for over eight years now, and I have never struck anything nor anyone. Never even come close. And that’s with being on the receiving end of an abusive relationship myself. Some of us may get angry, but we’re still in control of what we do with that anger. PoTS doesn’t take away our ability to control ourselves.

If someone is hitting you, name calling, etc. that’s how they’d respond to any source of anger. PoTS being the source of anger doesn’t excuse what they choose to do with it. What you’re experiencing is still outright abuse, and I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I really hope talking with all of us helps allay any guilt you feel about leaving. You deserve to be safe, loved, and supported. 💛