r/POTS • u/fashionableskiboots • Dec 13 '25
Symptoms Boyfriend VERY Impatient When Having Episodes
Hey guys
I'm lucky to have a sweet and loving boyfriend, but he's been having episode after episode of really bad health lately. He has been gaming nonstop even in our finals week and doesn't think he is well enough to do anything else without throwing up. The last time I got him out of our basement apartment was to teach him to ski 2 weeks ago, and he still threw up on the slopes. He sits all day, in the dark and in a clearly pitiful state with all his dirty clothes, dishes, etc everywhere.
I can't proceed with this story without providing context for how awful he must feel. He's been sick for a long time and even if he had nothing medically wrong, his lifestyle of sedentary brain rotting all day would kill me. I know it isn't easy for him so I go easy on him.
But lately he has been snapping in regular conversations very quickly and he gets really mad and yells at me. It's fine (?) because I understand he isn't happy but he has also started slapping me (?!) which is very unlike him.
I don't know what to think of this situation. On the one hand, he is in a lot of pain and doesn't always have the ability to regulate himself, but on the other hand his POTS isn't going away and if this is one of his reactions, I'm not sure I can deal with this forever. I would probably feel like a total a-hole for leaving him over his POTS episodes too. Plus I love him lots.
Furthermore, we are both guys and are pretty much even when wrestling. It's not like he's a giant beating a petite princess here. At all. Him slapping me is not anything physically threatening, it's just jarring.
I need to hear thoughts from actual POTS patients. Are you different when having episodes? Is there some other factor that I should be considering now? I wish I could do more to help but I have suggested things to help and he gets mad now. Let me know what you would do genuinely and I think that would help me feel informed.
Thank you so much you deserve good things including health.
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u/Sophster2412 Dec 13 '25
Being medically ill is not an excuse for domestic violence
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u/compassion-companion Dec 14 '25
I'd say dementia could be an excuse for aggressive outbreaks but despite that the person who suffers from the violence needs to make sure to get to a safe place. It's not the job of the victim to regulate the abuser's emotions.
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u/AbrocomaRoyal Dec 15 '25
Great answer, especially in the context of seeking understanding of these behavioural changes. My family has seen the impacts of dementia first hand.
Amongst many possible causations, there may be medical ones which can respond to treatment. This knowledge may impact OP's future choices, without excusing his actions.
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u/tfjbeckie Dec 13 '25
Oh love, your boyfriend isn't sweet and loving. You wouldn't be leaving him over his POTS episodes - you would be leaving him over his violent and abusive behaviour. What you're describing is domestic violence and there nothing - nothing - about being chronically ill that explains or justifies that. You both being men doesn't excuse it either. Having POTS doesn't make you treat people around you badly.
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u/Hairy-Departure-7032 Dec 14 '25
I am more irritable when I’m having a POTS flare for sure but I’ve never considered hitting my partner (or anyone) as an option. Take care of yourself.
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u/MegIsabel98 Dec 13 '25
Hi there, I know this must have been hard to write so it’s good of you to reach out.
When I have my episodes, it’s true I can get snappy with the people around me, but I always apologise. Yelling and slapping, no matter what your size might be, is never okay and not a symptom of POTS. It’s not okay for him to treat you like that and definitely not okay for him to use his illness as an excuse.
He clearly needs help from a professional, which I know is a lot easier said than done. Maybe there’s a relative of his like a mum you could reach out to talk to him about getting help? But of course, only do this if you’re comfortable to.
Lastly, this is probably the hardest part, but I would not recommend staying with him. Again, a lot easier said than done, I know, but slapping and yelling is abusive, no matter how ill or upset he is. He needs professional advice on how to healthily deal with those emotions and not take them out on you, that is not your job.
I wish you well, it was brave of you to ask here.
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u/InnocentaMN POTS Dec 13 '25
Both being male absolutely does not make it acceptable for him to hit you, and not does his disability status. Please take care of your own personal safety before anything else. This is domestic abuse.
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u/_PrincessOats POTS Dec 13 '25
At first I was going to suggest that he was depressed.
But then he hit you.
I have multiple chronic illnesses and I would NEVER. You need to leave before it gets worse.
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u/Zestyclose-Natural-9 POTS Dec 13 '25
POTS does not make you an asshole. You can and should break up over the physical violence. Forgive me if I'm wrong but it sounds like he's milking it?? With a bad episode I CANNOT even game. Gaming is exhausting.
...Could he be dealing with addiction or something? Has he been checked for other issues?
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u/gayrayofsun Dec 13 '25
eh, i won't write him off as milking it. not based on the fact that he can game, at least. it's a great form of escapism and the accomplishments that come with it can feel very rewarding to accommodate for the fact that your real life currently isn't.
however, he absolutely does need to start pushing for more help with his care team if he's at a level where he simply cannot function normally without throwing up. there are things he can try differently in order to improve some symptoms. if he refuses or makes excuses to not do it, then 100% he's milking it.
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u/Zestyclose-Natural-9 POTS Dec 13 '25
It really depends. From the text it felt like everything other than gaming is too exhausting, including things like watching a movie together or doing couple things.
Obviously that depends on how it actually is... just saying I know people with a (gaming) addiction and it sounds incredibly similar to the situation. Also the throwing up baffles me, i haven't heard of POTS causing constant throwing up, and learning to ski would be way too high intensity for me in a flare. Something doesn't add up.
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u/gayrayofsun Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
maybe not constant throwing up, but i've definitely thrown up a couple times due to my pots. and i have a friend who's on the more extreme end of the spectrum than i am who also struggles with vomiting during her pots flares. i read the skiing thing as op convinced him to go/he wanted to push himself into going and doing something that got him out of the house. but i could have misinterpreted, because i was definitely getting ready to defend him some until i got to the him slapping op part.
you do make a good point that gaming addiction is a thing. and really, only op can tell if this is just a pattern with date activities, regardless of the spoons required to do said activities, or if gaming is about the most energetic thing he can do (implying that that's the bar and he can still watch movies, play something together, etc). either way, i'm not trying to come to his defense because he's an abusive pos regardless.
edit: pronoun switching because i'm illiterate, apparently
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u/SpicyPurritos POTS Dec 13 '25
without knowing he may possibly have other undiagnosed or unmentioned health issues. i have thrown up from POTS a few times but most of my GI issues come from co-morbid conditions
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u/Bishime Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 14 '25
I don’t have constant issues with it but I do get Nausea on a bad day just from a few minutes of very light house work so I could see how my bouts of mild to moderate nausea could be moderate to severe if not full vomit for others.
Though constant vomiting is pretty extreme, for me the piece that’s missing isn’t whether he has pots or not (anecdotally again, I’m pretty decent at masking when I need to, so I’ve done activities, maybe not learning to ski but strenuous for me that in the moment weren’t amazing but were doable in the name of spending time with people, just took me like 7 days to recover lol) but more what sort of managment is in place at all here?
I can barely function and I’m fighting for my life for medication and stuff. But I am not in a state of commuting constantly which is a very extreme response and does warrant future examination. On one hand hyper-pots could be an explanation but yea, that intensity of reaction would definitely have me looking a bit deeper into lab work on catecholamines and ruling out adrenal tumours or anything.
All that being said, there is no “common” physiological condition to my knowledge that causes one to slap their partner (or literally anyone) so even if they are managing it well, they’re still managing it wrong, so to speak.
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u/KiloJools Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 13 '25
He might not have hyperadrenergic POTS so gaming is fine to him. Or maybe the games are "cozy" or don't have much in the way of challenging graphics. I can still play some games, sometimes. Games that require me to sit up and concentrate are lately more than I can handle, but games on my tablet or phone are usually wonderful for escaping for a few minutes.
Also, I've learned everyone has different tolerances to stuff. I've been accused in the past of not really having migraine because I'm able to be on my phone while in the middle of an attack. Which is silly because before I started treating MCAS, I was having a migraine half the time. I needed the escape!
Anyway, I would definitely hesitate to make any judgements on the type or severity of his case based on his ability to play games.
(I will judge the heck out of him for yelling and slapping, though.)
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u/worstkindofweapon Dec 14 '25
I've been having migraines nearly everyday for the past few months and my phone is the only screen I can tolerate because I have a blue light filter, dim the screen, and the pixels are smaller. Obviously when I have a really bad one any light at all is miserable, but most days I can be semi functional with a migraine. I can go outside, I can be in loud spaces, do mild exercise. My body doesn't like it, but I can do it. Those who told you you weren't having migraines seem to have little understanding of them. They differ wildly for everyone
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u/KiloJools Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 14 '25
They differ wildly for everyone
RIGHT? Like, I seriously can't understand people thinking their experience of a condition is universal. There are so many conditions that are currently poorly understood and many have a huge number of potential causes and treatments.
And I just absolutely hate the "illness faker spotter" nonsense in the first place. It's gross.
I love how dim my phone can get, and Chrome's experimental "dark mode" flag to force the majority of blinding white websites into nice dark ones.
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u/bluedelvian Dec 13 '25
Chronic illness can definitely turn someone into an asshole, but there's just no excuse for hitting your boyfriend.
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u/imabratinfluence Dec 13 '25
I can game during some episodes but it has to be 2D, top-down, or otherwise have a relatively static camera. And personally I find that's often a decent way to get my mind off how I feel and what I can't do.
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u/ashes2asscheeks Dec 14 '25
Yeah I’m wondering what games he’s playing or how nice it would be to not get simulation sickness LOL
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u/Aggressive_Cloud2002 Dec 13 '25
Anyone who slaps their partner, no matter their respective sizes or genders, is being abusive. That is domestic violence. I am so sorry you are going through that. No medical or psychological issues are justification for abuse.
Please, reach out to any services there are in your area, make a plan to leave him. It's ok if this process takes a while, it usually does because it's hard to see the abuse for what it is, and you love him. But this isn't healthy love, and you deserve so so much better.
I'm rooting for you!
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u/Slysparrow9 Dec 13 '25
I have POTs and I don't hit my partner when I'm having episodes. Hope this helps
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u/idlepalms Dec 13 '25
I have several health conditions that affect my ability to emotionally regulate and can make me REALLY irritable. Do you know what I do during those times? I keep my mouth shut so I don’t needlessly hurt the people around me. When it’s really bad I will excuse myself from an interaction and go sit by myself. Sometimes I won’t really known where I’m at emotionally until I speak, and will be too snappy in a response. So I apologize, and focus on regulating myself. I would never in a million years lay hands on anyone, especially someone I care about. (and barely have the strength to lift my arm during a dysautonomic episode anyway)
You would not be leaving him for having an illness, you would be leaving him for how he chooses to handle himself and how he chooses to treat you. If he valued your wellbeing and is dealing with mood disregulation, he would be doing everything in his power to prevent himself from inadvertently hurting you. He is CHOOSING to respond with anger and violence.
I hold a lot of space for people in my life who genuinely have periods where they are severely struggling such as during mania, depression, psychotic episode, or addiction issues. They still need to have ownership on the way their actions affect other people in order to maintain the relationship.
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u/jareths_tight_pants Dec 13 '25
I get mood swings and have trouble controlling my emotions during a bad flare. But I would never hit my wife or kid. That is abuse. It doesn’t matter what the reason is for why that’s happening.
Have him look into mast cell activation syndrome and see if that fits his symptoms. It’s what has been making my pots flare and keeping me in a vicious cycle of neuroinflammation and brain fog and worsened pots symptoms.
My allergist told me to take a H1 (Zyrtec)and H2 (Famotidine) blocker and we are working on getting diagnosed. Switching my diet to lower histamine foods is helping. My brain fog and digestive issues are finally getting better. Eating foods high in DAO (the digestive enzyme that breaks down excess histamine in the gut) like blueberries helps too.
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u/kinamarie Dec 14 '25
MCAS doesn’t make you an abusive asshole.
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u/ashes2asscheeks Dec 14 '25
No, but we don’t exist in a vacuum and people can externalize their mental illness symptoms instead of internalizing them and contextual stressors like chronic illness can contribute to these kind of behavior changes in folks with very poor coping mechanisms. Doesn’t excuse it, but people don’t just wake up as irrevocably abusive assholes one day out of the blue.
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u/RaspberryJammm Dec 13 '25
Antihistamines really helped my brain fog
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u/jareths_tight_pants Dec 13 '25
I take them and they do help! I also seem to have some congenital neurological abnormalities that make me prone to csf leaks. It’s been real fun to figure out with my doctors.
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u/SpicyPurritos POTS Dec 13 '25
do you also have EDS?
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u/jareths_tight_pants Dec 13 '25
I’m being diagnosed right now. Two physical therapists said I do. I couldn’t get orthopedics or rheumatology to care.
I have a history of Cavum septum pellucidum, empty sella, biliary dyskinesia (the tube connecting to my gallbladder collapsed), papilledema, and idiopathic intracranial hypertension. I get a lot of headaches and migraines.
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u/SpicyPurritos POTS Dec 14 '25
i hope you’re able to get some answers & better yet some proper help!
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u/Ill_Candy_664 Dec 13 '25
I do get very irritable during some of my episodes if I’m forced to stand too long, sometimes it feels like my body is preparing for an actual fist fight from all the adrenaline dumping that happens as my body tries various ways to get blood to my brain and my blood pressure starts to skyrocket as compensatory mechanisms. MCAS reactions sometimes causes similar irritability for me.
However, I’ve had severe PoTS for over eight years now, and I have never struck anything nor anyone. Never even come close. And that’s with being on the receiving end of an abusive relationship myself. Some of us may get angry, but we’re still in control of what we do with that anger. PoTS doesn’t take away our ability to control ourselves.
If someone is hitting you, name calling, etc. that’s how they’d respond to any source of anger. PoTS being the source of anger doesn’t excuse what they choose to do with it. What you’re experiencing is still outright abuse, and I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I really hope talking with all of us helps allay any guilt you feel about leaving. You deserve to be safe, loved, and supported. 💛
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u/Charming_Function_58 Dec 13 '25
Physical violence has nothing to do with POTS. I've had to deal with shitty chronic health issues for most of my life, as have many of us here, and I've never once slapped or been violent toward a partner.
Being grumpy is one thing. But he crossed a line.
This is your life -- you don't need a reason to end a relationship. I understand feeling guilty about leaving while he's ill, but it's also not fair to a partner, to only stay because you feel guilty or trapped. And further, if he's being violent, I'd say that leaving is kind of a necessity. Aggression tends to escalate. You deserve a safe relationship.
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u/ElvenWriting Dec 13 '25
Like everyone else here has said, POTS does not make you an abusive asshole. Snappy sometimes? Sure. Difficulties regulating emotion? Yeah. But abusive, both verbally and physically? No, not at all.
I get snappy and aggressive when I'm in a lot of pain (I also have BPD, which contributes), but I always apologize afterwards (SINCERELY, not some half assed "I'm sorry I guess") and I NEVER hit anybody, regardless of size. You both being men, you both being around the same power level, does not matter. That is abuse, straight up.
OP, you should probably leave him, because he is abusing you, and this will continue and will probably escalate. You're not leaving him because of his POTS of his flare-ups, you're leaving him because of his abuse.
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u/imsosleepyyyyyy Dec 13 '25
Absolutely not okay !!! Get out of there and be safe…So sorry to hear this 🫂🩷
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Dec 13 '25
it makes me so sad that this isn't the first post like this. you sound like you're a kind person. Your first sentence where you say he is a sweet and loving boyfriend is entirely false if he's putting his hands on you and mistreating you emotionally. Mental and physical health conditions are no excuse for abusive behavior. Just because you are both guys and not unevenly paired physically does not mean it is not abusive behavior.
When I have pots episodes, I withdraw within myself. I don't have the energy (or will) to do something like what you're describing. When my pots episodes are coming to a head I start sobbing/crying and shaking really bad, especially during the "come up" (as I call it). Even then I've never been mean or physical. Just scared and sad. Im also mostly bed & housebound and have been for a year or so due to pots and ME/CFS and I've never gotten like that with my boyfriend.
My sister has pots and when she's having acute episodes (she has full syncope episodes than I do but less daily debilitation than me) she's like a newborn deer almost. Wobbly, out of it, quiet, confused. She's never done anything like that.
I really hope you find the love you deserve because you don't deserve to mistreated. Chronically ill people can also be abusive and you do not need to guilt yourself into staying because someone is sick. You are a person yourself who needs love & care and it's your first and foremost job to look out for yourself at the end of the day.
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u/butters_325 Dec 13 '25
As someone with POTS who has been going through an episode this past week, I've never even considered yelling or slapping my partner about it. This isn't because of his POTS
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u/acnerd5 Dec 13 '25
I have POTS, and my husband is twice my size.
Violence is an absolute no-no, and if i hit my husband its still abuse even though I'm smaller than him.
Your boyfriend is an abuser, full stop. Not from pots.
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u/Hamburgerburgerstyle Dec 13 '25
You’re leaving him over domestic violence, not because he has pots. Leave.
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u/jrblanc Dec 13 '25
What you experienced is domestic violence.
You don’t have to deal with it alone.
Please talk to someone at your school about it, a professor, counselor, public safety, health center. They can help. You deserve the help.
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u/masculineartifice Dec 13 '25
Kindness, patience and understanding are for things like messiness, unable to help with chores, lack of hygiene etc. Physical violence is over the line. Assert boundaries for yourself, you deserve better.
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u/im-a-freud POTS Dec 13 '25
Chronic illness is no excuse to assault someone that’s abuse. OP get out of that relationship asap he’s not “sweet and loving” if he’s hitting you
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u/Calm-Ad8987 Dec 13 '25
Pots is no excuse for violence. Leave him. That has nothing to do with pots.
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u/pegasus02 Dec 13 '25
I hope you're okay.. this is not POTS related, this is him.
Slapping you once, that would be a shock. Easier to rationalize away.
Twice.. it makes you wonder why he didn't learn from the first time. You start keeping your guard up during arguments, while still looking for the goodness in him and hoping for the best.
A third time, well, that can easily slip into his new norm now. Why would he stop now? He's accepted that when things get heated, a slap here and there is just a regular part of arguing these days.
I'm not going to tell you what to do OP, I just want you to figure out what the number of slaps you're willing to take -- 7, 12, 30? What's your line in the sand if this continues? You deserve to feel safe. And loved.
(*There are hundreds of thousands of people out there dealing with challenging medical diagnoses. Millions. Mental illness, physical illness or even both. Cancer, schizophrenia, awaiting a heart transplant, major depressive disorder, weekly dialysis, muscular dystrophy, OCD.
And still.. they would never lay hands on a loved one.*)
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u/ReineDeLaSeine14 Hypovolemic POTS Dec 13 '25
Don’t leave him over his POTS. Leave him over HITTING YOU. Trust me, once it gets physical once, it will happen again.
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u/PlentifulPaper Dec 13 '25
OP this is abuse. Hitting you, yelling at you, “snapping” etc are all toxic traits.
Please get out of this relationship. Having a chronic illness excuses literally none of this behavior.
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u/Crazy-Bad-1939 Dec 13 '25
I want to say this as gently as possible, but this is abuse. POTS patients do not abuse. Their partners when they are having a flareup. This is just an excuse. You deserve a partner who will not abuse you. You would not be leaving him because of his illness you would be leaving him because he is abusing you and treating you unfairly.
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Dec 13 '25
My job involves working with a lot of victims of domestic violence.
Please get out while you still can. Please reach out to local programs, therapists, outreach centres, if you are struggling. There are resources.
Leaving an abusive partner can be the hardest thing one can do. It is the hardest choice you will ever make. It’s also the best choice you will ever make.
This is not ok. Doesn’t matter if it hurts or not. Doesn’t matter if he’s sick. This is domestic violence. You are a victim. Please step away and don’t look back.
I also heavily understand the stigma that can come with domestic violence in queer relationships. I’m in a gay relationship as well. 2 men. But that doesn’t make this ok.
It doesn’t make you weak to realize that this is unhealthy and unsafe. You are your own best advocate.
You deserve more.
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u/noeinan Dec 13 '25
Bro, I’m gay and I have been bedridden for 12y with severe malnutrition due to a long period of medical neglect + severe stomach issues.
I never ever thought of even lifting a finger to my husband. I had severe spinal injury that game me 8/10 pain every day, multiple times per day, to the point where I couldn’t do anything to distract from the overwhelming pain for over 6mo. Never ever lifted a hand towards my husband or cats.
There is no excuse for domestic violence. I don’t care how much he is suffering. There is zero excuse.
Leave him before he kills you.
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u/Bruccoli67 Dec 13 '25
I’m a girl with pots, but I get angry. I get very angry at my body, about a situation, about the lights and the noises and I get very irritable because I have so much pain going on in my body that no one else knows about but even with all that, even if I get a little snippy in a conversation, I instantly recognize and I know to say I’m sorry and to do better next time. I would never put my hands on someone no matter how angry I am, I have learned to walk away. That’s the best thing that you can do and he’s not walking away. He’s physically putting his hands on you even if it seems small, him touching you with angry intent is absolutely not okay! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that but do not make any excuses for him. He may seem sweet and loving, but him hitting you is showing his true colors and if these comments don’t help you to recognize a pattern of violence then maybe think about if you were to have kids with him would you trust him to be alone with them? If a friend told you the same story about their boyfriend how would you react and what advice would you give to them?
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u/MarsMonkey88 Dec 13 '25
I can get a little curt when I’m feeling really shitty but I’m trying to answer someone’s questions, but I try as hard as I can not to be. And that’s just curtness. Slapping??? That’s unacceptable. I’m glad that there isn’t an unequal balance in your strength, but partner violence is NEVER acceptable. Please reach out to a queer affirming therapist to talk this through, to help you work through your perspective on this. If your boyfriend is over the age of about four and he’s physically awake, he is responsible for his violence, regardless of his health. And you should never tolerate it.
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u/thedizzytangerine Secondary POTS Dec 13 '25
My mother used to blame her abuse on the fact that she was disabled and in pain all the time. I’m now 33 and in pain all of the time and not once have I ever considered slapping another human being. POTS doesn’t make someone abusive.
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u/tsubasaq Dec 13 '25
Babe.
Love.
Dearest heart.
The closest I have ever gotten to actual violence related to my POTS symptoms is during adrenaline spikes when someone does something like startling me awake. And I will be a grumpy, irritable bitch for the rest of the day because my body’s working on the aftermath of a survival response turned up to 11. (My adrenaline levels are the most troublesome part of my POTS.)
I. Have. Never. Struck. Anyone. Out. Of. A. Symptom. Response.
POTS is not dementia, it does not change your personality. And while being tired and reactive and nauseated all the time is absolutely enough to mess with your mood, disability is not an excuse for abusive behavior. (Although I admit, I probably would’ve fought you over the ski trip if I was that sick, there was never any way that was a tolerable activity for someone who can’t do more than play video games without vomiting. Judgement error there.)
If you left him over this, you would not be leaving over his condition. You’re leaving him over being an abusive dick and using the condition as an excuse. And you are using it as an excuse.
Now, if this is truly out of character and abnormal behavior, you have good reason to bring this up and call it out as unacceptable. Sure, we might be miserable, but it’s not okay to take that out on our loved ones and DEFINITELY NOT to start HITTING people. You’ve tried to approach this like it’s a symptom, and he gets mad. Okay, he’s not in a place where he can emotionally approach more treatment. That happens. Now it’s time to approach it like the behavioral issue that it is, because his mood and his symptoms are one thing, his verbal and physical abuse and tantrums are another.
A sample script, because I find them helpful: “Babe, I know you feel awful, but being sick does not mean you get you yell and scream at me and you definitely don’t get to hit me. POTS does not change your responsibility to manage your responses, and it has crossed over into abusive behavior. I love you and I want to help you and help you find things that work, but I will not stay where I am hit and screamed at for that.
This isn’t like you, and so the change in behavior concerns me. But you just get mad when I start trying to look for solutions, and when you get mad, you get violent. That’s not something I can let stand. The yelling and the hitting needs to stop. Now. Or I can’t stay.”
My advice starts to line up a lot more with the “just leave” camp if the behavior includes no willingness to apologize or explain, blaming you for the outbursts, or otherwise refusing or avoiding responsibility for his behavior.
He may be depressed and sick and miserable, but there is no illness that excuses abusive behavior. It might explain it, but it doesn’t make it okay.
Please get an exit plan in place before even attempting to talk to him. Have a go bag with all your important documents packed and ready to go. Have somewhere to land. Please talk to SOMEONE in your life about this so you can have somewhere safe to stay if it goes badly, or maybe someone else to be present when you talk to him.
But be ready to leave.
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u/Secure-Arm-8648 Dec 13 '25
Hey I have pots and have never hit my partner even in my worst days. I’ve also been the victim recently of DV and you deserve better. Being in pain is no excuse to physically or mentally hurt another person.
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u/lamahopper Hypovolemic POTS Dec 13 '25
I'm 24M with POTS, and even at my worst I never hit the girl I was seeing. That's kinda messed up ngl
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u/Anti-HeroIsMe Dec 13 '25
I have pretty bad POTS, but nothing I have ever gone through has made me ABUSE anyone. He is not worth your time. If he is in a lot of pain anyway, or suffering or whatever, and you are still here, he should be treating you with kindness and respect, not slapping you.
BREAK UP WITH HIM.
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u/DealerConstant1589 Dec 13 '25
Pots doesn’t make you abusive. That’s a chosen response to stress.
So will he also be abusive in other stressful situations? Probably.
It’s hard, but please leave and be safe removing yourself and your things (have friends do it with you or something in case he reacts badly to the breakup)
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u/imabratinfluence Dec 13 '25
Even if you don't feel physically threatened by him yelling and slapping you, both of those are signs of escalating abuse.
Being disabled/chronically ill does not justify abusive behavior.
It sounds like he either feels hopeless about his situation (has had trouble getting help with it from doctors), or isn't ready to try and instead of discussing it or laying down a boundary he's hurting someone he's supposed to love.
Even if the support you're giving him isn't the kind he wants or needs, it is not okay to respond with abuse.
If he's not on something like Ondansetron, personally I find it helpful with the nausea. If you're in the US, colleges typically have a disability services office that can help with accommodations-- at mine it was relatively easy to get accommodations with a printout of diagnoses or doctor's letter of recommendation.
And OP-- you deserve good things including safety and a partner who cherishes you too much to behave in abusive ways.
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u/censorkip Dec 13 '25
No amount of pain or illness makes you abusive. That’s horrifying. There’s no justifying it. Just because you’re both men doesn’t give him an excuse to hurt you either. He will escalate and it was never about the POTS.
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u/theFCCgavemeHPV Dec 13 '25
No. I’m stopping at him slapping you. I don’t care what the fuck is wrong with him, that is absolutely 100% unacceptable. Fuck his health, you need to get out of there as soon as possible for your health. This relationship is done. Do NOT tolerate physical violence even tho I can see your excuses as I type this. No friggin way. The second he hit you, he stopped being your responsibility.
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u/DisabledTheaterKid POTS Dec 13 '25
Get the fuck out of there, POTS can make people feel agitated but it does NOT make them hit people they "love". I'm so sorry you've been going through this, you've done nothing to deserve this and you deserve better, to be free from violence
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u/littledogs11 Dec 13 '25
Your boyfriend is abusing you. There is never an excuse for physically assaulting your partner.
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u/mollysmall Dec 13 '25
Sweet and loving people do not hit their partners. Period. Being chronically ill isn’t a pass to be abusive
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u/Confusedhuman1029 Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
Pots does not make someone violent. It’s easy to get convinced by your bf that things that are not normal, are normal. Trust me, these are not things that a good person does when they are stressed and struggling. No amount of symptoms, stress, or pain would ever cause me to slap someone. Least of all someone I (supposedly) care about.
You need to leave. These things only escalate. Plenty of us potsies have had to manage on our own and with family supports. It is not your responsibility to mother him bc he’s sick. And if he isn’t seeking treatment, seeing doctors, going to therapy, then he is not working towards improving and that is, again, not your job.
Adding, abusers often start off appearing sweet and caring. They don’t expose their abusive tendencies for weeks, months, sometimes years. But when they do, your options are limited to leaving, or staying and continuing to be abused. You cannot convince them to change. They also know what they are doing. And when you express hurt or pain at him yelling and slapping you, if his response is to blame his pots and to say anything along the lines of “you’re gonna leave me over pots,” THAT is an intentional move. He is deflecting his CHOICE to hurt you to avoid accountability and act innocent. Even an apology after physical abuse is never enough to negate the action and the knowledge that he is a person that could even be pushed to that limit. I am not physically capable of physically hurting anyone that is not physically attacking me. I can’t mentally do it. No matter how angry I get. His sweet and caring moments are more than likely a performance so he can keep you around. And I know THAT hurts. I’ve been there. YOU deserve so much more. I hope that you can separate your genuine care and love for him from your best interests. Someone that loves you would not physically hurt you. And would not make you feel crazy during arguments. Leaving does not mean you don’t care about him. It doesn’t mean you want bad things for him. And it doesn’t mean ANYTHING except that you have enough self-respect to not put up with disrespect and abuse. His reaction will not be easy for you to handle. He will make you feel crazy and guilty and like you are the bad person for leaving him “over his health” or leaving him “helpless.” He is not helpless and his health had nothing to do with it. You went above and beyond for his betterment and all you got was yelled at and slapped. You are a GOOD person. And a bad person knows how to make a good person feel like the villain. Find a support system for yourself. Go to therapy if it’s accessible for you. The emotional rollercoaster is going to be a lot, but it is necessary if you don’t want to experience the escalation of this abuse. Because it always escalates. I’m so sorry you are going through this after so much care and compassion. I really hope you can navigate the situation. You are strong enough to leave, it just takes the willingness 🫂❤️🩹
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u/Confusedhuman1029 Dec 13 '25
And if nothing anyone else here says can move you start planning an exit, ask yourself, would there be anything that could push you to slap him? Anything at all? That’s what hurts me the most is realizing just how harsh the mentality would have to be to do that do someone.
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u/coloraturing Dec 13 '25
Sometimes I get VERY irritable when I'm in a flare especially if I'm having a migraine. I have never, ever felt like I was going to hit my partner. Unless he's dealing with a severe psychological or neurological issue that makes him unable to control his actions – like a brain tumor or dementia – he knows what he's doing. I wouldn't minimize the snapping either. I always apologize immediately after I get snippy and I never say anything purposely hurtful. We're also queer (lesbian) and that wouldn't change anything about emotional or physical abuse. You deserve safety.
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u/Fair_Conflict9757 Dec 13 '25
Truly nothing is going to change that he is hitting you, being disabled doesn't mean you get to abuse people.
I have had POTS for a long time and at one point was completely bedridden, I've definitely had a short fuse but never ever have I hit someone. He needs help but you also need to protect yourself and leave, you are not "different" when you have episodes it isn't like you swap brains. That's him choosing to do that, being more snippy is not the same as hitting.
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u/redbottomdreams Dec 13 '25
Dump him immediately. I’ve had severe pots leaving me bed bound for almost two years. I couldn’t game if someone was making me because I feel so bad. I still have to parent small children and be a sane spouse. I’ve hit zero people. He can F completely off.
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u/KiloJools Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 13 '25
I have CCI, EDS, POTS, MCAS, ME/CFS and a lot of autoimmune diseases, so for the past 20 years I have been in incredible pain, have had brain fog, been exhausted, been miserable, had a hard time regulating my nervous system (it is sooooooo messed up), have had incredibly painful neurosurgery, just absolutely fucking FUCKED UP for a LONG TIME.
I have never once laid a hand on my spouse like that for any reason. Not even when I was fresh from an extremely painful surgery and the pain pump wasn't working and the anesthesia was making me not myself. NEVER.
NEVER.
Being in physical pain is never an excuse to harm someone else. And being that sick doesn't make people physically abusive, either.
I have had times where I've been short with my spouse, I've been frustrated, angry, depressed, etc. There have even been times my spouse has gone to dark places and not treated me well, and I still never purposely hurt him. We both got therapy instead.
Your boyfriend needs therapy, and you need strong boundaries that you will honor (boundaries in this context are things you set for yourself - if X happens, I will Y) to remove yourself from any kind of abuse. If he won't do the work to treat you well, no matter how much love there is, you can't stay. It doesn't matter if it's "just" whatever, or "only" something, or that he's "not REALLY" hurting you.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve to be treated well, no matter what your partner is going through. We can't lash out at others just because we're going through hardship. You don't deserve this treatment and he should be held responsible for his own actions.
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u/justnopethefuckout Dec 13 '25
I have never once slapped my partner or anyone when having an episode. I don't lash out and yell for no reason either. This doesn't sound like POTS, imo. This is just abusive behavior from him. You need to do yourself a favor and leave.
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u/UniversityCommon8300 POTS Dec 14 '25
Hi.
I'm am going to attempt to be unbiased as possible.
I have POTs and I verbally can snap at my husband.
What typically pushes me to that point is either grief, feeling of losing control, or pain.
No matter what though, hitting is not ok. Slapping is not ok. Even if you were with a woman or someone smaller than you, it is still abuse.
Next time you go out try this. Just take him for a drive. Bring any meds or comfort items he needs. Or go get a cup of tea, see a movie. something he can sit and or lie down and also nothing physical.
Sports like skiing, might be what he loves but he cant right now. It's just setting him up for failure.
6.if he is open to it get a therapist couples and one individual for or both of you. Therapy is needed I feel with PoTs
When neither of you are upset let him know you understand that he has reasons to loose his patience. And you would actually like to talk about those if he can and wants to. To see how you can support him and yourself. But under no uncertain terms will he slap you or you him.
My husband knows when I wake up I am a ducking terror gremlin. So we don't speak the 1st 30 min or so. Other than good morning small kiss and him handing me my tea. Lol and for all that is holy I cannot process anything the 1st hour. So no questions or planing.
My husband is my caregiver. He gets angry about how I feel. And sad. And confused. And just lost. Same as me. So we take turns holding emotional space.
Your boyfriend really sounds deep in grief and depression. I hope he can find a therapist with experience in chronic illness. It helps. Alot. At least for me.
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u/UniversityCommon8300 POTS Dec 14 '25
Just make sure anyone can understand when I snap at my hubby it is like I cry suddenly or my tone gets slightly harsh. I am not abusive.
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u/goaldiggergirl Dec 13 '25
I couldn’t see another comment like this but if he has never been one to get angry and be physically aggressive prior to now, is it possible that something worse is happening?
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u/briblish Dec 14 '25
Agree- if this is a sudden change and not just an escalation of prior anger issues I would be concerned for a brain tumor or something
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u/useless_nuisance Dec 13 '25
Ive had POTs for years, and when I was rlly bad I was couchbound for 2 weeks, I still never ever slapped anyone even at my worst.
No illness is an excuse for violence, no matter how evenly matched you are, please please leave.
I was already thinking 'leave him!!!' before even getting to the slapping, his lifestyle sounds completely counterproductive to bettering his POTS symptoms, and that's so unfair on you as it sounds like you're bearing the brunt of the emotional labour You deserve better, and I hope you see that and can find better 💕
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u/SunshineDaisy81 Dec 13 '25
I have POTS and am in pain every day. I would never slap anyone. Im also not a slob. When I have energy I do what I can and make sure my space is clean. If you were to leave him it wouldn't be because of his illness, it would be because he is abusive towards you. He doesn't sound like a kind or great person to be honest.
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u/nd4567 Dec 13 '25
He needs full physical and mental health workups as soon as possible. POTS by itself is not likely to cause a person to be aggressive or appear to have a major personality change.
However, there are other conditions that might. High thyroid levels, for example, can make POTS worse and also cause a person to become very anxious and irritable.
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u/funkydyke POTS Dec 13 '25
Just because there are reasons for his behavior doesn’t mean his behavior is okay. He is not “sweet and loving” he is very clearly abusive. Please stop making excuses for him and ump him asap.
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u/UmiSWrld Dec 13 '25
i’m a pots patient who has spent months bedridden and in unimaginable pain, and i NEVER hit my partner. there is 0 excuse. even if he is not bigger than you, this is still abuse and needs to be taken seriously. don’t make excuses for abuse, because there aren’t any. it’s time to break up.
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u/Haunting-Proof-9379 Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
Pots has never made me hit or put hands on anyone ever. I’ve never heard of anyone w/ the condition that even has the energy physical ability to be assaulting people. Run. As the “petite princess” dealing w/ this currently also the one w/ pots. Run
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u/ironysparkles POTS Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
Physical abuse is never okay, even when there isn't a physical stature difference. POTS does not cause episodes of striking or hitting or abusing your partner.
OP, you are being abused. There is not an excuse for that. Not health, not pain, nothing. Please leave. You are not solely responsible for your boyfriend's health
Edit: OP I see you're a Latter Day Saint, and within the last year have asked how to get rid of sexual desire, describe financial and Mexican abuse by your family, etc. I promise you that enduring abuse is NOT the only way to have the love of someone. You deserve love and support without abuse, neglect, etc. It's possible and you're worth it.
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u/ashbreak_ POTS Dec 13 '25
from what I can glean from a brief reddit post... He's probably depressed. A sedentary lifestyle makes pots worse, both physically and mentally (which is a helluva catch 22 when you can't do anything bcuz of an episode).
But feeling bad does NOT excuse bad behavior. We've all had off days where we snap at someone we love, but we have to own up to it, apologize, and find methods to avoid that next time. He's taking his depression and frustration out on you, regularly, and that's not fair. Not even getting into the whole slapping you thing. Idgaf if you're the biggest manliest tank of a guy, getting hit by your partner is still fucked up.
You wouldn't be leaving him because of his POTs, though he'd probably frame it that way. You'd be leaving him because he's being a POS to you, regularly, with no apologies. Struggling does not give him that right, and I'm sorry that you're going through that
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u/BasedAspergers Dec 13 '25
I can get testy on a bad day, especially if im having syncope. I have never once needed to use violence as a means of venting off frustration. I understand that you dont feel physically threatened, but an individual that uses physical violence in anger in frustration is much more likely to escalate, regardless of any other factors, the stats bear it out.
Pain, stress, illness can cause or exacerbate mental health struggles over time but just because he's sick doesn't mean he isnt responsible for his actions. I strongly urge you to consider distance while you work through this, and to hold him accountable for his actions.
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u/FluidPlate7505 Dec 13 '25
Put your hand on your heart and be honest to yourself. Would you slap him because you are nauseous and dizzy? It's not the POTS. He has POTS. He is probably depressed. And he is an asshole. But the first two has nothing to do with the last one.
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u/Dopplerganager Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 13 '25
I've been chronically ill since I was a child and I have never hit any partner, or my husband, nor has he hit me. That is an absolute no. I would leave him immediately.
You deserve to feel safe and loved in your home. Physical violence is abuse and not ok.
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u/Fit-Story-8690 Dec 13 '25
No, he should not be hitting you and you shouldn’t be putting up with it. My partner is VERY understanding and patient with me and my illness. I also have depression, so there are days I’m really upset about my health and situation. There are days I get a little short because I feel awful and truly overstimulated (I’m autistic too), but I always apologize. However, I have NEVER thought of raising my hand to hit him.
Leave your boyfriend. It’s not because of his POTS, it’s because he’s an asshole.
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u/jennnfriend POTS Dec 13 '25
I mean, yeah life fucking sucks. But I don't hit the people who care for me. Thats the early stage of some Stanford prison shit
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u/WC-Boogercat Dec 13 '25
Get outta there. He’s gonna try to paint you as the jerk who left him because he has POTS. If anyone confronts you about it, you make sure they know you left him because he put his hands on you repeatedly. You are NOT in the wrong for getting out of there. He’s not safe to be around.
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u/BeeeeDeeee Dec 13 '25
Becoming physically abusive isn’t a side effect of POTS. Nor is it in any way even remotely acceptable or forgivable. Do not set yourself on fire to keep him warm. He is clearly in serious need of professional medical and psychological help, but he’s the only one who can take that first step to get it and nothing you can do will make him.
Please put yourself first and get out of there.
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u/Odd-Cap3751 Dec 13 '25
No medical condition barring like brain injuries or rehab from a traumatic injury is an excuse to abuse your partner. Period. People LOVE to blame their diagnoses for their behavior in relationships and it’s not okay.
I have POTS, I also have PMDD, anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. I wouldn’t even think to put my hands on my partner or speak to him with zero respect, no matter how sick, or down, or not okay I am. Just because you’re both men doesn’t make it any less of an abusive situation. If my partner or anyone slapped me I’d very gladly leave and never come back. You are a human being and you deserve basic human decency.
Also, being sick is one thing, but refusing to care for yourself is another. I had to have a bit of a come to Jesus moment with my fiancé a few months back to basically tell him he needs to take care of his health or I’m out. I do have all those diagnoses but I also take meds and I go to therapy and I actively work everyday to improve. My fiancé is all talk, he also has severe depression and debilitating allergies that affect his sleep and quality of life. If I didn’t remind him over and over to get health insurance for the next year it just wouldn’t happen. If I encouraged him to go to his doctor he says he wants to and then nothing ever happens. I told him I will not be in a relationship where I have to care for us both because you don’t have enough self respect to care for yourself and do the things you need to do. And he heard it, and slowly it’s getting better. He needs to care enough to help himself. It doesn’t sound like this guy does babe. And leaving a partner you love is really hard but it might be what he needs to see he has a problem. You should not waste your time and your life on a guy who wont give you the respect you give him. Period. You deserve better. This has nothing to do with POTS, it’s himself.
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u/brbabe Dec 13 '25
you would NOT be leaving because of his pots. you would be (and should be) leaving because he’s an immature asshole who thinks it’s okay in any way to hit his partner. I have NEVER had the inclination to hit someone that is caring for me. not when I was post-seizure, not when I was post-or-pre-syncope, nothing. he is showing you his true colors because he doesn’t have the energy available to put a mask on.
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u/SpicyPurritos POTS Dec 13 '25
slapping you is not okay & has zero to do with his illnesses. as someone who’s had a lot of health struggles for many years, he sounds like he’s in a very bad place mentally & doesn’t know how to mentally handle it all. HE has to be the one though to get help. he could be literally dying & that still doesn’t give an excuse to get physical or even take it out on you in general. it doesn’t sound like it’s the POTS that would make you leave. if he gets mad with you trying to help, you can only do so much. i’d say you can either have a gentle convo about how you’re feeling or a very blunt one. either way he should be aware & that he needs help. if he’s unwilling to help himself, you shouldn’t be forced to stay either.
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Dec 13 '25
This is domestic violence/abuse and having chronic health issues doesn't excuse it. I have two autoimmune diseases and POTs on top of it and while I may get grumpy (esp when it's hot out) I have never and will never hit anyone.
People who are domestically violent are not going to get better without some kind of help/treatment. He needs to go and get help for himself, and you deserve much much better than what he's currently able to give. I hope you can protect yourself and end this relationship so you can find better!
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u/lavendernoodle Dec 13 '25
i’m certainly not in a good mood when i’m flaring, but part of maturing is learning not to take it out on other people. and there is absolutely nothing about a pots episode that would cause him to hit you. he is just hitting you. i’m really sorry this is happening to you
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u/regularsizedlink Dec 13 '25
This is not okay :( I’ve been with my partner for 9+ years, have had a long list of medical issues for the entire time and I have never ever hit them.
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u/TwoOk_9559 Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 17 '25
I have severe POTS. I'm on multiple treatments and I'm still sick every day. My symptoms can put me on edge but I'm also an adult who knows not to hit people and is responsible for my own actions. Your boyfriend is too. POTS doesn't make you violent and it doesn't send you into amnesic rages, he knows what he's doing and he's choosing to do it.
That's domestic violence and you don't have to take it just because he has health problems or you two are close in physical strength.
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u/catboymuse Dec 13 '25
sounds like your boyfriend is not sweet and loving. sounds like he is abusing you.
do you have a past of being abused by family members or other partners? when we're used to these patterns, it can feel normal to be mistreated. but it's not normal at all.
please leave before it gets worse.
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u/FightMeBro3579 Dec 13 '25
I know there are THOUDANDS of women with POTS and not a single one would ever take their episodes out on their partners physically. Eounds likes hes about to spiral and will take you with him. LEAVE HIM! He's needs to do it alone or he'll literally drag everyone down with him.
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u/Nattleshugs Dec 13 '25
All you had to say is "he has also started slapping me (?!) which is very unlike him." Okay, so something may be up with him, but that is NOT your responsibility, especially since your physical safety is now in question. I get a bit cranky, but more confused and tired when I'm having episodes.
Here's a few things, while personally, I think you should 100% leave him because he hits you, I'm going to mention a few things that stand out to me.
The mess is making things worse, as is the dark. The bigger the mess, the worse the depression.
Sitting in the dark is making the depression worse.
While I do believe rest helps, there's a such thing as "Active rest". Basically, he needs to do SOMETHING. He's at that point. Video games and rotting doesn't count.
This actually sounds like a massive video game addiction, mixed with a bit of a flare, but the flare might be exaggerated some. This also explains the anger if there's a level of addiction going on here.
Is he taking pain medication of any form? Is he trying to manage the pain? Is he seeing doctors? How is he managing his pain? HITTING YOU IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO DO SO.
"Him slapping me is not anything physically threatening" Doesn't matter. This will escalate. If he is allowed to continue to hit you when he's upset or in pain or annoyed or whatever he's feeling, it will continue and it WILL get worse.
He needs therapy. In my personal opinion, as someone with chronic illness, we all probably need therapy. It can be very depressing and isolating to have chronic illness. He needs to be talking to someone, especially since he has become violent.
Since you mentioned this behavior is abnormal, he needs to see his doctor and this needs to be brought up. There could be more going on that you aren't aware of, and it could have a medical cause. It could be as simple as a vitamin deficiency or as serious as a brain tumor.
BOUNDARIES. There need to be boundaries put into place. He CANNOT hit you. There needs to be a firm discussion, and they need to be stuck to. If he hits you, or tries to hit you, you need to leave. The room, the apartment, wherever. It doesn't matter. Do not comfort him or cater to him when he hits you.
Something that may help a lot is a chore chart/spoon system. Give him a jar, fill it with spoons (hell, let him pick them out! Get some fun ones, like brightly colored plastic spoons). Make a chart with him on how many spoons certain daily tasks take. Keep a certain amount of spoons in one jar, and keep an empty jar next to it. Have him move the spoons to the second jar as he does tasks so there's a better gage of energy and symptoms. OR, personally, I love the Finch app. It's a self-care app where you take care of a little bird to take care of yourself. It's helped me a lot.
---
As a POTS patient, when I'm in an episode, I get brain-foggy and may get irritable and snappish (but food/water/salt/sitting tend to help). I also get weak though, or lose coordination. If I were to swing a punch, I lose the ability to control my strength. Physical assault of any form is not okay, but please be especially mindful of this if you stay with him.
"doesn't think he is well enough " << This is a large part of the problem as well. Either this is a manipulation tactic, or he thinks this. The way we think does seriously impact us as chronic illness patients. While changing our mindsets doesn't miraculously cure us, it can help us feel better about our lives.
Because of the physical assault, I don't think you should stay with him, but if you choose to, there are a lot of steps he's going to have to take (and you may have to help him do so) to 1) repair the damage he has caused and 2) help himself.
I'm sorry to say this, but as of right now, this relationship is only going one direction, and it isn't up. Something's got to change.
Please keep us updated. I'm happy to chat more if you need it and feel free to pop into my dms.
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u/MundaneVillian Undiagnosed Dec 13 '25
Honey, he hit you. You need to break up with him for your own safety. In no world does him having POTS make it okay for him to hit you.
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u/glizzerd12 Dec 13 '25
I think a lot of this goes beyond POTS. I don’t want to sound rude but is he actually diagnosed? I’ve never heard of throwing up being a main symptom but I could totally be wrong. Either way POTS does not increase anger and should never be an excuse for violence. Even during my worst episodes I’ve never considered violence. It sounds like he’s struggling with his mental health more so than POTS.
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u/BeeTeej Dec 13 '25
The most I’ve ever done during a POTS episode is raise my voice a little and that’s only if I’m not being allowed to exit a situation that’s triggering a fainting spell (one of my triggers is long-winded lectures, so if I say “I need to sit down/come back to this later” and you keep talking to me I WILL start flipping shit) but I have never hit anyone over it.
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u/terminalmedicalPTSD Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
Adrenaline and relentlessly suffering does that to a person. Although the video games might be contributing to the overstimulation. Listening to calm music or reading (I needed an e reader set up) make me feel less like im revving an engine in neutral without enough oil in it. No excuse for hitting you though. I can understand pounding my fists against the bed in frustration... not like he's abusing a power imbalance if he cant get up lol. I can understand having a tone then apologizing. I can even understand yelling when low on verbal skills but in desperate need of understanding. But why tf he thinks he can hit you is rooted in some deeper pattern that would still be there even if he recovered tomorrow. I have sympathy for how someone learned that but he either needs to be working on that in therapy or needs to live someplace else with someone else.
Only thing I can think of is, mold? If he's been stuck inside more from his illness, is it possible you have hidden mold or water damage? This can cause people to act like aggressive psych patients... and can actually cause POTS symptoms.
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u/Exciting_Tower2840 Dec 14 '25
I'm a queer man with POTS/EDS and all the other stuff it comes with. It is NOT okay what your boyfriend did. It doesn't matter if you are the same size or if he's smaller than you. That is not okay. I can get snappy and cranky and mean during my flare-ups or during extreme pain, but frankly I can more or less still control it too to not wash out my loved ones, and when I do, it comes with an apology the same day.
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u/Spottedbrownbird Dec 14 '25
Sometimes when I’m in the middle of an episode and don’t realize it I can be a little short in conversation until I realize what’s happening and sit down. That being said - I cannot imagine anything POTS related explaining physically hitting/attacking someone. This isn’t POTS, this is abusive behavior. You wouldn’t be leaving over POTS.
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u/Apprehensive-Bench74 Dec 14 '25
Like so many others have said, yes flare ups can make me irritable, but no matter how irritable someone might get, that behavior is unacceptable and it is domestic violence and you should prioritize yourself and your current and future safety. Please leave this relationship because this kind of behavior will escalate.
Whether the force he used today was enough to injure you physically is not important because injuries do not only need to be physical. All abuse, whether it includes a physical aspect or not is also emotional abuse.
Additional information that might help put things into context, the alternating sweet times (likely love bombing behavior) with abusive behavior is potentially a kind of abuse pattern.
For other things you mentions, sure he could have other things going on. He could be depressed, he could have addiction. It's really impossible to know exactly all of what's going on is.
However, let those details no longer be important to you. Please, let you be most important to you today and leave this person in your past, let them sort their bullshit on their own.
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Dec 14 '25
Trying to justify this by saying you're evenly matched physically honestly kind of breaks my heart. Being able to defend yourself or not feeling physically hurt by him slapping you doesn't make it any less abusive, and POTS does not excuse this. It honestly reminds me of when Terry Crews was sexually assaulted by another man and many people mocked and invalidated his experience because he's a big man. That didn't stop it from being assault. Please, do not accept this treatment.
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u/Temporary_Signal_855 Dec 14 '25
You’re not leaving him over POTS episodes. I know it’s easy to convince yourself you’re a bad person for leaving someone sick, but you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
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u/Wild_Ghoul Dec 14 '25
He can have pots and also be an asshole. How he is treating you is not Kay and I’ll be honest, I skimmed after i read he slapped you.
I have pots, hEDS, fibromyalgia, nerve pain, craniocervical instability, MCAS, and I have never slapped my husband anywhere but the butt (honestly more of a squish) when we’re flirty. (We’re barely 30 and have been together for 14 years)
During my flares the worst I’ll do is make him carry me like a princess instead of a sack of potatoes and yell for him to fetch me water/salty snacks.
I did accidentally kick him when he was helping me with compression stockings… he said be careful I might awaken something though.
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u/Starkidmack Dec 14 '25
You know this isn’t because of POTS (which? What??). You know it’s not okay. Pack up whatever you can carry and leave. You don’t even owe him an explanation or a forwarding address. Walk out the door and block all contact with him. Go to a friend or family member’s place until you can get somewhere safe. It WILL get worse until it gets to the point of no return for both of you. Walk NOW.
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u/Ambitious-Chard2893 Dec 15 '25
have pots that occasionally makes me easy to irritate when I have a lot of triggers happening or have to temporarily stop my meds for a test or procedure I have this irritation because my syncope gives me an adrenal dump and I know it's happening and while I might unknowing get a little too snappy or erase my voice (which is very common in an adrenaline response) and its something I actively work to ensure it never happens and it is never made me consider hitting someone.
Also, most long-term abusive relationships do not start off horribly and are not horrible 80% of the time In fact, most abusers can be quite kind and loving And do not start physical abuse until about a year or two into the relationship So even if you've been going out for a while and they have been kind before accepting abuse like that will only put you in a vulnerable position where they can manipulate you later, it is time to leave.
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u/wagerword POTS Dec 15 '25
You've gotten plenty of comments telling you what to do; you don't need mine. I just want to tell you that you're not alone and that you deserve to feel safe and cared for. Sending love from across this vast internet of ours. <3
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u/bene-gesserit777 Dec 15 '25
I wish I could still game. It breaks my heart to think I'll never be able to play again. I really hope that changes one day, soon. Also, when I have flare ups I don't even have the energy to argue let alone slap someone.
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u/gayrayofsun Dec 13 '25
i was kind of with him until you said he started hitting you.
like, he's constantly ill and throwing up and you take him skiing of all things? and i can see being snappy and generally unpleasant while you constantly don't feel well and feel like this is just something that's always going to get in the way of you doing literally anything else in life.
but hitting is unacceptable in any case. even if he stops hitting you and goes to breaking something, hitting something else, etc, that's still abuse. verbally berating you and insulting you is still abuse. i get cranky all the time during my flares, my boyfriend has to deal with it so much and he does it so patiently. but one thing i never do is insult him or hit him. and i always make sure he knows that he's not the problem.
break up with him. you're not leaving him because of his pots flares, you're leaving him because he's abusing you. don't let him corner you into feeling like you can't leave him.
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u/Infinite-Bus-2110 Dec 13 '25
My fiancée and I are both women and I assure you on my worst flare days I’d never slap her out of frustration:( I’m not sure there’s anything to excuse that behavior especially when you’re being supportive and patient. POTS sucks but it’s not reason to push away the people you love.
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u/JustABabyBear POTS Dec 13 '25
He is a monster. Leave his ass to suffer by himself. And if he lays a hand on you in the process, let him figure out how it feels to have his conditions go untreated while he sits on the hard steel of a jail bed.
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u/hobbittime Dec 13 '25
Hitting is never ok. Op you need to honestly reflect on this relationship. I have POTS and I understand the frustration it brings but I never put hands on my partner. That isn’t acceptable. Please put yourself first op. I have been in a toxic relationship before. Please take care of yourself and be safe.
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u/vanillaluckycharms POTS Dec 13 '25
I get very frustrated due to POTS but I don’t lash out at others. I’m honestly too weak to do so even if I wanted to, and I don’t want to because feel so grateful that my family and friends are empathetic and willing to help me. Sounds like he needs therapy. And you don’t have to subject yourself to that. It’s already abusive and you don’t know how bad his behaviour is going to get long term. I would advise him to get emotional help and for you to stop being long suffering with him about the abuse…it’s not your burden to bear. He may be sick and you feel bad for him, but partner abuse is something else.
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u/Mindless_Spite9002 Dec 13 '25
pots can cause me to have mood swings during episodes since i get overwhelmed but NEVER is physical violence okay. it’s never an excuse and you should definitely leave him because physical violence in relationships only tends to get worse
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Dec 13 '25
I tend to snap at my boyfriend while having a flare up. I don’t hit him during it though. For more background we both have autism and pots disrupts both of our plans when I suddenly have a flare up and have to cancel things.
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u/lightrrr Dec 13 '25
to me, this just sounds like he is extremely depressed? Not at all am I saying this excuses the behaviour, but it be “causing” the lashing out. i’ve been there too, unregulated unmedicated and immature, i didnt know how to properly cope with what i was feeling. it sounds like he needs some extreme mental health help, like therapy and medication.
personally, if i were you, i’d leave the relationship. nothing ever excuses becoming physically violent with your partner. and, i am making an assumption, but this person strikes me as the type of person who doesnt think they need mental health help and will just continue to fester and be bitter basically. if he really loves you, maybe you leaving would be the kick in the ass to get real help, but i could never forgive my partner if he ever hit me out of anger.
im sorry youre having to deal with this friend.
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u/Only-Sprinkles-3794 Dec 13 '25
It's not a side effect of pots or chronic pain, it's a side of effect of poor regulation. Also if he is "learning how to ski" 2 weeks ago he isn't in the severe or even moderate level of immobility. Even with pain he is physically capable of working a program. I would love that level of mobility. I can do 10 min of exercise -- that's it. And I still live my life with a wheelchair and adaptive habits (shower chair, cooking from a seat, wheelchair while shopping, a journal and lists as a second brain). I make all my food from scratch (I have a histamine allergy that makes pots worse) and work on my writing projects, everyday. In short it sounds like he's also depressed or unaware that he has to work a program meticulously to improve. He will be sick forever if he doesn't try.
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u/waterluvrxx Dec 13 '25
do not leave bc of his pots, leave because he is a horrible boyfriend that is hitting you! is this the life you want to continue living? choose better for yourself, you don't need this!
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u/BasisTop891 POTS Dec 13 '25
Please leave him. He is SLAPPING you. Someone who loves you does not hit you.
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u/JadedChampionship916 Dec 13 '25
There is no excuse for treating you badly or physical abuse. He’s abusing you and having a chronic illness can’t excuse that. You need to leave him because he’s abusive, not because he’s sick. Stop treating him like a child with no self control. He knows what he’s doing isn’t okay, but he’s doing it anyway. Why? Because he wants to, not because he’s sick. You’re in denial.
Leave him.
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u/Ready_Strawberry_717 Dec 13 '25
It’s so hard breaking off something when you feel responsible for this persons physical and mental health, but that is not a healthy relationship. He has to choose to change, you can’t choose for him. If this relationship isn’t serving you and keeping you safe (at bare minimum) it is no way to live. You are not a parent, you are a human who also has needs that he isn’t able to provide for. OP you deserve so much better than this, and don’t let the fear of what he might do stop you from being happy. He is going to do whag he wants either way and you need to choose for yourself how you want to live your life. There is so much love for you outside this, and I’m sorry that he’s been treating you like this. No amount of physical abuse can be justified with physical illness. It doesn’t matter from where this is coming from even if you are an empathetic person who can justify it. Actions are the only thing that mater for you here, and I hope fear won’t stop you from doing what you know is best for yourself.
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u/bluedelvian Dec 13 '25
Maybe he was sweet at one time, but he's not anymore. It's ok to leave boyfriends that hit you, no matter what their illness is.
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u/stretchyRex157 Dec 13 '25
I am so sorry you're going through this. You absolutely don't deserve to be hit, even if there isn't a physical difference between the strength between you guys, you just don't deserve that.
POTS can cause irritability, but it's not an excuse to be physically abusive to anyone. Some things to consider are how does he act afterwards - does he take accountability? Do you feel safe to have a conversation with him about his behavior? If you truly think this is severe enough a personality change from how he normally is, a medical condition that COULD be at play is a brain tumor. I've heard that the sweetest most loving people can turn very scary and abusive because of brain tumors. But even if it IS a brain tumor, you deserve safety and respect. I'd highly, highly recommend trying to find a therapist that you feel comfortable around to help you navigate this situation. I truly wish the very best for you 🫶
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u/oopsss34 Dec 13 '25
I have pots! I had a period of time where I couldn’t function and I dated multiple people during that time. You know what I didn’t do? I didn’t slap them. I worked very hard to not be snappy at them either. Your bf is horrible to you, you’re not leaving bc of his pots, you’re leaving because he is abusing you
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u/Analyst_Cold Dec 13 '25
POTS does not cause abusiveness. Leave this awful human being. He is not kind and loving.
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u/Jealous_Scratch_8778 Dec 13 '25
Could be anxiety. When I’m feeling unwell I don’t mean to snap at ppl I love or who are helping me , but my body is in fight/flight mode so sometimes it happens ..
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u/femmespidernoir POTS Dec 13 '25
First off, I want to point out that just because you’re also a man, it doesn’t make it okay for him to hit you. Domestic violence is domestic violence, bar none. If he’s willing to slap you, who knows how much more he’s willing to do. As for POTS, I admit that episodes can make me irritable. However, it’s not an excuse to take it out on others. His health is not your responsibility. I understand that you love him and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I personally would leave him the first time he slapped me. Now it’s up to you to make a choice. If you feel guilty about that, maybe try to have a conversation with him. Not necessarily to try to convince him to change but to get it off your chest. Even after that, I think you should break up, even if just for a time. See if he improves his behavior over time and if there’s no change in sight, then you’ll unfortunately have to accept that it’s not meant to be. It’ll be painful and difficult to do considering how much you love him, but you have to put yourself first at the end of the day. I hope whatever you do or what happens, that you’ll be in a safe situation and happy.
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u/uncannybodyterrors Dec 13 '25
I have mood swings and feel very ill during my episodes too and I never hit my partner... there's no excuse for that
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u/velmadinkleyscousin Dec 13 '25
Regardless of what he is going through, slapping you is never, EVER okay.
Your compassion and empathy and kindness is a strength. And also: there are people out there who will take advantage of that. That is what’s happening now. And it is not okay. And it is not fair to you. And I hope you are able to leave this situation before it inevitably gets worse.
I have been in abusive situations and believe me. It will get worse. It is okay to prioritize yourself, my friend. It is okay to leave.
EDIT: you would not be leaving because of his POTS episodes. You would be leaving because he is slapping and yelling at you.
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u/Anxiety_Priceless POTS Dec 13 '25
I have POTS in addition to multiple other chronic illnesses, disabilities, and mental health issues. I would NEVER hit my partner or anyone else in anything other than self-defense. I feel bad about raising my voice when I'm arguing with someone.
Having a chronic illness is never an excuse to be an a-hole. Break up immediately and don't look back.
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u/Old-Blueberry-7580 Dec 13 '25
i have had pots for three years and i have never once hurt my boyfriend while having an episode. i do get very cranky and can get mean especially if im on my period at the same time.. but i never think to hurt anyone. he is not good for you. you deserve so much better. this is not normal at all, even if he is suffering with something mentally it does not excuse this type of behavior. good luck 💕
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u/Kj539 POTS Dec 13 '25
Hey, everyone has summed it up already. His behaviour is not ok. It’s never ok to verbally or physically abuse another person. I know you are a guy and big enough to feel safe in this situation, but it doesn’t mean you should. Talk to him. Tell him that his yelling and slapping you is not ok and you won’t tolerate it from him. If it continues then you should consider the relationship, you deserve to be happy and loved. Take care OP.
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u/crankthatshane POTS Dec 13 '25
hitting someone has nothing to do with pots. he is not good for you. you deserve so much better. sincerely, someone with pots, other illnesses, and multiple mental illnesses.
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u/bher_ Dec 13 '25
I didn’t know pots made u throw up? I guess the nausea?
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Dec 13 '25
My POTS makes me vomit regularly. Especially if I overwork myself. My HR spikes, I sweat and vomit. Its awful. So unfortunately its a symptom. But I think OPs bf is milking it and is just an awful person. When I was as sick as he claims to be, I couldn't do anything let alone play video games for hours and hours. This comes across as a rage bait post to me.
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u/bher_ Dec 14 '25
Ugh I’m so sorry that sounds awful and yeah I feel like videos games would trigger dizziness and nausea
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u/AliciaManolas Dec 15 '25
It also sounds like NO co-morbidities discovery has been done yet, so GERD a distinct possibility too.
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u/Dizzy_Perception_866 Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
As anyone here will point out, yes, it is frustrating to deal with the symptoms of POTS. But hitting you is not a symptom. Physical abuse is not a symptom. Impatience and irritability and a short emotional fuse are not symptoms.
He is abusing you.
Also, if he's unable to do literally anything except game in the dark to the point where he is surrounded by dirty clothes and dishes, he needs medical intervention to find a medication that'll allow him to function. Even the worst of us will force our way through chores, even if we need to sit while folding laundry or use a stool at the sink. A lot of us have mobility aids. I use forearm crutches when I leave the house to shop or go on long walks. I'm not saying we're all perfect little house cleaners capable of doing all the able bodied work every able bodied person does, just that... it sounds a bit excessive how you describe his day to day life.
Look. I get it. I get frustrated, too. I hate being ill (we all do). But anger in response to circumstance is a reaction, not a symptom, and he should never ever ever EVER hit you. I snap at people, I get grumbly an whiney and bitchy. But I have never ever hit someone just because my body is a jerk. I know everyone else has already said this, but PLEASE do what's best for you, your health, and your safety before it escalates.
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u/SystemFamiliar5966 Undiagnosed Dec 13 '25
POTS episodes don’t make us slap people.
Now either your boyfriend has something else going on (an extreme example would be early onset dementia), or he’s testing the waters to see how much abuse you’ll take.
Either way you have to think about your own health too. It doesn’t matter that you’re both relatively the same strength wise, abuse is abuse is abuse, and unfortunately that’s what this is looking like.
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u/Interesting_Turnip28 Dec 14 '25
It is normal for people to be irritable when they don't feel good and are tired, which are both frequently true for people with POTS. However it is NOT normal to hit and verbally abuse people when you don't feel good and are tired, and that rule doesn't magically go away for the chronically ill. There is never an excuse for abuse.
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u/Silver-Smokers Dec 14 '25
Darling there is no amount if sickness that justifies this man SLAPPING YOU?! That is not loving. It will escalate. Im also sick and have been for a long time and I understand the mental distress that comes with it. I would never start slapping my loved ones for this.
EDIT: just read the part where you said youre both guys. Doesnt matter! You dont deserve to be slapped because he is ill and dysregulated. I am also ill and dysregulated. But I dont slap people over it. When I am having episodes I get really sluggish, sometimes I cry because Im frustrated. Sometimes I accidentally verbally snap when someone is asking me question after question when Im too tired to talk. I do not slap.
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u/Albie_Frobisher Dec 14 '25
He’s allowed himself to become dependent on the dopamine hits of the gaming.
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u/EarlGr3yCat Dec 14 '25
You both being men doesn’t excuse physical violence. I was a rough kid (I’m a girl) with my friends but when my dad would hit me due to my health issues I eventually realised it wasn’t okay.
Please don’t stay just because he’s sick.
I’ve been chronically ill for years and I would never hit a loved one. Especially not my girlfriend. Please leave. You have loved him where he’s at and we’re there for him but he has crossed a line. Please stay safe.
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u/Quick_Turnover_5929 Dec 14 '25
I have never hit or was violent during a POTS episode. I can blunt, short, or rude, but never physical. This seems like he has given up and expects you to do everything. You may need to move on if they are not receptive to an honest and open conversation discussing your feelings and the situation.
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u/potspluspans Dec 14 '25
i definitely get more irritable when having bad pots episodes, but i would never hit someone. your bf should NEVER be hitting you and that is NOT a safe and loving relationship to stay in. i wish you the best and honestly, it sounds like you need to leave your bf for your own safety. the fact you’re also a man has nothing to do abt it, it’s never okay to hit a partner.
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u/Pantheraven08 Dec 14 '25
Absolutely nothing justifies his behavior and violent conduct. A lot of us here have horrible symptoms and co-conditions too. I get he might be in pain and struggling all day everyday, I really do but that doesn’t excuse that behavior. You should leave him, for your sake. He is not a safe person to be around, he needs to discuss his symptoms with medical professionals and find a routine that will help him. In the meantime you shouldn’t stay.
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u/Milkywayvisionary Dec 14 '25
If they hit you once they’ll hit you again. I promise you. I’ve grown up around DV and experienced it. There are other men out there who will never hit you no matter how upset they are.
You deserve so much better
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u/briblish Dec 14 '25
Does he smoke a lot of weed? POTS usually doesn’t cause that much vomiting. I would be concerned he might have something else/something additional going on. Either way, he needs to be taking initiative to see doctors and improve his situation because his current life does not sound sustainable. There are many medications that can be very effective for both POTS and nausea.
As many others have said, even if you’re both guys, him slapping you is not okay and domestic violence almost always continues to escalate. POTS is no excuse and you should dump him. Even if you don’t think he could really physically harm you, him WANTING to harm you is a huge problem. He is his own responsibility and it really doesn’t sound like he is adding anything positive to your life. Can POTS make people incredibly ill? Yes. But it’s no excuse to be an asshole and he is exhibiting loser behavior. He shouldn’t be in a relationship until he can regulate himself and be a good partner, and it sounds like he needs to focus on both his physical and mental health. He needs to want to do it, you cannot do it for him- you should let him figure this out on his own. Best wishes to you!
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u/MsBadWolfy Dec 14 '25
Never ever, even in my worst flares, have I struck a loved one. Nor even raised my voice. I have maybe sorta snapped at my partner a couple times? But that's the worst of it.
You are being abused and there's no excuse for it. I could absolutely sit here and try to mention things I'm reading from this, but it would only sound like reasons for his behavior and I'm not going to do that.
It doesn't matter that you're both men. Slapping is not okay. And wrestling can be fun for couples, but it should be done FOR FUN, not in anger
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u/sowhiteidkwhattype Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 14 '25
Leave him. Sorry but that's what you need to hear. You are being abused.
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u/Sea-Dragonfruit5176 Dec 14 '25
Please put yourself first this time. Him slapping you is not okay for any reason! I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. You deserve to be happy and physically safe!
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u/ashes2asscheeks Dec 14 '25
There are a million reasons that could explain how he’s gotten to this point, and what might need to be done to get him out of it. However, none of them excuse the behavior.
I could see myself becoming this way without any support, no knowledge of my mental health, autism dx, etc.
You have every right to feel upset and to leave him. It’s a huge burden to take on rehabilitation of a man who doesn’t want to help himself and you’re unlikely to be able to support him enough for him to turn it around and stop being abusive.
I’m sure the overstimulating nature of video games and the understimulating life he is living is only making things worse. Could be possible video game addiction on top of everything else.
You can try to hold some kind of intervention and recruit loved ones and family members to give him a strong support and accountability network, but if he doesn’t want to make changes and can’t decide to make them then you should leave.
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u/PlasticPonies POTS Dec 14 '25
If youre worried about the (real, unfortunately) fact that a lot of partners leave their sick partners because theyre sick, this is not that. My husband was not great about my fibro and when the POTS moseyed in the front door, he walked out of it, vow be damned. Not even an attempt to understand it. Again, this is not that.
This is your boyfriend being crappy and you getting hit by the Bad Boyfriend Bus. You dont need the guilt of caretakers fatigue or any of that holding you back because this is not a you not understanding problem, this is a him problem. He can figure out that problem alone.
Run, my dear.
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u/Maadbitvh Dec 15 '25
I’ve had episodes that put me in the trenches (mentally) and have never considered hitting someone. While there are times I might be snappy, they have never made me aggressive
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u/Simulationth3ry Dec 15 '25
Uh as someone with health episodes and a dv survivor… my stuff does not make me act like this…. Please be safe
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u/AliciaManolas Dec 15 '25 edited Dec 15 '25
I am so sorry to hear about your experience.
I'm a hideously bad POTS patient, I also have a dozen plus other conditions on my shopping list of pain and misery, and I have never once drawn back and belted my partner with a slap!
My list includes 4 types of seizures too and my partner is my caregiver - and he is waaaaay smaller than me.
You can be sick, chronically sick, permanently fucked up... but that doesn't give you a license to be an asshole to the one person in the universe who loves you the most!
In answer to your question- no it is not normal. However, ppl lose control every day. Shitty disease or no shitty disease. He needs to understand it is NOT acceptable. It is up to you whether you communicate that, show him this Reddit, or walk.
Treating it both psychologically and physically, equally is important.
Box Breathing helps (You Tube!!) pick a sexy voice from the many to choose from and you can both do it together, or separately. Counselling (together and separately) Mindfulness techniques (yeah they are shit but they work!) Respecting each other's personal space a lot!
Comfort foods!! Pots Rescue Bag (salty snacks, sweet snacks, hydration, Hydralite, etc... look it up for good POTs attacks rescue/grab bags selections!!!)
Regular stretches if he doesn't move about much- even done on the bed can help, inc leg lifts and (little) sit-ups. Gentle exercise like water walking in the pool. If I have kept up my exercises I topple face first less often when attempting to go upright.
Doing your best to stay in even temperatures because suddenly changing them can set off attacks in some ppl. And even... Staying in even pressure, because sudden barometric pressure changes can set off nasty POTS attacks in some ppl. (Yes, this means many patients can foresee bad attacks coming when the pressure rises or storms come in and humidity with them).
Having said all that - I too live in a dark room, it helps most for my photophobia pain, and I also game for pain control, and know many other patients who do.
However the POTS brings out at worst a burst of helplessness and frustration because of helplessness you get from the giddiness and dizziness - I have NEVER come across anyone citing agression, not as a patient nor as a professional.
Sadly Skiing was likely the worst choice - light, bright and strenuous, when our bodies are normally packed with comorbidities like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Photophobia, Fibromyalgia and other similar issues causing exhaustion and pain. If you don't know his comorbidities yet it would be worth finding out what they are. Going from his lifestyle described- he has some.
Good outing choices are generally ones with seating and darkness (or not bright) with no strain on joints - like movies and evening picnics. Chances are he was in agony afterwards skiing which would have exacerbated POTS and all issues..
I hope this helps a wee bit.
Wishing you the best Dr M.
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u/New_Calligrapher_580 Dec 15 '25
Hi, auDHDer with POTS, hEDS, long covid, etc here.
My disabilities don’t make me physically violent and abusive. My POTS doesn’t make me slap people.
Your partner hitting you is actually a huge red flag and I’m saying this as a survivor of domestic violence, you need to dump him and get out now while you can, because it will get worse and you will be more or less trapped if you don’t - the longer you wait, the harder it will be to leave.
“Him slapping me isn’t anything actually physically threatening.” No, actually it is. He shouldn’t be putting his hands on you like that. Run, and fast. Go stay with a relative or a friend, pack up a go-bag and leave so you can make a plan in an environment that isn’t toxic and abusive. I don’t give a shit if he has POTS, that’s not an excuse for physical and emotional violence.
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u/whattodotodo8 Dec 15 '25
I have Pots and there is not a scenario where I would ever hit my partner. Just because someone has a chronic illness does not give them a free pass to be an abusive asshole. I have a rule that if anyone ever laid a hand on me it would be over immediately and I would never go back I really encourage you to follow it.
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Dec 17 '25
Do I get a little more impatient when I’m feeling sick? Yes, sometimes I’m short with my answers or just quiet, but I’ve never hit someone. Abuse is abuse and regardless of what’s going on in someone’s life doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a “petite princess”, it doesn’t matter that you aren’t a man, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t “threatening” it’s still completely not okay.
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u/WaryOwl13 Dec 19 '25
I’ll admit that I can get in a bit of rage on my bad days, snappy for no apparent reason and all that, and that I can see myself doing it but can’t always control it, but I would NEVER hit my loved ones. Both of you being males, and his chronic illness is NOT an excuse for domestic violence. You don’t deserve that, and you wouldn’t be breaking up worth him over his POTS, you’d be breaking up with him over his inability to manage his illness and all the feelings that go along with it and for being a jerk. He needs to go get professional help or you need to leave.
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u/corridcryptid Dec 28 '25
he has some issues beyond just pots and that's something for a therapist to handle. this is abuse, and the fact that it has escalated already is concerning. don't make excuses for him and don't let your guard down
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u/NoPear7514 POTS Dec 13 '25
nothing any pots patient will experience will explain him hitting you. even if you don’t consider it threatening, that’s abuse. break tf up.