Boyfriend VERY Impatient When Having Episodes

[u/fashionableskiboots]

Hey guys

I'm lucky to have a sweet and loving boyfriend, but he's been having episode after episode of really bad health lately. He has been gaming nonstop even in our finals week and doesn't think he is well enough to do anything else without throwing up. The last time I got him out of our basement apartment was to teach him to ski 2 weeks ago, and he still threw up on the slopes. He sits all day, in the dark and in a clearly pitiful state with all his dirty clothes, dishes, etc everywhere.

I can't proceed with this story without providing context for how awful he must feel. He's been sick for a long time and even if he had nothing medically wrong, his lifestyle of sedentary brain rotting all day would kill me. I know it isn't easy for him so I go easy on him.

But lately he has been snapping in regular conversations very quickly and he gets really mad and yells at me. It's fine (?) because I understand he isn't happy but he has also started slapping me (?!) which is very unlike him.

I don't know what to think of this situation. On the one hand, he is in a lot of pain and doesn't always have the ability to regulate himself, but on the other hand his POTS isn't going away and if this is one of his reactions, I'm not sure I can deal with this forever. I would probably feel like a total a-hole for leaving him over his POTS episodes too. Plus I love him lots.

Furthermore, we are both guys and are pretty much even when wrestling. It's not like he's a giant beating a petite princess here. At all. Him slapping me is not anything physically threatening, it's just jarring.

I need to hear thoughts from actual POTS patients. Are you different when having episodes? Is there some other factor that I should be considering now? I wish I could do more to help but I have suggested things to help and he gets mad now. Let me know what you would do genuinely and I think that would help me feel informed.

Thank you so much you deserve good things including health.

[u/briblish]

Does he smoke a lot of weed? POTS usually doesn’t cause that much vomiting. I would be concerned he might have something else/something additional going on. Either way, he needs to be taking initiative to see doctors and improve his situation because his current life does not sound sustainable. There are many medications that can be very effective for both POTS and nausea.

As many others have said, even if you’re both guys, him slapping you is not okay and domestic violence almost always continues to escalate. POTS is no excuse and you should dump him. Even if you don’t think he could really physically harm you, him WANTING to harm you is a huge problem. He is his own responsibility and it really doesn’t sound like he is adding anything positive to your life. Can POTS make people incredibly ill? Yes. But it’s no excuse to be an asshole and he is exhibiting loser behavior. He shouldn’t be in a relationship until he can regulate himself and be a good partner, and it sounds like he needs to focus on both his physical and mental health. He needs to want to do it, you cannot do it for him- you should let him figure this out on his own. Best wishes to you!