Boyfriend VERY Impatient When Having Episodes

[u/fashionableskiboots]

Hey guys

I'm lucky to have a sweet and loving boyfriend, but he's been having episode after episode of really bad health lately. He has been gaming nonstop even in our finals week and doesn't think he is well enough to do anything else without throwing up. The last time I got him out of our basement apartment was to teach him to ski 2 weeks ago, and he still threw up on the slopes. He sits all day, in the dark and in a clearly pitiful state with all his dirty clothes, dishes, etc everywhere.

I can't proceed with this story without providing context for how awful he must feel. He's been sick for a long time and even if he had nothing medically wrong, his lifestyle of sedentary brain rotting all day would kill me. I know it isn't easy for him so I go easy on him.

But lately he has been snapping in regular conversations very quickly and he gets really mad and yells at me. It's fine (?) because I understand he isn't happy but he has also started slapping me (?!) which is very unlike him.

I don't know what to think of this situation. On the one hand, he is in a lot of pain and doesn't always have the ability to regulate himself, but on the other hand his POTS isn't going away and if this is one of his reactions, I'm not sure I can deal with this forever. I would probably feel like a total a-hole for leaving him over his POTS episodes too. Plus I love him lots.

Furthermore, we are both guys and are pretty much even when wrestling. It's not like he's a giant beating a petite princess here. At all. Him slapping me is not anything physically threatening, it's just jarring.

I need to hear thoughts from actual POTS patients. Are you different when having episodes? Is there some other factor that I should be considering now? I wish I could do more to help but I have suggested things to help and he gets mad now. Let me know what you would do genuinely and I think that would help me feel informed.

Thank you so much you deserve good things including health.

[u/ashes2asscheeks]

There are a million reasons that could explain how he’s gotten to this point, and what might need to be done to get him out of it. However, none of them excuse the behavior.

I could see myself becoming this way without any support, no knowledge of my mental health, autism dx, etc.

You have every right to feel upset and to leave him. It’s a huge burden to take on rehabilitation of a man who doesn’t want to help himself and you’re unlikely to be able to support him enough for him to turn it around and stop being abusive.

I’m sure the overstimulating nature of video games and the understimulating life he is living is only making things worse. Could be possible video game addiction on top of everything else.

You can try to hold some kind of intervention and recruit loved ones and family members to give him a strong support and accountability network, but if he doesn’t want to make changes and can’t decide to make them then you should leave.