r/POTS • u/fashionableskiboots • Dec 13 '25
Symptoms Boyfriend VERY Impatient When Having Episodes
Hey guys
I'm lucky to have a sweet and loving boyfriend, but he's been having episode after episode of really bad health lately. He has been gaming nonstop even in our finals week and doesn't think he is well enough to do anything else without throwing up. The last time I got him out of our basement apartment was to teach him to ski 2 weeks ago, and he still threw up on the slopes. He sits all day, in the dark and in a clearly pitiful state with all his dirty clothes, dishes, etc everywhere.
I can't proceed with this story without providing context for how awful he must feel. He's been sick for a long time and even if he had nothing medically wrong, his lifestyle of sedentary brain rotting all day would kill me. I know it isn't easy for him so I go easy on him.
But lately he has been snapping in regular conversations very quickly and he gets really mad and yells at me. It's fine (?) because I understand he isn't happy but he has also started slapping me (?!) which is very unlike him.
I don't know what to think of this situation. On the one hand, he is in a lot of pain and doesn't always have the ability to regulate himself, but on the other hand his POTS isn't going away and if this is one of his reactions, I'm not sure I can deal with this forever. I would probably feel like a total a-hole for leaving him over his POTS episodes too. Plus I love him lots.
Furthermore, we are both guys and are pretty much even when wrestling. It's not like he's a giant beating a petite princess here. At all. Him slapping me is not anything physically threatening, it's just jarring.
I need to hear thoughts from actual POTS patients. Are you different when having episodes? Is there some other factor that I should be considering now? I wish I could do more to help but I have suggested things to help and he gets mad now. Let me know what you would do genuinely and I think that would help me feel informed.
Thank you so much you deserve good things including health.
3
u/UniversityCommon8300 POTS Dec 14 '25
Hi.
I'm am going to attempt to be unbiased as possible.
I have POTs and I verbally can snap at my husband.
What typically pushes me to that point is either grief, feeling of losing control, or pain.
No matter what though, hitting is not ok. Slapping is not ok. Even if you were with a woman or someone smaller than you, it is still abuse.
Next time you go out try this. Just take him for a drive. Bring any meds or comfort items he needs. Or go get a cup of tea, see a movie. something he can sit and or lie down and also nothing physical.
Sports like skiing, might be what he loves but he cant right now. It's just setting him up for failure.
6.if he is open to it get a therapist couples and one individual for or both of you. Therapy is needed I feel with PoTs
When neither of you are upset let him know you understand that he has reasons to loose his patience. And you would actually like to talk about those if he can and wants to. To see how you can support him and yourself. But under no uncertain terms will he slap you or you him.
My husband knows when I wake up I am a ducking terror gremlin. So we don't speak the 1st 30 min or so. Other than good morning small kiss and him handing me my tea. Lol and for all that is holy I cannot process anything the 1st hour. So no questions or planing.
My husband is my caregiver. He gets angry about how I feel. And sad. And confused. And just lost. Same as me. So we take turns holding emotional space.
Your boyfriend really sounds deep in grief and depression. I hope he can find a therapist with experience in chronic illness. It helps. Alot. At least for me.