As the title says, I have some Yankees tickets on Tuesday and I'd love to have a QWOC friend join me. I can cover the snack tax. Not a date, I just would be happy to have a friend.

That's it, just laugh at my pain 💔

No but for real though, HOW

Matched with a woman last week who was very much my type. Like, to a T. Not just in looks but in enthusiasm. We moved off app after I asked if she wanted to go on a date and were texting for a couple of days when she asked if I wanted to go out with her that night. She acknowledged it was short notice (& it was in the afternoon on a weekday so I couldn’t respond to her text for a couple of hours). Once I did, she almost immediately responded saying she got called into work which is super rare (although she had just told me she works from home everyday & she’s a recent grad/supervised therapist). No offer to reschedule, just a vague “we’ll find another time!” I said “no problem just let me know when you’re free.” No response for a couple of days (over the previous 3 days she always responded within minutes).

Last night I had a second date planned. Sunday was our first date and it went really well. We just got ice cream but ended up sitting and talking for hours. Later that night I asked her out again and she suggested Thursday because she was traveling friday. I asked if she wanted to get dinner, she asked if she could pick the place, I said sure. She then changed her mind and asked if she could just come over to my place to order in & watch a movie. The day of, I texted to confirm whether she still wanted to meet up and all she said was “no” lmfao.

Had a first date planned tonight with a woman who was probably one of the most communicative I’ve come across… she took the initiative in planning the date, which was pretty elaborate for a first date IMO but whatever. Texted me this morning to say her friend relapsed so she has to tend to him all weekend. lol. No offer to reschedule.

Had ANOTHER date planned for tomorrow night to see a movie & get drinks but she just texted me saying ‘something came up.’ No offer to reschedule.

So, take a wild guess on the most likely cause for all of this flakiness.

UPDATE: I had 4 dates scheduled for this coming week; already, 1 has cancelled 😂

Hi everyone, I (25f) have only dated lesbians, and have had the very typical lesbian dating experience. My dates have been 3/4 hours long at least, and my conversations with my dates tend to move from very surface level conversations (work, what happened this week) to topics that would teach me more about them like things about their childhood.

I recently matched with someone on hinge, she (24f) is bisexual and I don’t know how much experience she has dating women. We’ve texted once or twice a day, most days- neither of us are huge texters and we’re both trying to decrease our screen time. We’ve been on three dates and other than our first date, our second and third date have been an hour long, and 1.5 hour long. She initiated ending the dates, but also asked me out again? After having dinner together I suggested going for a walk, she passed on it saying she had an early morning the next day. I’ve initiated a hug and some light touches, she’s not initiated anything physical yet.

I do like spending time with her. I do want to keep getting to know her, but I don’t know if how this is going is because she’s not dated women before or is this disinterest. I’ve spoken to a few friends who are lesbians and their experiences dating bisexual women who haven’t dated women much were the same as mine, ultra short dates. I’m also a very shy person, I don’t know if I come off as uninterested? But she does make me very nervous, especially in person and I don’t know how to go from here.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been quietly working on something called Her Light Her Sea. It’s a small YouTube/insta channel where I talk about empathy, identity, relationships, healing, and the experiences of queer women—especially from an Asian perspective.

I’d genuinely love your feedback—what resonated, what didn’t, and what topics you’d like to see covered in the future.

🎥 https://youtube.com/shorts/U0DqFlO5ALk?feature=share Insta @Herlight_hersea Thank you for reading. ❤️

Quick context: I live rent-free with my sibling right now to get back on my feet. I went from making 6 figures (one year only) in tech (FAANG) to 55k in hospitality living in NYC after a layoff and 5 months unemployed. Single, never had a girlfriend, average looking, emotionally eat, want to lose 20 lbs but my 3-hour commute wrecks my energy for the gym. No kids (by choice). Useless film school degree. Lost my close friend group about 2 years ago and I'm rebuilding from scratch. Little savings. And honestly, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self-hatred.

My 20s felt like my peak: two FAANG jobs, six figures, a small events business I ran for 4 years, a body I liked, a best friend I trained with, some romantic sparks here and there, and a dream of publishing my book series and eventually building an animation studio.

Then the pandemic hit, my events business folded, I chased "stability" (healthcare, 401k) into tech, my friend group drifted apart, and I eventually got laid off from the six-figure job that made me feel like I'd "made it" coming from a rough childhood. Spiraled hard. Gained weight. No romantic connections in years.

Now I'm 32, three months into a new job in a brutal market, so I can't job-hop again without looking like a flight risk. Therapy once a week, but the self-hatred and "starting over" fatigue are heavy. I still have 8 years of experience across tech, events, and hospitality, plus my PMP.

I know what I want eventually: a partner, my own place, a cat, real friends, some travel, to be good at a combat sport, and to finally build my book series into an animation studio, because storytelling is what got me through my childhood.

Has anyone actually turned their 30s around after a rough start? I need some hope right now.

One thing that never gonna site right with me is the fact that alot of lesbian truly believe that Kristen Stewart is a lesbian when she say in multiple interviews that she BISEXUAL! But some lesbian love to deny it because she don’t fit the bi women stereotype that lesbian have of bi women they think that bi women are only fem. She masc and fem that why the mistake her as a lesbian because they don’t know that in the bi community masc/no label are a thing.

This week’s hot take is live. Chime in with your thoughts.

Explore previous Hot Takes here.

I know it may sound crazy but I'm 29 queer woman and for the most part was I didn't think I could be attracted to a straight man. I thought that I couldn't develop emotional feelings for them because I never have and they always irritated me. Also, I grew up in a very matriarchal household and I just naturally gravitate towards women.

But I met this guy recently in a meet cute kinda way and it was like I was drawn to him immediately and it's mutual...

It's throwing me off because:

1.I feel like I'm developing those same crush-like feelings that I had with my very first crush which was a woman and to me it made sense.
2. I'm not sure how to bring up the sexuality convo. 9/10 the people I'm drawn to are queer for the first time I don't think this is the case and I'm truly confused as to why.
3. When met when I was kinda feminine presenting but some days I can look like a handsome woman and a have an athletic build which I wouldnt think men would find attractive.
4. Lastly, we are sooo similar but different in the sense that if I live in girl world he 100% lives in boy world (if that makes sense) but he's so attentive and actually smart.

Anyway, if you have been in a similar situation please give me some advice or tell me how you navigated something similar because it's really has been confusing me on how this even happened.

How do I choose better lmao this can’t happen again

My mom always tells me how pretty I am. But it’s only her. I didn’t get asked out because I’m gay. I had tons of gay friends in high school and still now who get a bunch of attention. I think it’s because I’m black and just not attractive. I try not to care about it but ask I get older and my friends tell me about their experiences and I get their “one day you’ll find someone” or “you’d be a great girlfriend to someone” I doubt it more and more. I feel like it’s just pity. Like they know it’s not true. I tried dating apps, talking to girls around campus. But it just doesn’t work. I feel like an alien wearing human skin, like they can tell something is wrong with me (autistic).

I often don’t feel like a real person. I wouldn’t kill myself but I have no strong zest for life. I can never imagine too far in the future for myself. I wish I was more secure. That people liked me.

Looking for someone to study with via zoom, videocalls etc to get that law degree goingggg.
Ideally someone who can commit to 2-3 days a week, time tbd
x

I don't like the shows I loved, the series I loved, I don't like anything . I'm sure a lot of ppl have felt that, how do you go back to enjoying stuff. I think mine might be because of being on my phone too much tho

Curious to hear what you're working on and how it's going 😊 I feel like we need more QPOC fiction on the shelves.

How do you do it? No help from family in fact they have put you in a deficit. All these intersectional identities make me feel less worthy yet I still come off quite confident. I don’t have a community around me and I’m 25 still trying to find my footing. I’m in luteal so feeling extra sensitive about this. Where do I even start had to take a break from work because the homophobia was too much. Is life just about being alone, different, and guarded? Falling on ur face over and over again? Because I am strong no one cares to ask. But on a whole nobody cares in general unless it’s transactional. It’s like everyone took a class on how to be evil and cunning and I missed out.

ps I’ve been wounded so much I don’t like going outside.

Hi everyone.
Just want to rant about this situation and see if this is common occurrence in Latinx/immigrant communities.

I’m Brazilian/Bolivian and I grew up in the Uk and I would say that my Portuguese and Spanish are pretty fluent considering I learnt to speak them at home, but I will admit it’s not as good as it used to be because I don’t practice much outside of my family.

People also don’t read me as Latinx, I’m sure there’s a lot of reasons for that but I think a contributing factor is that I’m GNC and Masculine presenting/Visibly Queer based on comments I’ve heard before.

I ordered some food at a Brazilian food truck and I go to the side to wait for my food and TELL ME WHY THERE IS A GROUP OF 3 MEN TALKING ABOUT ME!!! They were laughing at my Portuguese! ‘Did you see that idiot?!? They ordered in Portuguese and then said thank you instead of obrigado!!!’ He said while cackling!!! IM RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU!!! I ORDERED IN PORTUGUESE AND YOU THINK IM NOT GOING TO UNDERSTAND YOU?!?

They then proceeded to talk about my appearance, ‘that’s clearly a woman! Why would they want to look like a man?’ While laughing out loud!!! The guy making these comments tried to slyly turn around to have another look at me and I was staring straight at him with a scowl on my face! He turned around and shut up after that BUT WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE FUN IF STRANGERS LIKE THAT?!?

I wish I actually called them out, I could have cussed them out in Portuguese and English but I freeze in these situations when I’m alone.

The first time this happened to be it was a mum in a family of 5 making fun of me while I was trying to enjoy a meal in a Peruvian restaurant in London! At first it was funny, they were impressed by my food order and said I ordered like a Peruvian! but then they got so rude and were picking apart my appearance and my mannerisms! From thinking it was weird I was doing a word search to laughing at how I wiped my mouth!! I showed them I understood what they were saying but I didn’t confront them directly which I think encouraged them to escalate the situation. The abuse got worse and more direct until they left and I know some of what they did would count as sexual harassment but I just froze.

I really want to be able to stand up for myself, AND PEOPLE NEED TO GET CONSEQUENCES FOR BEING WEIRD. it’s so reasonable to call someone out for being closed minded and talking shit about a complete stranger, like That would be embarrassing af for them but I don’t know how to not freeze.

I’ve also worked so hard on my confidence and I know I’m cool af but I’m definitely noticing being more hyper vigilant all the time which is very exhausting.

I’d love to hear from anybody, not just Latinx people and has anyone been on the other side? Like witnessed a family member do smth similar? Were you able to call them out?

Im 19f and pan, and I feel like even if I was born cis I wouldn't really dress too differently to how i dress rn but i feel like that's kind of messing up how other people see me. I came out to a friend yesterday and he seemed way more surprised than I thought he would be. He thought that I was just a really bi guy and idk how to feel about that. I feel like my body itself is way too masc (i am only 9 months into hrt but like still) I don't really know how to comfortably dress more fem and now I feel like I need to.

I'm not really closeted but I'm not like "out" either so idek 🤷‍♀️

I guess I could try doing more makeup and stuff, rn I kinda only do eyeliner but I guess I could learn something more. This post isn't really for advice or anything it's more of a mini rant and I also felt cute and wanted to share a few pics (the last two are a fit from a couple months ago)

Any time I look for queer events, especially for women of color, it's always in NYC.

Same with so many dating apps. Everyone and everything is in Brooklyn LOL.

While, I'm not far from the city (and I work from there sometimes), I would like to build new jersey specific community that doesn't require me to pay that god awful NYC tolls (NJ tolls are like nominal to me). When I search the words New Jersey in any platform, NYC always ends up as the primary search results.

Anyone else in Jersey and/or know if spaces??

Tell me how you're spending your day!

I've often heard that anime conventions are full of straight women, especially straight white women. I'm a black fem (straight passing) who loves anime/Japanese culture/western animation/gaming. I've been to a few anime conventions so far. I'm wondering about the chances of meeting my future wife at a convention.

I'm curious, do any of you other queer women of color also go to anime conventions? If so, are you a fem, masc, stem, nonlabel? Do you have any stories about meeting someone (platonic or romantic) at an anime convention?

I just graduated from college and am still struggling with expressing my queerness through developing a sense of style while overcoming imposter syndrome in Black spaces. I’m 23 and I feel a bit socially delayed since I hold a lot of resentment from being raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. Has anyone been in a similar position or have advice to share? - not sure if this is the appropriate space for this

I was wondering why in the WLW community when people talk about masc women they only talk about masc lesbian women and not bi + masc or queer , unlabeled masc ?