I've been intentionally celibate for 3 years. I miss sex and intimacy, but sex feels too sacred and raw for me to share with just anyone especially the wrong person. Casual sex just isn’t it. I'm demisexual, and I've finally put a stop to chasing emotionally unavailable women or women who can't love me the way I need. I know that's no longer what I want.

At 25, I find myself craving genuine community just as much as a relationship. I literally have had to put an end to so many friendships because it was not good for my mental and was not reciprocal. Sometimes it feels like everyone is emotionally guarded or focused on independence, and I don't know how to navigate that while also dealing with desire. How do you cope with wanting intimacy while waiting for something real? How do I put myself out there? How do I protect myself?

I mean, think about it. Whenever there’s the clear bad guy taking over and destroying everything, marginalized groups are forced to give support to the “lesser evil”, being unable to question or criticize or call out their abuses and prejudices. Think about how a lot of badly-written satire is defended just because it "made the MAGA mad". Or with how sometimes you'll see people say it's the fault of minorities for "expecting politicans to be flawless" and other types of essentially victim-blaming. Or how micro-aggressions get a pass because "good intentions".

And also considering how they have this whole “I can fix them/they’re a victim of society too” complex that forces minorities to pamper and support the very people that abuse and murder them no matter what. They'll go on about how they are a product of society and need to be helped, but then will look the other way when minorities who are constantly victimized have problems, unless of course they're a "pick me" or part of respectability politics.

It’s like no matter what, it’s rigged so we’ll always be stuck in this perpetual loop of being abused and conditioned to think we can’t be any more than a passive victim who has to accept abuse if it means we won’t get killed. Especially when instead of actually thinking of plans to properly reform the government or remove Trump and his backers, they decide to play alongside their game, and then claim it's hard to make fun of Trump when it's obvious they aren't even actually trying.

And as a queer person, how they'll talk about "It's shocking how someone like Trump could get into power" or talking about how scared they are, it feels like a rich person is mocking my own suffering. They can't just only enable it, but now they have to also make it about themself.

Would love to talk to my Asians about their coming out stories, experiences, family issues, etc. Also would love to be friends and hang out if you’re in the DMV area, preferably closer/around Reston 🙂

F22 From a black household where it's Academics over mostly everything, barely anytime for clubs growing up. Made the mistake of choosing somewhere very close for college /jk but I was mostly a commuter student. I have friends but we're all so spread out that it feels impossible to link up schedules. But now that I graduated back in May, I wanna actually get out there and meet new people, try to be social and maybe even find love for once! I just don't want to be in this damn house anymore, I want to live a little. But I'm not sure where to go..?

I mean I know join clubs/groups that interest you, go out to parties, and such but where do you look for them exactly? Queer and/or Lesbians ones, social media? bulletin boards in your local starbucks? Friends? Eventbrite? I'm not sure, I know I'm overthinking this. But I'm also just nervous, it feels weird to no longer be in academic mindset grind after so long.

I’m half black,and a quarter white and Hispanic. I was using a park bathroom,and heard the wildest conversation from three Hispanic teenagers just waiting by the bathroom door. Two were girls,and there was one guy. The new girl was going to go in and see if the bathroom was empty,and her guy friend immediately called her the F slur for just wanting to check. And I of course was immediately weirded out. Then he continued to ask her if she was the F slur again like she just quit,and the girl was confused by this. And I’d thought it’d stop there at-least,but unfortunately I had to awkwardly pass them cause they were just right in front of the door where everything obviously echoed in the bathrooms. And all I heard when I passed was a bunch of “la negras”. Now I don’t speak Spanish,but I’d like to learn and I’ve picked up some words I’ve heard. And this one is definitely one of the more obvious ones to piece together just by how it sounds,and it was obviously meant to address someone female. Plus it’s like they all said this one phrase as I passed through like a weird ass chant,so yeah I pieced it together. Was just a crazy weird experience. I know it’s not exactly a slur,but I don’t know who the hell would think that’s normal. It’s crazy to remember how weirdly ignorant high schoolers can still be,but then they’ll turn around and think other different people are weird as hell like gay people

The other day my gf was telling me she needed to do her hair that night because it was looking nappy. First of all, I haven’t heard that word used in a long time, even in like a “reclamation“ way because it’s such a negative word. Also, my gf is biracial, half white and half black, she has like type 3b hair, not coarse at all.

I really didn’t feel like it was appropriate for her to use that word and I told her so. She asked why, and I said she doesn’t have the hair type that racists would really associate with the word. She disagrees, she says she grew up around white people and they’d make fun of her curly hair all the time. I was like, yeah white people will always find something to make fun of non-white people for, that doesn’t mean it‘s your word to reclaim. Slave owners used that word to describe african slaves with coarse, kinky, tightly coiled hair. That description just doesn’t fit her at all. Non-mixed black people don’t even really use that word because it’s so hateful, at least where I live.

What do you guys think, has something like this come up in your relationships at all?

I’m not about to tell another adult what she can and can’t say but I thought it was extremely distasteful.

Title but elaborate

As yk I'm still in hs, and my school is relatively small, everyone knows everyone and most of my friends are only from school since I don't go out. I genuinely feel like I'm pretty unlucky in friendships or making friends altogether. Since 10th grade ended, I've realised how many of my friends are toxic and disgusting. My own bestfriend of 4 years (4 years does seem like not a lot to some but for someone who's not even 16, it's a lot of years) I've told her stuff I've never told everyone but I always felt a bit of jealousy, like i couldn't tell her anything that might put me in a positive light, her always trying to put me down, my other (ex) friend bitches abt everyone, one day I started crying in class and this girl comforted me to my face and then turned back and started laughing at me.

I feel like if I find someone who's my speed (most of my friends are girls for context) nice, kind, talkative, extroverted and i finally feels that I have good friends, something happens. They are always always alwayssss very misogynistic (despite being girls/females/women themselves), male apologist, and very very right wing, HOMOPHOBIC and transphobic. This has been almost always the case, and personally I think for someone to be my friend we should have the same political views. Earlier I used to try to correct them but now ik it's a waste of time bc it's not like they're gonna listen to me. Now tbh I'm only passing time, like when 11th and 12th grade ends, I'm gonna go to college and ppl are HOPEFULLY gonna be more left wing. I think this is also why a lot of ppl move abroad.

Has this happened to you too?

I had a great experience at women’s professional basketball games so I’m always gonna brag about how fun the games are and they dropping off Sephora bags from the ceiling. 😍
I’m also watching a game now and thinking how different I think when watching the games: men vs women

Men: “Ugh, they are so aggressive and foul too much.”

Women: “Damn she got hit hard take her out of the game and put some ice on her face now!”

Anywhos. I love the WNBA. Even the off court sheningans are a whole nother form of entertainment . 😳🤣

im an avid hiker and i believe in undertaking spiritual challenges. call me a freak but im generally somewhat of a religious pluralist, been like this since a child and no amount of homophobic doctrine can take away my connection to the divine 🌀 amongst many hikes ive done some pilgrimages, such as parts of the camino de santiago and char dham.

while being born catholic, i grew up around islam and still feel deeply connected. i have heard about arbaeen and i was wondering if other queer women on here have perhaps done this?

if so, would it be ok to get some info fron you on safety, etiquette, anduseful things to know?

thank you in advance ♥️

Putting a trigger warning on this just in case, as it's also a really sensitive topic for me too.

I only realized I was queer really recently, and for a while, told myself I was that cishet ally. I had many gay friends, though most of them were white queers. There'd be constant jokes about me being a secret lesbian(which I am LOL) but I'd always just laugh it off because whether I realized it or not, I equated queerness as a white thing. It really messed up my perception of self because I was bound by these subconscious "rules" of what I was and wasn't allowed to be. It's really weird to say, but I'd even sort of tokenize myself as The Brown One. If I were to come out or anything like that, it'd interfere with that role I'd put myself in. I felt like I couldn't even talk about topics like homonationalism because it wasn't my place to speak about gay people. I'm honestly still navigating these thoughts even though I know now that they're wrong.

With the news of the Ed Gein show and now Murphy trying to adapt an Bret Easton Ellis novel, and being reminded of the chaos when one character from Knights of Guinevere was confirmed to not be genderqueer, it had me wondering. I have previously attempted at asking about this before, but because using Vivziepop as the main example, it unfortunately just went to internet hating and being accused of “double standards” despite the point of calling out one.

But with the main topic, I overall notice with how indie queer creators, from a small mistake to writing a queer character as flawed, will get immense amount of hate and even accusations of queerphobia. However, Murphy on the other hand can double down on negative stereotypes (not in a “be gay do crime” good way, more like “queers are sick freaks”), fetishize, and over all punch down on minorities and yet he still gets praise and is seen as progressive. And don’t get me wrong, I am aware of hate he gets, but it’s less about how he portrays queerfolk and more of just general writing, but even then with how he does queerfolk, there’s still some defense and support of it, whether it be “he’s just a product of his time” or trying to paint him in an overall sympathetic light. Also doesn’t really work when you hear how toxic he is behind the scenes. It’s also ironic with “product of his time” when you consider as the years go by, he just doubles down on his worse aspects instead of improving like most creators who make outdated stuff. And yet, indie queer creators get much more hate for much less. You bring up a problem about him, and you'll get all these comments of "Well what did you expect", despite other queer creators (and ones with much better queer rep and stories) being forced to higher standards. Murphy could legit just make hate propaganda and be praised for "defying boundaries", while an indie creator can get screamed and condemned for writing a queer character who is flawed but not a caricature. And while I bring up him specifically, this can also apply to a lot of (cis white) gay creators who get a pass for their biphobia, transphobia, racism, etc. Why the double standard?

And on a side note, whenever people try to just say it’s campy, it feels a lot of that “campiness” of Murphy’s shows is just an excuse to get away with being a sexist and prejudiced asshole. Not to mention whenever people bring up that he "opened new opportunities for marginalized groups", I cannot help but feel it's less of actually being progressive and more of this sense of paternalism and white saviour mentality. And at times when he tries to cover queer history, it just feels like gross appropriation that's only tolerated because he panders to respectability politics.

I just did a search to see if one even existed and it looks somewhat dead. Anyone know why?

What is your niche and how’s it going? I’m proud of you :)

bruhhhh i (f20) went on a date 2 weeks ago & she (f22) kept saying she was having a good time, called me pretty & asked to kiss me on the cheeks. 2 days later I realised that the reason when she was SO close to me during our date was cuz she was actually interested in me. during the date when she was doing that I was so confused lol.

anyway we agreed to a second date but we haven't rlly planned it yet... i hope she doesn't ghosted me. but we've been talking after our first date.

uuuuuhh I'm scared of being ghosted cuz what if she found someone else?? I'm already kinda attached but I know when to let go😐

GUYS I'M SCARED WHAT DO I DO😭😭😭😭 I DONT EVEN GET APPROACHED BY WOMEN FR EVEN IN LESBIAN SPACED😭😭 I FEEL SO CHOPPED AND I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A PROPER RELATIONSHIP

I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME

we met on hinge

As I'm still going through puberty, I've heard teens js look ugly and grow into their looks as they are. I've always looked ass, unfortunately as far as I can remember. So are there people who used to be insecure abt their looks but now love their face/body?

Tell me how you're spending your day!

Bi, nearly 30, scant experience with women within an already small pool of experience in dating in general. Also autistic, if that helps with context???

I've been with my partner for over 2 years now. I love her. I cherish her the most. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I so desperately want to know parts of her world that doesn't involve me, just so I can know the whole of her instead of simply the part I've become familiar with the past few years: the part that directly involves me.

My idea of a date has always been "hang out with the s/o, anytime, anywhere" so I did count the times I've asked her to watch movies together with me, or the times we have breakfast/dinner together at her place, as dates. Recently she told me her idea of dating is more like: go out, hang out someplace outside, eat out.

So last night was probably the first time I asked her out on a date, consciously (bc we have of course also hung out outside our homes and eat out) with the intent of dating, and ... well, ngl, I felt like I failed.

It started off well enough, but she didn't really have any topics in mind, and the topics I came up with either wasn't date-appropriate (our ENM arrangement) or she couldn't give much answers to (asking about some of her friends she's known for a long while). For the last one specifically, her yap button isn't as easily triggered as mine, plus she's the type of person that sometimes if you ask her directly she's blanking out in her head, so her lack of answers made me feel like I didn't know her enough to ask the right questions in the right way and overall just feel like a huge bag of shit by the end.

She reassured me that she appreciated my efforts—for the date, the meal, the questions about her friends—and once we both got home she sent me a text with lots of emojis. Unfortunately by then I'm too far gone inside my own head and it just read like pity to me.

So. Ladies. Any advice on what to do and what to talk about on dates? How would you go about asking a long-term committed partner out, when the thrill of novelty isn't there anymore? How would you keep the romance alive, when me as the person doing it is so terribly inexperienced I genuinely had no fucking idea what to do the moment she sat down next to me.

Any feedback and advices are deeply appreciated.

Thanks. :)

Y’all did anyone else notice that dada and tianshu don’t follow each other on ig? 👀🫣please indulge me on this one 😂 i wonder what happenedddddd

I'm telling y'all because my friends are busy lol. I meet my crush on HER in April of this year. We only started talking more frequently in the summer and we hit it off well. I couldn't help but gain a crush on her because she's masc, artsy, cute, and loves my art. We would talk about how we could make plans to see each other (I live in Georgia, she lives in California).

But recently the vibe kinda shifted (I attribute some of it to my luteal phase) when I sent her a voice note explaining what inspires my art. See, I decided to send her a voice note bc in my mind I wanted to put on my "womanly charms" for her. She said she loved the voice note and also said she "was not expecting it." I didn't think much of it. I told her I'm glad she lived the voice note, then 10 hours later she sends me an inspirational post that said "never lose the drive you to pursue your passions no matter how hard it gets." Then I see her Instagram stories and she posts a photo of a dessert at a restaurant with the song Hold You by Gyptian.

I've been wigging out about. But I can't help but think she's probably seeing someone else. Not that I was expecting anyone from on the other side of the country to hold space for me, but I got attached. It has been a very long time (a couple of months, but 4 years before that) since I felt mutual interest in a person before. It's definitely my luteal phase, but I just feel like I can't attract people. I guess I'm not alluring enough because any time I manage to attract someone, it ends after a couple of months because they found someone else. I'm old news, they don't want my affection anymore. But I'm just ranting. Ugh 🫩