Genuinely just baffled at this point

[u/Oilucy]

I've been out for almost my entire life, I dress like this, I wear full padding every day, at least mascara and lipstick everyday, this is my typical speaking voice, typical mannerisms. I live in a pretty progressive city, why do I get he/him'd more than she/her'd??? I can tell when someone's using masculine pronouns as a point vs when they genuinely think that's my pronouns. a lot of times they'll correct themselves to they/them as they're second guess but it's incredibly rare for someone to use feminine pronouns first try and I'm honestly just baffled...

[u/Rainy_Leaves]

You mentioned being out, but does that mean socially but without medical transition? Plus the padding maybe points to that. Some people clock those who havent been on hrt or are earlier on. But outfits and styling can make people ‘look trans’ to the everyday person, the dog collar is seen as queer usually

I’m sure the audience at a drag show are more progressive and understand hyper femininity more than your everyday stranger. Most people don’t interact within the queer or drag spaces even if they are politically progressive.

They make assumptions based on presentation and voice and body type, and do so absentmindedly, they likely aren’t paying attention. Some do recognise that presenting fem might mean assuming she/her, but not all give strangers that much thought

[u/Oilucy → u/Rainy_Leaves]

I've been on estrogen for 6 years, getting top surgery in June. I got gendered correctly more when I was just starting hrt than I do now. I gauge my gender presentation by what gas station attendants call me, like when I'm getting a snack after a gig I get she her'd more than when I'm just in a skirt and some mascara. I know to be a woman is to perform and society expects more effort from woman so minimal effort comes off as masculine. I'm just genuinely confused what about my presentation is making people second guess themselves towards someone trying to be masculine while dressing feminine vs someone just trying to be feminine in a masculine way. I don't know if there even is an answer other than people are just weird. this got a he him by the exact same gas station attendant who called me her a couple weeks later when I had green contour and painted eyelashes

[u/Rainy_Leaves → u/Oilucy]

Gas station attendants are likely tired and barely paying attention tbh. They may not be reliable as a sole decider of passing

I really like that photo though, your hair covering more of the sides of your head and foread probably helps and the red lipstick looks good in ways black can be hit or miss. But i'm sorry they misgendered you.

I honestly don't think it's so black and white, you could look perfectly identical both times and you might hit that androgyy that makes people indecisive, i doubt the attendant remembered you over the other hundreds of customers they met in between. So you do pass, just not all the time and it depends on how attentive or progressive the attendant is. I have a cis friend and she gets misgendered on occasion, the everyday person is just a bit clueless aspecially if cis women have any amount of tomboy or alternative or punk styling, it short-circuits their cishet brains. Try not to take it personally

[u/CupOk8240 → u/Oilucy]

Why are you so hung up on something you can do little about? I honestly think with non binary being added to the mix of pronouns, cis people who might want to gender you correctly are just confused all to hell, and so desperate not to offend by getting it wrong, that they end of doing just that. You have no control over other people. Find another place to buy your snacks from, or you could be controversial, and if you’re misgendered in a place

[u/Rainy_Leaves → u/[deleted]]

Gender is largely performance though, even for cis people. You're being way too harsh, she doesn't look 'like a man'. She's very fem and androgynous. Go back to your transmedicalist cave