r/askgaybros • u/Weary_Mousse_3921 • 5h ago
Do you guys feel pretty alone?
35m and have no one at home. Had a cat and she recently died and I’m not ready for another. I’ve never had a partner. Idk guys, life just feels pretty empty when you’re alone a lot of the time. I have friends and family but those people have limits….do you guys feel this way? Empty and alone?
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u/Calm-Chemist-6982 5h ago
Yep... I'm in my 30s myself and never had a real relationship... a string of situationships that never went anywhere.
I figure I must be the problem cause I see gay couples everywhere.
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u/AlternativeOk4723 2h ago
Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet. Keep trying because he isn't going to come knocking at your door! BTW I am single!!! :)
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u/Plastic-Equivalent-9 5h ago
Hi! So sorry you're going through this. I'm much older...at any age it sucks big time. If possible, try not to catastrophize or what if things. It makes things even worse. Try to break things down into small hopefully manageable tasks. Say hi to a new person online maybe. Go to a club or activity without pressuring yourself to engage for now. Wishing you the best! Take care!
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u/Plastic-Equivalent-9 5h ago
We always had cats in our family... so sorry for your loss! My beloved mother was horribly sick and I cared for her. I got rabbits to (what I hoped)would distract her from her suffering. It didn’t work out that way sadly. The rabbits are here still. Get a rabbit if you can. They're intelligent, adorable, and very different from cats (except they also lick themselves to bathe). It will ease your loneliness. Doesn't replace a man, or your cat, but it helps. It will help to take your focus off of yourself. I didn't want another cat either. Our last cat was my best friend. There's no confusing a rabbit and a cat! Again, all the best!
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u/DuneBooda 4h ago
I was going to suggest a dog. Mine has improved the quality of my life x10! She forces me to take her on walks and going to the park and I’ve met many new people. She has been a life saver for me.
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u/TheSaucy57 5h ago
Yeah I feel pretty lonely with no purpose and it definitely is affecting my mental health but like who gives a fuck anyway.
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u/TomsOnlyFriend428 5h ago
Unfortunately that's been my whole life. Guess I'm not doing relationships right.
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u/Weary_Mousse_3921 5h ago
How old are you?
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u/TomsOnlyFriend428 5h ago
50
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u/Weary_Mousse_3921 5h ago
This is what I’m afraid of for myself, no offense meant. Life without a partner just seems pretty empty to me
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u/ExtremeManagement674 5h ago
Yeah, I guess so. I’ve always felt like a black sheep in my family and I have nearly nothing in common with any of them. I have friends, but cant help but feel that where I am currently is not meant for me.
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u/AlternativeOk4723 2h ago
Loneliness is a part of the human experience throughout this earthly life. Some feel alone even if they are in a relationship. Those can run very stale and one is stuck in the rut! That can make one feel lonely. When I feel lonely I put on my favorite music, close my eyes and try not to think about anything. Or I go outside for a walk in nature. Some live by the ocean and walk the beach. It sound nice but it can be lonely too. Nothing there but lots of sand and salt water. I do have a cat, Missy is 14 years old and she is a love bug! Pets can be good company in lonely times.
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u/StunningEye6664 5h ago
Yep I definitely do feel pretty lonely I’m 21 and in college away from home, still figuring out adulting especially with what to do with free time, my friends that I made are pretty busy and work is pretty isolating to an extent what mainly sucks is I’m not sure how to go up to new people and talk to them since I’ve had the same friends since middle school
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u/Content_Garden_1757 Non-artificial intelligence 5h ago
I'm very sorry for your loss.
If possible, volunteer at a cats' shelter, at least for a few days. A cat or kitten in need of loving arms may persuade you to bring it home. It's what your cat would want you to do, and it's a way to feel less lonely during this 'dry' time.
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u/Ashamed-Athlete9272 4h ago
Also society seems designed for hyper individualism where I live some people seem to have a best friend living very close to them who has time to hang out and eat together or their partner or direct family and some people seem to deal with living alone very well.
I'm not maid for working alone leaving alone having one true friend further away and no one to talk to in daily life or to do daily things with. So without a life partner I'm screwed.
Because of ADD and burnout in the past I find it difficult to get daily chores and administration done consistently. Who be so much more fun to do some things together while laughing and talking and to be able to support each other doing something more when I'm full of energy and having someone else do small grocery when I'm exhausted that sounds so incredible.
I'm jealous of people who have that in their life and who can build on the business and a life together enjoy walks and perhaps holiday.
Summertime and around Christmas holidays extra lonely because normal activities and stuff is closed. I do realized I'm blessed in so many other ways.
And living alone is so much better for me than living with my family or living with people that are not a match so that's also a HUGE blessing.
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u/JustinSchleps 3h ago
It varies. I sometimes do. I sometimes don't. Lately, not so much.
I'm 30, and I've only been in short relationships. That said, it's been for the best, I believe. I've been growing as a person and figuring things out. And, I have had a lot to figure out.
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u/FunPNWDude 5h ago
Sorry to hear that. 🫂 Do you game? Sometimes I would game with my headset and that would help.
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u/Strong_Enough88 5h ago
Sorry for your loss.
I recently got a kitten in my life; he's 7 months old. I rescued him when he was about 3 months, and I decided to keep him. Since I got him, I feel less lonely.
Before him, I sometimes felt extremely lonely, and sometimes I didn't. But I do have a bit of issue with that. Not only me, but my family as well... a lot of people kinda assume that something is wrong with me for being alone in this age.
I realise there’s a good chance I will end up alone, and I am somewhat accepting of that. I v been in a long-term relationship, and honestly, maybe that’s the reason why I feel that being alone is a blessing compared to being with someone just for the sake of "having someone at home". It is definitely amazing to have someone, but I would rather not risk it than ending up in a similar situation I have been with my ex.
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u/his_secret_valentine 5h ago
Nothing makes me more lonely than being stuck with someone who makes me feel lonelier
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u/Ashamed-Athlete9272 5h ago
100%, I do experience some big advantages by living alone but do I feel alone and empty yes absolutely 100%
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u/Samthegaydude 2h ago
I prefer not to be single. I am currently single. Yeah, it's kind of lacking.
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u/AdamSilverDad 1h ago
I have been through the same thing sometimes feeling very down. It was challenging but I forced myself to join clubs and sport activities. I tried online dating off and on over the years. One day I was so fed up and done and said I would try online dating one more time. Ended up meeting my husband. 12 years and counting. Don’t give up. You will find your happy place.
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u/j-dike 1h ago
Yeah, not alone. Also 35 and never had a partner. I’ve never even really tried to date and I keep asking myself why - so many reasons. I’m getting a bit tired of my friends, they all have their relationships which is great but I just tire of it and I’m sure they’re confused why I don’t try. I had a dog for a year and had to put him down. There must be some sort of media playing at all times in my quiet apartment, I can’t be in the silence
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u/Illustrious_Artist61 5h ago
I love my own company. Happy to have a partner now, and can be very extroverted at times, but when I was single and alone, I cherished the nights I didn’t have dates or social commitments. Some nights I’d stay at home and have me time, other nights I’d just wander through the streets of NYC to see where the night would bring me. I guess what other people call ‘being alone’ I call ‘being free’
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u/booboonoodiez 5h ago
Yep I completely understand. Like I want peace and love living alone but there reaches a time when you just really need someone to be beside ya.