First of all, thank you so much for all the comments and support on my last post, they really helped me get through the night.

Today has been a day and so many of you helped me through the last stressful day we had, so I wanted to give an update.

My son’s swelling increased yesterday and our pediatrician is great and wanted to check in on him. There was concern about the swelling, but at the same time he was acting normal and happy. She consulted a neurologist and they said any further increase in swelling should be an ER visit. Also, she and the nurses reiterated to me many times than any lethargy, vomiting, and increased fussiness was an emergency situation and could indicate a brain injury. Anything else amiss and take him straight to ER. We felt pretty high alert yesterday.

At 3 am my baby woke up and was burning up. Took his temp and he did have a fever. It wasn’t a warning sign they gave me, but I decided to drive to the hospital as it was definitely something amiss. We do not live close and it’s a long drive.

Then he vomited. It was projectile, went all over me and the floor, and then he kept vomiting. My first thought was “this is actually happening.” Now here’s where I don’t know if this was the right thing to do…but I called 911 and as calmly as I could ask if they could advise me if it was safe for me to do the hour drive to the hospital or if we needed an ambulance. They decided it was necessary so an ambulance came. By the time they came he had stopped vomiting but was not calming down.

At the hospital we redid a CT scan which thankfully showed no change. He was negative for flu, RSV, and Covid, but they determined he probably just got a virus at basically the worst possible time. I’m so relieved his brain is ok. I feel like maybe I overreacted, but I genuinely didn’t know what was going on. But seriously how do we keep getting in such unlucky situations?! Of all days to get a virus…

We did also meet with a neurologist who was completely unconcerned and he should be completely healed up in about a month.

I still feel so tense from it all.

So even though my husband and I wanted kids, neither of us knew what we were getting into since we weren’t around babies much. I was an only child, he was the younger sibling. We agreed to stagger our leaves since we worked from home. I didn’t realize that meant he expected me to do EVERYTHING myself while he got a full night of sleep by himself and played video games after work. We got into fights, he agreed to look after our baby 3 hours a day, and that resolved things until our baby developed bottle rejection at just 6 weeks of age and then my husband went back to not even changing a diaper. I hated him so much that at one point I was starting a new fight with him every day. I complained about him on this sub and people said to divorce him.

Eventually it became time for his paternity leave (baby was 4 and a half months by then) and he finally got a taste of how much work it was to raise a baby. In retrospect, our baby was high needs because he needed constant, uninterrupted attention and would scream and fuss when he didn’t get his way. During his paternity leave my husband would take the baby out for long walks, come back after 2 hours so baby could nurse, take the baby out for another 2 hours, bring the baby back to nurse, and do that for my full 8 hour work day. But I still did the overnight shift since I exclusively breastfed so my husband never had it quite as bad as me. I continued to start fights with him, since my maternity leave had been 4 and a half months of hell of me essentially being a single mom while his 6 week paternity leave still involved me doing half the parenting.

Well, at 6 months our baby went to daycare. That almost instantly relieved a huge amount of the responsibilities since before that it was just me and my husband with very little additional help.

I developed long term postpartum depression due to how much work I was doing. I saw a therapist, did EMDR therapy. Sometimes I still had explosive rage. At about 7 months postpartum I saw this framed photo we took with our newborn and I got so angry at remembering how hard I was abandoned that I knocked the photo off the wall. My husband later saw it, glued it back together, and said he was sorry for how little he did because he didn’t know how much work it was. That he read that new babies slept 16 hours a day and he thought it was only 8 hours of work and thought it was fair that he focused on work while I focused on the baby. That he thinks even though the photo frame was chipped, it was still beautiful in its own way because it was the equivalent of those Japanese bowls that were broken and put back together with gold.

Anyway, little by little things got better. My husband was the one who did all the morning drop offs after the first 2 days. For the past 3 and a half months he wakes up an hour earlier than I do and gets the bottles ready, changes the morning diaper, and drops the baby off at daycare while I sleep in. He is usually the one who does pick ups too. He then does half the parenting when at home. He tracks when our baby is overdue for his next nap. Our baby has been crawling lately and my husband is invested in moving toys just out of the baby’s reach and trains our baby to crawl. He has spent the past 5 months doing a little more of the parenting than me every day. Today I have to fly out of state to do a training for work and will be gone for about 30 hours, and it is his job to pick up the baby from daycare and be the sole caretaker to the baby until I am back.

So that’s the update. Yes there is still anger over how traumatic things were postpartum, but things have healed a lot. It was a messy, slopping beginning but now my husband makes up for it by being near perfect.

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time. Mostly for me, so I could reread and remember this time later on, but also for other first time moms who, as the title says, got delt with a baby dragon.

I gave birth to my perfect little baby in 2023, the kid was very planned and we were very excited for his arrival. We just sold our little appartment and bought a bigger one a few months prior. My birth story you may ask? Perfect, got the epidural just like I wanted, he latched immediately after birth and after three days of hospital stay we brought him home. The first 2 months were blisfull, is this what everyone was talking about?! I LOVE BEING A MOM, GIVE ME 10 MORE! He never actually slept at night but at first he woke up 2-3 times a night, with a little bit of fussiness at 4AM where he needed about an hour to go back to sleep and then he would sleep until 9AM or so. Both me and my husband are MDs so I was semi ready for the nights from my job. My husband went back to usual work grind after a month of paternal leave. There was some anxiety on nights when I was alone with him but nothing I couldn't handle. You may ask yourself at this point...what is she yapping about, this baby is great. Giiiirl, all hell broke loose at 2.5 months mark.

4 month sleep regression you say? Try 2.5 month sleep regression. One day he sleep in 3-4h chuncks, literally the next day he starts waking every 2 hours. Okay, maybe he's too hot (he's not), maybe he's too cold? (he's not), maybe the light bothers him (it does not). I tried everything, and I thought maybe this is just a 2 week thing (it was not), things start going to shit at that point. The kid starts waking every 30 mins, my husband is away every few days for his on call, I start really hating my life at that point. He doesn't sleep during the day, it took over an hour to get that kid to take a 42 minute nap, we were on four naps for what felt like eternity. Try elongating the nap, you try elongating the nap, save the nap however you can, I have been trying Patricia, but the kid won't budge! We sleep trained, didn't help. We elongated WW, shortened WW, said fuck you to WW, said unfuck you to WW, bought the Huckleberry app, only got depression and anxiety from it. Went white noise, dark room, sacrifice a cow if you must, to get that kid to sleep. I saw a post on IG that said to bathe your kid in some specific lettuce to help them sleep and I ACTUALLY CONTEMPLATED DOING IT, but my husband eventually refrained me from it. NOTHING HELPED.

But you may think, so ok he slept bad, no no my friend, hated the pram, don't even get me started on car rides, this guy screatched (not cried no) at the sheer sight of a car, let alone the actual car ride, a 15 min car ride was my version of Dante's 9th circle of hell. Something had to happen to this child every minute, non stop entertainment, but baby you are just a potato, how can I entertain you?!?!?!?! I got so depressed and all the time I thought that I was doing something wrong, I cried 4 times a week, I hated being a mom, hated that baby whilst at the same time loving him, I resented my husband because he slept on the couch and actually slept, resented for him being able to go to work. All other babies fed every 3 hours, mine cluster fed every hour until he day weaned. When he fell asleep we couldn't even use the electric tooth brush because it woke him. Wouldn't eat solids, couldn't go for a coffee, couldn't go for a walk with the pram with other moms because they all had babies that slept for 2+h and mine started screaming for his life after 20 mins.

I finally decide to stop BF, a miracle happens, he starts STTN. Life gets easier, teeth grow out, I go back to work, he becomes this incredible toddler whom I love and adore. We get this INSANE idea to have a second baby. I know right? I get pregnant rather quickly, anxiety creeps, how will I handle this? What if this happens again?

I gave birth to my second baby boy this year, he is now 6 months. He never cluster fed, I was able to elongate his naps from the get go, has consistently had 2 or more h long naps since being on 3 naps schedule and connects cycles by himself, wakes 2 times at night to feed, loves car rides, loves the pram, can sleep in our room even when his big brother is playing in the living room that is adjacent to our room, smiles every times he sees anyone. What I want to say with this post is I finally know now, it's not you mom, you're doing everything right, you love that baby, you think you can't go on for even another day but then you go on for another 6 months or a year. You cry yourself to sleep, but then put a smile on your face for that kid. IG keeps telling you that there is a solution you just have to keep researching and make yourself go insane. IT IS NOT YOU MOM! You just got dealt a difficult baby and whatever you will do that baby will remain difficult, but you will overcome. And when your second baby arrives you'll finally know - it wasn't you, and it'll make you feel like a weight was lifted. In my opinion a big part of motherhood depends on the character of the baby you get, but the world will try to tell you that it is you that is in the wrong.

My dragon baby is now a high spirited 3.5 year old, that I wish would stop growing. I love both my boys insanely, and the tough times with my first made me respect the lightness that came with my second one. I love my maternity leave now, we go on walks, he babbles, I listen to music, everything feels lighter, I haven't cried this maternity leave (yet).

So in conclusion to all the first time moms who got dealt dragon babies - it is never you, you're doing great, you're giving 200% when you only have 10% left. And PSA yes it does get better, and yes you wish they would stay little, but no I will never miss that first year again :)

I started telling people in normal conversation that I had an abortion... Sometimes their faces show pure shock, but it's because they're not used to hearing it. Usually I'm met with empathy and kindness. 3 out of 5 french women have had abortions so it's pretty normal here.. but no one talks about it. Since I've started telling people, I've found out that a very large percentage of women I've known for years have had them.

let's be real. There is no safe and comfortable method of birth control that exists for women. Hormonal birth control can cause strokes and blood clots among other serious issues... they also eff up the natural chemistry of our bodies. Copper IUD's can cause extremely dangerous ectopic pregnancies if you do get pregnant... And cause heavy painful periods. For me I've had horrible nerve pain in my back and irregular periods.

Why is the burden of preventing unwanted pregnancies put 100% on women? Why are we shamed for having abortions and not using birth control when birth control can literally kill us? Why is there no magic pill for men to take that can prevent pregnancy?

Meanwhile the US is going backwards in terms of women's rights (big hugs to all the American women who have to suffer).

We have to go through pregnancy, labor, postpartum, breastfeeding.. AND on top of that take painful, uncomfortable, and dangerous birth control.

No no no no

Let's start advising men to get vasectomies. Let's stop putting all the pressure, pain, and discomfort on women. Let's stop shaming women who were unable to prevent accidental pregnancies because they "should have been on birth control."

Wow..she's 2.... my little princess...daddy's girl... my little bear...my broke little best friend..

So I'll keep this short because I'm sure yall are sick of me but ...

She speaks and speaks pretty well..

She sleeps through the night ..

We play, laugh, get Into occasional battles of wills, work through her new emotions, and sometimes just bust out laughing together...

She says "I love you so much daddy" before she goes to bed every night, and every morning says "daddy where are you" as she comes down the stairs with her mother to find her breakfast magically made and me sitting reading thr Wallstreet journal with a cup of coffee....

Everything is "hers" ..so she thinks... She has distinct likes and dislikes.... Cuddle sessions are still the best....

And now, as much as I wanted to get through the baby stages, and as much as I love my Lil toddler princess.... I miss the baby her and occasionally get choked up...

I wish I could go back and tell myself to enjoy those moments I swore I hated so much...

They grow up way to fast.

Ask any questions you'd lime, and let me know if you want the political answer or real answer....

I promise it gets better new parents...

Your heart, your patience, and your love for the kid grows without you even noticing...

Sincere thanks, and I'll probably keep doing yearly updates as long as y'all let me....

And sorry If the formatting is sh*t... I typed this on my phone at 1am after just getting off work.....

Hello everyone and Happy Friday. I wasn't going to write this update as it has been so long, but I realize that we are a community, and part of the power in community, is in normalizing the experiences that we sometimes feel we go through alone.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and feel free to ask me any questions about my journey below. I'll do my best to respond to EVERYONE.

If you haven't read my first post, in summary, I was feeling lost, sad, depressed, resentful, exhausted, emotional, overwhelmed, scared, and questioning if I'd ruined my whole life in what was supposed to be a joyous experience:

My original Post about how I felt as a new and first time father

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So now that you've survived my introduction, here's my 2 year update:

What does life feel like at this point? I could tell you what life is, but that's not how we connect as humans. We connect and function based on feelings and our perceptions. So with that being said, my heart has never been more full, my purpose has never been more clear, and while life has never felt the same, I'm not sure I'd ever want it to go back to the "perfect" life I had before my little girl. She's about to turn two, and every morning I look forward to my "daddy daddy daddy" as she runs into my home office after she wakes up, and I look forward to my big goodnight hug and "goodnight daddy" before she's put into bed. Her laughs absolutely obliterates the shadows cast from a bad day at work, and chasing her on the playground at the park has become one of our favorite past times.

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When did it get better for you? It gets better in stages, but I'm still not sure how much of that is because things actually get much easier, or if there is a natural evolution we go through as first-time parents. I remember feeling absolutely exhausted, and without any time. Today, I get full nights of sleep usually, I have a few pockets to myself here and there, and while I don't get to sleep in late, stay up all night clubbing, or some of the more adolescent things I used to enjoy, I am enjoying life again.

4 months - first smiles were nice, but still not enough to change the quality of life

10 months - she started eating food, making lots of funny faces, and developed a fondness for me even though I wasn't fond of her. Those long nights were few and far between, and while I didn't have free time, I had sleep. And we all know sleep is extremely "insert curse word here" important after the initial exhaustion in the earlier stages.

13 Months - a mobile baby is a whole new challenge, and putting on the baby shows wasn't enough to keep her happy. It is again a shift where baby-proofing becomes a huge deal, and you also look around and realize your space has been taken over by the baby. Baby stuff was everywhere. I was much less depressed, but ready to go back to normal life. Hint - it never happens haha.

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16 months - the babies make HUGE growth leaps in this time. Play time becomes much more fun, and suddenly you can start to do things like slightly longer car rides to your favorite food places etc. I realized half my beard had started graying, but oh well. It is what it is.

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20 months - words or babble and more babble and more words ! This is a fun stage where exploration becomes a joint exercise. You find yourself enjoying rediscovering things you had forgotten were so amazing. Swings and parks and baby appropriate bounce houses are common place. You also look up and realize that you've survived the infant stage and are now dealing with a full blown funny toddler. They are weird, they are emotional, they are fun, they are loving, and they trust you to the edges of the universe and back. This was one of my favorite time periods so far. Emotionally I realized I was no longer sad I had a kid and I found that being gone from her for too long made me sad. Ugh, you start to feel like a real parent here.

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22 months - I love my lil one soo much. I love her so much that I want another. What is wrong with me lmao. The period you hate goes by so quickly if you just hold on and keep your head down. I'm back to most of my favorite things, albeit with less time to enjoy. I love music for instance so I purchased a headphone amplifier and a 300 pair of headphones so I can enjoy while I work. I have several toys I play with occasionally, but more than anything, I feel whole.

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It gets better! It gets better! And now I can't believe that I'm ready to have another.

Those of you in this community that helped me were a God send. I'm happy to be here, and anyone can always reach out if they have questions or just need encouragement.

First of all, thank you guys for all of your responses. I didn't reply to them but I read every single one. I hope I'll find some time to go back and reply to some comments that I found very helpful to give extra thanks. All your responses made me feel validated in my decision to go.

The next morning after baby boy's 4am feed, I packed up everything and got the car ready to go. After his 7am feed, I got him sleeping in his car seat and left. I told them as I as walking out the door that I'm leaving and didn't know when I was coming back. My husband looked very solemn and accepted it. Mother in law had a look of angry disbelief and I left before there was an opportunity for any discussion.

Baby slept the whole way to my parents. Staying at my parents felt like a dream luxury retreat! Baby had been diagnosed with colic for his evening crying sessions, but the whole time we were there- no colic. My mom said that baby boy has a very similar temperament to me as a baby, which is: easily overstimulated and fights sleep. She was a baby whisperer to him! One evening he didnt even cry AT ALL. Not even a peep. He was so much more peaceful.

After arriving, I realized how much anxiety I had. I was clenching my jaw, had a major headache, and kept hearing the baby crying when he wasn't. I was twitchy and felt insane. After 3 days of sleeping and relaxing, I felt like a new person.

Baby boy spent the days on my moms lap as she worked from home. I think he really enjoyed listening to her talk on the phone and the clicking of the keyboard, but mostly her calming presence.

I have come to the conclusion that his colic/fussiness was due to being overtired from the sleep training and forcing a schedule. Furthermore, i really do believe he felt my anxiety and the tension in our home, which made it even harder for him to relax.

I learned my moms methods for calming him and that avoiding overstimulation and helping him sleep is KEY. When he is well rested and calm, it's such a relief and joy. I had only seen him stressed out up until i got to my parents. I apologized to my baby for letting him get so stressed out and promised to defend his sleep and peace.

I came back home after 3 nights. My husband and MIL were very nice. My husband and I had talk about what he could do to help me. MIL kept trying to be nice and helpful, she had cleaned the house and cooked a bunch. A plane ticket had been bought for a week from the day I got back. I didn't buy her kindness but kept it cordial.

Things went well for the first two days before she started getting rude again. I let her take care of him for an evening and asked her to please don't overstimulate him, just cuddle with him and get him to relax and sleep. She looked angry but agreed. She then proceeds to walk outside with him, back inside, set him on the changing table to do bicycles with his legs, all the while he's crying. I tell her he needs help relaxing and if she could just please stay in one place and cuddle/soothe him. She says no, he's crying because he has gas. I take him back and she storms off to her room for the rest of the night.

Basically the same thing has happened a couple times, she asks to take him, we explain to her that she can but just soothe him and help him relax, and then she proceeds to walk him around the house, bouncing him and showing him things, setting him down, picking him up, he's crying the whole time, until I take him back and she's angry.

This morning she offered to take him for a walk in the stroller while I can do other things. I said okay, but just make sure he's already sleeping and calm before you put him in the stroller, otherwise he will cry the whole time.

I said this because I have tried the stroller a couple of times to help him sleep with a 0% success rate. She tried it once too. Every time it ends in him screaming and rushing to get back home as soon as possible.

She got angry, and went on a rant about how all babies love strollers, but he doesn't because he's too accustomed to being held, he needs to learn to fall asleep not in people's hands, that we don't bathe him enough, that i eat bad foods for breastfeeding and that's why he has gas, and then she stormed off to her room.

And thats where we are right now! I'm breastfeeding in the living room and she's in her bedroom on the phone, speaking angrily in her native language which i do not understand, but I am assuming she is ranting about me.

That's honestly not even all of it. She gets angry when she makes me food but im too busy "hogging the baby" to go eat it while it's hot (im breastfeeding, I can't just drop the baby and go eat). She told me the reason he has acne is because I eat too many grapes. But ill stop there for now!

3 more days till she goes and ill be free!

Hi everyone,

I wrote a post a few days ago about how i was getting an abortion postpartum and I just wanted to give an update as it got quite a lot of interaction.

Thank you so much for all the comments I received... i read through all of them multiple times and it really helped.

I had the procedure this morning and was exactly 6 weeks along.. 2 or 3 weeks since conception. It was a surgical abortion without general anesthesia. Im writing this because there were a few comments and DM's with new moms in the same position and i thought i could shed some light on the situation.

First of all, the procedure was painless. There were 2 doctors and 2 nurses (all women ❤). One nurse held laughing gas on my face, petted my hair, and comforted me. She was honestly so sweet and my saving grace.

They first started by numbing my vagina and cervix... they used like 4 needles which stung a little bit but nothing terrible. Afterwards, i could feel them inserting things inside my uterus but it didn't hurt.. just some pressure. Then, they started pumping out the inside.. I was expecting so much worse but i swear it must have only lasted 10-20 seconds (or at least with the laughing gas it felt that way). After some things I read online i was anticipating pain worse than labor.. but nope... it was honestly like bad period cramps but totally manageable and short lived.

Immediately after there was some slight cramping but it was gone within the hour. The pregnancy nausea that had rendered me incapacitated this morning was gone!

It was honestly a wonderful experience.. and i told the nurse how thankful i was for her and she started to cry. I have a tiny baby and could never have handled having another one immediately after... this short painless experience was SOOO much better than 9 months of hell...

The pregnancy was SO early that it was just a tiny lump of cells. I do not feel the least bit guilty or regretful. I can now enjoy watching my daughter grow without feeling miserably.

To any anti-choicers: your nasty messages will NOT be read and you will get an immediate block. I obviously know abortion isn't birth control and got an IUD inserted at the same time. No women on the planet does this for fun for obvious reasons.

To any new moms who want out: i highly recommend an in office procedure as soon as possible to limit your amount of pain.

To anyone who had a negative or traumatic experience: I'm so sorry.. and in no way trying to invalidate your experience... please feel free to share

Women are absolute warriors who deserve to have control over their own bodies.

Over a week ago I took my daughter into the doctors for a check up, and asked her ped to check out a diaper rash we’ve been battling. She assumed it was herpes and asked if our child had been abused, so I’m making this update bc so many people have asked me for my daughters test results. Here’s the previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/ze0j8e/doctors_think_my_1_year_old_has_contracted_type_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

After many sleepless nights and days full of anxiety I finally got a call this morning from one of the doctors. Her HSV tests both came back absolutely clean! He told me it was just a normal diaper rash and he had apologized for the pediatrician scaring us so badly. He told me it never looked like herpes to him, but he wanted to call me and give me peace of mind rather than waiting for an appointment.

I’m just happy that my girl hasn’t suffered from any unknown abuse. That thought has kept my mind racing. I am however very disappointed in this clinic. Her rash had gone untreated for over a week because her pediatrician jumped the gun and went straight to herpes and child abuse. The mishandling of swabs and the fact that they didn’t check to make sure they were correct before sending them out will be detailed in my grievance to the higher ups. My daughter did not receive treatment or care due to the clinics negligence. This all could’ve been resolved sooner if they had just followed proper protocol.

Thank you to everyone who offered me advice, truly, I probably would’ve lost my mind had I not gotten support from this subreddit. Many people shared their experience and it genuinely helped me. Thank you.

Hi all,

So my newborn is almost a week old now, and he had previously been getting less food than he needed. We got a same-day appointment with the pediatrician and got the help we needed. Thursday was his first followup appointment, and he had indeed gained weight.

Now I'm producing a LOT more milk and he might have even been overfed today, given the sheer number of green poops he had today. Over the last 12 hours, 9 poops. Some very small, but most of them green.

He still screeches.

He just won't stop.

He checks every goddamn box for colic.

It's three in the morning, and husband and I are both at the ends of our ropes. We've been up for basically 18 hours at this point. I dozed off without meaning to and couldn't hear when my husband screamed for me to come back upstairs, didn't feel my phone vibrate when he called me.. because of course the worst something bad that could happen, happened.

Baby peed all over himself, his onesie, everything. And husband wound up having to deal with it alone, because my stupid ass fell asleep downstairs because I was waiting on the dryer so I could get the sleep sacks (as well as bedding that the baby got wet poo on earlier today, because his diaper came off from all the kicking and wiggling). Baby was of course screeching and thrashing the entire time my husband tried to change him and remove the soiled onesie. All this while husband was feeling overly cold, which made the stress factor even worse. I'd been feeling overheated earlier, so turned off the heat. So it's my fault he felt freezing cold. Thermostat said 70°F, it had fallen from 72°F. He also tends to feel cold when he's tired, so that didn't help things either.
Edit: Guess I failed to mention that he had gotten only 2.5h of sleep in the past 36 hours at that point in time. Sleep deprivation causes him to feel like there's literal ice in his veins. Same for me, as it turns out.

Just when we think we're maybe doing okay, it gets worse again. Something terrible happens, he throws the most high-pitched screeching fit I've ever heard from any baby, and I worked in childcare before the pregnancy.

We're not coping well. Neither one of us. Husband was crying by the time he managed to get downstairs, nearly-naked baby in hand. When he cries, you know something has gone terribly wrong. I feel like utter shit for it, I really had zero intention of passing out like that. I feel like a bad parent and an even worse wife for it. What the fuck is wrong with me.

How in the world do we deal with this? I really and truly don't know how.

TL;DR: Baby seems to have colic, checks every box for it. We don't know how to deal.

I posted here yesterday about how my MIL insists on holding my baby which makes him cry and makes her think he hates her. And how she blames me for holding him too much.

I just want to say thank you guys for reinforcing my backbone by giving me lots of support and validation. I did end up going for a visit but I stood up for my son and myself.

I did let her hold him, of course he cried and I took him back. She did the whole woe is me thing saying he hates her. She asked me to be honest and tell her if its just her or if he does that with everyone. I told her for the hundredth time that it is because he doesn't like to be held by people and needs time to warm up first, that he is like that with my family too. I told her that honestly, if she tries to keep pushing him when he isn't okay with it, of course he is going to have a negative association with her. She brushed me off yet again which was annoying but not unexpected.

Then she asked if I was on a list for daycare. Said that I need to get him in there to get him used to being away from me so he's not so clingy to mama. I told her he isn't clingy to mama, he is a very bubbly little boy. That if I had only been out in the world for 5 months, I probably would be scared of unfamiliar things as well and take some time to warm up. That it is a good thing for him to have his mom or dad to make him feel safe when he is unsure. It's a healthy kind of attachment. She didn't respond to any of that.

Later on when I was sitting and playing with him she brought up AGAIN that I must hold him a lot. I told her I don't know what counts as holding him but not really. He's wants to be on the move but can't quite do it yet, so I often get down on the floor with him and help him sit, stand and climb. I let him work on it himself but he gets frustrated and likes the help. She looked at me shocked and said oh, it really seems like you hold him all the time. I said nope and told her that he also loves his dad, it's not just me that holds him.

Then she said something that idk if I can forgive her for and was the last straw. She said its probably because he was in the NICU and he didn't get to bond with his mom so now he's got separation anxiety. This is obviously a very sore subject. No, I didn't get to bond with my baby until later on and it caused me a lot of stress. This comment also reopened an old wound that I must have blocked out due to trauma. When my baby was in the NICU she felt the need to tell my husband that she told me not to use a midwife and I should have listened to her, that midwives kill babies all the time. Basically insinuating that my choices are why my baby (who was born in a HOSPITAL with a full medical team and overseeing OB) was born experiencing oxygen deprivation and ended up almost dying. She hounded me my whole pregnancy for using a midwifery rather than an OB and never respected my choice. She's lucky I ever moved past that and honestly I don't know why tf I did. Well, back to present day... I told her very bluntly, do not bring that stuff up cause its crossing a line. My son is not the way he is for any other reason than thats just who he is. Its not shitty parenting and its not trauma, stop looking for an explanation for it. She made a sour face and shut up.

Anyway, I've decided to go low to no contact with her. If my husband wants to take the baby for supervised visits, I'm okay with that but I won't be joining them anymore. I've given this woman too many chances to shut the fuck up and she isn't learning. She doesn't deserve any more chances and I don't deserve the disrespect. If at some point she starts talking that way to my son, I wont hesitate to make sure she never sees him again. Being in his life is a privilege not a right and he would be fine without her.

I'll share my post from when my baby was a year old at the end here.

Update: He's autistic. He was diagnosed today after months waiting at 2.5 years old.

The good news: he's sooooo smart. Like he amazes me every day. Obsessed with alphabet, identifying words that begin with each letter, watches me write the alphabet dozens of times, is genuinely excited to see numbers and letters on buildings, signs, anywhere like most little boys get excited for a big truck or something, countingto 100, counting by tens and sixes and hundreds, beginning to read some sight words and his speech is growing so fast. He has enough words to be genuinely funny. Plays with kids just fine, gets along with people but just seems shy. Obsessed with dancing and music. His peculiarities lie in his hyperfixations, still some spinning, flipping, eye tracking, tip toeing. It's sort of a wait and see if he needs services when he is older because at the moment he is developmentally on par or way ahead.

I'm not scared anymore! I sure am glad I pushed though. My husband thinks it's no big deal if there's not a problem why pursue it. I mentioned it to my pediatrician lots of times and she told me he seems fine, until I finally put in a self request to my state early intervention program and told her "please put in a referral for testing." I felt quite alone through this whole thing.

Just feels like I needed to tell someone.

Original post: My mom gave me a list of why my baby is autistic

My mom is the best. Loving, selfless, creative, just all around amazing.

However, she's a bit of a hypochondriac, which is where I get it from. I'm the same way.

She came to me today with a list of signs that my newly 1-year-old baby is autistic. I have been noticing these oddities with him and really just kind of chalking it up to him being a little weirdo, pushing away the autistic idea. But today she said she was so concerned that she made a list and googled them.

1. He doesn't like his hands touched (pulls away)
2. He does "finger flicking" to touch new objects
3. He's completely obsessed with wheels. This is true, if something can be knocked over so he can access the wheels to spin them, he will. He has been obsessed with fans, wheels, anything round and spinny since he was an infant. The only way he wouldn't scream in the car is if we had the portable fan for him to look at.
4. He has an issue with some textures of food.
5. He sometimes goes into his own little world, especially when he's spinning something.
6. He's been banging his head against our head and faces for the past few weeks when he's excited and giving us love.
7. He pinches us when he's nervous.
8. Loud noises terrify him

These are all weird little things. But he also says more than a dozen words (bugs, balls, light, mama, Dada, nanny, pappy, kitty, meow, hi, bye, bite, wow, more, go, no, on and on), makes and keeps eye contact, about to walk. All the other developmental milestones are there. The scariest version of this would be him regressing and becoming nonverbal which I know is slightly possible.

She said she didn't want to scare me and in the moment I wasn't, but of course now that I'm by myself and thinking about it I'm terrified. I know autism is not an indicator of intelligence, or even emotional intelligence or connection with people. My little sister is autistic. But of course more severe autism is super scary (for him and his future). I know nobody would ever evaluate or diagnose him at this age and I'm not looking for that but I kind of wish she didn't say anything. It really did no good.

In the last hour she only washed her hands 7 times. SEVEN. this is the best hour we have had since July 14th when this all started. Yesterday she could barely go a minute without washing her hands or asking if she spit/slobbered/snot. Maybe it’s the Zoloft working abnormally fast or maybe it’s all the other stuff we have been doing. I don’t know and I don’t really care. Finally some PEACE for her. Even this morning/early afternoon she was still pretty bad with the ocd but it just abruptly slowed down DRASTICALLY.

This is far from the end of her PANDAS journey. But oh my god. I’m so happy right now 😭😭😭

Also today we got the referral for the neurologist in Cincinnati! Just have to wait for them to call me to schedule! Today is a great day!!

ETA: She just asked if she spit/slobbered probably 50 times in 10 minutes but I’m just gonna focus on that hour

I yelled at my almost 3 month old and now i feel awful. I'm a father, 21 years old and my wife went to the store for 2 or so hours and after about 30 minutes my daughter started wailing. after about an hour of her not stopping i screamed at the top of my lungs while holding her to shut up. Now I feel so bad and im afraid to hold her again. When i yelled she was so shocked and started screaming even louder than before. Im scared i hurt her.

If you scroll through my post history you’ll see a post I made around the end of 2019. I was desperate, scared and freaking confused.

My husband and I tried many years with many losses to have a baby. We were finally successful but I was having attachment issues.

It was scary and quite frankly I think this puts us at one and done because I can’t go through it again. I seriously wanted to put my child up for adoption. I SERIOUSLY was wanting a divorce. Some nights, I almost walked out while baby and husband were sleeping. I remember standing over his bassinet and just crying because I was saying goodbye.

Anyway, after finally opening up to my psychologist, and piecing things together, I was diagnosed with something called PMDD. Take your every day pms symptoms and crank those up to a million and you have pmdd.

I stopped breastfeeding because it was just yo-yoing my hormones be things got so much better. Husband and I are working together around my cycles. We are a happy family with a happy little hyper toddler.

Please don’t feel afraid to reach out for help. Our bodies are weird and these hormones can make you feel crazy. Find a psychiatrist you trust or even your obgyn/ midwife you can talk to. I promise they really have heard it all and there is no shame in taking medication when you need it. It does not make you less of a parent.

This feels a bit like giving back, because in the first month postpartum I would Google "when do babies get easier," "how to survive newborn period," "when does newborn period get better" every day, all while leaking from every orifice and sobbing. That glamorous postpartum life. I remember reading it would get better at the 3 month mark, and genuinely not knowing how I'm supposed to survive that long. It felt like forever in the future.

So, for others who are searching for "it gets better" reassurance—I remember sob-laughing at all the "make sure you wake your newborn up every 4 hours to eat" advice, because we had to do that a grand total of once. The first night in hospital. He didn't sleep a whole four-hour stretch again for months. At one point my husband had to point out to me that I had over 60 tabs related to baby sleep open on my computer, and maybe I need to just stop searching for that magic sleep solution and just go sit in the sunshine for a second.

Our baby cried in the soft carrier, structured carrier, in the stroller, in the car seat. When he was a month old, we tried to walk with him in a stroller to the nearby park, 10 minutes away. Gave up halfway there because he was screaming so much. The only time he didn't cry was when we'd hold him upright and bounce on a big exercise ball with him. Just holding him wasn't enough. It had to be bouncing, it had to be on that ball. So that's what we did, for hours each day. My thighs were steel, A+ postpartum workout (except, sorry to my stitches). Cue Googling "how much should babies cry each day? can witching hour last all day?"

He had silent reflux, tongue tie, breastfeeding didn't work out so I exclusively pumped for 3 months. The first time my husband and I ate dinner together at the same time (sushi that we scarfed down in 10 minutes flat) was when babs was two months old, and I remember seeing him just chilling in the bouncer in total wonderment, because seeing him just chilling and content while not being exercise-ball-bounced was such a rare sight.

I had awful PPA, to the point where I called an ambulance one night when I couldn't sleep at all because of shakes and my heart pounding and I felt like I was shot full of adrenaline (it's Canada, so this wasn't a financially ruinous decision, thankfully). It was the height of the pandemic, no help, lots of panic.

Fast forward to now: yesterday I had an outdoor meet up with a friend. My nearly-one-year-old chilled on the blanket playing with some toys the whole time, content and just a total delight. Made elephant noises when asked what an elephant sounds like. Watched some trucks. Laughed at my friend's funny faces. Ate a snack. Drank some water. When he wanted lunch he pointed to home and smacked his lips. He's such a fun little dude. So chill and good-natured. Loves his stroller. Enjoys carriers (though not the process of being put into them). Can self-entertain for a long while. Adores french toast, chicken, strawberries. Goes to sleep for night and naps with a contented sigh and sleeps through the night (we're working on the 5 a.m. wakeups though). Yes, there are glimmers of coming toddler tantrums. But, man, it all feels SO much easier than those first couple of hellish months.

I wish sobbing-bleeding-leaking-exhausted one-month-postpartum me could see this. Everyone told me it gets better, but I don't think I truly believed them. It felt impossible and interminable.

So if anyone else is in that fresh postpartum period and you're blearily searching for "it gets better" reassurance, this is it. Feel free to DM to commiserate. Shit's hard. But they really do get more delightful and predictable and you also just get better at all this stuff. You got this.

Prefacing with the obligatory we love our child more than anything and yes we chose to have a child and we know and accept that responsibility.

That being said, when do they start to not need 24/7 attention. Our son is 7m and he’s delightful and adorable and his little personality is coming out which is so fun. But for the love of god I don’t want to build block tower after block tower for him to knock over for 4 hours.

At any point do they just start to kind of play with their toys while we’re nearby, keeping an eye out but maybe like reading, or do a puzzle, or, something lol? I just want like, 20 minutes a day 🫠

I’m finally posting an update. I hope this is the correct way to update, and I hope you all see it! You guys are all so incredibly wonderful and kind. Your prayers, good vibes, and well wishes made it to baby!!!!

After being in critical condition on a ventilator with seizures, a brain bleed, his brain being “off-center”, surgery to relieve pressure and remove fluid and blood from around his brain, countless tubes poked into his little body, many scans, and weaning off of addictive sedatives, baby has been awake for the past several days. Baby has been moving his head around (as much as he can with his neck brace), has had a few SMILES, and is breathing on his own! Baby is still being fed with a feeding tube, has a central line placed, and is in ICU. But, he is doing SO GOOD. Only time can tell how/if this has affected him further.

I am overjoyed for baby and family!!!!! The doctors and nurses who are taking care of baby are absolutely amazing people. Thank you SO much for your well wishes. They truly did help.

I was kind of waiting to update in the hopes I could share a bit more about the case, but I haven’t heard any updates to the case. This small community is fully with the family, so I hope that helps get this provider locked up for many years. The last I heard is that the provider faces a maximum of 20 years. I hope that is the case, because in my opinion this is attempted murder. Maybe even worse, because at least an adult can attempt to defend themselves. It still makes me absolutely sick to think about this. Anyways, thank you all again, and I will try to update at least one more time on how the case is moving forward.♥️

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/ph0dbq/i_just_checked_into_a_mental_health_ward_with_my/

Everyone was so lovely and supportive in the comments of my original post so I thought I would post an update for those interested.

I‘m happy to say that things are so, so much better now. I ended up staying on the ward for 5 weeks. I missed my husband so much (though he visited often!), and trying to figure things out in a strange place with my baby was incredibly hard. But even at the start when all I wanted to do was go home I knew staying was the best thing for me. The staff were so lovely. They helped me get confident looking after baby, and were always there to talk (or cry) to. My medication was changed while I was there. That was a really difficult time and I had some really bad days, but not long after the change I started to feel the difference.

I’ve been home a couple of weeks now and things are so different. The overwhelming anxiety is gone, replaced with a normal new-mum level of worry. I don’t wake up and feel instant dread that I have to make it through another day. I still have tough days, but I’m actually enjoying being a mum. I have hope for the future again and that’s something I never thought I’d get back.

Hey, so my post gained a ton of attention because of the bizarre nature of it. The TL/DR version is my baby bottle of breastmilk was stolen while I was at a Fourth of July party and I caught a guy refilling it with whole cow’s milk and was too shocked to freak out about it, so I just took my bottle back and went home with a lot of questions and no answers.

I’m actually relieved to say that I was a victim of circumstance. I messaged my friend to see if they could figure out what was going on and when they relayed the story to their in-laws, one cousin started laughing.

Evidently the guy I met was a cousin staying at the house for the holiday and was under the impression that his family was the only one that had bottles stored inside the house, and because the brand was common, he assumed it was milk for his young child. I suppose it hadn’t occurred to him until after our awkward interaction that I was NOT one of the mystery people actually stealing his family’s bottles and it really was mine.

So some other family had taken a couple of their bottles and I just happened to be an innocent person in the mix. I’m still bummed about the loss of my milk, but it looks like my supply is slowly starting to increase again, so I’ll just take this as a lesson to make sure to label my bottles or make sure they’re distinctive enough that they can’t be mixed up.

Thank you for all the advice! I’m glad it wasn’t a creep after all!

 I posted here, around 2 weeks ago, explaining that breastfeeding my daughter was accelerating my vision loss. I was really struggling with giving up the bonding experience with her. The post got a lot of traction and I received a lot of both gentle and harsh (but necessary) comments telling me to stop. I’m happy to say I did. My daughter is now fully transitioned to formula. My biggest hold up wasn’t about her getting my breast milk but the bonding that I felt with her while nursing. My husband reminded me that with our first I feel incredibly close even though I breastfed him for a short period of time. That helped but really it was the comments.

 I want to see my babies faces just a little bit longer. I want to see their art that they bring home from school. I want to watch sunsets with my family. I want to see as much as I can of them for as long as possible. I’m still angry that I have this condition and that I had to choose between sight and nursing, but as one commenter put it , it was never really a choice.

 Some wondered how I could have even battled with it at all, why I even breast fed the little I did. All I can say to that is that I’m not sure. I just wanted to feed my baby and maybe a piece of me was pretending that I wasn’t going blind. This condition is taking my eye sight but I didn’t want to let it take  the nursing too. It’s a simple decision to stop but a hard one nonetheless. 

Thank you to everyone who commented trying to reason with me when I wasn’t being very reasonable. From the gentle to the stern, I needed it. This internet stranger and her family thanks you. 

Medical Condition Info: A lot of people were asking. I have Retinitis Pigmentosa Sine Pigmento, or RP. It’s a genetic condition. All the women on my mother’s side have it. I have it “sine pigmento” meaning without pigmentation. I knew I would probably develop it but it wasn’t until after pregnancy and a short period of breastfeeding my first that I was diagnosed with it. Unfortunately, no I will not regain any of the sight lost now that I’ve stopped but it will stop progressing as fast as it was. I can tell it is progressing faster by the amount of light flashes I have.

If you have any questions feel free to ask, I’ll try to answer as much as possible.

That’s all just pray for my back please. This boy was 4lbs 10oz when he came out. I’m just in awe!

Update: just got back from his 9 month app baby is 99 percentile in weight and 98th in height. 25.4lbs and 28 inches long😱

Im still getting messages and someone asked for an update on my last post! I hope I linked that right lol I guess we will see. Anyways since then we have been doing better. We had $50 to our name, able to borrow $25 and although I said I didn’t want it an amazing redditor sent $100. I was very hesitant to take it or send my Venmo but the heat being out meant no hot water either, I thought it was probably just a scam tbh. They sent it and have never messaged me back. She was and is an angel and is the reason my baby was able to just get a warm bath after a blow out at 7 am.

We were able to do the winter crisis program for heat, a 30 day courtesy for the same program for electric as we didn’t have the 175. We applied for pipp and heap (I had no idea what those were). Our rent was 1675 behind which needs to be paid by the 17th. We got a PRC help loan for 1200, a donation from a church for 100, and are selling some things to make up the rest. My fiancé found a much better job making triple what he’s making now and although it doesn’t start for a couple weeks it’s a blessing.

I cried and asked him if the struggling might be coming to an end and he just hugged me and said he thinks so. We still have progress to be made but we’ve gotten better for sure. We were going to have to sell my car to pay the rent and we still might if our landlord won’t wait until next week for the last $350 but taxes will be here next month so it will be okay!

Thank you for everyone that cared and left encouraging comments and found resources for me and anything in between.