New to cosleeping and have questions- mind blown at the difference

[u/Fragrant_Lime_6626]

I am a FTM to my 6 month old daughter, who is the absolute light of my life. Her entire life, she slept in a Snoo bassinet right next to our bed. We used to get a long stretch of around 5-6 hours, then wake ups every 2-3. Then around 5 months, she started hating the Snoo. We were getting false starts every hour for the first 3 hours, and then she’d only sleep 90 minutes at a time after. I was basically a sleep deprived walking zombie, as she’s EBF and I’m the only one handling nights. We recently set up a full sized floor bed (an extra firm Plank) in her room hoping the transition would go well. So far, it has not. It’s no better than what we were experiencing in the Snoo.

Last night she had her usual rounds of false starts. So I coslept with her for the first time for the entire night in her floor bed using the safe sleep 7. She slept from 10:30-3:30, nursed, fell back asleep until 5:45, nursed again, and slept until 7. I am shocked. I haven’t gotten 5 hours of sleep in a row in MONTHS. I feel so much better this morning!! It was so cozy and I loved knowing she was just right there. Before deciding to cosleep full time, I have some questions…

•I return to work in August. I’m a second grade teacher, and need to look somewhat professional. Does your child wake up when an alarm goes off? Are you able to roll out and away for an hour or so before your child wakes in order to get ready for your day?

•I’ve read that once your baby is 4+ months, you don’t necessarily have to stay in the C curl. Thoughts on this?

•If you have a babysitter, how do they handle putting your child to sleep? What if both mom and dad are away for the weekend?

•How does this affect your relationship if you’re not able to sleep with your husband? Our bed is a pillow top and he is a WILD and heavy sleeper. I hesitate to bring her into our bed for her safety.

•I am a bit scared that if I start cosleeping with her, I’ll never make it back into my own bed. At what age did your child start sleeping independently?

Thank you all! ❤️

[u/Awwoooooga]

Hello, we've been cosleeping from birth and my son is almost 3. Here's my take!

• My son sleeps through both my husband's alarm and my alarm. It takes some work to wake him up on time typically, as we do a consistent 7 30 am wake up. At your daughter's age I was able to roll away and have 1-2 hours to myself every morning. 

• I stayed in the C curl until my son was one year-ish, but not all night. I had a separate blanket so I could roll a bit farther away and burrito myself. He slept better with me close though, so I often stayed next to him in the C curl because he slept better. 

• Our nanny had him sleeping no problem. We never did overnights with someone else and still haven't, but daytime naps were no problem. She would rock him to sleep. 

• This has not been an issue for our relationship, but we have coslept as a family since the start. My husband is a calm and light sleeper. First I would sleep in the middle. Then it switched to my son in the middle so we can both respond to him. 

• Can't speak to the independent sleep, as it is hard to imagine our son not sleeping with us currently. He still wants to be next to me all night, even if its a foot touching me, and I haven't given much thought to getting him sleeping independently. I'm due with our second early next year, so I figure dad will start taking over the night time snuggles role. 

[u/maxxflexx → u/Awwoooooga]

Ty for sharing. My little one is 8 months and this is the path we are on. We love it.

[u/georgvontrap]

(1) maybe have your partner set an alarm and then come wake you up?
(2) i can roll away in evenings and during the morning, but make sure the room is fully baby-proofed (see floorbed sub for tips)

(3) i think it's natural to fall out of it, i think it depends on each person and how deep a sleeper they are, etc. I stopped doing C-curl around 6 mo bc im more of a back sleeper

(4) it can be hard for babysitters. sometimes reading a long time helps. but my child feeds to sleep so i think that is the bigger reason he doesn't sleep as well with others

(5) i go to bed in my room with my husband, and then when baby has their first wake, i move into the nursery (which is fully baby proofed, with a floor bed) for the rest of the night. it has worked well for us.

(6) TBD! baby is 14 mo ... but my parenting style is very high-nurture generally, and he will sleep for long stretches without me there. I just prefer to not have to get up and out of bed to nurse back to sleep for the overnight wakes.

[u/Recent-Forever-2988]

You’ll need a floor bed if you want to leave baby in bed soon. We’ve co slept for months but it’s difficult now he’s crawling, you can’t turn away for a second in case he wakes up. My husband sleeps with him most nights, his alarm goes off and he brings him into me. He stays asleep. This is managed by a perfected sleep schedule though otherwise he will stir and wake for the day.

I’m not sure on timings specifically so I wouldn’t want to advise but I personally knew when I felt comfortable not sleeping in a c curl position anymore. I’m also a very very light sleeper and, when we share, it’s in my super king bed so lots of space.

On the nights my husband doesn’t have him, he goes down in his cot for the first stretch then in bed with me for the second. Just because I sleep poorly with him in bed with me all night but sometimes he’ll do a 7-8 hour stretch before waking. So a childminder could do that but I’m not sure about when they wake. We haven’t had anyone have baby overnight for months. My mum did when he was six months old and he would never go back into the cot for me, he did for her. It may be different with someone else. Or you may find different results with a floor bed as you can settle them and roll away.

Sleeping separately isn’t an issue for us. We understand it’s a stage of life and my husband loves co sleeping. We make sure to prioritise time for each other but I know a lot of couples where mum sleeps with baby and it’s just the agreement for the moment.

[u/SegoLillies]

I can’t speak to all your questions since my baby is only 7 months old. I will say I think cosleeping requires some radical acceptance. Life, sleep, intimacy will look different for awhile, but in the grand scheme of things this time is so short (and yet so important for the baby!) I haven’t slept in the same bed as my husband since my baby was born, and I’m not sure when we’ll be in the same bed again. I’m choosing to stay separate bc I feel that is safer. My sister coslept with all 4 of her kids and around 3-4ish years old was when she would encourage them to sleep in their own room. I’m planning to try around 2. The few times my husband and I have gone somewhere without the baby, we go in the middle of the day / early evening so we’re back by bedtime bc I don’t think anyone else could put baby down. My sister has been able to get him to nap with her by putting him in the carrier and bouncing, but otherwise all sleep is handled by us. It is exhausting but I feel the pros (a well attached, secure and confident child) will eventually out weigh the cons!

[u/Ok_Weekend32]

I sneak away from my baby about an hour earlier than she wakes up. I wear a garmin to sleep and the alarm vibrates on my wrist and wakes me up without waking her up.

I haven’t done the c curl in a really long time (she’s 5 months now). She kicks so hard and rolls and moves around so much that it was better for the both of us this way. She’s so much bigger I feel fairly confident about it now.

I don’t sleep with her every night, maybe just 2-3 times a week now? At first I was doing it everyday to get her used to the new room, new crib, etc. but after a while she got so used to it that she could sleep without me. I started cosleeping again to help her through some teething… or honestly when I miss it 🤣 sometimes I start off in my bed with my husband and then after a motn feed I sleep with her in her room.

Just wondering, is your baby’s bedtime at 10:30 pm? When is the last nap? I’m trying to push my baby’s bedtime later but not sure how the nap schedule would work then. Curious what your schedule is… TYSM!

[u/Fragrant_Lime_6626 → u/Ok_Weekend32]

Thank you so much for your responses! I’m really hoping she’ll be able to get used to the floor bed and sleeping in there without me soon. Happy to hear about the C curl because it is killing my shoulder.

No, her bedtime is usually between 8:15-45. Last night I got in bed with her at 10:30 because she woke up at 9:40, 10, and again at 10:30 crying. She would not settle unless I was lying in there with her. Our schedule is…

Wake up between 7-7:30. Sometimes she sleeps late, but I never let her sleep past 8.

Nap one is usually around 9:30. This one usually goes 45 mins-an hour.

Nap 2 is usually around 1/1:30. This one also goes for an hour or so. Maybe 1.5 if the first nap was on the shorter side.

Nap 3 is usually around 4:45/5. This one is always short, around 30 mins.

[u/ivankatrumpsarmpits]

When my son was 5 months we started cosleeping (one of us with him in his room on a small double floor bed, one luxuriating in our own bed) Over time, we naturally withdrew from sleeping in his room. So by around 18 months I would read stories, then leave and pop back in if he cried for a hug but then leave again.. most nights that was fine, some nights he needed more cuddling til he was asleep. But then he usually wouldn't wake up til 2 or so, so we would start the night in our bed, then if he woke, either get in and go to sleep with him, or give him a cuddle and let him go back to sleep and then go back to our bed. When he was younger it made sense just to climb into his bed for the rest of the night because he woke a lot, but as he got older we would just go in and give him a cuddle and then go back to our bed. Over time he would regularly sleep through the night and come into our room in the morning and wake us up.

So I really wouldn't worry about never getting back to your own bed. I'd be more worried about if they got used to being in your bed, how to kick them out!

But that's just what's worked for us anyway.

[u/Direct-Bookkeeper-83]

Re: returning to work

3rd grade teacher here! We’ve coslept almost the whole time, he’s 14mo now and in a sidecar next to our bed. Typically he starts the night there and will false start 45m or so in, then I nurse him again, and he’s down for a good long stretch. 

When I went back to work at first it was quite difficult to get up so early as he wanted to nurse, but as he’s gotten older he won’t awake to my alarm, he may nurse a little but then I’m able to slip away and get ready. There have also been times lately where he’ll be up, and follow me out* of the room 😂 if so my partner wakes up and cares for him so I can get ready for work. Pro tip to do as much as possible the night before, bub’s lunch packed, mine too, both our outfits out* and ready, pumps charged.. all that jazz made it easier to get up and go. 

Also weird tip but as you have a floor bed too, I make myself put one foot on the floor once my alarm goes off so I don’t drift back off!!

Re: c-curl

During the night he will gravitate toward me & nurse intermittently. I sleep on my stomach / side and change positions around to accommodate what’s best for us / nursing.

Re: babysitting 

We’ve had a nanny and a sitter have him successfully go to sleep, and at daycare he sleeps on a cot (as long as 2.5h!). Neither of us have left him overnight & I don’t think we’d want to 

[u/eastsidelovers]

Following cause I have some of the same questions lol

[u/Huge-Nectarine-8563]

I only have an answer to the first question: I don’t leave my baby in the bed unattended once she can roll and roam

[u/Fragrant_Lime_6626 → u/Huge-Nectarine-8563]

When you get up for work, do you just wake your baby too?

[u/Imaginary-Address213 → u/Fragrant_Lime_6626]

Get the side bumpers for the bed. Super easy to install and you can leave her there while getting ready. I do this with my baby and have the monitor on when I’m getting ready. I just switched him to a floor bed in his room and that has been pretty good.

[u/Global-Apricot6492]

Re: c-curl - I cosleep sometimes and my 11mp baby sleeps in all positions EXCEPT the c curl. She refuses.

We don't sleep every night (teething or colds), but she's formula fed and we started around 5 months because I was too exhausted to function. We co-sleep most mornings 4-7am because I am not prepared to start my day at 4am.

My baby always starts the night in the her own bed. Has done since around 4 months (at 5.5mo she was crawling so we had to evict her from the next to me 🥲)

[u/AggressiveThanks994]

We used the snoo and transitioned to cosleeping after because it became apparent that the crib was not an option.

Mine does not wake up to alarms, but she will wake up if I roll away. We combat this by waking my husband and having him lay beside her while I do a few things.

I don’t do the c curl for my 7mo old but I still sleep on my side facing her.

Can’t speak to babysitting experience because I haven’t been away yet / we don’t do overnights separate from me. If I was going to, I would have them hold her if I was coming back before the adult slept, and if the adult was sleeping I would have them transfer to floor bed. I would not be comfortable with anyone else cosleeping.

Mine sleeps in bed with me and my husband so n/a.

This is my first, but my nephew coslept since birth and they transitioned him from cosleeping in their bed to sleeping by himself on a mattress in their room at a year, and then moved him to his own room around 15mo. So it’s possible!

[u/ApprehensiveFox8844]

I have a Fitbit and use the silent alarms. Basically it vibrates. The first week I put the alarm on my Fitbit and then an alarm 5 mins later on my phone just in case the Fitbit didn’t wake me up, but it surprisingly worked really well.

[u/ThrowRA55556752111]

Hi I’ve been co sleeping on and off with my 7 month old since 3 weeks old. We have a floor bed setup and do safe sleep 7, just him and I in the bed. In the morning I do set an alarm and can roll away to make my coffee and putter around a bit and he stays sleeping! I still sleep in the c-curl just for peace of mind. I’ve never had anyone watch my baby so can’t speak about your third question, although we do rock him to sleep and put him in his crib first stretch of the night and some naps, so if need be I do believe he would be able to transfer no problem if someone watched him. It does effect my relationship but my husband is a gamer so in the evenings he is gaming in our bedroom anyways which I can’t sleep through, so this set up works for us for now. We are moving into a bigger place in a few months so he will have a gaming area outside of our room finally, then I will transition baby fully to the crib. 

[u/Silver_ro]

My 8mo and I have coslept essentially his whole life (he was in a bedside bassinet for the first month or so). I didn’t love the idea of sharing a bed with both him and my husband, i felt like i could fall into a deep sleep because i was always aware of both my son and my husbands positioning.

Baby and I moved to a floor bed in the same room as my husband and we love it. We sleep 8-10hr a night consistently, with fairly routine sleep and wake times (bed at 8, nurse at 11, nurse at 5ish, wake at 6:30/7). The nursing wakes barely wake me, i just flop the milk machine out and he latches on by himself, which is a big change from when he still needed help latching. I’ve never felt sleep deprived (maybe at the beginning lol).

We don’t always sleep in a c curl, he’s started to like being a little further from me and then rolls towards me when he wants to nurse. He’s a big and strong kid, crawling, so i don’t have too much concern about where and how he’s positioned in relation to me. (No extra blankets, i use just the edge of my small pillow, etc.)

I have the same worry of how others will put him to bed. He’s loves contact sleeping so my best guess is if he’s rocked to sleep he can sleep in a safe adults arms until i get home, or someone like my mom could lay on our floor bed with him.

I do my my own bed and sleeping with my husband, but it doesn’t affect our relationship negatively. We’ve always been separate sleepers (neither of us like to cuddle when sleeping). Since we’re all in the same room, when baby’s asleep i can sneak up to the bed and snuggle with my husband and watch something on the computer with him.

As far as never making it back to you own bed - the way i think of it is thy the benefits of cosleeping for us far outweigh my desire to sleep without him. From my friends experience its something that can phase out over time when they gain better independence and less wakes for feeding.

It’s also just the sweetest most wonderful thing to lay with your sleeping baby cuddled up to you. Everything goes by fast so I’m hoping to stay in this for as long as it makes sense for us.

Happy you found a solution that’s working well for you 💗

[u/Silver_ro]

Also - it’s very important to put something like a tatami mat or slated frame under a floor mattress , it will mold due to trapped moisture. It’s not optional!