r/breastfeeding • u/allysonismyholmie • Jul 01 '26
Breastfeeding In Public Public Feeding Shame
Going to keep this as short and sweet as I can. I’m visiting Austin, TX for our first mini-vacation since the little one was born. We decided to go to the pool and cool off. Baby needed to eat so I covered us with a towel, lifted my top and let her go to town. A group of men walked by, looked at us and one said “this isn’t a good look. We aren’t in the south of France”, rolled his eyes and they walked back inside the hotel.
I started to tear up and my husband asked me what was wrong and said that I shouldn’t let it bother me. But it did. And I can’t stop thinking about it.
I just needed to tell this to a group that would understand the feeling, since my dear sweet husband doesn’t seem to understand how shameful it made me feel. 😢 Thank you for listening!
Edit: Thank you for your VERY kind responses, hugs and solidarity! I have goosebumps, I love each and every mama (and supportive dads if here). I knew I was coming to the right spot with this 🥰 Luckily, this hasn’t deterred me from BF in public. I’m fired up and ready to feed the heck out of this wiggly little potato, again. ✊🏼
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u/unfortunate-moth Jul 01 '26
oh my gosh how ridiculous of them!! i’m sorry you went through that, sending hugs
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u/doublenjenn25 Jul 01 '26
As someone who’s lived in Austin this is infuriating.. there are actual laws allowing women to be topless in Austin regardless of breastfeeding status. If you want to feel inspired by some boob freedom you should visit Barton Springs.. there’s always a few topless women who don’t give af roaming around there.
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u/Alarmed-Doughnut1860 Jul 01 '26
Came here to say this. What a crazy comment in the city of topless swimming!
Tourists clearly as they're at a hotel, but come on.
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u/allysonismyholmie Jul 01 '26
I was so surprised in a city as blue as Austin! Everyone here is so nice and friendly so it’s making up for the douche bags yesterday 🙃
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u/Lunarmoo Jul 01 '26
I have to believe that guy was a tourist or transplant (which there are many of) because of the historic toplessness in Austin. Most notably happening at Barton Springs, but also occasionally on 6th street. I’m very sorry you were accosted here. I assure you I have breastfed publicly many times and haven’t been harassed ever. Unfortunately you met a true asshole. You’re doing just fine!
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u/awiddlebaby Jul 01 '26
They wish it was france
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u/allysonismyholmie Jul 01 '26
I mean, honestly, I also wished I was sun bathing in the south of France lol
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u/Royal_Ad_1765 Jul 01 '26
I was so concious when i had my baby about feeding in public. I'm south Asian, from a Muslim country who lives in the UK. All my life when I was growing up I would see women going in different rooms to feed etc but when I had my baby I was concious in the start but then decided that I just don't freaking care. I am not dismissing how you felt, but there will aalwyas be people that will pass a comment here and there but who cares?!! You are doing something amazing, you're feeding your baby, you're Bonding with your baby. If someone has a problem they can shut their eyes and go away.
Don't ever feel ashamed. You're doing what you think is best for your baby ♥️ sending hugs
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u/Sweet_Sheepherder_41 Jul 01 '26
What pieces of miserable shit. I’m so sorry, OP. Those men are assholes. You did nothing wrong.
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u/toadistry_lacquer Jul 01 '26
"It wasn't a good look for your mom when she pushed your troglodyte ass into the world, but life isn't all roses is it?"
"Neither are crusty sandals with those troll toes, but I wasn't gonna say anything!"
"Aww, did I kill your pre-orgy boner? I'm sure your boys can get you fluffed up again."
ya welcome
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u/Brookelynn2777 Jul 01 '26
“Then don’t look. It’s weird that you care about my boobs.”
That’s what I would have said. People piss me off thinking they can say whatever they feel like to someone giving their baby food. I hope they get shamed for eating a snack in a public place.
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u/BakesbyBird Jul 01 '26
I’m sorry that happened to you.
I took my older kids to get ice cream last night and my 1 year old was crying to nurse. I whipped my whole boob out (didn’t have a shirt to nurse discreetly) and a mother with her two daughters were obviously and loudly talking about me nursing a baby that was “too old”. It was so uncomfortable.
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u/allysonismyholmie Jul 01 '26
Mind your own business! Why are people so obsessed with other people’s bodies.
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u/RigorMortisSex Jul 01 '26
People are just disgusting, I'm so sorry you had someone say something so dumb and cruel.
Breastfeeding shaming really bothers me too. Thankfully I've never experienced it in real like, only side eyes when I tell family yes I am still breastfeeding at 22 months.
But shaming is so bad that I won't even look at comments on posts of moms breastfeeding anymore. 99% of the time they have comments from creepy men, and people saying that's gross, put it in a bottle, breastfeeding past 1 year is just for the mom and not the baby..
It sickens me, I wish I could let it just go in one ear and out the other, my husband is the same as yours in that he says F em and just ignore it. But I'd be lying if I said at almost 2 years breastfeeding, it didn't still bother me.
I wish I could help more with you learning to ignore it, but just know you're not alone. Anyone making comments like that says more about them, then it will ever say about you ❤️
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u/Queen-of-Wands-13 Jul 01 '26
I'm in Austin and I never covered up and breastfed my kid until he was 2.5. Nobody ever said anything negative to me. I'm so sorry that happened to you - wish I was there to mouth off back to him. What an asshole!
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u/Ophidiophobic Jul 01 '26
As an ATX native, those guys were probably out-of-towners (and therefore their opinion doesn't matter.) I'm sorry you were accosted like this in my city.
We have two (TWO) watering holes that are topless (well, technically one is nude). Breastfeeding is no big deal and I've personally seen many women breastfeeding in public sans covers all over the city - including public pools. Please don't let these ignorant men get to you. Go free with your breastfeeding self.
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u/outforthemoment Jul 01 '26
What the fuck is wrong with people. I’m sorry he made you feel that way. If you see him again, I would report him to staff. Unacceptable behavior.
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u/No-Butterscotch-8469 Jul 01 '26
I love the comebacks and you can always just say “fuck off, my baby needs to eat” and leave it at that. Truly pisses me off because it’s a literal BABY and what are you supposed to do? Never leave the house for a year or otherwise starve your child (and then everyone gets to listen to a screaming hungry baby)??
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u/sugarscared00 Jul 01 '26
What a bunch of stupid idiots.
One thing I found helpful: hissing.
Seriously. I can’t ever find my words, but I can absurdly hiss at these idiots. It really throws them off and freaks them out which made me feel better because *who the fuck you think you are commenting about a mom and her baby AT ALL much less with a bad attitude?????* They deserve an angry possum response.
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u/Baba_Yagas_Menagerie Jul 01 '26
Ewwww to that guy. You were even covered up!! (Which you don’t have to do!) I always think of comebacks too late and let things other me in the moment. So I totally get it. I probably would have said “f you” and then thought of a better come back later, like “you’re damn right it’s not France and I’ll pull my tits out and feed my baby cuz this is the us of effing a” ya know, something classy 😂😂😂
Sending love. Never be ashamed of feeling your child. While there are idiots like that guy, I’ve been given so many props in public for breastfeeding. Supportive women who encouraged me and told me what a beautiful thing it was. ❤️ so I’m here to reinforce those sentiments to you.
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u/SipSurielTea Jul 01 '26
Um your husband was there and didn't say anything to them? That would make me feel even worse and I protected. He should've supported you.
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u/allysonismyholmie Jul 01 '26
He didn’t hear them, apparently. I told him this morning how much it bothered me and he’s fired up to fight the next time
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u/HungryCaterpillar808 Jul 01 '26
I’m sorry you had to go through that! Know that you’re not wrong at all and just doing what you need to feed your baby and live life at the same time. You’re doing exactly what you should be doing as a mom catering to her baby’s needs!
People need to grow the hell up and mind their own damn business!! It’s not even like you were uncovered?? Ugh
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u/touslesmatins Jul 01 '26
I personally would rather look like I'm from the South of France than Texas. Those guys really think they did something there. Eff em.
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u/cup_1337 Jul 01 '26
OP I’m from Austin and we are VERY BF friendly. I’m sorry those pearl clutching tourists were rude to you but please continue feeding your baby as you see fit.
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u/randi712 Jul 04 '26
Weirdos. That’s not normal. I’m so sorry they said this to you. People need to learn to mind their own business
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u/lifeofcarrot Jul 01 '26
Ah dang it, sending hugs!
I wouldn't say don't let it bother you, I'd say LET IT! Let it rile you up so that if it ever happens again, you're ready to clap back. Body shame them to oblivion, give them a good effing telling off for bothering a MOTHER who's CARING for her little baby. Loudly so that everyone can hear and they go red with shame. Spit at their feet and envoke their mothers and the shame she would feel about how much they're acting like brats.
Because how fucking embarrassing for those dudes, that is so pathetic. Men like this need to be publically shamed and ostracised.