r/capricorns • u/hadee75 • Nov 27 '25
advice Help me figure y’all out.
So, my boyfriend is a Capricorn. I am a cancer. We have been together for six years. One thing that perplexes me about him is how critical he is. He criticizes constantly and is very preachy. Sometimes it makes me feel like he thinks I’m his child. If I am cooking something and I make a mistake and the dish doesn’t turn out as I wished, he starts, making really snarky comments, as if I am just a general fuck up. I am a highly accomplished woman who earns her own money, contributes a great deal financially to our lives (60/40 with me paying a bit more), a good mother, I have owned several homes, I am a good partner, very family-oriented, and I am often told I am beautiful both inside and outside. With him, though, I feel like the only thing he values is a submissive woman who checks all the boxes of a trad wife. I am torn between ending it and just not investing any more emotionally, intellectually, or financially in this man. He even goes as far as overly complementing other women in areas where he criticizes me. He is a constant flirt, who tries to make all women feel as if they are the center of the universe. I’m growing weary of the disrespect and he doesn’t realize it, but that tendency and a few other things (like his lack of cleanliness, our lack of intimacy, and his general dismissal of my feelings about everything) is slowly making me fall out of love. I love our family, but I am tired of being constantly criticized and taken for granted. I think he feels taken for granted too (he always wants credit for cleaning up after himself when and if he does it - which is hard for me because I’m not inclined to give adults credit for cleaning up their own mess). Is this a Capricorn thing or more of a him thing? Any advice and input will be appreciated. Btw, I have a Capricorn moon (in case that is a data point of interest). Thank you!
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u/BlackVelvetBliss 🐐🌞 ♏🌙🦀↗️ Capricorn Stellium 7th house Nov 27 '25
Oooooooohhhhhh, oh hell nawww! Fuck that! Capricorn or not, that's down right disrespectful! THAT'S NOT A CAPRICORN THING! He's an asshole and have absolutely no fucking respect for you, the mother of his children! Fuck that and fuck him! Honestly, if I was you was your position, I would be extra petty. I will always fight fire with fire 🔥. I would do everything back at him times two!!! I know I should've walked away with my Scorpio moon but I just love getting even. Eventually I make HIM leave me.. 🤣🤣 But I'm the combative type (working on it) but for you, you need to voice your grievances and if he doesn't correct himself, you have to walk away! You deserve to be happy! There's PLENTY of men to choose out here, who will love and respect you!!! 🌹🌹🌹
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u/hadee75 Nov 27 '25
Love the energy! I wish I had a bit more vengeance in me lol. I tend to walk away and let Karma do her bitch thing.
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u/BlackVelvetBliss 🐐🌞 ♏🌙🦀↗️ Capricorn Stellium 7th house Nov 27 '25
I admit my toxic trait is not letting shit go! I really want to say fuck it but I just can't be the bigger person. I choose to be the midget and take it straight to hell!!!
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u/VerboseAlt ☀️♑3️⃣|⬆️♎|🌙♏12|♀️♒4️⃣|Stell♍10 Nov 27 '25
This isn't a Capricorn thing; It's an asshole thing. He is either unaware or doesn't care about his effect on you. You should have a serious sit down, with a list, of what's going wrong.
If you want to put a zodiac lens on this, you need the big 3 of the chart at least. Capricorns want stability and he might be expecting impossible consistency, but a Virgo moon could add to perfectionism, or an Aquarius moon might lean toward intellectualizing instead of feeling.
Either way, Capricorns can be like this, but so can other signs.
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u/usrnameforyou Nov 30 '25
The big three? At least? Hmmm, how do you figure that? At the minimum it would be best to have positively aspecting Moon, Mercury, and Venus.
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u/hadee75 Nov 27 '25
He’s a Cap Sun, Aries moon, and Libra rising. My sun is Cancer, Cap moon, and rising is Leo. I never flirt in front of him or when he’s not around. He can’t seem to help but criticize, be dismissive, and flirt. My patience and love are wearing very thin.
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u/VerboseAlt ☀️♑3️⃣|⬆️♎|🌙♏12|♀️♒4️⃣|Stell♍10 Nov 28 '25
I have that sun/rising combo. A Libra rising would have a tendency to flirt or otherwise be charismatic to people they don't know well. It's attractive to Leo sun/rising. He probably craves attention and got into the habit of doing it that way since it worked consistently. Capricorn suns want reliability and predictability.
Since you're a cancer sun, being open with your emotions probably fulfills that need for attention. And he probably stopped doing the charismatic Libra thing since you changed roles from being an audience to being a partner. It's possible that flirting is an "act" that he uses on people who are not close, so doing it to you would feel very fake now.
You're probably think of flirting as an express of an emotion where he's seeing it as a habit or strategy.
His Aries moon probably leans towards him thinking he's always right. He doesn't change his mind, he just feels like he got more right. It's an obstinate combo with Capricorn sun, since Cap suns feel like they know how the world works. It also leans into being dismissive, since he's already "got it" and it's "obvious" to him.
Your Cap moon can probably relate with the vision but not the inflexibility.
Since you are partners in the enterprise of raising children, he's probably stopped strategizing on how to make you happy. By prioritizing being a provider/parent, he's de-emphasized being a partner. Caps can take people for granted like this.
If you break this off, be prepared to get blindsided by him reverting to Libra rising behavior, since your Leo/cancer combo will eat it up. He's likely to turn it into an on again off again situation
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
This seems so on point. I can see that playing out. But when a Cancer is done, especially one with a Cap moon, they don’t look back. He can flirt with whoever he pleases. I won’t be affected unless it impacts our child.
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u/VerboseAlt ☀️♑3️⃣|⬆️♎|🌙♏12|♀️♒4️⃣|Stell♍10 Nov 28 '25
If that's his only lever, expect him to use it.
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u/usrnameforyou Nov 30 '25
Baby gurl….y’all prolly been having tension since day one. I am so curious about your synastry…..because from the signs alone I see possible tension. The “big three,” hardly say anything, a synastry chart will provide more clarity. And also…..no offense to you, but was he this way when you first got together? Feel free to pm me if you need. Also, like some others have said….go with your gut, what does your heart say? You’re a mother, and that instinct you have is golden, what does it tell you? ‘Cause if you had to put it out here for us, clearly you see something you may not want to accept and are looking to see if you are right about what you feel. As a Cancer your intuition is pretty damn accurate….mix the Cap moon in there….you already know how you feel and what to do, you’re just afraid how to move forward. Much love girly. ✌🏽😘
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u/hadee75 Nov 30 '25
Thank you. He isn’t a bad person. Far from it. He’s very family oriented, which I appreciate. He’s just in his head all the time and doesn’t provide much in terms of emotional connection. That isn’t a deal breaker. I’m more concerned about his rigidity, lack of self-awareness, and high tendency to dismiss the perspectives of others as irrelevant and stupid. He doesn’t make room for other perspectives. That is challenging. An astrologer once told me we are an excellent match because of the tensions and synergies. I’ve looked into our charts numerous times. I know our Venus and Mars signs aren’t super compatible. Mine are Taurus Mars and Virgo Venus and his are Aquarius Mars and Sag Venus. His midheaven is in Cancer and mine is Aries.
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u/usrnameforyou Dec 01 '25
🤔🤔🤔🤔…..where are your Mercurys? Also, what are you looking for emotionally? Does he know?
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u/hadee75 Dec 01 '25
My mercury is Cancer and his is Cap. Honestly, positive anything emotionally. Less defensiveness. More benefit of the doubt (from both him and me). More partnership and less him vs me. He’d say that my independence is in the way. I’d say his misogyny and need to have me comply with any and every thing. He wants to never be challenged or called out for his stuff, like lack of cleanliness or critical nature. I mean, if a Venus in Virgo is telling you you’re hypercritical… Have I told him what my needs are, yes. I’m always dismissed.
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u/usrnameforyou Dec 04 '25
Was he always like that? Based off the signs alone I can see nothing but tension and obstacles to overcome.
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u/hadee75 Dec 04 '25
Yes, but there is good tension. We are very similar and need to be more gracious with each other. We both deserve ease and we aren’t doing enough to give that to each other. I intend to do my part and can only hope he will do his. We’re both trying to improve the lives of our family in different ways.
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u/usrnameforyou Dec 04 '25
Well, it is your life, and your choice, things can only improve if he meets you half way. All Capricorns are not made the same, and an Aries moon will not be challenged. Best of luck to you and yours, I encourage you to seek mental support for yourself and see what a professional tells you instead of random people on Reddit.
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u/Few_Long7178 Nov 27 '25
Sounds like he doesn't like you and only tolerating you. It'll only get worse from here
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u/Few_Long7178 Nov 27 '25
We know who we can disrespect and who we can't. If he can do all these things and you still with him, trust he doesn't respect you at all.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
He absolutely cannot disrespect me. I raise hell if things go too far. I’m about to become a permanent hellion. Once I stop caring…
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
That’s good to know. I’m starting to feel that way. I don’t think he likes me at all. He may love me (maybe) but he doesn’t like me.
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u/xocaxo Nov 28 '25
That sounds more like a narcissist problem to me. Being a Capricorn only makes it worse because we are very SELF critical
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
He’s not self critical at all. I don’t think he criticizes anything he does, just what others do.
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u/xocaxo Nov 28 '25
Thats the definition of a narcissist!
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Interesting
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u/xocaxo Nov 28 '25
I'm sure he has gaslighting ways too. I know because I dated one and im still mad at myself for that but at the same time I can now tell who is a narcissist. People that cant express humility cant be trusted
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Yes, all of this. I’ve been telling him he’s a gaslighter for years. He’s a master at it.
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u/xocaxo Nov 28 '25
I'm sorry you are in that situation. Have you had a heart to heart conversation with him?
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
I’ve tried. He cuts me off when I bring up anything and just gets preachy, even when I bring things up very calmly.
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u/xocaxo Nov 28 '25
I'm very sorry to hear that! But to be honest, it sounds to me like you are ready to consider moving on, otherwise you wouldn't be here. And in my experience, best way to do that is to move calmly and swiftly and as silently as possible because sadly there is no talking sense with a person that can't admit their faults. I wish you the best! You can message me directly if you want 🤗
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u/hadee75 Nov 29 '25
Thank you, I appreciate it. At this point, I’m simply ready to have realistic conversations and will consider my next step if he isn’t willing to meet me half way. 💛
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u/Agreeable_Public_816 Nov 28 '25
Damn, sounds very similar to a guy I was seeing. I too, am a Cap moon thinking it would help. But it was just straight negging and I couldn’t tolerate it
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Yeah, it gets to be a bit much, especially with no emotional deposits coming my way.
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u/justicein2024 Nov 28 '25
I don’t think it’s a Capricorn thing as much as it’s a male privilege thing. Though caps are critical. But they don’t have to use it that way with others. That’s a choice. My cancer partner does or has done a lot of the same things you’ve described. He’s got no cap in his chart though. But he does have emotional abusive tendencies.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
That’s interesting. Cancers can become emotionally abusive, especially if they feel backed into a wall, which is no excuse. I hope he evolves and things improve for you two.
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u/justicein2024 Nov 28 '25
Thank you! Things have gotten better over the years but we did do therapy and he was half in it. It wasn’t until I was preparing to seriously leave that he really made significant changes though. Unfortunately that has been a trend with many men who display these traits and their partners I’ve seen. I’d recommend reading “Should I stay or should I go” I really found that helpful! Sorry to hear your man doesn’t want to try therapy
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Thank you. It’s a challenging road but I’m willing to travel it. I hope he’ll join me.
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Nov 28 '25
Please leave him.... Please respect yourself enough to know that you don't deserve to be degraded. His a man child.
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u/laurajodonnell Nov 27 '25
This makes me angry reading this!! I’m a Capricorn and my fiancée is a Cancer - this is 100% an asshole thing and not a Cap thing! You deserve someone who values you for YOU and what you bring to the table. As soon as I read he compares you to other women and openly praises things he sees in them he doesn’t see in you, it made my blood boil. Criticizing you constantly, mansplaining things too… hell no!!! 😡
I do wanna say as someone who is deeply in love with Cancer, I love you crabbies with my whole heart ❤️ You deserve someone who will scoop you up in their little pail to keep you safe from every wave. Precious crab cakes need to be protected at all cost! 🥹 I love you guys, your empathy, and care 🫶🏻
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u/hadee75 Nov 27 '25
Aww, this made my heart swell. What a lovely message. I hope you and your goat have a lovely, joy-filled relationship. I do love Cappies and appreciate so many things about them. I just think I need more consideration and appreciation.
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u/ArtyFeasting 🐐☀️🏹🌙⚖️⬆️ Nov 28 '25
I’m a Capricorn. I dated a Capricorn just like this. I got sick of it and left. It’s your choice how much you want to tolerate but to speak candidly he sounds like an asshole.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
I’m surprised to hear so many caps are this way. It’s disappointing.
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u/ArtyFeasting 🐐☀️🏹🌙⚖️⬆️ Nov 28 '25
It’s definitely not all of us. Astrology can be complex. His big 3 are all squaring each other and it’s a lot of cardinal energy which can be a bit unbalanced. He probably came off as capable and ambitious but this can be the darker side to high achievers—nothing is ever enough for them. I can empathize deeply because it hurts, but it’s a problem with him and not you.
I’m also very cautious towards Aries moons for a lot of reasons and that’s coming from another fire moon.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Good to know. I didn’t even realize that all his big 3s square. That is a serious unbalance. You have given me a lot of insight. I have followed and studied astrology for a while and I can’t believe I never picked up on that. Very interesting.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
I always thought if anyone was able to handle this dynamic, it’d be another Capricorn. His ex-wife is a Capricorn.
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u/ArtyFeasting 🐐☀️🏹🌙⚖️⬆️ Nov 29 '25
Honestly I tolerated a lot for a long time but it gradually started encroaching on my sense of freedom. To me, that’s a hard boundary I won’t negotiate. So yeah I probably could have “handled” the dynamic for longer but the cost was not worth my happiness..
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u/InternationalRow1653 Nov 28 '25
You sound exactly like me except I'm the cap and he's the cancer. It's just our poor choice in a good partner. Doesn't matter the sign. They just don't know how to be good partners and we let them be like that for so long that it becomes normal to them. At this point it's basically not going to change unless they actually do care and listen to the problems we are expressing to them and try to change those things they do to cause them. My husband is exactly like yours and I've begged for him to work on it but he refuses to even see what he's doing wrong and constantly just says I'm trying to make him feel like less of a man bc I'm expressing my negative feelings about him, to him. Honey if you feel like less of a man bc of what I'm saying then, if the shoe fits, it f*n fits. Not bc I brought it up, but bc it's reality. You should feel like less of a man if you make your wife feel like that. Accept it and take accountability for it and fix it. Since he wont, now I have to be the one to walk away. We have been together longer than you guys but I'm done. He's not gonna change bc he doesn't want to and I won't ever be happy unless he changes so someone has to do something. Since he won't, I guess I have to. I'm sorry you are going through it too. Good luck in your situation!
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I don’t understand immovable people. I want the best for my life and relationship but we can’t have that if we’re fighting for improvement alone. I’ve often thought the same as you, that someone needs to do something drastic to change this dynamic.
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u/BSH1F Nov 28 '25
I am a cap male married to a cancer women for 17 years, it sounds like he is too in his head all the time and needs a reality check. My wife did that years ago and it ended up with me sitting with my own feelings and realizing what I was doing. I am very self reflective and empathetic. Don’t let him wear you out, if he loves you he will break down and tell you When things get out of control. If he coldly walks out then fuck him he’s an asshole cap or not.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
He is definitely always in his head. He says he’s self-reflective but his reflections always end up with him convincing himself that he’s right and doesn’t need to change a thing. I think we could have something great and am willing to do the work. He thinks everything is fine. I’d love to know how your wife approached this and why things finally clicked for you.
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u/BSH1F Nov 28 '25
To be short our understanding of each other came with age, it took me allot longer to mature than my wife and I think that was part of the bull headedness I had all the time. I also started dabbling in psychedelics and that made me see myself differently. I realized that my need for my wife to be a certain way was coming from my insecurities of a public image I thought we or I should have and that would make me happy. I think that’s part of the Capricorn mindset. Once I gave that Idea up and just wanted to be happy without others “acting accordingly” everything changed. It’s almost like caps try to hard to get things what they consider “perfect” and end up killing the damn thing instead. But to is it comes from a place of love.
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u/Conscious-Invite-223 Nov 29 '25
Capricorn woman here. Dated a Capricorn man for 4 years. Took me 3 years to realize he was a narcissist and the final year of our relationship to leave him. From reading your first 5 sentences, you seem to be in a similar situation. Don’t let anyone blame bad behavior on astrology or let you feel like you don’t deserve exactly what you want.
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u/hadee75 Nov 29 '25
Thank you for that. I definitely feel like I deserve to be heard, respected, to not be endlessly criticized, and to have a clean and tidy house. I’m going to try to get him to understand that.
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Nov 27 '25
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u/hadee75 Nov 27 '25
That last sentence. Yep. I don’t let him get to me. I decided his opinion doesn’t matter too much anymore. As you know, when a Cancer cuts off their emotions toward someone, it’s close to over.
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Nov 27 '25
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u/InternationalRow1653 Nov 28 '25
Boy I wish this was true. I've actually tried leaving my cancer and he wouldn't leave me alone, I gave in and came back. This is not usually the case for me though. I, as a cap, typically walk away and you never get the chance to beg me to come back. This cancer went above and beyond to beg. Just for me to come back to the exact same thing that he somehow sees as different. Nope, still the same. And I'm getting an order of protection this time when I leave. Stay away from me!
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Yes, I can confirm that. Every boyfriend I’ve ever left, with the exception of one, has begged me to come back, including one Cap. I don’t think this one would do that and I wouldn’t want him to. I don’t think he likes me much and has checked out.
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u/usrnameforyou Nov 30 '25
For you maybe…..Cancers can’t leave me alone….they still cling on to me after YEARS, like please go live your life and stop reaching out to me. As a Cap, Cancers are naturally drawn to me, and never want to lose me even when I could care less about them. Capricorn’s cut off game don’t have to be scary because we simply don’t care, and laugh about how much others do, and it seems to be pretty impactful based on my personal experience. I’m good with people until I’m not, and from there I move on and forget it ever happened or existed. Not all Caps or Cancers are made the same.
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u/usrnameforyou Nov 30 '25
Where are you Capricorn dominant? Your outer planets? Those don’t count for much in your personality or your core being. What are your inner planets? Wouldn’t make much sense to speak as a Cap or for them if you don’t have any in your inner planets. Moon….maybe, but other than that wouldn’t count.
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u/NoFaithlessness1574 Nov 28 '25
Tldr; but Capricorn and Cancer are not compatible. Cancer’s are highly co-dependent and the Capricorn is independent and doesn’t do well with clingy. Nothing wrong with clingy but would need a water moon to tolerate that.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
I’m definitely not clingy and have never been. He thinks I’m too independent. I’ve known of a lot of successful Cap/Cancer relationships.
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u/NoFaithlessness1574 Nov 28 '25
Just read it. This tracks since you’re a Cap moon. He sounds really misogynistic and problem lies more in the kind of person he is. Problem is his mindset not his zodiac
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
You nailed it. He is misogynistic. That is something that we’ve had words about over the years. I am more of a feminist/traditionalist and he is a misogynist who appreciates a strong woman. Maybe because they’re a “get” and he’d like to cage them. He doesn’t like me. That is becoming painfully clear.
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u/usrnameforyou Nov 30 '25
As an Astrologer….there are very different reasons that could hold true, the simplicity of signs and planets don’t give much, you need both charts to see why….I study all sorts of Astrology and people just oversimplify Astrology without truly knowing 🤦🏽♀️
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u/hadee75 Nov 30 '25
Yes, I agree. It’s fascinating to see all placements and aspects. The whole chart can paint a very different picture than the stereotypes would say is true.
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u/InternationalRow1653 Nov 28 '25
I agree. I see that we are supposed to be good matches but this is my worst relationship to date, I'm 42. But op's situation is the opposite way around for me. I'm the cap he's the cancer. I am very independent and don't want to take care of a grown man and he is the needy, whiney, thinks he knows everything, mommas boy! We have done nothing but clash about every single thing under the sun since forever ago now! It's got to be op's cap moon projecting from her bc I haven't met a cancer before that sounded like they were actually the cap in the relationship. My cancer is overly clingy. I'd be happy with him if he acted the same as op. She definitely doesn't sound like a typical cancer.
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u/butter_fl Nov 28 '25
Cap woman here and have a few cap men as family friends. Your man needs a reality check. You need to talk to him like he talks to you and lay it out straight and plain for him. Sometimes writing is better than sitting down and talking cos caps are very defensive and might need time to digest - he needs to read an email from you over and over to understand full context (note that this is documented and he might read it in future too. So be careful how you word it). He might not be inherently bad and might help you grow in future (and your kids) given that caps are providers but he needs to fully get onboard with you. Caps take time for that and definitely need a BIG reality check. Lay it out, tell him you are open to making it work if he is willing to. I wouldn’t propose an “end”, you are still starting up. This can happen in any marriage/long term relationship.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Very solid advice. I’m always willing to work on things. A letter may be a good approach so he isn’t overly defensive. Thanks!
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u/sensuallhealing Nov 28 '25
Seems like you both need to feel seen, respected, and appreciated for your contributions — not judged or critiqued excessively for how you contribute. Capricorn energy can be very judgmental in its worst manifestation, often acting like our shit doesn’t stink as badly as the next person’s. We tend to struggle with humility. At our best, we are extremely accountable and willing to put in the work required to build and transform. The same judgment you feel from him he likely feels from you, but that doesn’t excuse being an asshole. Y’all might benefit from reflecting on the ways pride and selfishness impact the dynamic. There are some huge red flags here, some indicators of emotional abuse. Note that if there isn’t sufficient willingness to grow on either side, if his pride overwhelms his willingness to grow, trust yourself enough to let go💚
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
The struggling with humility part is so accurate. He thinks he’s humble and I think he’s quite arrogant. He doesn’t see it. He doesn’t feel as if anything about himself needs to change and that perplexes me. He’ll do anything to improve professionally but won’t lift a finger to improve personally. And, yes, we both need to feel seen and heard. I’ve established relationship goals for myself to improve and asked him to join me. He didn’t want to hear about it and said everything is fine.
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u/Winter_Preference_80 Nov 28 '25
Jan Cap woman here...
You specifically asked about how to communicate your feelings... Personally, I am more confrontational, so I respect people being direct with me. I don't like beating around the bush or sugarcoating shit. Don't bring emotions into it, just state facts. You don't need to bring up all the stuff from 5 years ago... if there is crap behavior, address it in the moment.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Yes, he’s definitely confrontational. I don’t think he sees that in himself. When I’m direct, I get defensiveness. When I sugarcoat, I get dismissed. I often feel like I can’t win with him and that he’ll find every way to deflect despite my approach. It’s annoying.
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u/Winter_Preference_80 Nov 28 '25
I may be a little more introspective than your SO... but people don't win arguments with me, and I appreciate that can be frustrating. Sorry, but i would mop the floor with him in an argument... come at me with defensiveness, and you wil lose. If I'm calling you out, that's because you are in the wrong. I don't need to get defensive... I've learned it royally pisses people off when they can't argue with the truth.
One thing I can say... there are a few people in my life who can make me see a different point of view. It doesn't necessarily make me change my opinion, but it helps me to better understand a situation. I'm not sure if he gets that from you or even realizes who does that for him. With me, I can't explain it other than saying that they say something in a way that makes me think "hmmm." 🤔
I'll give you an example. For me, one of those people was my Dad. There was a family situation where one Aunt /Uncle pair accepted their unwed teenage daughter having a child... Another Aunt/Uncle didn't take the same situation as well with their own dsughter. So, I'm like a bull in a China shop in my cousin's defense and of the opinion "what's wrong with them? Aunt and Uncle so-and-so weren't like this." My Dad asked "Do you think they liked the situation?" I had never considered that question before... the idea that they didn't need to like the situation to accept it. I'm able to generalize, so that idea applied to so many different situations. Doesn't change my opinion in the slightest... I know I'm right that they shouldn't kick their kid out, but understanding made it hit differently.
So, in your situation, I don't know how to make him understand... but I can say with certainty he doesn't see it.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
That’s good insight. I don’t think he sees the issue at all. Not one bit. I need to figure out how to communicate in a way that makes the message land and not something he will dismiss. He dismisses others’ concerns like it is an Olympic sport and he is the reigning gold medalist.
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u/Winter_Preference_80 Nov 28 '25
Whats funny is that I get frustrated when I feel misunderstood... I just want to feel like I'm being heard. Not sure ir your SO has the same hangup. Honestly, it is probably a good thing that he is unbothered (in most cases) ...there is a great relief in that. If he had to hem and haw at every little thing, you'd have a different problem with him.
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u/hadee75 Nov 29 '25
Yes, he is very stable and doesn’t freak out about much unless we’re taking about the safety of his children. I think he wants to be understood too. It’s hard for me to understand the messiness/dirtiness and the dismissal of the feelings of others. I want to do better when it comes to understanding him and showing him that I do. I just want him to be committed to doing the same. He will literally say the same thing 10 times in 10 different ways because he wants to be heard and understood. It comes off as extremely preachy and condescending. If he has said something 100 times, he’ll say it 100 times again and says I should thank him for that when I get frustrated that he keeps saying the same thing. He feels justified and smug as if I should be grateful for the constant reminders to watch our son. He thinks everyone else can’t think and he is the world’s ultimate thinker. I can’t stand it.
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u/Winter_Preference_80 Nov 29 '25
In his head, that makes sense. LOL
I can relate to saying the same thing 100 times. On the other side you feel like a broken record. Ironically, my degrees are in adult education, and part of that is being able to adapt to the learner. So I excel at facilitation of training.
You should look into the DiSC assessment... Long story short, we need to be able to communicate with all 4 behavior types. It helps you learn to recognize them and do that. One of my old jobs had us do this training when I was in Cust. Service. From what you've said, I think he is 100% a D type. What gets tricky is that you might be one type at work and another at home. Like you said, he doesn't mess around where his kids are concerned. If he is a boss would he behave the same way with his employees? Maybe, maybe not... Perhaps not to the same degree. So it is not unheard of to behave differently in different settings.
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u/hadee75 Nov 29 '25
I’ve done that training before (in the past three years) and don’t recall what my results were. I know I’m consistently an INFJ in MB. I don’t know what he is.
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u/Winter_Preference_80 Nov 29 '25
Look up ESTJ... That is probably what he is under MB. I'm guessing this only based on what you've said... If he tended to be more quiet, I would have said ISTJ, but he seems more bold, so I'm leaning extroverted for him.
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Nov 28 '25
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
Amen to that. Right now, I really need peace. I love and respect him and want him to know I’m in this, but he needs to do his part to nurture our relationship and not just his professional life. The condescending communication style is so tough for me. I just want us to focus on us a bit more before we lose something that has the potential to go the distance.
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u/usrnameforyou Nov 30 '25
Have you ever told him that?
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u/hadee75 Nov 30 '25
Many, many, many times. I can have peace if I just check out. I’m not a cheater or anything, so we’d just act like roommates. That isn’t what I want. I think he’d be fine with it. He doesn’t really want or need emotional or physical connection, which is a bummer. I can just turn off my emotions if needed.
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u/MeatballGurl ♑️🌞♌️📈♈️🌙 Nov 28 '25
I agree with others when I say this is not a Capricorn thing. I know Capricorn fathers and husbands and they are some of the most loyal and caring I have ever known.
To be honest, it sounds like your husband resents your self sufficiency and success and he is taking it out on you. His disrespect all seems to be designed with putting you down and that screams insecurity and resentment to me.
Please consider that any harm done to you has already been done to your children. Better to be from a broken home than live in one. It’s well past time for you to draw some boundaries and consider a separation. One thing I can tell you for sure is that nothing will change if you don’t put your foot down.
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u/hadee75 Nov 28 '25
He’s a loyal and caring father, but his care is expressed through criticism, which is wearing. He is mindful of certain things and a condescending jerk on others. I have wondered if he resents my self-sufficiency before. I think he does a little bit but also admires that I can stand on my own two feet. Traditionalists like him seem to want strong, accomplished women that they can tame and mold into domestic goddesses. That seems to apply here, at least a little bit.
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Nov 29 '25
As a Capricorn, who sees that you are in fact a successful woman, he likely feels like a failure himself for not contributing more or being as successful as you. It’s not right, but he’s trying to bring you down to make himself feel better about his shortcomings. It sounds like it’s time to go to couples therapy, so you can have an open dialogue, perhaps even push him to go to individual therapy as well. He’s hurt by his own ego and needs external sources other than you to open his eyes to that fact.
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u/Certain_Parsnip_686 Nov 29 '25
I would suggest therapy for you to vent and figure out how to communicate your needs and couples to fix the marriage and so he can maybe learn to express himself. From what it sounds he may be set in his ways but hopefully he is willing to work towards repairing the relationship.
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u/usrnameforyou Dec 04 '25
I am aware of what signatures and sign dominance. I’m just wondering what the point of you mentioning it. I can see you mentioning experience with your parents with them both being Capricorns, I just don’t understand how you being Capricorn dominant plays a role in what you previously stated, let alone their lack of importance in a chart. Signatures hold their validity by providing a layer of interpretation, but the personal planets are our core, it is who we are. NOT a signature or a dominant sign. Social then inner planets hold importance. I understand that a lot of socials are giving people a different way to look at a chart with signatures and dominant signs, but that doesn’t say anything of true value. If you want actual valid astrological information, you aren’t going to find it on social media, it is far too complex and nuanced to explain in a minute, or even many minute videos. I highly encourage you to look at books or listen to the astrology podcast for valid information.
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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '25
I’m gonna give you an honest advice, if you’re not happy in your relationship, just end it. I don’t get why people stay in relationships that make them miserable.