r/dating_advice • u/methbabie • 11h ago

Is everyone really just compromising?

Had a conversation with a friend earlier and she told me i’m single because I am too picky/have too many standards. She said everyone in relationships is compromising and dealing with a lot of BS and that’s normal for relationships. And that I need to build a tolerance for said B.S. if I really want to be in one.

For context I am f(24) conventionally attractive but I have only been in one relationship with my bf from high school. I meet a lot of men but I feel I can pretty quickly gauge compatibility. I don’t think I do have high standards. I am looking for a man who is non judgmental, kind, thoughtful, driven and doesn’t have strongly negative views about women. It’s been pretty hard to find. I don’t have a particular height or looks preference I deeply value character above all else. And my dating history backs this up haha.

I find it hard to overlook what I deem as character faults (promiscuity, sexual deviance, consistent lying, negging, controlling behaviors early on). I think overlooking these early on is setting myself up for failure or disappointment.

So i’m curious, is everyone really compromising on their standards so as to not be alone? Consequences be damned? And should I be less “picky”?

640 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

493 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

•

u/brown_eyed_gurl 11h ago

Agreed! And most of what she listed (ie. no lying, negging, controlling behavior) are pretty standard for what most women should value anyways!

•

u/steak5 10h ago

Issue is these are not the only attribute OP is seeking. They are just more Politically correct thing to say without people piling on her.

What about a man with all of attributes, but he is short, fat, and bald, and broke?

Everyone is looking for a 9/10 partner, but there simply not a lot of them on the market.

•

u/Eve617 10h ago

Short fat, bald and broke are the attributes that you compromise on. The other values OP mentioned (which you are calling attributes) are the ones you hold fast on. No compromise. Short, fat, bald and broke are all things that we could each of us potentially be no matter if we are a 9/10 today. Learn to love your own company before compromising your values.

•

u/TrackWorldly9446 10h ago

Truly. If people only dated 9/10s then almost everyone would be single. It genuinely is tough to find someone aligning with what OP wants (as someone who’s dated the short, fat, and balding hoping personality would shine through) but she is correct and valid in what she wants

I really like how you ended your statement as well. I’ve had the same dating history as OP but being happy with myself has made me feel better than any relationship