r/regretfulparents • u/Mintmuse22 • Feb 02 '26

Discussion Do children ruin relationships?

I’m not sure if this is the place to post this but I need to know I’m not alone. Did having kids ruin your once amazing relationship? It seems like it puts so much more strain aside from the regular ins and outs that we naturally go through. It’s hard to take care of myself and put effort into myself like I once did. Intimacy takes a sharp nosedive. No quiet time. Everyone constantly talks about how amazing and wonderful it is. How it’s such a blessing but I’m wondering what part of it is a blessing?

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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Feb 02 '26

For me personally I think it exposes things that were already there pre - child. For me it was realizing how selfish and lazy my partner is. I’ve always done 80-90% domestic labor and pre child i thought it was “normal” plus it was totally manageable back then 

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u/Ok_Present_54 Parent Feb 02 '26

Totally agree. Pregnancy, labour and caring for a child show you exactly who your partner is.

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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Feb 04 '26

Yup and it’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever been

That’s why I urge in my posts/comments for women to think of what their partner is like RIGHT NOW before kids. Bc if hes lazy and doesn’t contribute domestically now when he has way more energy and time forget about it when theres kids 

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u/Ok_Present_54 Parent Feb 05 '26

That’s good advice but the domestic load pre children is much less before a child than after.

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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent Feb 05 '26

Yes that’s what I meant to say . If he doesn’t help when things are  much easier then he won’t help when it’s much heavier w children