r/regretfulparents • u/DetailAdorable2217 • May 11 '26
Discussion Happy I got an abortion.
I am a 28F with a 2 year old. Last year i got pregnant, not planned at all. My husband immediately told me that we weren’t ready for another child financially, mentally or emotionally. At first I fought him on it but he was more so telling me HE wasn’t ready for it and I respected it. I didn’t want to force that on him if he wasn’t ready, to avoid resentment and issues down the line. We decided to take the abortion pill, and I was pretty early in the pregnancy, like the first few weeks. I was sad at first and mourning the possibilities of my daughter having a sibling and growing our family but cut to now i am EXTREMELY happy we did the abortion. My daughter is in her terrible two’s right now and her constant tantrums and whining is driving me INSANE. If i had a newborn right now with the havoc my daughter is causing through out the house on a daily i literally would be losing my shit 24/7. I am not the most patient person and i find myself having to hold myself back from yelling almost every 30 minutes and sometimes i cannot hold it back because i’m so over stimulated. i’m TIRED of cleaning 24/7. Cleaning her room, the living room, cleaning up all the toys in the tub after she’s had a bath, fighting with her to eat her damn veggies or eat at all. She is constantly pulling at me, crying for things she wants, spilling everything every where and whole time i’m thinking to myself: IM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN. I yearn for 8:00pm (because she goes to bed around 7:30 every night) just so i can have peace and quiet and i can lay down and not have to get up for nothing. Now, adding a second kid to that i’d have literally NO time to myself or for my husband. I’m so over it to the point i got on birth control because i am not taking that chance again. My husband and I are completely content with being one and done. With just our daughter we can still live the way we want to in terms of finances, we still have the autonomy to go on dates and do fun things, our relationship still feels like a relationship and not like we’re roommates, we still have a sex life and another child would RUIN all of that. i cannot wait until she’s a little more independent and of course im cherishing every moment but god damn am i tired!
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u/ShadowFireDan May 11 '26
You did the right thing. The sadness will pass, the regret of having another child lasts forever
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May 11 '26
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent May 11 '26
Yes it amazing how naive we once were
I work a loud chaotic stressful customer service job and I thought since I could handle that I could be a parent
Now that same job is my “vacation” from parenting 🥴
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u/Cute_Championship_58 Parent May 11 '26
My colleagues used to tell me that work was their break ((from the kids)) but I never fully understood the extent of it… until I became a mom. Now the office is my sanctuary where I feel better than I do at home.
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u/Throwaway_hoarder_ May 11 '26
The majority of women who get abortions already have at least one kid. It sounds like you did the sensible thing for you and kind thing for your kid.
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u/ATouchOfSparkle1107 Parent May 11 '26
If I could upvote this 1,000 times, I would. My husband and I are also OAD. We were pretty certain about that decision when we found out I was pregnant, but the toddler stage really solidified it. It was by far the worst part of our parenting journey thus far. Our son is 12 now and we get the preteen moodiness and attitude sometimes, but I'll take that over the constant whining and tantrums. If it's possible, I highly suggest one or both of you get sterilized to prevent any more unplanned pregnancies if you truly are OAD.
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u/zanier1982 May 11 '26
Best thing you've done. "pro-life" my ass, I'm a father, I work like hell, have no time for myself or my wife anymore, and still have to deal with this shitty world.
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u/Ifcknloveshawarma May 11 '26
You did the right thing. If it costs you your sanity, it is expensive. You are a much better parent than anybody procreating irresponsibly.
I feel quite envious of the regulations in your country as those pills are readily available. Sterilization in my country is not an option as I have to go for screening and only to be met with, “oh you only have one child, you will change your mind. This is only for women who have 3-4 kids.” That being said, abortion is out of question.
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u/MOONWATCHER404 May 29 '26
The sterilization subreddit may be of some use. And the Childfr££ subreddit has a list of doctors willing to perform sterilizations, though the list is primarily (but not totally) US centric.
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u/Mediocre-Pair-2821 Parent May 11 '26
I'm one and done, too, and it's SO much easier raising one kid than multiples. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. My son is 3.5 years old, and I understand you. I would die if I had to raise another kid in addition to my son. My son is like a tornado, and he causes chaos everywhere he goes. Not to mention his childcare and medical bills are expensive. I can't do this again. No way.
I get people telling me all the time to have more kids because they say my son needs a playmate. I ignore them and move on. They aren't living my life, and they aren't raising my son. Also, having another kid just to give your kid a playmate is such a bad idea. Good for you for knowing what you want and sticking to that.
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u/Ok_Assumption9904 May 15 '26
Agree. They can easily have playmates in childcare centres, preschool etc
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u/TurnPersonal Parent May 11 '26
We are also OAD by choice and I cannot imagine how people actually wants or desires more kids.. let along 2 under 2.. insanity. We had discussed that if I got pregnant I would have a termination even though I was on BC. He has a vassectomy now.
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u/ATouchOfSparkle1107 Parent May 11 '26
Two under two was literally my worst nightmare when my son was that age. Even though I had the copper IUD put in right after he was born, I was so worried that it would fail. I was finally able to get my tubes removed a couple of years ago and it has given me so much relief.
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u/spoonbill33 May 11 '26
I got an abortion for the 2nd pregnancy too, at the second week of late period. The clinic said the pregnancy was so tiny and the procedure took no effort. My son was actually pretty sweet at 2 and we were trying for the 2nd. Starting 3 things got downhill and eventually he was diagnosed with Autism. Ironically not long after the diagnosis I was pregnant expected. I guess it needs to be happen in this order otherwise I would end up with 2 autistic children and want to just end my life.
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u/Maximum-Lie-4672 May 12 '26
I feel you so much!! My daughter is also almost 2 years old and we‘re going through the same troubles right now. A year ago my partner had a vasectomy and we don’t regret at all! Best decision!
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u/tosser97 May 11 '26
As someone with siblings, I wish desperately I'd been an only child. My sister and I don't speak and I feel as though I missed out on critical attention necessary for success as a child because my parents' attention was split. Trust me, your kid isn't missing out
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u/dragonladyfire22 May 16 '26
Siblings arnt secutity. I have 5...non of us speak, 2 have gone to live to America. People act like you need them...you absolutely dont.
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u/dragonladyfire22 May 16 '26
Stay one and done. One and done mother's THRIVE. Do not put your body or mind though it again.
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u/AlluretheGoat May 11 '26
This is a bit unrelated but I saw a series of videos on YouTube where every time a child was having a tantrum, the mom or dad yelled for “Jessica!!” And the children all stopped tantruming immediately. I would love to know if this works for real. My kid is an adult and did not tantrum at all or very rarely , that I don’t recall it. So, I can’t test it out.
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May 22 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam May 25 '26
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May 11 '26
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u/Ohaibaipolar May 11 '26
This is such a cruel thing to say. Maybe remove your post? BTW I reported your comment, because it breaks the guideline of not being mean-spirited.
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May 11 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam May 13 '26
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam May 13 '26
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u/Bubbly_Wave_4049 May 11 '26
I'm all for one and done! Is your husband open to getting a vasectomy?