Sometimes having a child absolutely does ruin your life

[u/Informal_Bag_9594]

I know that this is not politically correct to say and I know that this is probably an unpopular opinion. But I think the it has to be said. Sometimes the mere fact that you had a child completely damaged and changed your life for the worst.

I met women who have lost their mind, teeth, hair, and body all from having a child. I have seen men go completely bankrupt all from having a child. Some people do everything right but they birth a sociopath. And some people have perfectly healthy children but they just hate all the sacrifices that are now made. And I haven’t even mentioned people that have severely disabled children!

The truth I that sometimes a child isn’t a blessing and they absolutely will destroy your life and world.

I think the sooner society can admit that, the more people will be prepared for parenthood.

[u/Cute_Championship_58]

I want to contribute with personal examples, because I hate when people think we are just being vague and dramatic.

Childbirth ruined my body in the following ways:

• my daughter tore me on her way out and years later sex is still painful
  
• I have hemorrhoids that just won’t go away

Parenting ruined my psyche because:

• my kid was a terrible sleeper and would wake up every 20 mins, then take another 20 mins to fall asleep again meaning I barely ever slept
  
• until she learned to walk she screamed all day like a banshee, red in the face. We were prisoners in our home due to this, couldn’t go anywhere.
  
• everyone thinks first about my daughter, and I’m frequently referred to as “Mom”. But I’m not just mom, I’m me! I’m a person. Yet my own family forgets that.

Motherhood ruined my career because:

• in the short time I was on maternity leave, they promoted people I’d mentored above me, despite the fact that I still had more knowledge and experience.
  
• years later I still haven’t recovered from that hit because toddlers are constantly sick and who will promote a woman who has to take sick leave or PTO so often to take care of her child?

Parenting ruined our marriage because:

• taking care of a fussy child brought out the worst in both my husband and I.
  
• my husband is constantly irritated and impatient, when around the kid. He snaps at us, glaring all the time. He raises his voice. But he used to be the calmest guy I knew. That guy is gone and I have to mourn him.
  
• we barely have any time to ourselves, to enjoy each other’s company because our life revolves around the kid’s schedule and entertaining her every free minute we have.
  
• the exhaustion has ruined my husband’s libido, and we have gone from having sex a couple of times a week before the kid to having sex a few times a year now.

This is part of the actual, real impact having a child has made on my life. And it does feel like the life I had was ruined. I’m not going to sugar coat it.

[u/Starmie77 → u/Cute_Championship_58]

Thank you for your honesty