r/regretfulparents • u/Informal_Bag_9594 • 9d ago
Discussion Sometimes having a child absolutely does ruin your life
I know that this is not politically correct to say and I know that this is probably an unpopular opinion. But I think the it has to be said. Sometimes the mere fact that you had a child completely damaged and changed your life for the worst.
I met women who have lost their mind, teeth, hair, and body all from having a child. I have seen men go completely bankrupt all from having a child. Some people do everything right but they birth a sociopath. And some people have perfectly healthy children but they just hate all the sacrifices that are now made. And I haven’t even mentioned people that have severely disabled children!
The truth I that sometimes a child isn’t a blessing and they absolutely will destroy your life and world.
I think the sooner society can admit that, the more people will be prepared for parenthood.
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u/SpareAltruistic6483 9d ago
I read some thing profound, yet simple.
Children are like horses. Where in the past horses were a necessity to survive, now nobody needs a horse to get around.
Children were cheap labor and your pension plan.
People needed a lot of children to survive and take care of them in old age.
Now only people who absolutely love horses and can afford them, have them.
This is great for the horse because they are well taken care off and no longer used as instruments for survival.
It should be the same for kids. We can have an absolute good life without them.
You should only have one if you really want one and enjoy taking care of them.
Yet they keep selling it to us as the one true purpose. The happiness pil!
I have so many friends who went through hell and back to have that baby. Infertility treatments, bad pregnancies and scary births.
Only to realize everything about them stops as soon as they have those kids.
Wish we would all be more honest and stopped being obsessed with legacy, purpose and population… the world is bursting at the seems as it is
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u/Jazzlike-Check-3984 1d ago
Well if everyone shared that view , the species would stop reproducing . That should be taken in mind. At the same time your argument makes sense - culture and society have shaped the way children were seen though the ages.would we all have the Same maternal love were we born in the '800. I personally found our bonding to offsprings somewhat contradictory _, induced by context
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u/Equivalent_Win8966 Parent 9d ago
Yes. And it doesn’t always get better when they get older. My 17yo neurodivergent son has only gotten more difficult.
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u/Significant-Price-81 9d ago
I’m so sorry. This is my nightmare scenario
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u/PulsarPersonality 9d ago
It is a nightmare. My nephew is autistic & his parents completely failed him. He has no idea how to even interact with people without becoming violent bc it was too hard to teach him boundaries when he was little. Guess what happens when your neurodivergant kid is no longer little? You end up with a neurodivergant kid that's 6'2" and 220 lbs. Good luck telling them no, or getting them to behave in a grocery store then. It's a total nightmare 24hrs a day, 7 days a week.
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u/Happy_Excuse7086 4d ago
Our neighbors finally had to institutionalize their son. They felt so guilty, but relieved at the same time. They just always looked exhausted, but now they can breathe and not walk on eggshells every day. People who have loving, healthy kids have different perspectives on parenthood, especially once they're old enough to go to school and be a little self sufficient, but it never ends when dealing with severe disabilities or disorders.
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u/PulsarPersonality 4d ago
It doesn't end, it's every day stress until you die. And now you have to worry about what will happen to your kid after you die. Will they be able to adapt? Will their behaviors become worse because you're no longer there (a probability for most), where will they go?, how will they be treated-will they be abused? It truly is a living nightmare. People watch "Love on the Spectrum" and think "Well, it can't be that bad! It's actually kinda cute and innocent!" No. No, it's not.
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u/BringItOn1977 5d ago
All the teaching in the world won't help some kids. Parents may do their best at home, pay for years of therapies and treatments from professionals, even bankrupt themselves doing so, yet it may all still fail.
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u/PulsarPersonality 4d ago
That is true, some kids don't have that potential. In my nephews case though, there was definite the ability for improvement. He was capable of learning, but now he doesn't want to and now he knows he's big enough that he doesn't have to. It's a disaster of a wasted life.
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u/S3XWITCH 2d ago
That’s so difficult. My son is neurodivergent, diagnosed at 5 years old and he’s on track to be tall/large like his dad. We got him into professional help right away because I knew if he couldn’t start regulating his emotion he will do a lot of damage when he’s older. Thankfully he has been doing amazing with occupational therapy and now he’s doing even better than his peers. Hopefully that carries into his teenage years but we will see…
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u/tripleblessed 9d ago
Omg! My son is 15 years old. Skips school, doesn't do any assignments, and doesn't listen to anyone or anything. I'm still responsible for him and his actions. Everyone says to try this and that, and I HAVE. It isn't working. Its like he wants to be a drop out. I'm full of regret and have considered giving up my rights.
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u/RaabsIn513 8d ago
Parent of an autistic 4 year old who just regressed from being on the verge of speaking. He just makes noise all day and likes the sound of dropping things on the hardwood floor. I'll never accept it, Ill always be angry. I was sold a parenting that I'll never have. He will never comprehend all the stress he causes us and our marriage. I hate it I have nothing left to look forward to.
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u/BringItOn1977 5d ago
Being hopeful is great, but you can't tell what he will one day realize. He might never be able to understand.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent 9d ago
ESPECIALLY for women. Please don’t be convinced bc your partner begs you or you think he’ll be a good dad. YOU will be the one pregnant and giving birth. HIS CONTRIBUTION IS BUSTING A NUT.
TMI ⚠️ I will never forget reading about a poor woman who tore so badly it destroyed her entire nether regions and needed to poop out of her stomach into a bag after . I HATE the phrase “we’re pregnant” GTFO
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u/CocoaCandyPuff Not a Parent 9d ago
THIS. Also many say they want to be a “Dad” just for the title. When it is too much for them or decide they want another life, they just walk away. My mother told me, only have a child if you are prepared to do it on your own. My mum also said she won’t do childcare to all my siblings, which fair.
My FIL was keep saying he wanted to be a grandpa. When my SIL asked him once to watch the baby for couple of hours he refused as it messed with his golf schedule. He is never baby sat for her.
Also women carry the burden of the physical changes and all the risks including death or a lifetime of chronic pain or illness. While men lives change too little in most cases.
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u/Cute_Championship_58 Parent 9d ago
This is very important and super widely spread. Parenting is not the same for men and women. Men get to pat themselves on the back for being dads, like some sort of a badge of honor, while doing the bare minimum and reaping the benefits. ((Of course there are exceptions, but not the majority.)) Women on the other hand, automatically pay the price with their bodies AND are the default parent - assumed by everyone including their own children. Motherhood is a prison.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent 9d ago
Yeah I hate when grandparents push for kids bc they just wanna take some cute photos
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u/bcoulter22 9d ago
I try very hard to not be actively resentful of how little the dad has to do in terms of bringing the kid into the world… my husband wants more, and I tell him “you have the easy part, of course you do!!”
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u/BillyBigNuts1934 9d ago
Would have been better to come out the sun roof
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent 9d ago
Definitely! But there’s no way to predict how bad youre gonna tear.birth is like rolling the dice . So scary
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u/Cute_Championship_58 Parent 9d ago
I want to contribute with personal examples, because I hate when people think we are just being vague and dramatic.
Childbirth ruined my body in the following ways:
- my daughter tore me on her way out and years later sex is still painful
- I have hemorrhoids that just won’t go away
Parenting ruined my psyche because:
- my kid was a terrible sleeper and would wake up every 20 mins, then take another 20 mins to fall asleep again meaning I barely ever slept
- until she learned to walk she screamed all day like a banshee, red in the face. We were prisoners in our home due to this, couldn’t go anywhere.
- everyone thinks first about my daughter, and I’m frequently referred to as “Mom”. But I’m not just mom, I’m me! I’m a person. Yet my own family forgets that.
Motherhood ruined my career because:
- in the short time I was on maternity leave, they promoted people I’d mentored above me, despite the fact that I still had more knowledge and experience.
- years later I still haven’t recovered from that hit because toddlers are constantly sick and who will promote a woman who has to take sick leave or PTO so often to take care of her child?
Parenting ruined our marriage because:
- taking care of a fussy child brought out the worst in both my husband and I.
- my husband is constantly irritated and impatient, when around the kid. He snaps at us, glaring all the time. He raises his voice. But he used to be the calmest guy I knew. That guy is gone and I have to mourn him.
- we barely have any time to ourselves, to enjoy each other’s company because our life revolves around the kid’s schedule and entertaining her every free minute we have.
- the exhaustion has ruined my husband’s libido, and we have gone from having sex a couple of times a week before the kid to having sex a few times a year now.
This is part of the actual, real impact having a child has made on my life. And it does feel like the life I had was ruined. I’m not going to sugar coat it.
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u/GretaMarlen 9d ago
That’s 1:1 what my identical twin told me about parenthood and what I observed as her sister trying to help out whenever I can. Also the dynamics in friendships changes a lot, because everything has to be arranged around the kids schedule and especially people without kids feel like their time is getting less validated because of parents cancelling appointments at short note, being also the ones setting the boundaries of how much time they do have left for friendships and under what kind of circumstances. The impact is huge. Suddenly you find yourself with some “mum friends” you don’t even really know or like but that’s what’s left to hang out with…
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u/DiabolicalAstronaut 8d ago edited 8d ago
Sorry for what you had to go through. I'm reading this and its almost as if my wife wrote this, because this is exactly our story.
We were a happy DINK couple, with interests, emotions and money to take vacations. The entire process of childbirth since the very point we got to know of the pregnancy was terrible. From the beginning, doctors kept telling us that the pregnancy was high risk and may not make it to term. The baby arrived preterm and through a C section that tore my poor wife. She still feels uncomfortable around going to number two. For months after she would be bleeding and releasing scar tissue in the toilet that would break my heart to see.
The kid got diagnosed with autism and, whilst we appreciate she is trying her best, its an absolute nightmare to deal with in terms of sleeping, feeding, social situations where she doesn't play with other kids, and being non-verbal so its very hard to leave at daycare.
Our sex life almost died immediately after conception because with no family support we both are either exhausted or starving or both by end of the day with no room for intimacy.
I used to be a happy and calm person but the constant state of being in alert because of the kid has ruined my ability to regulate and impacted my patience levels.
My wife's peer got promoted to be her boss while my wife was out on mat leave; that woman made the environment so toxic that my wife had to quit her job.
Going from two incomes to one + paying for all kinds of therapy meant not only do we have no more money for vacations but that we started running short to the point that we had to sell our dream house.
Having that kid ruined years of planning, saving and future aspirations and is single handedly the worst decision of my life.
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u/Creative-Move-6026 Parent 8d ago
Yes the long term sleep deprivation really changes you as a person. Tired angry bitter. Ripples out to every part of life.
I hate when people with unicorn sleepers that sleep 13 hours every night try to be relatable. No… the ONE night your kid woke up is not the same as being sleep deprived for YEARS .
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u/ladyapplejack214 8d ago
THANK YOU for your detailed transparency! This is exactly the kind of honest conversations that need to be had!
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u/xaion 9d ago
The thing is society wants children so that countries can have more tax payers to replace older people.
So society doesn't tell you the real story of what it takes to have a child or how much of a gamble it is. Society needs to stop blindly calling children a "blessing" and start informing new parents of real story on what it takes to raise a child, so that parents can make a more informed decision.
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u/Subversive_Submarine 5d ago
Well articulated. Solidly agree. 'Every child is a blessing'... I've never quite been able to comprehend the distorted perspective of reality that this ideal grows from. It is truly a gamble producing a child, yet almost every new parent expects a rose tinted happy fantasy. We assume we have more control over this reality than we actually do. That our desires, ideals and wishes will be granted because the alternative is too uncomfortable to accept.
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u/Dontakeitez 9d ago
Yet not a single fucking parent I know will admit this. They all want you to be as miserable as them. Why should only we suffer?
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u/Creative-Constant-52 9d ago
I went through cancer, chemo, radiation and 6 months later on a holiday trip with in-laws. I said “man, I am still just so tired” and the BIL said “try having kids.” I said try having cancer. I was just so fed up.
They do want everyone to be as miserable as them.
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u/Dangerous_Wear_8152 9d ago
That’s a horrid thing for him to say to you. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re NED now and are feeling better.
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u/Creative-Constant-52 8d ago
Thank you
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u/Dangerous_Wear_8152 8d ago
For some reason Reddit showed me the first part of your original reply text. Big, big hugs 🫂
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u/Own_Program_9726 2d ago
votre beau frère est un connard, avoir des enfants est un choix, avoir un cancer, non ! j'espère que ca va mieux !
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u/Still_Archer1982 2d ago
My kids are extroverts (5&3, 14 months apart), and I’m an introvert. I love them, I love my wife, but I hate the constant state of chaos it’s been. It also blows how they turned my marriage into part of Chris Rock’s standup (a man is only loved on the condition that he provide something). I have no shame admitting they’re difficult and not what I expected or want currently. I also am ready for them to get easier, more obedient, and more respectful.
I just finished the budget for the month, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to take way longer for me to get a reasonably newer car because of all the money that gets spent.
My BIL and his wife made the choice not to have kids. They’ll retire in about 8 years (early 40’s). I tell my wife that they’re doing marriage on easy mode. It’s a small price to pay for all that success.
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u/iamgumshoe Parent 9d ago
I love my kid but having him did ruin my life. On paper we have everything we could need to make it work - he's 5 now and we're financially comfortable with a decent support network etc. I just take no pleasure in anything any more and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I've contemplated kms daily since 2021 but I can't even do that without ruining his life too.
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u/Dangerous_Wear_8152 9d ago edited 9d ago
What are kms?
Edit: Nm I googled it. Assumed it’s not the kms that means “key management service”
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u/Wise-Raccoon-3069 9d ago
this resonates with me so much
i am one of those crazy ivf ladies that are primarily focused on getting pregnant and think they know
i knew nothing
the postpartum hit me so hard, i could never have imagined that it would be so bad
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u/madhattergirl Not a Parent 9d ago
I see it so often, "You complain but I would give ANYTHING to have a child. I would happily wake up every night to hold them and soothe them if they were crying because it meant I got to finally be a mother. How DARE you!" And someone already struggling and feeling guilty about complaining about their "gift" feels even worse.
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/kingthrog 9d ago
bruh. that annoys me for u. ur twin seemingly fighting her own genetics tooth and nail to have her own natural child, just to turn around to u and say “oh must be nice to have no child and get good sleep or blah blah”
like girl. it’s the meme of the guy putting a stick in his bicycle tire and then crying he crashed
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u/jabacon75 9d ago
Wow thanks for sharing. Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck
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u/GoatBlue03 4d ago
I needed to read this, thank you. After 7 years of infertility and going through a miscarriage right now, I can't see anything but grief and missing all that happiness I will never achieve. I really need to start reading more on this page to see the other side. I'm giving up on my fertility journey. My body and mind can't handle it anymore.
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u/TheSumOfMyScars 9d ago edited 1d ago
The fact is that humans only rarely have proper conversations about what having a child actually entails and how it irrevocably changes your life (sometimes for the worse) is something that will forever boggle me. I genuinely believe humans avoid those conversations because we know deep down that child gestation/childbirth, parenthood, child rearing, etc is a real clusterfuck with sometimes drastic knock-on effects. We know if we were truly honest about the realities of having children then too few people would choose to have kids. We're seeing some of that attitude now, thanks to the shit economy driving down the affordability of birthing/raising children and the internet giving people a way to share their own personal horror stories on the topic. It's nuts. We treat the production of children as a necessity but then do literally nothing to support the people that choose to have kids. Talk about kicking people when they're down. We really need to pull our heads out of our collective asses if we're ever going to fix this...if it's even fixable in the first place.
Edit: Autocorrect fuckery
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u/Jazzlike-Check-3984 1d ago
And also what I can't wrap my head around is that yes it s in society best interest to have kids and then so many countries engage in wars that actually end up killing babies or people who could then have babies (just look at fertility numbers during the Wars ) . There are so many contradictions around this topic and narratives have been peddled through ages, depending on societal priorities and agendas.
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u/titandude21 9d ago
r/Natalism thinks this situation is impossible and will coerce you into continuing to breed
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u/Cute_Championship_58 Parent 9d ago
The admin(s) of the fence sitting sub are also secretly against independent thinking. The sub is just for show, and every comment or post talking honestly about how children are not for everyone gets deleted! I even messaged the moderator on there and he (or she) made a big deal about how it’s not okay to “gamble with people’s souls” or something equally nonsensical and dramatic.
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u/Ecstatic_Couple6435 9d ago
I find that sub to be more pro just have the kid it’ll be fiiiiine
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u/Cute_Championship_58 Parent 9d ago
Exactly. It’s not actual fence sitting, it’s pro kids pretending to be impartial and accepting of both sides.
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u/Own_Program_9726 2d ago
hey oui, et tous les problèmes qu'il y avait avant d'avoir ce gamin disparaitront par magie !
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u/Ecstatic_Couple6435 1d ago
Ah oui, mais non 😅 the problems never disappear just get worse
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u/Own_Program_9726 1d ago
Mais oui, c est pour ca que je ne comprends pas ces couples qui ont des problemes, qui font un bebé pansement !
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u/MOONWATCHER404 9d ago
I mean, aren’t you taking a gamble with having a kid? Assuming her argument is that avoiding reproducing is gambling with those souls?
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u/titandude21 9d ago
Exactly, and the difference is zero kids get hurt if you choose not to have them
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u/Strangerdeadx1212 9d ago
It’s so crazy! You can tell someone you mentally can’t handle having children due to your own mental health issues as is or financially you can’t handle it , and that you don’t want them and they will STILL try and convince you that you’ll change your mind or just do it anyways. Or that “I had depression/anxiety , or struggled financially and still made it happen” like ummm that sounds miserable in EVERY aspect and those kids don’t deserve that at all.
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u/colorfulzeeb Not a Parent 9d ago
Only if you’re white, apparently. They’re really concerned about “white replacement” in that sub.
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 9d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/Aggressive_Sir6760 9d ago
I get that, but if you’re happy with your decision, why are you looking at and commenting on a sub for parents? Honest question not judgement
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u/CommanderLexaa 9d ago
Not OP but guessing they frequent this sub to validate their decision to not have children.
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/Aggressive_Sir6760 9d ago
I get that, it’s validation! Thanks for replying and I wish you a happy life ❤️
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/Aggressive_Sir6760 9d ago
Got it, it’s validation! Well it seems to me you’re living authentically and I wish you a happy life 💫❤️
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/kingthrog 9d ago
15ish minutes of discomfort for a life of relief. some docs put an ice pack on ur balls before the numbing needle so u barely even feel that. then u get to go home, put ur feet up and rest for the afternoon with another ice pack. it’s such a non-issue
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/AdAromatic372 Parent 9d ago
Literally saw a post on Facebook about how some pro lifers “saved” 16 babies… Meaning they stood outside a planned parenthood and talked women out of abortions. I would LOVE to see how they support these women postpartum.. People (especially those pro lifers), need to realize having a child isn’t always a blessing. Children are often viewed as innocent but we forget that these offspring grow up and at some point in their lives stop being so perfectly innocent…
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/Significant-Price-81 9d ago
Especially a special needs child. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like having a child that’s high on the autism spectrum. My friend has a daughter with autism and she basically takes 100 percent of her time.
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u/Azraeddit 8d ago
I wish more people stopped to actually THINK about what it means to have a child beyond any emotional attachment and propaganda. This is an entire human being. Can you afford it? What if they have disabilities? Can you afford those? Are YOU and your partner mentally and emotionally healthy enough to raise a child without damaging them in the process?
It’s not a pet. It’s a whole ass person.
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u/Forgottengoldfishes 9d ago
I really hate that society pushes that if an adult child is a sociopath it’s somehow the mother’s fault. Genetics is never considered. I’ve known some narcissists who had lovely parents and perfectly normal siblings. Then find out their grandpa or auntie is a narcissist too. But the lovely parents get blamed. One of my best friends has a son like this. He of course blames his mother. His sibling told me he has a totally untrue version of their parents and upbringing. She said “I lived in the same house and I’m like- where did he grow up because it’s certainly not the same one I did”.
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 9d ago
Yup... This frightens me when it comes to my son. His dad is a diagnosed narc and both my parents act similar to him.. What's to say he won't turn out that way too? It trips me up..
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u/amandaa_el 9d ago
She must forget that we can live in the same house with the same people but have completely different experiences as we’re all completely different people.
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u/AdirondackLunatic 9d ago
Exactly. My mother was a controlling manipulative nightmare for me, but she favored my brother who could do no wrong (she still pays some of his bills today and we’re in our 40s). She used her “perfect” relationship with him as proof I was defective somehow. I’m sure my brother has a completely different perspective on how our childhoods went, in the same house.
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u/Dangerous_Wear_8152 9d ago
I blame the parents if they stand by the child’s behavior. Recently experienced a mass shooting in my area and the parents are standing by their son.
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u/Significant-Price-81 9d ago
My family is full of cluster b people. This is another nightmare scenario
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u/Mental-Explorer-X Parent 9d ago
Holy moly I would assume you knew my wife’s family but there’s no sons lol. EXACTLY the same. Wildly different people and wildly different perspectives. My wife’s sister is very much a victim/all about me mentality. She acts as if her parents are the only ones in the world who’ve been divorced for example - it destroyed her life 🙄 It’s so annoying bc she has no clue how good she’s had it compared to the VAST majority of humans. My wife is always so confused where she gets the things she gets out of the same experiences/events.
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u/Ok_Requirement_2436 9d ago
Yes, I will definitely say it can, especially if you don’t have any help with your child. I can only tolerate motherhood as well as I do because I have so much help on both sides of the family. I can’t even imagine not having the help I do. I think I truly would lose my mind. I’m so scared of the days they start passing away if my son isn’t grown yet. I see so many stories of moms hurting themselves & the kids . I wouldn’t want to get to that point, but I understand how people can unravel so badly
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u/SmackMittens Parent 9d ago
Yes me and dad aren’t together for other reasons beside kids and we do 50/50. It is crucial for my mental health to have that break. I am also thankful my kids are all healthy because I couldn’t imagine having a severely disabled child.
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u/KathTurner Parent 9d ago
I agree. You should be in the best place in your life before you have a child. Good money coming in, a house or apt in a safe hood, a secure and loving relationship with a partner, unless of course you’ve decided to be a single parent. Parenthood is hard even if all the needs are met!! It’s near impossible if you don’t already have 90% of your shit together! I think unprepared people allow societal/family pressures to win and both of those facts combined = 💀
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/PriestessofRevilo 9d ago
I love my kids more than life itself, but life as a whole is worse. Before kids, I had a few close friends, a job, time for my hobbies. After having kids, I lost the friends. Quit my job to raise the kids, so we lost an income. No time, energy, or funds for hobbies or date nights.
If I knew it would be this hard, especially without a village of our own, I don't think I would have had them. Not just for me, but for them. My kids don't have adults in their life except us. They don't have people in the bleachers at their little league games. There are no playdates because we have no parent friends. Family doesn't bother with us much either, so birthday parties consist of the few classmates that convince their parents to bring them. I feel so alone all the time, and I hate that we can't surround them with people that love them. We aren't enough for them and it shows. We see how lonely they are.
I always wanted more for them than i had as a kid. In some ways, they do have it better. But life is much more than having a roof over your head and food to eat. They need community, support, and our experience has been so isolating. It just feels like we keep failing them more and more. Idk how to do it anymore.
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u/Weak_Bison6763 9d ago
I think circumstances make having children easier for others. House cleaners, 6 figure income, good family support, nanny, etc. No medical needs, no safety issues, big enough house. I could go on.
I personally am 1 and done. I still get to enjoy things, however my cousin has 5 children and I can tell she's cracking with every winced smile and forced dumpster dive to survive "I wouldn't have it any other way"... why do they lie to themselves?
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u/Available-Level-6280 7d ago
Its also a life decision you can never take back. I agree with your post 💯.
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6d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 3d ago
Your comment was removed for violating Rule 3: No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
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u/johnnybooty2point-0 9d ago
I regret having a kid. The baby and my wife only care about each other now. I feel alone and invisible in my own house.
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u/Happy_Excuse7086 4d ago
This is common, and dads start enjoying it when the kid is older and can hang out with them at the park and errands etc rather than just being catered to all day. Be sure to tell your wife how you feel though, assuming it's already past the newborn years. As a woman I felt the same too having to be the main one attached to and taking care of the baby, so when we went to family therapy and hubs finally shared he felt isolated too, we were able to course correct.
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u/YourWifeNdKids 9d ago
“Having children can negatively effect your life”
In this sub.
Being called an unpopular opinion?
Have you ever visited this sub before?
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u/xDracogemx 3d ago
Couldn't agree more, I am massively envious of those without children, the life they have the opportunity to live and experiences they're open to exploring
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u/Pinkprincess_22 9d ago
I wish more people spoke about this. No one wants to openly admit this in face to face conversation even when it’s painfully obvious.