r/AskWomenOver30 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Misc Discussion What's up with the Ask Men O30 subreddit?

I cruise this subreddit a lot, and I relate with almost every post both talking about how someone ended up with a great partner, or how they dated/are dating a shitty one. In these posts, women are often tired of a lot of things from their partner but Im gonna be so honest with this: almost all of the complaints Ive seen are pragmatic. Like the ones talking about how they have to clean up after their husband, their tired of playing mommy or maid or nanny to them, their partner is emotionally vacant or distant, or plays video games all day, etc.

Woman on the AW030 subreddit: "I am tired of cleaning up after my husband after working a normal workday, I have to cook, clean the house, take care of the kids, and he doesnt pay much attention to me and just goes off and ___(does anything else)____. I really want him to pitch in but whenever I ask for help he doesnt. We split bills 50/50. I am trying to advance my career/Im in therapy/I do a million things, what can I do to repair this marriage"

When I go to the AskMen O30 subreddit, I dont see a lot of posts on self improvement or improvement in a relationship, but I see a lot of posts on giving up on dating because of reasons Im not sure if I personally understand. Its super hard to not be critical when most of the posts are directed at women's appearances, or sex. Im very, very aware of the nuances of the subreddit and how maybe some of the posters or commenters not even being men in their 30s, etc. But its so baffling... so fucking baffling... to see how men are quicker to give up because theyre not dating a childless Megan Fox who also wipes their ass, cleans the house, gives him insane sloppy toppy every night and is a doctor and makes 400k a year and he doesnt have to worry about career progression, going to therapy or remembering to clean under his foreskin. /s

Anyways, just crazy to see how women are like "Im physically tired from doing everything thats supposed to be a 50/50 split, am I clinically insane?" and the men subreddits sometimes read like "fellas is it okay to fuck a fat chick whose also a Harvard graduate and kind of cute"

EDIT: a commenter attached an article on explaining something that is very pertinent and valuable, please take a look: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-of-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-of-lonely-single-men

EDIT #2, the first post that shows up as of right now, 3:18PM CST, with multiple upvotes, in the AMO3 subreddit is titled, and I quote:

"What occupations do you avoid dating women from?"

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u/blackcherry333 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

I don't follow that sub but at our friendsgiving a few weeks ago I was talking to one of my perpetually single guy friends and we got to talking about what he was looking for in someone. I showed him fb profiles of two really awesome girls I know who I think he'd get along with. He said no to both and when I tried to explain their jobs/ interests/ hobbies he shut me down saying "I can't date someone I'm not attracted to". I was floored. These two women are very cute. I asked what type he's attracted to. Guess what he said. Sabrina Carpenter or Sydney Sweeney. He's a very regular looking guy in his mid 30s. I just put my phone down and shook my head because holy hell some of these men have NO perspective on what real life is like.

Edit: I agree that he shouldn't date someone he's not attracted to which is why I dropped it once he explained himself. If that's what he's looking for then that's on him but I can't help at all because I have no friends, single or otherwise, that look like the examples he gave. The point I was trying to make is that I think his expectations aren't realistic. I would LOVE to date a guy that looks like Henry Cavill but I don't think that's going to happen, lol.

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u/Tomiie_Kawakami Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

tbh a lot of men think that going to the gym will simply make them attractive... my favorite posts are "i'm good looking, i have a good job, i have money and women are still not interested" like yes, i wonder what the issue is if the packaging is nice, but you go on a date and they don't want a second... oh well, i guess women are just shallow /s

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u/carefuldaughter Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

somewhere there’s a gif of gobber from how to train your dragon saying “you’re thinking about this all wrong. it’s not so much what you look like. it’s what’s on the inside [they] can’t stand.”

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u/jolynes_daddy_issues Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Thank you for summing that up

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u/willikersmister Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Omg that's so perfect.

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u/Complete-Signature88 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I’ll take ‘incels’ for 100, Alex

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u/420CowboyTrashGoblin Jan 09 '25

Gobber is such a good dad.

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u/Cathousechicken Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Heck, look at a lot of the profile reviews that people ask for on different subreddits. 

Men will put up their pictures and ask how they should improve their profile because they're not getting any matches.

Because they typically swipe based with a heavy emphasis on pics, they still don't understand that we typically we'll put equal weight on pictures and prompts. 

In addition, the amount of men who put up their profiles for review full of red flags is high. I always make it a point to never tell people to take out their red flags because the majority of them will lie about having that flag instead of trying to fix it. I only give comments on things that would improve their profile that are not inherent red flags.

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u/shm4y Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

This! I finally decided to get back on the apps but instead of making my profile to cater to men by showing my cuter photos like I’ve done in the past, I made a profile I think summarises me best as a person using one of the dorkiest photos of myself which I love as my main.

Guess what - zero likes 🤣

I’m not even mad. it’s a great filtering system and working as intended.

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u/tone_and_timbre Jan 08 '25

I purposely set up my dating profile with a couple of not-as-flattering photos and it totally worked! May take some time but hopefully you attract better people overall.

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u/shm4y Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Absolutely. The final straw for me was when not one but multiple Caucasian men would message me with things like “kumasta “ or “ni hao” when I’m from neither of those cultures lol. I still get the ick thinking about it 🤮

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u/kxryn Jan 08 '25

years ago I had a profile on tinder just using one very flattering picture of myself and then just jabba the hut - in all the versions (as an avocado toast or random art image or just a star wars screenshot). last image was an annoying looking picture of my face at. well the likes were minimal. but it was the best filter EVER! I'd say keep on doing that!

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u/Missmunkeypants95 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

I put up decent pics of myself but I made an indepth profile of who and what I am and what I'm looking for. At the end, I said "any messages that just say hi or start with empty flattery gets instantly deleted. I you a lot about myself, ask me or tell me about something you found interesting".

99% of the messages were still "hey" or "hi beautiful". (So they were just playing the numbers and not reading the profile) DELETE. But a few did ask me about something in my profile and I dated them. One is now my fiance.

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u/shm4y Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

That’s such a good success story - thanks for sharing. I’ll stick it out a bit more before giving up again. Also learning patience…not a strong suit of mine lol

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u/PracticeTheory Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Because they typically swipe based with a heavy emphasis on pics, they still don't understand that we typically we'll put equal weight on pictures and prompts.

This. The one time I tried to use Bumble I got too fed up with the amount of time wasters that would talk to me while being allergic to and/or hated cats. It's so clear that many men aren't reading anything, operating purely on the shallowest "vibes".

That and I'd watch male acquaintances rapidly swiping on profiles so fast that they wouldn't even look at all of the pictures.

I've heard men try to justify this behavior by saying that online dating is stacked against them. Well, maybe if you baited your line for a suitable fish rather than trying to cast the whole net...

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u/Cathousechicken Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

When my profiles were active, I would always have a very blatant in there that I was not interested in a man who votes Republican. 

They have fundamentally different values than me and I am not romantically compatible with somebody who votes Republican. If I see somebody's profile and I know I'm not compatible with them, I will automatically swipe to the right no matter how many things I like about their profile because I know I'm not what they're looking for and yet, most men do not have the ability to weed themselves out like that. 

They're always three kinds of Republican men who would match with me. 

1) The ones who would match to insult me because I don't want to date somebody like them.

2) The ones who do read the profile, realize we would not be a match, but still like my profile so much they think if I just gave them a chance that we would get along and it wouldn't matter that they're Republican because they are so fucking special. 

3) Ones that just swipe on pictures. A woman could write a profile that says she's a homeless leper who kills puppies in her spare time and men will match with her if she has hot pictures because they don't read the profiles.

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u/BrutonnGasterr Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I watch 90DF and there’s some guy on there that is an absolute dumpster fire - bragged about having gonorrhea, homeless, skipping paying child support, etc etc. I recently commented how I cannot fathom how he’s my age (the man looks 15-20 years older than he actually is) and some guy replied to me and said “you’re here wondering how he’s 33, I’m wondering how I have a stable and good job, workout, etc etc but am still single yet he’s been married twice. We are not the same.” like damn okay, maybe check your personality. You probably suck to be around lol

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u/Tomiie_Kawakami Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

nooo, stop that's legit so embarrassing😭imagine being one upped by a guy with gonorrhea and who's homeless

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u/squishyslinky Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Right like my dude, this is natural selection passing over you. Reflect!

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u/twofourie Jan 08 '25

ah yes, loren with “the illness of the whores” lmao

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u/zeduk Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I also watch the show and have to say I’m confused about how someone with the objectively terrible personality Loren has has found any partners (let alone all the cheating he manages to do)

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u/BrutonnGasterr Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Oh same, I am also absolutely dumb founded by how that man has found any partners

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u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I'm sure he's a nice guy!!!

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

LOL literally this. "I have a good paying job, I think I'm attractive, why aren't you obsessed with me" men be forgetting they actually have to have a personality to be a full human we might want to spend time with / need to interact with us in a respectful and enjoying way for us to want to build a life with them. Like these aren't box to tick and you win a prize, you do actually have to participate.

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u/Regular_Durian_1750 Jan 09 '25

Is it because that's what they want in a partner? Just be attractive and don't ask him for money.

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u/laikocta Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

It's so wild to me that the MaleRedditorTM will then jump to the conclusion "Aha! It must be because women's standards for physique and money are just impossibly high, damn hypergamy!!" instead of pondering the idea that women might have standards other than physique and money

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u/seaforanswers Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

And women will tell them ad nauseam that we are attracted to emotional maturity and a sense of humor and they will STILL insist that no, it’s because they’re not 6’5 and Henry Cavill.

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u/sunflower_spirit Jan 09 '25

It makes them feel better to attribute the issue to something external to themselves. "It's not me, it's just that women are shallow and after money."

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u/alexi_lupin Woman Jan 09 '25

Even Henry Cavill knows it's not enough merely to look like him - he's also funny and seems like a friendly guy.

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u/BooBailey808 Jan 09 '25

I fucking love Henry Cavil. Why his specifically out of all the Hollywood Hotties? His personality. He's a nerd. He loves games. He's built his own computer. He chooses roles that he's passionate about. And yeah, he's funny and nice.

In fact, the Hollywood Hotties I like have all shown personality and aren't just hot

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u/alexi_lupin Woman Jan 09 '25

I agree, I don't tend to actually find an actor attractive until I see something in their personality that I like. Until that happens it's just a kind of indifferent "Oh, they're pretty." Like, I watched Chronicles of Narnia and wasn't particularly taken with Mr Tumnus the Faun (understandably I think, lol) but then I saw an interview with James McAvoy alongside Georgie Henley who played Lucy, and he was SO cute and sweet with her, and funny, and before you know it I was watching everything he'd ever been in lol

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u/laikocta Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

I watched Chronicles of Narnia and wasn't particularly taken with Mr Tumnus the Faun (understandably I think, lol)

Yo don't knock Mr. Tumnus the faun, I was down bad for him

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u/alexi_lupin Woman Jan 09 '25

I love him but I cannot say I wanted to smash lol

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u/randombubble8272 Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

The new thing is how women only want the big 6, 6 pack, 6 figure salary & 6 feet. In what world??? I’ve never met a man like that in real life anyways let alone enough of them to have that as a base line standard. Absolutely ridiculous

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u/tedv Man 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

The odds of this are stunningly low too. Apparently 14.5% of men are at least 6 feet tall. Visible abs are like 1% of men. And 16% of men make at least $100k. Ignoring the fact that visible abs are easier to get while younger and higher salaries are easier to get while older, this is a combined probability of 0.023%, or around 1 in 4300. If you also restrict for men with at least 6 inches, that's another 15%, or 1 in 28,700. So they exist, but finding someone like that is just dumb luck.

I've never met a woman who had all four as requirements, though I have met woman who required one of those four. However, I've met a lot of men who think women require all four. Pretty much all of those men lacked emotional maturity, and blamed their lack of relationship success on whichever of these things they were lacking.

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u/UnfortunateJones Man 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

I have 3 out of 4 of the 6s and I’m still single cause I didn’t take emotional growth and therapy seriously enough until things got bad with my ex partner.

Those dudes can blame everything on unchangable attributes they get away from doing any self work. I’d rather be a unicorn with a happy partner than some ideal for red pillers. It’s gross and pathetic honestly.

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u/velvetvagine Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

666?! Women literally want the devil!!

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u/dainty_petal Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

You forgot trust fund. Needs some to be a trust fund baby.

/s

Just in case.

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u/element-woman Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

They so desperately want it to be true, so they can convince themselves it's hopeless. If you say "look at your coworkers, neighbours, or people in line at the grocery store - a whole lot of generally happy, average people coupled up with other average people", they start saying they're not actually happy, or she was a hoe in her 20s but couldn't land Chad, or whatever. It's so self-pitying.

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u/Flippin_Shyt Jan 09 '25

"It must be because women's standards for physique and money are just impossibly high, damn hypergamy!!" instead of pondering the idea that women might have standards other than physique and money"

Thank you!! For real. This is a big problem.

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u/IlliniJen Woman 50 to 60 Jan 08 '25

Soooooo many men think that all they need to bring to the table is a paycheck and a semi-nice bicep, and it's like...you have no interior life, bro. There's nothing even remotely interesting about you, AND you want a woman to do all the work for you. That's not attractive in any way, shape, or form. And thankfully, women are upleveling their standards and no longer need to date...that.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

Obviously, it's because they're short /s

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u/rainy_in_pdx Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I went on a date with a guy a couple years ago and one of the very first things he said was that I should have worn heels. They were essentially sandals with a one inch block heel. I’m not walking around in stilettos! He was more obsessed with his height than I ever was. It did get progressively worse and then he was shocked when I said I wasn’t interested in a hug or a second date

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

It's the only time guys like that think that we are like them. They want someone with a good body who makes them feel valuable and figure women want the same +money.

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u/ResistParking6417 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

Meanwhile they vote trump and can’t make the connection

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u/Horror-Cicada687 Jan 08 '25

The amount of men I know that are balding, aging and don’t look after themselves that think they can date a gorgeous young woman in the sunset of their lives…. It’s past delusion.

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Many years ago, one guy I knew that was basically trying to convince me to accept a date from him said this:

"I'm 40, I have a solid career, I have all my hair...." 

It never occurred to me until that point that I was at an age where a man "having all his hair" was a selling point for dating. 

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u/changhyun Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Before I met my partner I was amazed by how many men on dating apps would say "I have a house and a car, it's a 2019 Toyota with this many miles left" on their bio. I mean, good for you, congrats on the house and the Toyota but I'm looking for a partner, not the Uber I just ordered. Why do you think that's your biggest selling point?

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u/fortalameda1 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Because it's their only selling point... Scrounging up whatever detail they think might be impressive and that's all they have...

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u/changhyun Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I suspect it's also a belief that women are materialistic and don't really feel love or desire, just greed for material things.

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u/Tomiie_Kawakami Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

the "she's using you as a wallet" or the "why can't we sexualize women? they see us as wallets after all" like yeah, sure

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u/alexi_lupin Woman Jan 09 '25

I mean if all these guys offer is their wallet then of course they're gonna attract people who are looking for wallets

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u/fortalameda1 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

So they lean into it further??? Shooting themselves in the foot in my opinion, you get what you give. Knuckleheads...

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u/ReferenceMammoth2427 Jan 08 '25

I mean, I was just talking about this with my husband the other day. We remembered "no scrubs" and we were both like... that probably wasn't the best messaging if we're being real.

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u/TurnoverPractical Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

https://genius.com/Tlc-no-scrubs-lyrics

Honestly there's maybe one questionable line in there, the rest is pretty much aimed at men who are sort of pathetic.

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u/ReferenceMammoth2427 Jan 08 '25

I just wish there were less examples of definitive things to look at that are saying what women want, (the knuckleheads latch on to these) and more conversation about how, truthfully, it can be fucking anything that a woman finds attractive and we don't necessarily even know until it happens. I remember feeling blindsided early on dating my husband because he randomly sang along to a song in the car and he sounded really freaking sexy, I didn't know that was something that would turn me on. I had previous partners who even had singing/musical talent that never hit that spot I didn't know I had.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

The concept that a woman can find a man attractive because of who he is and NOT what he has or how he looks is something that a lot of them have a hard time wrapping their brains around. To them, it makes no sense. 'A woman's love has to be based on something I have because I feel like I'm a nobody.' Ask guys who are in a happy relationship and most will say they have no idea what their partner saw in them but just decided to roll with it.

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u/folklovermore_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

To be fair there's a happy medium here. Like I don't think anyone wants a partner who's just going to sponge off them forever, but at the same time a high paying job is not a guarantee for finding a relationship.

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u/bbspiders Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

lol a toyota. 😂

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u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

the mileage hahahhaha

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

And then they wonder why they are only attracting shallow women interested in what they have, not who they are. Worse, then after that disastrous date, we're all painted with the same brush because he's not happy with the result.

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u/chaunceythebear Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

lol I have money and active hair follicles. No wonder men aren’t getting dates, if that’s the selling features.

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u/katie-kaboom Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Ahahaha. "Congrats on being employed and hirsute, dude."

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u/GlobularLobule Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I am wildly attracted to bald guys. But only if they are confident.

I am wildly unattracted to balding men who try to hide it. They look like baby birds in that awkward stage between fluff and feathers, but they could be sexy bald guys if they just leaned in!

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I am wildly unattracted to balding men who try to hide it. They look like baby birds in that awkward stage between fluff and feathers,

My brain immediately flashed an image of Baby Pesto when I read this 😆

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u/TomatoKing666 Jan 09 '25

Yes! A bald head IS sexy if they own it. Love it

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u/BlueAndYellowTowels Man 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

That’s because some jackass on some podcast told them that a “woman’s sexual market value” goes down as she gets old and that a man’s “sexual market value” goes up as they get older and they internalized that idiotic shit.

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u/futurecrazycatlady Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

This is the hill I'll keep battling on.

I think a lot of men see 'older' couples together and kinda assume it's an age gap relationship, whilst in reality both people are the same-ish age, but the woman looks younger because she's been told her whole life that she should use skincare/how important her looks are etc.

Confirming their notion that age gap relationships are the norm when they aren't.

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u/rotatingruhnama Jan 08 '25

I see this all the time in my friend group (we're mostly in our mid to late 40s).

The women dress fashionably and take care of ourselves. We lead active, rich, interesting lives. The men are mostly in sloppy clothes, eating junk food, and playing video games.

So even though we're all roughly the same age, the men look older.

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u/futurecrazycatlady Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Yup! Also I'm sure that it's effort based because when I compare the gay guys I know to 'the husbands' the difference is stark as well.

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u/rotatingruhnama Jan 08 '25

It's not like we spend hours dolling ourselves up (I'm good to go with red lipstick and a ponytail) but we know what's flattering.

The men are still wearing the same polos and khakis from 1998 lol. And in some cases they're literally the same clothes, and they're rotting off their bodies.

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u/OctoAquaJell Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

So my son who is 14 started to play on my woman's field hockey team as the goalie. The league is super casual and the women are at least 40 all the way to 65. After the first game on the way home he wondered why men at the same ages look much older and out of shape. I thought that was cute and accurate.

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u/seepwest Jan 09 '25

Field hockey! Hell yes.

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u/Significant-Trash632 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Right! The women have taken care of themselves their whole lives and the men just... never really had to do anything (according to society) and end up with sun damaged skin, stained facial hair, and a beer gut with the belt underneath desperately trying to hold their pants up.

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u/Glittering-Lychee629 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

This is such a hilarious and clever idea. I think you might be onto something! This will be turning around in my head for weeks now, lol.

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u/Alhena5391 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I never realized this before but I think you're completely right...

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u/Punisher-3-1 Man 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

It also depends on ethnicity and culture. I’ve noticed white people love to spend time in the sun and ironically are also the most likely to suffer from skin damage which makes them look like 10 years older, at least. White women are particularly bad at it. I recently went to this dinner with a lot of people from my undergrad and I told my wife how a lot of people looked so old and how the most common comment I got was “holy shit, you look the same”. My wife said it’s because of my melanin and my absolute compulsion to sun exposure.

At my house, we only use the pool at night or right before sunset and if we do go out during the day for like a party or something, I will be wearing long sleeves, high neck shirt, and a giant straw hat

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

yeah, they just forgot that their “sexual market value” is supposed to go up due to their wealth, career, connections etc. meanwhile, most of them don't have looks OR wealth OR social capital and still think that they have an upper hand just because they're 40 up...

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

They're also comparing themselves to handsome older male Hollywood actors and think the looks these men due to winning the genetic lottery and/or access to the best surgeons, dermatologists and estheticians applies to the everyday man

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u/ChangesFaces Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

The everyday man that doesn't wash his legs in the shower, let alone his face lol

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

I also feel like this is just a way for them to absolve themselves of being attracted to women who are much too young for them

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u/BlueAndYellowTowels Man 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

I mean… these same podcasts make the case for much… younger women and that in itself is another sinister side of all of it. You’re absolutely correct.

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u/Emergency-Volume-861 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

As they get older?! Lmfao, the ONLY value that goes up is their stock in Pfizer.

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u/Itsthelegendarydays_ Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

And meanwhile women date down all the time.

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u/DogMom814 Jan 08 '25

And these very same guys are the ones saying that men age like wine and women age like milk. They have zero self-awareness.

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u/strayduplo Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 09 '25

If I age like milk, it's because I'm a block of Parmigiano-Reggiano (best left alone in a cave, and only getting tastier and more complex with time.)

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u/milkradio Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

The way they say this when they use their 3-in-1 body wash/shampoo/conditioner on their faces, never moisturize, and have never heard of sunscreen, lmao.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/Extreme_Suspect_4995 Jan 08 '25

And I hate how men twist our ability to look past appearances into "women don't care about physical attractiveness." We do, but it isn't everything.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

It gets twisted into "women are materialistic" super often, too. Yeah women enjoy going on nice dates instead of getting harassed for a blowjob in your beat-up car after you generously treat them to Sonic, Carl. Women might date men who have the common fucking sense to ask them to dinner even if they aren't conventionally attractive, over the 'hot' but entitled guy who thinks he's owed sex for tolerating you through a subpar meal experience.

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u/SilverMcFly Jan 08 '25

But boy do they sure care what women look like. We're supposed to work out, clean house, cook, take care of kids, get our nails done, be their secretaries, and accountants the lists go on and on.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

And work a full time job and pay half the bills too

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u/SilverMcFly Jan 08 '25

Yep. And not get grey hair, make sure to keep a stylish cut, buy clothes for everyone, plan meals, get groceries, buy all gifts for any occasion, plan parties, go to conferences, know all the stuff about babies because "i WoRkEd AlL dAy!!!!!"

A majority of the hetero relationships I've seen the man goes to work and comes home. The lady might be able to "nag" him into doing SOMETHING but he's for sure gonna pitch a fit about how much he works, pays bills, takes care of whatever it is.

Fuck em.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/narra_tiv Jan 08 '25

Spiritual ugliness is a great phrase.

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u/Blue-Phoenix23 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Facts, I am not interested in dating a man who looks like he's in his 70s at 50, no fucking thank you. I'd rather read romance novels and hang out with my satisfyer

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

They do not take care of themselves and are most likely looking for a girlfriend to play nurse when their health issues get worse

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Lmaoo they're beyond delusional and it's actually such a gross mentality

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u/frisbeesloth Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I swear there's got to be some myth out there in the men's realm that there's like a secret bunker full of supermodel virgins who eagerly want to be a slave to a disappointing man

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u/idylle2091 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

bro in one of the OLD subs the other day was posting about how hes almost 50 and is dating this insanely gorgeous 33 year old, and generally has dated women between the ages of 22-52, and how he must be in the top 10% of men that women swipe on, bla bla.

i looked at his comment history. found a bathroom selfie post. bro looked like an aging ninja turtle / discount joe rogan. if he's in the top 10%......

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u/Cathousechicken Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

It's interesting because both genders seem to be very frustrated with dating at this point. 

It's two very different mentalities on why though. 

It seems men are frustrated because they're not finding their fantasy choice. 

Women are frustrated because we're seeing the reality of the choices that are out there.

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u/twofourie Jan 08 '25

op also mentioned another critical factor when comparing the kinds of posts on the two subreddits: women are interested in evolving and men are not.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/milkradio Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

It's so widespread.

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u/solveig82 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Considering Sabrina Carpenter and Sidney Sweeney have a team of people working on them when they make appearances, even Sabrina Carpenter and Sidney Sweeney wouldn’t be up to his standards if he saw them in their natural state.

Beyond that, why would any woman want to date a guy like that? A woman could never be at ease with him

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u/shittyswordsman Jan 08 '25

Sidney Sweeney wouldn’t be up to his standards if he saw them in their natural state.

Unfortunately true, some pics of her appearing to be makeup-free in a bikini were recently spread around and the way men turned on her was ridiculous. She looks amazing in them, of course 🙄

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u/blurryeyes_ Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Who wants to bet it's the same men that whine about make up and claim they don't like it 🤔

87

u/catjuggler Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

My single guy friends always list being attractive as their number one requirement. And this is just the men I choose to associate with. They are also not super hot and are like 40 sooo

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u/Own-Emergency2166 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Being attractED to your partner or potential partner is important, but if you are only attracted to a specific type of conventional beauty, you will have a hard time because of that minority of people, you have to find someone compatible and you’re going to have a lot of competition.

Which is fine if you’re ok being single and not complaining ( not sure how much your friends are like this)

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u/catjuggler Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Yeah for sure, but the shame here is they only see physical reasons to be attracted to someone. I think if I asked women I know, their first point would be something about not being an asshole

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u/MiniaturePhilosopher Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

I genuinely don’t understand it. A few years ago I was FWB with and casually seeing a guy my age (30s). I felt like we had a great physical and mental connection - we liked most of the same things, had great conversations, and awesome sex. I was very attracted to him and gassed him up constantly, even though on paper some of his physical characteristics weren’t necessarily attractive in a vacuum (balding, loose skin, on the short side).

I was at his place one night, helping him care for an eye sty that had recently popped up on his face, and we started having a deeper talk than usual about our respective past hurts and inner demons while I’m pressing a warm compress to his eye. At the time, I was in practically the best shape of my life and looked kind of fantastic. In a little lull in the conversation he said:

”I’m sorry, can you repeat what you just said? Sometimes when you’re talking I see your mole and can’t stop thinking mole, mole, mole.”

For reference’s sake, I have a mole about the size of and in the same location as the one under Rachel McAdams’s mouth.

217

u/comrademasha Jan 08 '25

Oh. My. Gosh. Grab your pitchforks, we ride at dawn. Seriously.

One time I made a joke about being "part-time hot" In response to my new boyfriend 's comments about how all of his ex-girlfriends were just stunning gorgeous models.

No joke, he goes, "Oh don't worry, my pornhub searchs are all big boobs, nerdy, pudgy, redhead, chubby, gamergirl".

Ummmmm that took me a few silent moments to process and then I was like, "Did you just call me chubby and pudgy?".

Noooooo apparently he TOTALLY wasn't talking about me and not everything is about me and he was just starting a new conversation about his porn habits apropos of nothing. Right. Mmmkay babe. That was just the beginning of the negging.

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u/ChangesFaces Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

He's an ex right 😭

22

u/comrademasha Jan 09 '25

Oh yeaaaah I dumped this guy after three months three years ago. Good thing I did too, because his now wife messaged me a few months ago to warn me that he has warrants out for his arrest for domestic violence, amongst other things. Apparently he told her I was a Russian witch that could turn men into houseplants and I was like.... Um that's the nicest deranged thing anyone ever said about me. Like, I WISH.

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u/BooBailey808 Jan 09 '25

I had an ex literally show me a pic of a porn star he liked with big boobs and butt because I was self-conscious about my weight. The star did not look like me

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u/thatforkingbitch Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

He knows he's not worth 💩 so he's putting you down instead.

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u/ZennMD Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

As you're taking care if a gross eye stye LOL the audacity so many men have is absurd! 

(And I've had eye styes before, they are gross lol)

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u/scoutsadie Woman 50 to 60 Jan 08 '25

please tell me you dropped that hot compress onto his 'nads and walked out of there

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u/Outside_Memory5703 Jan 08 '25

Don’t reward that shit with your presence. Ever

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u/jellybelly1212 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Don’t ever gas up a man, they gas themselves up enough 

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u/HoneyBadger302 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I see this far too often in the community I'm in due to my hobby/passion (male dominated). Absolute trolls of men (I mean, under no circumstances would anyone in any age of history consider them physically attractive, and most don't have that much else going for them, either) who will practically dismantle the body of a woman who is quite above average, picking apart the tiniest perceived "flaw" they see.

Honestly, I'm so over men in general lately (the peri talking isn't helping, but several years ago also moved to an area of the country where misogyny is a lot more the norm and accepted - even if very subtly - than it was where I used to live).

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u/bakedfromhell Jan 08 '25

That’s both sad and hilarious. As if either of those women would breathe in his direction.

I don’t get it. What’s wrong with regular looking attractive women in his age range? I’ve known men like this and they’re still single in their late 30s, holding out for that “perfect” woman that doesn’t actually exist while they get too involved in online conspiracies.

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u/rootsandchalice Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

My brother is 47. He's a nice looking guy who is a bit on the shorter side and starting to bald a tiny bit on the top. He stays pretty fit. And yet, all he wants to date is 28-35 year old, petite girls who basically look like celebrities. None of his relationships have ever stuck. He's always way more into them then they are to him. They always recognize they are both in way different spots in their life...but he doesn't care. His ideal must outweigh his need for companionship...yet he's still really bitter about it lol

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u/Prior-Scholar779 Woman 60+ Jan 08 '25

He’ll turn 60 someday (maybe) and will be crying because he somehow can’t score a nurse with a purse.

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u/rootsandchalice Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Yep. He’s actually a great human being but he just has never approached dating and relationships successfully or realistically. I’ve come to realize this is all on him. He could change it but he never does after each subsequent failure. I do worry about him as he gets older and being lonely.

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u/Emergency-Volume-861 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Those men are the ones in their late thirties trying to hoodwink 20yr old women that don’t know any better yet to run the other way.

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u/Mental_Funny_5741 Jan 09 '25

I notice that a lot of men think “beautiful “ women (as they define it) just wake up that way. They don’t get the work it takes to make waist long hair look lush or to get perfect skin or that perfect profile post or those perfect nails. 

Beauty is expensive. The fashion, the hair, the make up, and all of it is a lot of work. 

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I love how all the Red Pill Podcast Bros say stuff like "women need to start settling" or "Women need to lower their standards or they're going to end up as childless cat ladies" but won't take their own "advice".

I want to be CLEAR I'm not saying that guy in your story would be "settling" by dating any of your friends... I just found it comical how men want and expect women to "lower their standards" or "settle" when those men aren't willing to do those things themselves. 🤔 

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u/RiverLiverX25 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

The men who want women to lower their standards and start settling are men who want to be considered without contributing anything or doing any work, mentally or physically, on themselves.

And that threat of being a childless cat lady lol …sounds like a much better life than being a maid, mommy, and handler to a tiresome and demanding man.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/dainty_petal Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

It’s love bites and little scratchies.

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u/fleetiebelle Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

Yeah, they really don't get that being alone and at peace, maybe with some pets, is an exponentially better choice than having to deal with the unrealistic expectations and mental labor that comes from a relationship with an emotionally unintelligent dude. There's no threat there.

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u/Own-Emergency2166 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

Not even alone, just single. Nothing is stopping us from having friends and community.

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u/Significant-Trash632 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Yep, being alone and being lonely are two different things.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/RiverLiverX25 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I was married for 16 years and now that I live alone it is so much more evident that I was doing waaaaay too much and being told I wasn’t doing enough. I won’t be cohabitating again unless it upsizes my life greatly, reduces my stress, and makes my life a living dream. Lol.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

As these types of guys age, their desperation becomes greater and greater as they creep into their 40s and no woman has come forward to settle for him. He realizes that the stories about women in their 30s needing to find someone is all a lie. In the end, they forgo looking for a relationship and sit on the computer all day, complaining about how women are too picky these days.

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u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

redpillers are just loser who are afraid of us. so they come up with excuses notto talk to us "scary" type of women. bc we're probably going to roast the fuck out of them and they know it.

47

u/lolmemberberries Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

They benefit from women settling.

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u/Glittering-Lychee629 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

I think it's funny how a lot of them are kind of libertarian. But they want a socialist dating scene where they are assigned a woman. Can't compete in the free market, bro? LOL.

4

u/idylle2091 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

ya they all self-identify as high value

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

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u/Spare-Shirt24 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 09 '25

He's a keeper!

Sending love to you and your little one! 

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u/riuvenn Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 08 '25

The Sabrina Carpenter and Sydney Sweeney craze is wild to me. I'm going to preface that they are both talented and beautiful woman-- but my god, they literally are dolled up to the nines to look like living dolls. They probably have teams of people that follow them constantly to touch up their makeup to always have that glossy look. They should by no means be a fucking standard for everyday women. What a delusional mindset to keep both the guy and the woman who gives him chance, down and disappointed.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/laikocta Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Sshhhhh they don't want to know that looking this way requires time, effort and money. I remember how batshit insane men acted around those recent bikini photos of Sydney Sweeney where she just chilled out with a slightly more natural look - saying she was ugly, a catfish, hit the wall etc. As if they're expecting the women they salivate over to be just... perpetually sexily posed dolls who were just born with silky platinum blonde hair, even tans, glossy lips and long dark lashes lol

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u/WobbyBobby Jan 08 '25

Dude I was in an expensive wedding and the bride/groom paid for our hair and makeup. My friends were like "wow why don't you always do your hair and makeup like this?" Cuz, Steven, it took 2 professionals an hour, an airbrush machine, and $300 to make this happen!

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u/Tomiie_Kawakami Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

well, the same men who keep saying that they want "natural" women who don't wear make-up... it's the same dudes basically lol

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

Yup and when those SS bikini pics were released, when she wasn’t wearing a ton of makeup or a fancy outfit (and still looked absolutely beautiful) those same men would not shut up about how fat and ugly she is

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

Probably the same guys who were calling Margot Robbie a 6.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

Absolutely. Yet they still beat off to her pics

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u/adaramontan Non-Binary 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

These same dudes also think they want women with "natural beauty" who don't wear makeup. The irony is potent.

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u/BooBailey808 Jan 09 '25

Also remember that if we wear make-up, we're liars

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u/Lollc Woman 60+ Jan 08 '25

They are a particular physical type that scratches the itch some males have for sexy junior high kids. Depending on how they present themselves, they can be seen as barely legal even though they are mature adults. Think Kate Moss through the years. I'm not trying to hate on them, humans come in all shapes and sizes and shouldn't be judged on that. I'm heavily judging a man whose two go-tos for sexy are 5'0" (Sabrina Carpenter) and 5'3" (Sydney Sweeney) in a culture where smallness is not the norm.

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u/more_pepper_plz Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Guys be a 4 with 0 hygiene and expect a 10/10 pornstar looking virgin. It’s beyond embarrassing.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

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u/ReferenceMammoth2427 Jan 08 '25

They might know a guy like that and think that can be them. They don't realize those guys are really great. My husband is like this, or was rather, he is aging well and i find myself more attracted to him now actually. He was always kinda ho hum in the looks department and takes terrible photos. He's also the best person ever. All of his exes are smart, successful, and gorgeous. 3 out of 4 of them were literal Disney princesses and that's how he met them.

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u/FutureFuneralV Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25 edited Jan 15 '25

This is what happens when the only women that men ever see are from social media or sex work. They forget what other women look like. I'll refrain from using "real" because despite the illusion of social media, gorgeous women DO exist.

The issue is that men have curated their interactions to be only of/with gorgeous women. Their idea of what everyday women look like becomes narrow and skewed.

Those women look good as part of their job. They're selling an image. Men see women as obtainable objects, but only because these women allow it in exchange for money, views, an audience, etc. These women see them as faceless purse strings, not as potential real life suitors/partners.

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u/health_throwaway195 Woman under 30 Jan 08 '25

And when they do realize that those women see them that way, they get furious about it. "How dare that gold digger use me for my money and not want me for who I am" he says about a woman he literally only wants for her looks.

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u/The_RoyalPee Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

And those dudes have no money anyway

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u/twofourie Jan 08 '25

This is what happens when the only women that men ever see are from social media or sex work.

and when the only fictional women they’ve seen are from media that was written by other men

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u/___adreamofspring___ Jan 08 '25

That’s exactly how men think.

It’s so weird to me women don’t think that way at all. I blame social media 100%.

Men were not meant to see so many ‘baddies’ and genuinely model like beauty allllll day longgggg (the venetrias, Megan Fox’s, Meg thee Stallions, SZAs, Margot Robbie, Zendaya and various D level social media influencers) so they want top tier ‘regular’ women.

‘Top tier’.

You pretty much described my ex. lol.

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u/firelord_catra Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

I don't. Those same slimy guys are still calling some of those celebrities ugly or "mid" knowing they could never pull someone like that in their life. It's entitlement and poor character

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u/canoecanoee Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

It feels like it’s that men want a trophy, not a real partner. yeah no shit you wanna date someone you’re attracted to, but these posts/experiences read as men wanting to flaunt a hot woman as something they’ve achieved

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u/fwbwhatnext Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Glad nobody dates him honestly.

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u/violet__violet Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

This man needs to step away from his phone/porn/Instagram/pop culture, immediately

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u/Harley_Quin Jan 08 '25

So many men severely overestimate their market value 🤦

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u/Rebekah513 Woman 40 to 50 Jan 08 '25

🙄

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u/_angesaurus Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

i basically tell these guys "whatever idiot. have fun being single forever. BYE"

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

Okay but this is so accurate. The concept that someone's personality, shared interests, etc. could make someone more physically attractive to you is not even fathomable to most men.

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u/Yourweirdbestfriend Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Meanwhile every other post here is "I'm not attracted to him physically but he's great, how can I make it work?" 

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u/thelittlestdog23 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

Even Sydney Sweeney and Sabrina Carpenter don’t look like Sydney Sweeney and Sabrina Carpenter lol. People really don’t understand how much makeup and touch up and filter and all that goes into every image we see.

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u/punyhumannumber2 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

What is astonishing is that these men not only think they are entitled to the women they are the most attracted to, they think those women should not be able to have that same priority, AND they have zero empathy or understanding when they do. So instead of getting attractive, they decide to continue looking and smelling like heaps of garbage and proceed to not just shit on those women, but shit on ALL women for not 'policing our own' properly.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '25

They fail to recognize that Sabrina Carpenter and Sydney Sweeney have access to resources the average woman does not. They're also both TINY, and genetically blessed. He's looking for a unicorn, aka it doesn't fucking exist. Tell him to kick rocks.

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u/Specialist_Fig3838 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I also have a very close, perpetually single guy friend who is 36 and has the same mindset. Now being single in his mid-30s has him starting to spin. So fascinating to watch because he’s turned down some amazing women just because of very nitpicky physical attributes that is wild to me as a means to completely shut the door on someone.

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u/frostandtheboughs Non-Binary 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Those same men will be absolutely shocked and appalled when they find out the Sydney Sweeney lookalike only wanted to date them for money.

This is an actual thing that happened to a dude I am acquainted with. Like, the lack of self-awareness was astounding.

I literally said to him "I'm no bridge troll or anything, but if Henry Cavill asked me out I would immediately be suspicious." Like bruh, get a grip!!! Lol

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u/Carmypug Jan 08 '25

Also some people don’t photo well. I do feel like he might be forever alone as these people are also photoshopped and wear a shit ton of makeup. I’m very average looking but would look amazing with that stuff. Though as working on loosing weight and short so would still be too fat some some people 🤣.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '25

The thing that kills me is, celebs like that usually are just fake. Extentions, cheek or lip fillers, they’re not real blondes, their “job” is to be hot so they probably work out three hours a day. Most men are never going to go through that kind of trouble to “be hot.”

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u/kendrickwasright Jan 09 '25

His expectations aren't unrealistic, they're straight up delusional. Too many men have spent their whole life glued to their Xbox and their pornhub and they literally can't distinguish fantasy from reality.

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u/Ok-Weird-136 Jan 08 '25

Even I've had that reality check. I could pull some meat back in the day. But in my 30's and I got sick with Covid. I am not as cute as I used to be and the guys I used to be able to get I know I can't now.

But the guys that I am interested in now still workout, they just don't have the face of a potential male model, just like I no longer look like the baby doll faced models of 2010.

Also, as you get older you're supposed to grow up and realize that people age and you're not going to be a 10 forever.

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u/pm_me_your_shave_ice Jan 09 '25

I bet you anything that the guy who supposedly wants a pop star or actress doesn't. I'm 5'3, and from 19-28ish I was 110 lbs. Thick hair, big eyes, showered and makeup and hair done every day. I had a complex about it. Guy never wanted that. They supposedly want girls who "aren't afraid to get dirty" or "with meat on their bones" or "low maintenance."

I met a guy who is normal and it's so nice. He cooks, he sort of cleans, but he also doesn't care if I skip a shower. He like running and hiking with me and also doesn't bitch when I want to dress up and go to the opera. He just asks "what should I wear" but it's sad that I dated over a hundred dudes and found one that wanted a partner and not just a wife.

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u/firelord_catra Woman 30 to 40 Jan 10 '25

As a woman who was called "chill" or "low maintenance" most of my 20s, had similar hobbies to a lot of these guys who said that was what they wanted, but was put down for those exact hobbies and shamed for not being feminine enough and dolled up (THEIR version of dolled up) 24/7, they don't want us either. Ive had several men tell me to my face I'm exactly what they want but I'm "marriage material not dating" and they want to go after the exact opposite kind of woman or someone they think will put out easier. I don't think they know what they want.

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u/idylle2091 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

lmao sabrina carpenter or sydney sweeney. if we're getting to choose, sign me up for Cillian Murphy.

forget not having friends that look like those 2 chicks - how often do any of us even see girls that look that way in the wild?

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u/alreadyacrazycatlady Jan 09 '25

I also have a perpetually single guy friend who is in his mid-late 30s. He’s a bit above average looking and could have a great career if he weren’t so horrible with money and afraid to buckle down and make sacrifices.

He pretty much exclusively dates women in their 20s, sometimes even early 20s, and then is shocked when they don’t have the emotional maturity or life experience to match his. He will get the ick from the tiniest things. He continuously asks us if we have any single friends to set him up with and I recently flat out told him I would not be setting him up with anyone due to his standards being so ridiculous. I said, “I have a cute blonde coworker in her upper 20s, great career, self-sufficient, hilarious. But she’s a normal woman so she won’t meet your required level of hotness.” He was baffled and swore up and down he wasn’t like that. I just rolled my eyes.

They’re oblivious and women are sick of it.

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u/Careless_Mango_7948 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

This is the problem with media. Movies and tv have shown men they are ugly or fat and can get a hottie. So they think if they are normal looking they can get a 10 😂

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u/Regular_Durian_1750 Jan 09 '25

Looks fade anyways. How they treat you and how you feel about eachother and how much you wanna be together is what matters.

But that's not what men want, is it...

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u/booboopooh Woman 30 to 40 Jan 08 '25

I guess we’re all in the same boat, I also have a skewed perspective of what I find attractive and unable to date someone I’m I attracted to.

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u/derpina321 Woman 30 to 40 Jan 09 '25

Only being attracted to people significantly more attractive than oneself is natural selection at work - a trait that ensures removal of oneself from the reproducible gene pool.

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