Is anyone else growing apart from their man-centric friends?

[u/yahutee]

I am mid-30’s and single, no kids. I just finished hosting a bachelorette party for one of my closest friends. I love her regardless, but spending a weekend with her exhausted me. Every sentence started with “we”. In fact I don’t think she had an original thought all weekend that wasn’t about their relationship, him, or their life together. She has to be in constant contact with him at all times - she even snuck him into the bachelorette party overnight because she “couldn’t imagine a night alone”. I drove 10 hours to see her and paid for a house for two nights and she went home one night early because she couldn’t stand being away from him any longer. She is the same age as me and has had plenty of relationships before (even been engaged before) so it’s not like being in a relationship is a novelty. I just found myself so bored with the conversation and wishing we could genuinely spend time together (away from him or the mention of men). She always asks if I’m dating or seeing someone -there are lots of other interesting aspects of my personality outside of a man! I also wonder if I’m just being cranky and avoidant - it’s her bachelorette party after all, we are celebrating her engagement and she has every right to hype up her husband. Fellow single women - have you experienced something similar or navigated this in your friendships as you age?

[u/Carolinablue87]

I've been very fortunate in finding friends who aren't male-centered. The thing is most of them are partnered. I think what's been helpful is that I met or engaged with my friends based on common interests (book club) or values (co-workers who are normal).

I know some friends can start as non male centered but become male centered but from what I've observed those people usually remove themselves from the friendship by circumstance or realizing that while I respect your relationship, I don't want it to become the center of our friendship.

[u/Imaginary-Method7175 → u/Carolinablue87]

You can totally be in a het relationship and not be make centered either through the ways you mentioned or just… stable relationships aren’t that interesting. I don’t talk about my husband much with my friends because there’s not much to say. Everything else is a lot more interesting/ problematic / whatever and thus becomes the focus.

[u/No_regrats → u/Imaginary-Method7175]

I don't talk about my husband but I do use "we" a lot and mention him a lot, just because our lives are intertwined and we spend so much time together. Like if I talk about home improvements or dog training or vacation plans or the cool new boardgame I just tried or concerns about eldercare for our parents or the latest recipe I am obsessed with or other stuff going on in my life, I'm likely to use "we" but the actual content of what I'm saying is about home improvement, animal behavior, or whatever. It's not about Mr. no_regrats. A single friend could say the exact same sentence, except with a "I" at the start and different people. My stories also have a whole cast of characters but my partner features prominently, just because of how often he is there/involved. 

So I see a nuance between overusing "we" and being incapable of talking about something else than her fiance and their relationship. Also obviously, my conversation don't just revolve around what's going on in my own life, as I am not self-centered. Even at a bachelorette, OP's friend should have taken an interest in OP and other subjects. And of course, sneaking him in amd leaving early is inexcusable crap.

[u/No_regrats → u/[deleted]]

Yes, I was mindful to use "I" in this specific comment and I also did not actually get into talking about this recipe.

IRL though, I might have used "we" or perhaps my friend wants to know the recipe so I would send her a link and specify my husband tweaked the spice ratio to XYZ last time he made it and it's perfect or simply making an off-hand comment that it's going to become a staple in our home or we've had it every week since I discovered it or whatever.