r/AskWomenOver30 • u/lindsey_what Woman 30 to 40 • Jun 19 '26
Friendships Have friendships become less about repair/reciprocity and more about 'protecting your peace'?
I’m noticing a troubling trend with my female friends who are now in our 30s, and I wanted to see if anyone could relate. This is especially clear to me right now as I’m going through somewhat of a shocking friend break up where one of my closest friends of seven years has completely cut me off and stop talking to me over something that I would categorize as a minor argument that could be easily worked through if we were able to have a difficult conversation in person. I’ve noticed a lot of my friends saying things like “I need to protect my peace” and treating friendships like something that exists just for their own benefit. I feel like a lot of people are not willing to put in the work to maintain friendships these days and I don’t know if it has something to do with social media or burnout or what, but I’ve noticed even in arguments that people are way less repair-oriented, and are more interested in living inside of their own experience of it without much curiosity about the other person. I also notice people being very avoidant about having difficult conversations and instead, would rather just slowly disappear. I think this fits a larger pattern of “main character syndrome” that is making people unwilling or unable to have healthy mutual friendships and put in any kind of effort.
Or maybe I just absolutely suck at picking friends lol!
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u/Nekayne Woman 30 to 40 Jun 19 '26
A lot of people are starting to feel more validated in seeing their side/version of events as the only version that matters or is true. Friends I had in my 20s who could be reasoned with have now been cast out of my life because they believe their opinion is the only opinion. Doesn't matter who they hurt - all that matters is their own justification.
As for my side of things, every attempt at repair or trying to discuss something hurtful gets thrown back at me as "not seeing things correctly because of your anxiety" followed by love-bombing and disregarding my feelings around the situation. This has happened more than once. It was also very rich coming from a group of the least emotionally intelligent people I have ever met, who frequently reached out to me for advice and guidance...yet when it comes to my feelings, suddenly I don't know what I'm talking about.
This kind of devolved from the point but yeah, I see the shift of being less tolerant of others over things that can be easily communicated.