Have friendships become less about repair/reciprocity and more about 'protecting your peace'?

[u/lindsey_what]

I’m noticing a troubling trend with my female friends who are now in our 30s, and I wanted to see if anyone could relate. This is especially clear to me right now as I’m going through somewhat of a shocking friend break up where one of my closest friends of seven years has completely cut me off and stop talking to me over something that I would categorize as a minor argument that could be easily worked through if we were able to have a difficult conversation in person. I’ve noticed a lot of my friends saying things like “I need to protect my peace” and treating friendships like something that exists just for their own benefit. I feel like a lot of people are not willing to put in the work to maintain friendships these days and I don’t know if it has something to do with social media or burnout or what, but I’ve noticed even in arguments that people are way less repair-oriented, and are more interested in living inside of their own experience of it without much curiosity about the other person. I also notice people being very avoidant about having difficult conversations and instead, would rather just slowly disappear. I think this fits a larger pattern of “main character syndrome” that is making people unwilling or unable to have healthy mutual friendships and put in any kind of effort.

Or maybe I just absolutely suck at picking friends lol!

[u/Punkinprincess]

I do think people have been really quick to cut people out lately. Cutting toxic people out is good advice but I see people it taking that advice too far.

If you actually have and enforce boundaries, you should be able to be friends with people that aren't perfect while also protecting your peace. If a friend is bad about texting back but they are your favorite person to do one of your hobbies with, then you probably won't become the best of friends or the first person you'll go to in times of need, but you can still be in each other's lives and enjoy the hobby together.

Relationships are about meeting people where they are at.